Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is it worth it getting married?

game over, bad marriage, suspicion, secret marriage

Is marriage actually worth it?

I am a 17 year old Muslim girl and even though I don't want to get married now, I will in shaa Allah be one day in the future if Allah wills. The problem is when I witness or hear couples that are married, it makes me not want to married. Often I see the wife doing all the housework and not being appreciated. I worry that I will marry a man who will not help me. Also, are there any good guys left? When I look around and see some Muslim guys I sometimes wonder if I will ever meet someone who prays, loves Allah, and wants to grow in faith with me.


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2 Responses »

  1. Hun, you're still so young wallah. There's so much more time to think about marriage. Not every marriage is the same, just because some peoples marriage has failed or it isn't working out as well, doesn't mean the same will happen with you. Just focus on you and finishing school and when the time is right, your soul mate that Allah has written for you will come into your life inshallah x

  2. As-salamu alaykum Sister. The same question came to my mind 2 years ago when I decided to get married and started looking for a potential spouse. However, Alhamdulillah got my answer through some real life experiences and mature realization recently. I was 24 back then. After talking and checking background of some potential girls for marriage, I was totally disappointed and gave up hope. I asked myself, is there any good girl left without dark past who will be practicing, loving, caring and will help me get closer to Allah?

    The answer to your question is ‘yes’, if you follow the right approach and meet some conditions. Before getting started, please ask yourself whether you are really ready for marriage. Are you well aware of the Islamic rights regarding husband’s duties towards wife and wife’s duties towards husband? Is the intention of the marriage is only for the sake of Allah’s pleasure? Is there any worldly or materialistic factor involved? The marriage will not be blessed if it’s done for just social formality, show off, remove loneliness or out of physical desire. Obviously if you fear that you might fall into haram by not marrying early, it’s better to get married. But if you feel that you are not ready, no need to hurry because it’s not worth it and there are still many Islamic ways to avoid haram. That’s another topic and will not be covered here.

    If you will feel that you are already mature enough to handle a family, have enough knowledge about characteristics of healthy married life (according to Sunnah), you build up and purify yourself in terms of character and Taqwa and you want to do it only for the sake of Allah, only then you are ready for marriage. Allah said “Vile Women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and honorable provision.” [Surah An-Nur: 26]. But you can raise another question, ‘how come some couples are totally opposite?’ I have that answer also but that’s another story.

    The fact is, you will get exactly that type of person depending on where your spirituality stand at that moment. So, self-purification is very important. Trust me, this happened with me. Although, I didn’t get married at last, what was insanely unbelievable to me that the various girls I was considering for marriage had the exact same mindset like me. I have clean past (never had any girlfriend) and I was looking for girls who didn’t have any previous relationship or bad records. Luckily I found them, as such girls are rare these days. But when I talked to them further (don’t get me wrong…one girl at a time…lol), I found that that they have some issues and traits (not allowed in Islam but acceptable within so called ‘moderate’ Muslim community) they didn't want to give up. I will not go into details here. I was ready to respect all her other personal choices as I am not dominating type of guy. But as a husband I do not expect some of those un-Islamic things from my wife. Then suddenly, something struck my mind. I was not fully submissive to Allah in all affairs and I expected something from my future wife which I didn’t follow. This was completely opposite of Sunnah and hypocritical. I stopped searching further. I saw 3 of my close friends who were blessed with gifted and practicing wives (Alhamdulillah) after changing their lives in Islamic way completely. May Allah bless them and protect them from evil eyes. Moreover, my approach was not in Sunnah way. Both parties’ parents were aware that we were talking and looking forward to marriage. But it was still un-Islamic as I talked with them via texting and calling without the presence of the girl’s parents. In this age of deception, lying, advertising and pretending; if you follow Islamic approach of finding a spouse, I believe you still can find the right person with Allah’s help. May Allah ease everything for you.

    N.B.: Sorry for my poor English. Forgive me if I have said anything harsh. I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed shaytan and my evil self. Only Allah holds the power to judge and He knows best.

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