Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is doing a sin in mind equal to practically committing it?

Hijabi woman with veil drawn over her face, half face

Assalm o alaikum brothers and sisters,

Im here to ask something which I wanted to know about since last two and a half years. Lately I came across this website and found it most suitable to ask my question.

So, coming to the point, I wanted to ask, if as a muslim you think about (I mean THINK only not do) kissing a boy or hugging him so having zina with him, does this sin is equal to the sin of committing it in real, practically? How wrong and bad this sin is? Is it forgivable? Am I out of the circle of islam? Is it shirk?

How can seek forgiveness for this?? Im 17 years and im already feeling so shameful that I cant express it in words, I really regret doing so. I dont want to think this way again as its haram (its haram right?) Plz PLZ I really need answers to my these questions as it is already breaking me down day by day knowing that I committed such sin in my thoughts.

Im not able to express my shameful depressing feelings here, but please please answer each and every of my question that I asked above, I shall be really thankful to each one of you.

Lastly, how can I get rid of this and be a better muslim, inside out.

Plz guide me. May ALLAH bless you all.


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6 Responses »

  1. salam .Look mind is onething but doing the action is a sin.You must busy yourself with zikr quran and salah or else that weak mind will start to do the action.It seems to me your foundation is weak and your Islam needs to be built or it will lose down the stretch

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Thinking something is not the same as doing it. It is our actions which count for or against us, and the intention behind them, not thoughts which we don't act on.

    If we're honest, a significant number of people will have had thoughts about liking a member of the opposite sex, and of having a degree of interaction with them. We can't always control what we think about. Having such a thought isn't a sin, it doesn't mean you're out of Islam, and it isn't shirk.

    That said, these aren't thoughts to dwell on - they aren't positive influences on your eman and they're making you unhappy. So, you might want to think about what's causing these thoughts and how to stop yourself from ruminating on them.

    In terms of what's causing these thoughts, think about your environment and yourself. Are you in an environment where people don't observe Islamic limits in their interactions? How are you coming into contact with this boy and are your interactions with him within Islamic limits? Is your own practice of Islam as good as you want it to be (do you pray regularly, observe hijab, fast, etc.?)? Do you feel that you're approaching the stage of wanting to get married? If there are things you could do to make your environment better or to strengthen your deen, then try to do these. If you think you want to get married soon, you could start discussing it with your parents, who can then inshaAllah start considering potential spouses.

    When unwanted thoughts pop into our minds, it's easy for us to start desperately pushing them away, but this only serves to draw more attention to the thought and make it harder for us to ignore it. Instead, accept that the thought's there, remind yourself that it isn't important (it's just a thought and you can ignore it - you don't have to act on it), and find another activity to do which is more constructive - such as reciting Qur'an, cleaning your room, or helping a family member with something they're doing. Try to get yourself doing something which occupies your mind and your body.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. Obviously thinking is not the same as doing something. You should not dwell on your bad thoughts, as you might eventual get tempted to act upon them

    A 17th Century Hasidic Jewish Monk's Advice On Overcoming Cravings :

    "Let’s say a fantasy comes to you, a craving for something of this world. Take your mind far away from it. Despise this craving until it is hateful and repugnant to you.

    Enrage your urge for good against the urge for bad and against this craving, and conquer it in that way.

    But don’t allow that unfulfilled craving to make you depressed. On the contrary, celebrate that you are privileged to subdue your desires for the honour of the Creator, blessed be He!

    This is one way to understand what our rabbis meant when they talked about “those who rejoice in their suffering.”

    "Even if you stumble in sin, don’t wallow in misery. That would destroy all that you have accomplished so far, rendering you an easy catch for the evil impulse, since you feel you are a lost cause anyway.

    Your divine service would fall apart.

    Just be saddened over the sin, ashamed before the Creator, and plead to Him to absolve the bad you’ve done. And then get back to rejoicing in the Creator, blessed be He, since you thoroughly regret what you did and have resolved in your mind never to do foolish things like this again." -Baal Shem Tov

  4. Sister,

    These are the effects of hormones that gets triggered in this age. It's normal. Do not worry as Allah created us with this nafs(urges) . Just control it till your nikah. Think of good things . Read Quran .
    Divert these thoughts and concentrate on studies.

    Brother Shaan

  5. Assalamualaiko sister Zafira

    Thank you for coming and sharing your questions. I am sure most of the boys and girls your age will have this sort of question and would be shy to ask. So thanks for asking on their behalf.

    Q1: is bad thinking equal to the sin of committing it in real, practically?
    A1 : No .. involuntary thoughts that cross our minds is only a sin if you act upon it .

    Q2 How wrong and bad this sin is?
    A2: The problem with it is increases one's chances of sinning. So its best to fight it in the thought level.

    Q3 Is it forgivable?
    A: Yes it is for sure.

    Q4: Am I out of the circle of islam?
    A4 : No sister that doesn't take you out of the circle of islam at all. You are just a young Muslimah who is newly getting used to coping with effect of hormones raging in her body.

    Q5: it shirk?
    A5 : No not at all .. it has nothing to do with shirk.

    Q6 : How can seek forgiveness for this?? Im 17 years and im already feeling so shameful that I cant express it in words, I really regret doing so. I dont want to think this way again as its haram (its haram right?)
    A6 : Repenting involve few steps ..
    start with regretting the act .. (you have done that)
    Asking forgiveness ( do this part as well )
    Have firm determination not to do that again ( I can tell that from your writings)

    good luck sister

    • I forgot to say a very important point
      - our thoughts are somewhat influenced by
      - the things we see(Tv programs / Internet shows/Youtubes etc)
      - the people we chat with or
      - the books novels we read
      pretty much what happen in our environment

      so my advice is to control your environment. Like what you see in the TV and the Internet .. .

      Completely avoid romantic/erotic movies or novels and the like. They only fuel our desires and imagination and the more one see or read of them, the worse it become.

      Good hings to do:
      Get to know muslim sisters in your neighborhood masjid,
      avoid being alone most of the time
      develop new hobbies etc ..
      bottom line ... get yourself busy with something you love doing and useful

      May Allah help you and protect you become a good muslimah

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