Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is emotional love Halal in Islam?

so close so far, heart, with my heart in my hand

Hello there,

When I was 15 years old, I found out that my classmates likes me. I used to catch him looking at many times at class. And even I have seen him crying when I talked to a boy. When I was informed that he likes me, I stopped talking to him. Even didn't say hello, good bye... nothing at all. After few months I saw him in my dream asking a girl to give his ring to me as a gift for 8th of March, and I accept his ring. Then I think I emotinally fell for him. I never talked to him until now. We graduated from high school 5 years ago, and I still think of him. He is not married and I also am single. I know he also thinks of me, but we don't talk, he never said he likes me, neither I said it to him. We don't meet, he is in other city. Is it emotional love, and is it haram in Islam?!

I would appreciate your ideas!

Thank you!


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2 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister,
    As Salaam Walaikum,

    I would like to help you in the matter by telling you that Islam gives you enough right to choose the spouse for yourself.

    When a suitable partner is chosen then four things are considered, out of which one should take importance and this is the religious practice of their prospective partners. Whilst the following Hadith is in relation to choosing a woman, it refers to both sexes: the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said

    “A woman (or man) may be married for four things: for her wealth, for her noble descent, for her beauty or for her religion. Choose the one who is religious, lest your hands be rubbed with dust!” (Bukhari and Muslim)

    Although the Prophet advised the young Muslim to look for a religious partner, it does not mean that they should ignore their preferences regarding the physical beauty. The Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) encouraged seeing a prospective partner before finalizing the marriage, so that a Muslim does not find his/herself trapped in a marriage with a woman/man he/she finds unattractive

    Also, in case you genuinely like him and find him suitable for each other, please involve your family into it. The best way is your parents speaking to his parents regarding this and Allah would definitely make a way for you both if your intentions are pure. Insha'Allah.

    Jazakallah Khayran

  2. Assalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu.

    Love is a psychological sickness, and if it grows strong it affects the body, and becomes a physical sickness, either as diseases of the brain, which are said to be diseases caused by waswaas, or diseases of the body such as weakness, emaciation and so on.

    It is sufficient to note that one of the effects of love of a member of the opposite sex is enslavement of the heart which is held captive to the loved one. So love is a door that leads to humiliation and servility. That is sufficient to put one off this sickness.

    If a man is in love with a woman, even if she is permissible for him, his heart remains enslaved to her, and she can control him as she wishes, even though outwardly he appears to be her master, because he is her husband; but in fact he is her prisoner and slave, especially if she is aware of his need and love for her. In that case, she will control him like a harsh and oppressive master controls his abject slave who cannot free himself from him. Rather he is worse off than that, because enslavement of the heart is worse than enslavement of the body.

    Attachment to the opposite sex will not happen to a heart that is filled with love of Allaah; it only affects a heart that is empty and weak, so it is able to gain control of it, then when it becomes strong and powerful it is able to defeat the love of Allaah and lead the person into shirk. Hence it is said: Love is the action of an empty heart.

    If the heart is devoid of the love and remembrance of the Most Merciful, and is a stranger to speaking to Him, it will be filled with love of women, images and listening to music.

    If the heart loves Allaah alone and is sincerely devoted to Him, it will not even think of loving anyone else in the first place, let alone falling in love. When a heart falls in love, that is due to the lack of love for Allaah alone. Hence because Yoosuf loved Allaah and was sincerely devoted to Him, he did not fall into the trap of love, rather Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves”

    A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation).

    A person cannot be blamed for love that he does not cause, such as if she sees a boy by accident and her heart is filled with love for him, but she does not do anything haram (impermissible) such as looking repeatedly or shaking hands or being alone with him, or exchanging emotional words with him. As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haram mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haram things in his relationship and love.

    This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.


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