Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Interracial friendship – can it turn to marriage?

A Muslim confused about marrying a Christian

Muslim and Christian Marriage

I have been previously engaged to a gentleman but unfortunately due to misunderstandings between families we did not make it to marriage. This discouraged and scared me a little from finding my other half. I am approaching my 30's this year and have yet to find a potential suitor or someone I can see myself with, with the exception of one gentlemen I know. I met this man not to long ago through friends. He is genuine and has a good heart and from what I've seen so far he is a good character. The only exception being is that he previously was a devout christian. He still considers himself a christian but has lost a bit of faith due to many circumstances in his life like a failed marriage. He is separated but not yet divorced from his wife, he lives on his own but has two children with her and is involved with them which I admire from a man who has lived in the west all his life. He has expressed an interest in being in my life long term in a marriage sense. I made it clear to him that any relations outside of marriage isn't acceptable to me and that he would have to convert to Islam. He has hasn't disagreed but has not agreed either, he thinks that we can marry and co-exist in an interfaith marriage. I have expressed to him that embracing Islam does not mean that he has to deny Prophet Isa (Jesus) or any other prophets mentioned in the bible. He has yet to leave my life but I know given the fact that he is both of a different race and religion it would be hard to convince my Persian parents of this. Is there any way to further convince him that Islam is the last true religion? I definitely want a man like him in my life but don't want to go against my religion and family. Can such a relation turn into marriage?

shirinmariam


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8 Responses »

  1. Salaam alaikum. You cannot marry a non muslim man. Period. Not my opinion. It's in the Quran.

    You can't convert him either. Allah guides whom he wills. But you can set a timeline and goals to let yourself know when is it a good time to move on. If you don't have a game plan with an end in sight you will get lost and derailed from your goal.

    Tell him if he wants you and marriage then it's the way of Allah or no way at all. Ask the tough questions, does he really want to be with you and what is he willing to do.

    Dive into Christianity to show him that he is on the wrong path. Spell it out for him about how Islam is the right path. He will only do what he wants. You can only show him the way. You can take a horse to the water but you can't make him drink.

    One of you will sway in your ways. Make sure that you aren't the one swaying.

    • Dear Brother
      Assalaamu Alaikkum
      pls read the following hadeeth
      it talks about Umm Sulaim RadhiAllaahu Anha who accepted Abu Talhah RadhiAllaahu Anhu's reverting to Islam as mahar ,so its not wrong but also no compulsion too.

      In Al-Madinah there was a handsome young man called Abu Talhah, who was the leader of his tribe. He had not yet converted to Islam, but knew that the widow, Umm Sulaim had many admirable qualities. Her integrity, her loyalty, her courage, all of these appealed to him, and he sent her a proposal of marriage. She said it was not possible because she was a Muslim and he was a disbeliever. When he insisted she asked him what kind of a man he was; sometimes he worshipped trees growing in the earth, at other times he worshipped stone idols which other people carved out. She asked him if he had ever considered how these things could solve his problems when they were themselves helpless.

      When Abu Talhah heard these arguments he had no answer. He tried his best to persuade her, but she was adamant. She told him that normally a proposal from a man of his stature would not be rejected, but she was helpless. She dedicated her life to Islam and he was, up to that time, deprived of this great blessing. Finally, he asked her if she would marry him if he converted to Islam. She was very happy at this; she said the Mahr (dowry) for her would be his acceptance of Islam, and told Anas to arrange for her marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) often used to visit her and prayed for prosperity and the blessings of Allah for her.

      Umm Sulaim had a happy second marriage and soon the couple was blessed with a son, Abu 'Umair. One day the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) visited the house and found Abu 'Umair looking very dejected. He asked why the little boy was upset. Umm Sulaim told him that his pet bird, which he loved to play with, had died. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) caressed him and tried to console him lovingly.

  2. Dear Sister
    I Think u have MashaAllaah good knowledge of Islam
    so its allowed for you to marry him if he acepts Islam

    but before marriage pls see each other talk all aspects regarding your life ,like wishes and etc
    see that you both are compatible
    if everything ok
    pray 2 Rakayath ISTHIKHARA & proceed if its ok
    Kamal

  3. Dear Sister Assalaamu Alaikkum
    I Think u have MashaAllaah good knowledge of Islam
    so its allowed for you to marry him if he acepts Islam

    but before marriage pls see each other talk all aspects regarding your life ,like wishes and etc
    see that you both are compatible
    if everything ok
    pray 2 Rakayath ISTHIKHARA & proceed if its ok

    also here are some youtube videos of brother Dr.Zakir nayek to convince a christian brother about Islam

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0iqOg_zz4w

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqWxDi3R4Js

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NiI6uxZumI

    Kamal

  4. Sister,
    I have never replied to any post on this form before but somehow i felt i can give a piece of advice to take a decision as am myself married to a revert muslim.
    Let me tell u a bit about him. We were friends for about 7 years before we married. He belonged to another faith Hinduism, He came to islam by his own will and later we fell in love and got married with our parents blessings Alhamdulillah. I want to tell you that though my Husband has reverted to Islam according to his own will, still he is struggling to cope up with the complete different life style. He didnt knew many simple basics of Islamic way of life, and I helped him out in understanding how to take ghusl, Taharat and many stuff, He offers namaz on Fridays alone, I knew it might take time for him to fully habituate doing salah but there are many things you may have to deal with and this requires a lot lot of patience and Dua. I am so worried how am going to brought up my kids on islam if there father is not following the deen completely. Honestly believe me its freaking me out.There will be a lot of differences in both of your ways you need to deal with.Though it may look simple to you now but after a while you feel like you have to correct your spouse in many things but it might be tough for him to because its the way he has been brought up. Trust me if you really have the patience and adjusting capability , and your parents are okay, please do Istaqara and proceed.

    • Hi Sister
      Thanks for your insight into what it's like. It is somewhat difficult for someone to leave behind everything that they once believed in and start believing in something else. often times religion is a big influence on someone's character and habitually start doing things because that's what they feel is right. There are many challenges and hurdles that require lots of patience I agree with that. I was discussing this with a good Christian friend of mine who is married and she was saying the same thing that it would be very difficult given that we currently don't share a religion or ethnic background. Inshallah Allah knows better who is right or who's not and he knows who and why he brings certain people into our lives, either we learn from them or they learn from us. Right now I'm doing my best to teach and enlighten, not forcing anyone to convert but rather that they realize for their own eyes

  5. Hello my name is Adam and I am 17 years old. I am in love with a girl who is gonna be 21 in 3 months. I met her 5 years ago and I'm these 5 years a lot has happened which I already have forgiven her for. She cheated on me with many guys and she's Muslim but I wasn't. I accepted Islam for her because I loved her so much but now I'm heart broken. It's been 2 months that she has gone to Pakistan and I found out she has already married a 28 year old man in 2016 when she was 18. She said she went thist time to marry him again as the old wedding wasn't that big but somehow that man told her family he wants to divorce her and don't wanna be her husband anymore.

    I was heart broken after I found out she has already slept with someone and married him when I did so much for her and wanted to marry her myself. But things changed slowly ever since she told me that one damn truth. She has slowly admitted me other truth like how she has other social media where she posts pics of herself and other men likes and comment on them.

    I always told her she is with someone else but she never admitted it. Now after all the Struggle and heart pains I wet through she told me she doesn't love me anymore and that she wants to be just friends. I told her I'm madly in love with her but she's so cold to me. She doesn't tell me she loves me or even talks to me. I took a week break away from her and she sent me horrible messages like such as " I wish you die " or I hope you suffer " I never cursed her after all that she done to me so how can she say all that to me?' My friends keep telling me that she must be busy in there with her family and that she just enjoy the attention in giving her but that's not true. I feel depressed and broken. I have been praying a lot and asking God for help. I'm a good Muslim now I hope and I just need help to forget her. I don't wanna cry anymore and I just wanna be happy. I want to move on and forget her please help me. Please reply to me I need help );

    • salaam,
      i am so sorry for you, i hope you accept it as one of the path that Allah already wrote for you. I hope one day you will see as this is one of the thing that Allah tested you with. Maybe she is not the one for you. I am really sorry for saying. soon, you will realise that you deserve someone better than her. She doesn't love you, she doesn't value your love, I suggest you to move on. I know that move on is so hard when you love her so much, when you think of her everyday. Somehow, you really need to stop, even it's so hard, you need to stop, make yourself busy with things that can make you forget a little of her. Soon you will stop loving her. In future, you will understand what I mean. block everything about her, delete all your memories, pictures, text, phone number, block her on whatsapp, block her also on social media. She is a toxic to you.Try to move on. And one more thing, never miss a day to pray to Allah, ask him to guide you in everyday life. Make new friends, do things you never once did in your life,travel the world, do part time jobs, involve yourself in volunteer activities or whatever that you find interesting. make yourself busy that you will have no time to think of her.
      My friend told me this "try to forget him, if after a few years he come back to you, he will be yours" "if you cross paths with him again in totally different situations maybe he is yours" when I was in same problem as you. And now I stop crying for him, even sometimes I think of him. I don't think of him to often like before. and I want you to believe that everything happens for a reason. People leave your life for a reason. You meet certain people for a reason. Things worked out differently than you wanted, that happened for a reason. Everything that’s meant to be, will be.

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