Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Interracial and Interfaith marriage

Christian/Muslim Marriages

Hi Guys!

I am a Filipina Christian who have a relationship now with an Egyptian Muslim. Like most of the questions I saw here about differences in religion, I would like to ask for any advice regarding this because we are together for just a short period of time and he is now asking me to marry him. Should I accept his proposal because I love him also but I'm just thinking about how it will become in terms of raising our children in the future. Should we follow the rules of Islam that the kids should be a Muslim also?? Because we will stay in our religion, me being a Christian and him being still a Muslim. How can we decide for the kids?? Please advice me.

Neeria


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12 Responses »

  1. What country do you both live in? Is there any citizenship issue involved?

  2. Sister you should study islam with clear mind and heart.

  3. hey Neeria,

    regarding your questions, its not easy to jus say do this and that. as an unknown third party i can't tell you what to do, but the question is do you want to marry him? if yes then marry him. personally i think you are rushing into it.

    should you raise your children on Islam? again i can't decide on how to raise your future kids. this is what you and the Egyptian man need to discuss before marriage. if you don't want to raise your future children on Islam then say it. if you remain in your religion, therefore you need to tell him how things will be, so both of you will be fully aware of the situation. as long as both of you come to a mutual agreement, be honest about your thoughts on how you want things from the get go, then i think it will be okay.

    peace.

  4. Do not feel offended if I ask you to think about the following questions:
    1. As SVS asked: Is there citizenship issue involved?
    2. Is there any money / job related issue involved?
    3. Are you in a desperate position (e.g. age issue) to get married?
    4. How much information you know about this man? How's his character? What is his past? Is he married? do you know any of his friends?
    5. What do you think his intention / motives / plan to propose you so soon?

    If he said both of you can stay in your religion, this is a lie. Yes, he can marry a Christian but she should worship God alone as God has no partner - Jesus. Even if he is a so-so muslim, he knows in Islam will not tolerate people worship Jesus. Sooner or later after marriage, he will tell you the truth and sway or force you to be with his side.

    It is better for you to know and learn Islam on you own than mixing marriage in the middle. The issues involved in this inter-religion and inter-racial marriage is much more complicated than you have expected; raising children is just an aspect of it. Your life style, your worship, career, dress code, relationship with your family and friends, etc etc will also be changed significantly. If you are not prepare, you will get a culture shock and religion shock. Maybe I will suggest you to talk to some converts from your background, go to the nearby mosque to talk to the Iman and your pastor /church people as well.

    I don't know how much you have already involved with this man, I suggest you distant yourself from him, give yourself time to think, clear your head so as to make a objective decision.

    • Thanks guys for your response. Okay I will answer your questions.
      - I am filipina, Roman Catholic is my religion. And he is n egyptian muslim.
      - I worked as restaurant manager 3 yrs but I resigned and he works now as customer service agent at the airport.
      - I am 23, he is 27. No age issues to get married soon
      - I've known him for short period of time but since we are almost eveeyday together its like I've known him before long time ago. He isn't married before, and yes I know his best friend who married also filipina lady, in terms of his character he is calm and very supportive in my decisions, he said he never had relationship with egyptian lady before, only one filipina before me
      - He said he already discussed about his plan of marrying me to his family thru skype. Lately his cousins came here in Dubai to celebrate new year and I had the chance to meet them and they know me as well. But of course his family isn't really accepting me since they want him to marry a muslim lady and not me.

      He always give his time to me like now 1 month I'm searching for job, during his off days he go with me everywhere during my interviews. He is always beside me. What will I do??? Please help me 🙁

      • I think you should have this discussion with him, not us. Ask him if he will raise your children as Muslims (he should) and how much, if any, exposure they will have to your religion and beliefs. Ask him what your relationship with his family will be like - will they visit you and respect you, or will you be ignored by them or treated badly? Ask if he expects you to learn the customs of his culture abd abide by them, and ask him if he expects you to change the way you dress or act after marriage. Examine the relationship his friend has his with his wife and see if it's a relationship you would like to be in. Then take some time to think rationally and calmly about what you want and need in a marriage. If your expectations don't match, it may be best for you to move on. You and your boyfriend are both young and you can both move on and find new people to love, marry, and build a family with.

        • Ya I got your point. But he is really serious and eager to marry me. We discussed about those questions already and he wants me to try to learn Islam. I promised yes I will try but whatever I do, it doesn't seem to interest me at all. I don't want to offend anybody here who are muslim but I'm just being honest with him. Whenever I'm saying that to him, he will just be quiet because we argued about that before but since he don't want to lose me, he just let me win the argument. But I'm telling him I will stick to what I believe in. I told him he met me like this so he should accept me like this without asking me to change anything in myself because this is me. I'm happy with who I am right before he came to my life. The thing is if in the end he cannot accept me like this, I have no choice but to end things up because if I will follow him I cannot say I will be happy with him because half of myself will be lost and I don't want that to happen.

          • You are in a foreign country; you are lonely; you are in the age of seeking relationship....... All these put you in a position of easily falling into love or liking anyone who is kind to you. You are still young and you may change your life direction after moving back to your country. I think it is wise for you to leave him as you are so clear that you are not interested in learning Islam. At this point, there is no need to ask you if you sleep with him or not. If you did, I guess it is highly possible that he might feel guilty and that's why he propose to to marry you. Just leave him and cut off all the contact with him. No sour feeling or advise, it is for you and for his own good.

  5. How can I easily leave him like that?? When I resigned from my 1st job and while I was looking for new one he is there to support me he never leave me alone, whenever I need him he will always be available for me, he gave his time to me. How can I easily gave him up? It's really hard on my part because I appreciate everything he is doing for me right now. 🙁

  6. It is hard but it is easier to cut off now than dragging it longer. It will cause you more pain than ever. Islam is a complete way of life, a life that you may not like or willing to adapt. There will be more complicated problems arise and raising children is only ONE of the many issues. You have made it clear to him that you will not convert because of him. He should tell you honestly what he will do and how he will deal with it. It is not uncommon that either party will feel strongly about clinging to their religion in the latter age. By then, some couples will choose to leave their partner or just distant themselves in the marriage relationship. I saw man divorce his wife because of her conflicting behavior according to Islam. (For example, worship Jesus, dress code, dealing with male relatives and male colleagues.) Be prepared for all those scenario to happen. Now, he will promise you a lot as you are "in love" and love is more important to anything. I told you the truth and this is reality. This is your choice. One last thing I may suggest is to talk to someone in your culture who convert to Islam because of marriage.

    • If I leave him now he will think that I just used his help and now I got new job and I will suddenly leave him? He will think negatively about that. He will tell me after all the help he had given me this is what I will do as a result of his efforts. U understand my point sir? Because I don't like him to think like that against me since its not really my intention. I understand all the consequences that's why I keep on telling him from the start that it will really be hard for both of us but he keeps on telling me to hold on and we will make things okay in the future. 🙁 I am confused now and by leaving him just like that its like I just abandoned every effort that he did for me and it's making me feel not good 🙁

      • If you marry him now, only to find that your differences are irreconcilable later on and end up divorcing, he will resent you then too. He will still feel angry and used then. So he can feel angry and used now, or he can feel angry and use later. It doesn't make much difference, except then you'll be divorced and divorce is not easy on anyone. Ultimately this is your choice, but I think you know that marrying this guy is s bad idea and that you are not compatible. You should not marry him out of guilt or because you don't want him to think badly of you; these are terrible reasons to marry anyone.

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