Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is it still haram?

marriage nikah halaal halal relationship

This question is very important to me ... Please reply me soon

my question is about relationships .... I was indeed a very pious girl ... Always kept away myself from every kind of sin i could ... And to be very honest Allah has Ma Sha Allah listened to all my prayers and answered most of them for which im extremely thankfull to him ....

This year january i started a relationship with a syed boy .... In ramadan Allah gave me the oppurtunity to do the tafseer of quran through which i  came to know having such relations in not good ... After that i started searching on the internet and found that it is considered "haram" ... This was a very big shock for me ... I did alot of istekharas .... Even in january when we newly started and even now .... But im having no such clue ... Cause "haram" is not just a small word ... This  slowly started giving me depression ... And it got severe day by day ... I discussed this matter with my boyfriend he said that neither i nor u have bad intentions .... Nor have we talked dirty or something ... All we want is to keep a contact till we get old enough to get married and cant even think about losing each other

we are only in a cybre relation cuz he lives in some other city but we have met for i think 2 times only ... N not alone was always with someone else like my little cuzn or would just see each other from a distance and smile to each other due to the presence of my mother

my question is .... Is it still haram :(... Please help me lower my depression

we never went on a date neither we r planning to .... Never ever touched each other not even hand shaking cuz i know Allah wouldn't like it ... Never even met alone and neither r we planning to ... He is very pious and so m i and cant even think of losing each other ... We both pray our prayers .... And all that we do is talking to eachother via texting ... Or maybe twice a month a call ...

when i think that it is haram .... I feel like now all my prayers are going useless and are not accepted by Allah as im in a haram relation .. He must be angry at me. Or something like that .... I feel like even my fasts that i keep for him are also rejected ... Im feeling very discouraged but i dont want to leave my boyfriend also ... Does Allah still listen to my duas while im in this relation ? 🙁

Trust me im having severe anxiety now adays due to this matter as i cant share it with any one around me ... Its top secret

i cant bear the burden of hearing that it is haram again and again ... I posted my question on another islamic website as well they also said its haram ... I dont get the point .... Is islam against love marriages ? My age is 17 and his age is 18 .... We'll be looking forward to the comments on this site ... Please help us

u can also suggest some limitations for both of us.


Tagged as: , , ,

8 Responses »

  1. assalamu alaikum. if you did not know then let me fill you in. true love is when you turn away from haraam and turn to ALLAH when you trust he will let all good fall into place.... remember when you were in mom's womb did you have to talk to her everyday because you were afraid you would never meet her? nope.... ALLAH made you meet anyway and it was one of the best feeling s ever..... so let him go tell him you can't obey him to disobey ALLAH if ALLAH wills you will end up married and that you are making dua for it and that your waiting for him but you have to sacrifice your desire for ALLAH......if he truly loves u he will understand.

  2. Without a shadow of a doubt the answer is yes its haram, you mentioned that you have already asked another islamic site and they also said its haram. Sister i think you are trying to find reasons to justify or "make halal" something which you clearly know, and has been told to you as being haram by a good few people now.

    Accept it as it is and do not try find ways around it.

    One clear consequence of this haram is this anxiousness and concern that you have towards your fast and salaat etc. do you really think a halal action would make you doubt your salaat?

    You already know the answer, what you are involved in, is haram full stop. The only limitation you can take is to cut off contact with this guy completely, thats it, dont convince yourself that just because you have limitations its okay, no it wont be, its still haram, learn and apply it now before its too late.

    The fact that you know you started a relationship, you call him your boyfriend, the fact that you think its love, and the fact that you both arent married, all say one thing, that its a haram action sister, to be blunt with you so you dont misunderstand. Your depression will go once you cut off from the guy and stop the haram.

    Alhamdulillah you say both of you are very pious, then you will insha Allah find it easy to leave this haram for the sake of Allah, and to become completely obedient to Allah once again, you will marry who you are destined for, if its this guy, then it doesnt matter if he is on the other side of the world Allah will make sure you both meet again, if you arent destined to marry, it doesnt matter if you live next door to each other, you wouldnt marry, trust in Allah, and dont let shaytaan fool you by making you think if you stop contact (and obey Allah), that you will lose this guy forever.

    Sooner or later shaytaan will lead your nafs to do even worse than just communicate with this guy, and then you will regret it, then you will fall into further depression. Even the most pious sin but remember Allah is the Most Merciful.

    Its haram, please leave it.

  3. Aslamualykum ...dearie. u hv studied Quran. Allah has forbidden secret friendships clearly. u hv also put question on some other website. u got answer as it is haram. yes my dear it is haram. we r not allowed to maintain relationship before marriage whether it is simple friendship or bro sis relationship or boy /girl relationship. accept it. And put your trust in Allah's will. InshaaAllah Allah will make a way for you guys. leave haram way for Allah 's sake and HE will make a Halal way for u .

    Allah has said in Quran.

    And whosoever fears
    Allah and keeps his duty to
    Him, He will make a way for
    him to get out (from every
    3. And He will provide him
    from (sources) he never
    could imagine. And
    whosoever puts his trust in
    Allah, then He will suffice
    him. Verily, Allah will
    accomplish his purpose.
    Indeed Allah has set a
    measure for all things.

  4. Dear sister, don't think that Allah won't answer your prayers. Allah is closer to us than our own veins, and if anything, the One and Only God, the only one who will love you no matter how much you sin, as long as you go back to Him, and make an effort to stay away from the bad deeds.

    You sound like a very pious sister. Remember this ayah:

    ' Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."' - Surah Zumar

    Howhever, Allah knows best the wisdom behind His commandments. Some, are easy to understand like why we can't steal, or kill, or why we pray five times a day. Sometimes, things like not being able to be 'just friends with a non-mahram' can seem difficult, heartbreaking, even unfair when you're struggling to prevent yourself.

    'Allah does not charge a person with more than his capacity......'- Surah Baqarah, ayah 286

    So even if you don't see why not, Allah is watching you. Please remember, He is the one who gives you oxygen, your sight, and He alone can take your soul out any minute. It seems so hard, I know, but imagine how Allah loves those who give up their desires for His sake. Allah will reward you in ways you cannot imagine.

    You might think that you haven't crossed serious boundaries, but honestly, there are too many stories of such relationships that began with only a text here or a chat there, and although you never thought anything could happen, we are human, and we can't read the hearts of the other person. You can't know if he prays Fajr, just because he claims to pray or act religious. He might even feel good about you, but once the sins get larger, to the largest, then he'll want to run for dear life (his desires, or his reputation, leaving you). Do not fall into that trap.

    If you still feel like 'we're not doing anything wrong', think of your reputation. I know it seems unimportant compared to the mention of Allah's name but when you feel desperate to go along with something that isn't halal, using such means to prevent from a mistake is what we have to do. Think about your future- do you want anything dishonorable to be attached to your name? When you've been working hard towards your Islam for so long, towards obeying your parents, working in school or making friends, or anything else?

    I am sorry if I sound a bit too harsh, but know that I'm only doing so to help you later in life. First, pray to Allah, ask for His forgiveness. Then, don't text or call and say 'I want to end this,' or 'I'm sorry'. Just delete his contacts, and erase anything that would remind you of him. Block his texts and number. He might try to contact you a LOT, but after a while, he'll either give up, or (God forbid) in a really bad twist of events might threaten you. That's when you get help.

    Okay, now I might seem cuckoo, but I've brought out whatever scenario I could think of and how to face them just in case. Take care of yourself, eat your favorite food, read good books, and try to occupy your time and have fun.

    Take care, sister.


  5. Asalamoalaikum Sister,

    In brief, the answer to your question is, yes it is haram for you to be interacting with a non-maharam regardless if it’s through text, phone call, or in person. The only time you can interact with him is if you both are intending to get married, both your families are involved and there is a mahram present from either end when you both converse.

    I understand you may be thinking that you’re just “talking” and there is no harm in that. But this is where the slippery slope begins. Shaitaan is patient and slowly yet surely he will introduce you to new modes of communication and bring you both closer to a point where it will become difficult to control your nafs.

    I highly suggest you either a): Let this person know that you are interested in marrying him and ask for him to send a proposal to your home or b): Cut all contact off with him until he is ready to send a proposal and marry you.

    Lastly, I suggest you read the story of Barsisa to gain clarity on your situation. He started off as a very pious person but ended up losing his akhira through the whispers of shaitaan.

    -Helping Sister

  6. If you are pious.....then why don't you tell your parents you like a man and he tells his parents....then you can get married? Or atleast islamicLly married on paper until you are ready.

    Or atleast keep this relationship not secret and let your parents meet. That's more halal and your parents know who he is.

    Being an adult means to be open about these things, you can't keep secrets and then expect to be taken seriously after you have had a secret boyfriend for 4 years....and shock your parents.

    Be honest, tell them about him, and go see each other with a shaperon with no secrets. Trust me it will ease your mind and soul. Keeping secrets kills people.

    You are old enough, you are not a child who needs to hide this.

    Wish you all the best and hope your parents take it well.

Leave a Response