Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I wrong to think that attraction is an important factor in choosing a husband?

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Salam alakom

I just recently got engaged and my fiance is a very good religious guy, hamdilah!! He is very caring and a good man and he we get along well. The only problem is I'm not attracted to him physically at all and don't know if I can see him being my husband.

I am not looking for someone that looks like George Clooney or Brad Pitt but just someone who I might feel a little bit of attraction to because I don't find him attractive at all.

I know that sounds very shallow and haram because in Islam you should judge a future spouse by their religion and character not by looks but if this is the guy I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with then is it OK that I'm not attracted to him one bit? Will this change once were married or will I always feel like this?

It's an arranged marriage and its been halal with us never spending time alone but always with a mahram. I have done the Istakhara prayer for this but have got nothing back and I am confused about what to do as he is a lovely guy and I'm scared that if I say no and cancel the engagement then my fussiness will mean I will not get another guy seeking me for marriage that is very good hearted and religious like him.

I haven't talked to my parents about this because they really like him and will probably feel like I'm being too picky but it is something that I'm really confused about. I'm so sorry if this comes off as being shallow but it is really bothering me and I would like to know if this may be normal and if it is something I should just ignore or speak out about.

- flower_child

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5 Responses »

  1. Flower Child, as-alamu alaykum,

    We just published a question almost identical to yours:

    I feel no attraction to my fiance

    Please see the responses given to that question.

    Wael Editor

  2. nooo siis i dont think there any wrong 4 dat every 1 has somthing they may lyk about som1 thatz wat lyf iz
    as man also hav thing that they want their wif 2 be

  3. sorry 1 more thing my husnad iz not attractiv but has good personaliyt som tym bueaty iz not verything

  4. dear sis
    assalam alaikum iam a wife so according to my experience u should be happy that he is very religious very caring and loving coz u dont get all these gud qualities in every body u hav to get attracted to these qualities rather than his physical appearance arrange marraige is sumthing dat is u will fall in love after marraige and u fall i love with ur hubby u will automatically get attracted to him coz mine is an arrange marraige i feel was never attracted to him before marraige i never spoke to him either on phone after getting engaged so i feel each and every gril whose getting married will have this fear i feel u will get attracted after marraige
    And remember a husband with all gud qualities is a boon from Allah
    May Allah Grant u Happiness throughout ur life

  5. Aselamualeykum sister,first mashAllah for ur hasbunds quality its so difficult to find those personalitys in one especialy realigious one its great for your iman,but wat ur bothered about is wat every person thinks about its better to you to keep praying to get the best bcos ALLAH KNOWS WAT IS BEST FOR U ,ISHALLAH may allah hear u!

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