Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is it impossible for us to do nikah?

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AsSalam,

I really need help urgently I hope someone is able to give me an answer.

5 years ago I got engaged back home to a cousin. Our nikah was done but only so we could keep in contact. I came back and started college and ended up falling in love with somebody. He and I are together now for 4 years. We have committed zina but we are in a long distance relationship for 2 years now.

My family found out about him they are strongly against the thought of me breaking off my nikah and possibly getting married to him if he converts to Islam. Me and him have a very strong relationship and he really does want to marry me.  He said he would accept islam to marry me but i forbid him from doing that because i know he still wouldnt be muslim by heart and therefore our whole marrige would be haram. So he is looking into islam for me and studying it .

I have done sincere repentance and I am aware that I was commiting a very grave sin of while me and him were together. I am alot closer to Allah now and have done many istikara but am still confused as to go get married to the guy backhome or break off my nikah because pressure is on and time is limited as my parents and those people want the marrige to happen now.

What I want is to break off my nikah because I feel I have cheated him and I won't be able to live my life with him . But my parents are very against it and say they I'm not their daughter anymore if I do that. Right now I am just praying to Allah to guide my bf , and to put him in my naseeb. I do want to have a second chance with him and start things off halal and get married if we ever meet again.  But my parents are saying that we would never be able to get married in Islam because we I have committed zina with him while being in nikah with someone else. So that is my question.  If I break off my nikah and then he accepts islam and get married will our nikah be valid? Because I know 2 people have to repent sincerely if they did zina to be able to do nikah. But I have searched and can't find anything on if a person in nikah does zina can they marry that person ever. I feel that my situation is diffrent because I have not slept with nor spent any time with the person I am in nikah with.  And also if someone accepts islam they become a new person , they become pure and if I have repented I feel as if our nikah should be valid .

Please let me know as I would wait my lifetime for this man . I care about him very much . He is the only person I wanna be with and I pray for his guidance everyday. Can everyone please pray for his guidence as well and pray for me and him to inshallah be in eachothers naseeb. I do regret our haram relationship and wish I could have did things the right way. But now I am trying to and want to have a second chance with him in a halal relationship.

bellanoor

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7 Responses »

  1. Are you married to your cousin or just engagement is done ? I think you should break with your cousin as you have cheated by commiting zina with other person ..i m sure you will continue this zina with him in future and saying Allah Allah looks like some lip service...i will suggest you to convert this guy n marry rather than cheating some body behind the back.

  2. Sister bellanoor,
    Walaikum assalam,
    You have put yourself in a very difficult situation. You do not seem to have any place in your heart for your husband ( if that is what he is since you say he had nikkah with you) and you might resent him if you go to be with him. It will be better to break it up with him and save him the heartache of a failed marriage too.

    However, your boyfriend is not a Muslim and you cannot marry him. It is Haram for Muslim women to marry nonMUSLIMS. Even if he does revert just for the sake of marriage for how long will he be able to pull through? After a while he will drift away since his heart is not in it and maybe by that time your bubble will burst too because you might be left with kids who would not know who to follow, what to follow and what to consider right/ wrong...Your lovey dovey phase will be over too and you will probably be looking at things more practically. Then what?

    It is difficult to think straight when our heart is set on something so much, but do ponder over the reality. Pray even more and ask Allah for His guidance for our hearts are in His control. Pray for your boyfriend's hidayah but be realistic about the situation as it stands now. You have to part ways with him and ask Allah for goodness and righteousness. He may be in your naseeb and he may not be. Somebody else may be in your fate who might connect you to Allah even more and who Inshallah will be a garment to you and you to him. You have to pray and wait for it to pan out.

    May Allah guide us all today and always till we live. Ameen.

  3. Salam alaikum,

    Leave the boyfriend. Be strong and leave him. You are a married woman. You have certainly finished your studies in 5 years, so go back to your husband and live with him. You don't even know your husband that well. Get to know him and love him. You made a lifelong commitment to him, and he has done no wrong to you. Taubah and ask for forgiveness from Allah swt. Ask your family to conceal your sins.

    If your family has already told your husband about your zina and sins, then you need to talk to him nicely. Ask for forgiveness. If he does not accept, and wants divorce, then let him. He deserves a loyal wife. Then ask your boyfriend to convert to Islam or else you leave him.

    Please be strong and choose the straight path, sister.

    Shereen

  4. I recommend divorcing your cousin. He has not consummated the marriage. You should return the dowry he gave to you. It does not make sense to start a marriage with distrust. You committed to him, or at least your family did, and then you went all the way with someone else.

    I'm sure your family is worried that your boyfriend is going to ruin your life and only convert until he's married and then convert back. But that doesn't mean you should go to your cousin and start a relationship when you clearly love someone else and have already slept with him. The goal is to get you into a good marriage. Given what has occurred which man do you think will give you a good marriage and help in getting you to heaven?

  5. Im glad none of the sisters are pointing out the fact that this woman is an adultress and the sin is monstrous...
    good job sisters...

    anyhow, to the OP, what advise has been given is logical...either get the man to accept Islam and marry him (again if he does it just to marry you then no point really)

    the other thing is you need to tell your husband whats going on and why you need a divorce because he will definitely not accept a cheating wife.

    make taubah...for you are very far from Islam.

  6. You are very confused sister. You cannot "break off" a nikah. You are MARRIED. It doesn't matter that your marriage has not been consummated. Nikah is marriage, nothing less. You have been committing adultery, which is one of the MOST serious sins you can do in Islam, not to mention a simply unethical, immoral and despicable betrayal of your husband

    If you want to end your marriage, you need a talaq or khulah. In other words, a divorce.

    My advice is to get a divorce, and end your relationship with the boyfriend. It's a haram relationship and there is no future in it. The man is not Muslim, and you are only fooling yourself.

    To answer your hypothetical question, if you got divorced, made a sincere tawbah, and the non-Muslim man became Muslim, then yes, you could marry him. But how can you make a sincere tawbah while you are still involved with him? Tawbah means to stop the sin completely.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. People have become mufti and predicted gloom for you. First and foremost you should not have openly discussed your sin. Some sin should be left with Allah to decide. Second point is whether your cousin is in fact your husband. Because as per hadith there should be verbal commitment along with physical. Physical contact was no where seen with your cousin, so you are in fact not married. Third point is that you say that your bf is accepting Islam to marry you. Now you have sinned more according to me coz you r assuming something without knowing facts. Could it be not that Allah has made this as a road for him to accept Islam. Grave or small Allah is enough to forgive all sins. Please do not repeat them

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