Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is checking name compatibility really a sin?

sin repentance


I was going through questions posted on this forum and read this one:

In this probably the editor of this site has stated that checking names compatibility is shirk and a big sin. Would some one like to shed more response on this point? Is it really wrong in our religion? What are the authentic sources and references?

The reason why I am asking this because I am going through an apparently difficult relationship at the moment. The girl with whom I am engaged is strong believer of this concept that only those marriages can be successful where names are compatible. She is strong follower of a religious person who tells people based on their names about their lives, even their past lives, what will be good for them in future, all information he gives just based on the name of person. She told me that she did engagement only because that person told her that we both are compatible based on our names. I don’t agree or believe such things. I believe that only Allah knows who will be compatible with each other. What we can do is to believe in Allah and be sincere and loving with each other.

One thing more, my mother also asked someone for compatibility of names and that person also said that we both are compatible. But now we have so much differences and misunderstandings that sometimes I feel running away from this marriage, which is due in 6 months.



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19 Responses »

  1. Asalaamualaykum Rehman10,

    Yes, checking name compatibility is a sin and yes it is like doing shirk. This is because name compatibility checks are done to determine whether the two people will have a good future together or not. But this is very contrary to what Allah tells us in Surah Luqman: "Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with God (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with God is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things)."

    Islam teaches us that we pray directly to Allah(swt) and we rely only Him, knowing that He alone knows the 'Ghayb', the Unseen and the future is unseen. Fortune tellers and the like have no place in Islam and anyone who claims to know the future is either talking rubbish or communicating with jinn (there is a whole story behind this). Numerology, Name Compatibility checks and fortune telling is absolutely haraam. This girl you are planning to marry has an extremely flawed way of thinking and it is very deviant to the correct teachings of Islam. I urge you to think very carefully about who you want to choose as your spouse. I do not believe that someone who believes is such practises is a suitable wife, until she changes her way of thinking.

    Instead of rely on haraam to guide you to the right spouse, use the tools of wisdom that Allah has blessed you with. Find out about the prospective, talk to her, check her level of deen, her knowledge, her character and base you decision on that. And perform Istikhara.

    SisterZ Editor

  2. The girl your engaged to sounds like a black magician, just your mentioning of what she does, brother run a mile and dont look back, i think shaytan let the disguise drop on this one, take the hint and leave, as a wife, if my wife was like that, i wouldnt be able to sleep in my bed, thats worrying.

  3. Thanks SisterZ for your detailed response. Well before before engagement, we spoke with each other and got to know each other. Se is good in all other aspects, her character is good, her education is good, she has good manners and she is understanding, she prays five times a day. Only this part of her thinking makes me upset, though i dont claim that i am a very good/good muslim, but at least i am able to differentiate whats right and whats wrong. Though there are times when she doesnt behave good while shes angry (when we argue over some thing) but it doesnt go beyond limits, so i am ok with it.

    I just wish to somehow make her understand that what she believes is actually wrong. Wish me luck :s

    @Kelvenater... No she is not.

    • Brother Rehman,

      She may have other good traits, but believing in Name compatability checks is not a small thing. If she believes this, she may believe in other haraam practices too, i.e. praying to saints etc. I am not saying just wash your hands of her and break the engagement. But I do think it is very important to put this information to her and see if she understands her error; as it may be that she has been brought up in a house hold that has always carried such beliefs. Perhaps once she is educated with logic regarding this matter, she will change. However, if after this, she still remains adamant in her beliefs which are extremely contradicting to the basic teachings of Islam, I would urge you to seriously re-think your intention to marry her

      Remember, she maybe a nice person, but don't let that blind you. When you are looking for a spouse, the person needs not only be nice, but also be holding the correct understanding of deen. Whoever you choose as a wife will be the mother of your children, so your choice will affect them too.

      Show her the verse of the Quran I showed you and if you want I will try to dig out more hadiths and Quranic ayahs supporting the same.

      SisterZ Editor

    • My apologies, the comment seems a bit harsh, but you got to change and get that out her system, ask Allah for guidance, and make her slowly understand how she is wrong, sometimes it takes evidence for us to drop a belief we have held for a while, so show her hadith and make her change.

      Best of luck with your marriage, and insha'Allah she accepts that she is wrong and you can move on and have a happy and joyous life ahead.

    • Thank you SisterZ once again. First i want to provide more information . She prays five times a day, she doesn't believe in praying saints, she knows there is something like black magic but is strictly against it and know that it leads to shirk. However she says tasbeeh all the day i.e. she has tasbeeh in her hand all the day besides her daily activities and she reads some ayats or names of Allah or some duas which according to her that religious person told him (thats what she have told me). I don't have problem with any such thing.. problem again comes when she says about that religious person that he knows everything about people's lives. Like if he hears the name of someone he can tell all about his past life, even the details of private conversation which that someone made with anyone else (just like i am talking to my friend and tomorrow you tell me that what i said to my friend even when i never met you) ... So that religious scholar will tell who is compatible for whom and this is always right. This kind of thinking drives me mad.... no one except Allah knows what i did in my past when i was alone.. I dont think Allah provides this kind of information to someone on earth. May be this is some other kind of knowledge.

      She is brought up in such an environment which made her beliefs like this. Her family is also strongly inclined over such beliefs. Once i tried to talk about it and she made very clear that she can leave me but not her beliefs and practices. Its hard coded in her mind since child hood. Instead, she is sure that in future my thinking will change because rite now i haven't seen many things which she is witnessing since her childhood (by those things she means "wonders of her scholar" ). I just want to know that, at this moment, am i right or wrong? I dont have any single issue with this whole relation than this one. But it disturbs me, because in future if Allah bless us with children then its the mother who defines thinking of children. Am i too stubborn to stick to my point and not open to facts of life which might be true???

      I have absolutely no hope that she will change her way of thinking.

      • Brother Rehman

        People who believe this sort of thing, i.e. that such and such person knows the future and knows things that have happened in someone's past, this is not a small claim to make. If anyone is able to do this, it would be because they have contact with jinn.

        Jinn are unseen to us, but they can see us, this is why they are able to communicate the past to humans. Jinns also learn of 'parts of some future events' because they try to eavesdrop on angels in heaven. Allah(swt) instructs the angels of things that are to happen, the jinn try to get to the heavens and end up picking up on bits of information. They mix this with falsehood and communicate this to so called 'peers, fortune tellers etc'. This is how these people 'appear'to know the future. They most usually receive this information from jinns, but at the expense of their deen.

        Brother - the very simple point is that Allah alone knows the future and anyone who claims to also know the future and the secrets of the past is lying. Our religion is very simple. It cuts out the middle person, it makes very clear the distinction, Allah is Divine and Knows everything, humans are limited and dependant on Allah for everything and do not know the future. Did our Rasool(sws) ever claim to know the unseen? 'No.' So who is anyone else to claim that he knows the unseen? (People like Khidr and Prophets who knew certain things were inspired by Allah, that was completely different - they were receiving revelations or inspiration). It is impossible for someone to be able to narrate full conversations and specific details and times of events without help of Jinn - unless it has already been mentioned in the Quran or Sunnah.

        The problem is Brother, that when we are lacking in knowledge, it is very easy to fall prey to such fraudulent people. So make a point to educate yourself in your deen. Don't leave it to other people to fill your mind with rubbish that they have been following blindly for generations. I think it is very good maashaAllah that you are questioning all this before you actually get married. I do not believe you are being stubborn at all. I urge you to follow your instincts and to put this marriage on hold so you can educate yourself, this will help you make the right choice.

        At the same time Brother, make a sincere dua to Allah and ask Him to make clear in your heart what you should do. Open yourself up to Allah - He(swt) knows the truth, He(swt) knows the sincerity with which you are asking all these questions - so why will He(swt) not help you? Surely He(swt) will. Raise your hands and ask Him(swt) to show you clarity. Your questioning shows you are already half way there.

        SisterZ Editor

      • Like if he hears the name of someone he can tell all about his past life, even the details of private conversation which that someone made with anyone else (just like i am talking to my friend and tomorrow you tell me that what i said to my friend even when i never met you) ... So that religious scholar will tell who is compatible for whom and this is always right.

        These type of people do exist, and theres nothing wrong with some of them, their purpose is to tell you recitings from the quran for various ailments or other problems, this is allowed since its from the quran and they are simply guiding you, yes its Jinn that allow him to see your life this can be done easily by anyone, but it dosent affect you and more often than not its used as a promotion of the 'power' that the religious man has, while he has advised your potential wife correctly in some aspects, with the tasbeeh and ayahs etc., however he is a FRAUD, because he has abused his role by suggesting he can tell compatibility, this is not possible by anyone except Allah and anyone who suggest otherwise is a fraud and you should be aware of this, the best such person can say is that they will make dua for a succesful marriage, under no circumstance can they check compatibility, such thing is haraam and its very important to know this.
        I have across many people like this, but your wife wont change but over a long time this is because she has grown up with such a surrounding and its hard to remove that from your beliefs with ease, i understand this but dont abandon your marriage over this, its would seem unfair since everything else is ok and your genuinely interested in her, remember time changes things, and as long as this man dosent charge any fees or 'donations' then slowly you can find a comprimise, key is to not make it too big a issue and keep him away from your potential marriage and not let him play a active part in your marriage or family.
        In relation to the children issue, im not sure how your exact culture works, but usually the basic understanding of islam is taught by the mother, but the more deeper meaning and religion are taught by the father from my personal experience, and so you have control of this, but you mustnt make it a tug of war because children are very sensitive to parental relations, but rather explain each thing, in a similar manner to that i have above, in a more accepting manner, but when time comes you can thing in more detial, but everything should be fine insha'Allah.

        Compromise is the key, but people can change over time it takes gentle approach and not direct orders, its a almost de-sensitisation of something, its gradual but not immediate and it works, your wife can realise that life may not be based on this mans advice and teachings and that all she needs is you and Allah, biggest of all keep faith in Allah, and he will guide you surely to the correct path, have faith and gain a understanding of a few concepts of islam, this will allow you if you choose to marry, use this de-sensitising effect by sharing knowledge and learning together, in this scenario i can stress the importance of the phrase 'love conquers all', and it does, patience, time and effort and with guidance and help of Allah over time you will be free of any 3rd parties, but for short term their is a need for compromise.

        I hope the above makes sense(i explain further if you want), and it will definetly work, but the final decision stands with you, and you must anticipate whether you have this patience and can compromise for the immediate future, may you be guided with your decision insha'Allah.

        • Kelvenater,

          It is haraam/forbidden to use the help of Jinn for anything. It is haraam to use Jinn to tell the future or to discover secrets of the past. Anyone who employs this is doing something very evil and we should stay away from such people. I certainly would and I would not recommend anyone to marry a person who associates with such people. It is not a light matter.


          • I am not condoning the actions of the religious man nor praising him, but one must consider that by trying to help the sister change(his potential wife) is this not a good act, after all when one is in the wrong we should advise them right, but do it in a manner of love and not punsihments unless in cases it is required, and hence by doing so he will be getting great reward, i agree with your point fully, but rather than let her carry on such beliefs, would it not be good to help change her, after all he has no other problems with her, and anyone is capable of change with the help of Allah, and that was the point i was making.

            for example, during my time giving lecture at schools and mosques, i was very strict and direct to begin with, it paid no dividends and i merely used scare tactics that wore off once the students left, i was young at the time and so i changed my method and decided to go about it a longer way, i acknowledged that my students were in haraam relations, but by being kind i allowed them to open up over time and share their feelings, i took this and then showed them the beauty of marriage and how the feelings are even greater, in the period of 6months i changed typical lads who had no emotion just desire for sex, into young men who respected women and they learnt that if they love someone enough marriage should be the first port of call not the last, if at first when i was thrown all sorts of abuse and ignored i walked out, i would be letting myself and those lads down but i didnt, i stayed and i made a change with the help of Allah Alhamdullilah, without whom i would never have had the energy or drive to stay on and since then i have always believed that my words can make a difference to someone and so i try and give advice based on the best interests of everyone, i believe if you love something enough and have enough passion you can be succesful because Allah will always be on your side, and when you fall you pick up again keeping the faith and belief that success will come, and it will insha'Allah.
            Sorry for the story, but i just wanted to make my point with a example, the world is full of corruption and filth, but if i stopped helping young kids and telling them right from wrong because i thought there doing wrong let them suffer, then i would be dissappointed in myself, for no road is ever to far to change course from on this dunya, and some people need that belief in them or that nudge in the right direction, that said it takes great will power and drive to keep fighting, but what can i say with Allah on our side, life always has a beautiful side to it and so we should take on challenges, and when something is impossible keep fighting with a smile on our face, because Allah is always with you, what else can we ask for.

          • Yes,

            I believe that Br Rahman should try to educate his potential 'before' he decides to marry her. However, I would not recommend anyone to take the risk of marrying someone who after educating is still adamant on maintaining such beliefs. They are very contradictory to the basis of Islam.


          • I respect your viewpoint, i suppose its more about individualistic strength/choice rather than a general route, but were both looking at opposite ends of the spectrum, and we are both right in each aspect, so the decision lies with brother rehman, may Allah guide us all to the right path. insha'Allah Ameen.

  4. Salaams,

    Brother Rehman,

    Perhaps you should look at it like this: you are not just marrying her, you are marrying her AND this man whom she has taken as a murshid (spiritual guide). You won't get her to change her views no matter what you say or show her because as you've said, she has grown up under an allegiance to him and his "powers". Only if he changed his view on something, will she change it.

    Think about this very carefully, because if you do marry her and this man "sees" something bad about you later on or claims you have done something wrong against her (even if you never have), she is going to believe him over you and follow his directives on the matter regardless of the cost to you or the marriage. You will not be the head of the household as you should be, but it will be him. I'm almost willing to bet she believes she can entice you to take bayat with this man yourself eventually.

    I bet if you told her you had this man come to you in a dream and tell you that he is testing her and that you truly are not compatible, she would start questioning the whole relationship. I don't know about you, but it would be hard for me to entrust my marriage and future with a spouse whose views can change based on whims of a third party. See this red flag for what is, brother.

    -Amy Editor

  5. Thank you very much all of you (SisterZ, Kelvenater, Amy) for taking time to read my post + reply and giving the valuable suggestions/opinions. You people are mashAllah doing a wonderful job by giving very wise and genuine answers of problems posted by brothers and sisters. May Allah give you a very big reward and his blessing for helping the people who are in trouble. I from the core of my heart truly respect and appreciate your efforts.

    After reading your replies and thinking for two days, now i am writing a reply:

    What SisterZ and Amy said (regarding thinking carefully, or its definite that she wont change, and beliefs like these is not a thing which should be taken lightly ), though it touches my heart but really at this time it is very difficult to take any step which would lead towards breaking of this relation. Though she said very clearly that she won't change her ideology (and yes she believes that eventually i will be impressed by Mr. Wonder and my life will be then on good path) but anything can happen in future if we keep a positive approach and good hopes from Allah. What i have judged uptil now, apart from other things, she is very emotional plus not mentally strong, i.e. from her behavior in practical situations. Since uptil now she had no life outside her family and thus has very idealistic thinking about many things. So i hope when she would enter in practical life after marriage, things could be slightly better (just an optimistic hope according to what Kelvenater said).

    When i talked to her before engagement was finalized, she mentioned very briefly these things (which at that time seemed OK to me since it was very vague and i thought it's not a big deal). Only after few months of engagement she explained her ideology to me because we had a fight and i asked her very clearly what she thinks about these things (It just felt she hided these facts from me). I was shocked to know that she thinks like this. On the other hand, preparations for marriage are in full swing on both sides. I would say that 60-70% preparations are done. In my society, if an engagement breaks.. no one says anything to guys but its a big deal for girls, even their relatives assume lot of bad things about them .. Believe me, life of girl becomes hell. Even i doubt that any one in my family will support me for taking any such decision, since i never was very religious and they might think i am trying to run away with some excuse, every one will try to make me understand that its not a big deal.

    So you see, i am trying to be good for all, and i really have no idea where it would lead. I also want to avoid any conflict because i am diagnosed with depression and stress by Doctors, and it would be really bad for my health if i continue taking it. I really had some other plans in my life and thought that doing marriage would just complete me and bring peace and satisfaction in my life. But i think now it is a big azmaish for me from Allah, and i would have to go a long way dealing with it.

    I request all of you to pray for me, that Allah give me strength, wisdom and patience to take a right decision. I somehow feel that this problem has lead me to involve more in religion which is a positive aspect of this.

  6. Salaam;

    how to find com compatibility between 2 people ? I mean is there any Table which can tell which Numeric Value (1 to 9) of Names is compatible or against or neutral with which numeric value of names ?

    like Haroon Fareed 556 = 7 is Compatible or Not with Noman Fareed or Ashraf Ali or Khalid ?

    like Haroon Numeric value is = 1 so I want to know whose Name am I compatible with and whom to avoid ?

    also should we consider 1st name for this calculation or full name ? as sometimes we don't know full name of people.

    • haroon, READ THE ANSWERS ALREADY GIVEN ON THIS POST!!!!!! All this so-called "name compatibility" and numerology is shirk (associating partners with Allah). It is utterly haram and false.

      Wael Editor

  7. Plz guide me ... there is any concept of faal with partners and their mothers name in Islam... about relations..?

    • Sidrah, this is a completely un-Islamic concept that comes from astrology, numerology, etc. In fact it is a form of shirk (associating partners with Allah). Read the answers already given on this post, please.

      Wael Editor

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