Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is being biromantic okay?

A while ago, I started experiencing gay feelings towards a friend (and I have a childhood trauma that makes me feel attracted to girls) and after a year of this feeling I'd tried to ignore, she told me she felt the same. We were too excited to think about this as something haram so we got into a relationship and with time we got into Zina and then things between us started to worsen because we knew it was wrong. Now, we feel so so guilty and I don't think I would be able to stop being without her because I have suicidal thoughts and depression and she keeps me safe and I give her support back and she's my only friend too. So, how do we repent from this because we feel terribly guilty? Bad things have been happening for both of us and we're scared these are signs from God but every time we try to stop the physical contact to fix this, we relapse. Also, would it be okay if we just say that we love each other but without any physical contact or labelling each other as girlfriends? Just being by each other's side but not exactly "just friendly" love? I'm so scared of Allah and she's frightened too and we don't know what to do and I'm starting toto experience suicidal thoughts again because I feel like I'm losing her and losing my faith in Allah's forgiveness and I don't know what to do.

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3 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister,

    As Salaam Walaikum

    First and foremost I would like to tell you that if you have really realised your mistake then start asking for tauba, Allah is most merciful and forgiving and if you are genuinely repenting for your mistakes then he is definitely going to forgive you for the same. Also there are references in quran that states that homosexuality is completely haram and unacceptable because that is not how the world is supposed to be.

    One Reference is below-
    Quran (7:80-84) - "...For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds.... And we rained down on them a shower (of brimstone)" -

    Dear sister, I am no scholar in Islam, I am just like any other person but I would tell you from my personal experiences that Islam is beautiful and a very very powerful religion only if you realise it.
    Ask for forgiveness and try to indulge yourself more in Islamic activities, start offering salah 5 times daily, read quran, remember Allah as much as possible and I am sure it will make you feel better and will guide you to the right path. The first step to be a true Muslim is offering salah, once will indulge yourself in Islam you will automatically get diverted from all the negativities around you.

    Hope Allah guides you in the best possible way.

    Jazakallah Khayran

  2. OP: Experiencing gay feelings towards a friend (and I have a childhood trauma that makes me feel attracted to girls) ..... she told me she felt the same....... we got into a relationship and with time we got into Zina ....... Now, we feel so so guilty and I don't think I would be able to stop being without her because I have suicidal thoughts and depression and she keeps me safe and I give her support back and she's my only friend too

    Were you abused by a man or woman (childhood trauma)? Why do you have suicidal thoughts? You should seek help for depression and childhood trauma that may make you feel more confident and lead you away from this lesbian relationship. Nothing wrong with being just friends and supporting each other.

    • pretty sure it was a female that did that to her, otherwise she wouldnt be feeling lesbian attractions.

      OP: I am so sorry for what happened to you when you were a kid. It must be traumatic and I hope you're finding a way to cope and heal from this. May I ask if anyone knows about this? Like family or anybody? Do your parents take you to therapy?

      I honestly think that going to a therapist and disclosing these past traumas & the unwanted feelings that have stemmed from them will help. Anything you say in the therapists office will stay between them and yourself, its extremely confidential. Perhaps through consistent therapy you will be able to move on from all this.

      Also, I personally think that you and the girl should stay away from each other. Obviously; persisting in seeing her, especially in private, will lead to very haraam and sinful things you will regret later in your life. Seperate yourself from her and focus on your own wellbeing.

      Hope this helps. <3

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