Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is it wrong listening to mom’s problems?

Daughters in Islam

Assalam o Alaikum

I have a question since long.

My Mom has various problems which I guess everyone's household has.

Whenever I sit with her as all of us she starts complaining . For example about my dad , brothers , sisters , sister in laws.

I'm a human too. I have issues too. Yes, I try to minimize talking about it from fear of Ghibah. (Backbiting ) . Still in not perfect.

But with Mom every conversation is talking about one or another . If I avoid talking to Mom she complains of me not giving time to her and if I do it's 95% of the time this situation .

Now my question is:
Is it Ghibah ?!! Even if I try to remain neutral or silent still I'm a human . I may say yes or no to certain things . Or answer some . Plus if I remain silent she complains that I don't listen , don't answer back, I'm not interested . And I say so because I'm too happy without any worries.

What should I do in this case?

I want to give time to her and at the same time avoid these conversations as I feel I'm sinning by listening plus yes answering here and there even after much control?

Kindly advice me and help me in the light of Islam with a practical solution.



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5 Responses »

  1. Wa'alaikum Assalam

    First of all, Ghibah(Backbiting) is talking bad or malicious about a person behind their backs. So if you backbite, you talk bad about other people behind their backs, which is very sinful and rude. Please, give some time to your mother. She needs someone close to tell her problems to. In fact, a lot of people needs company. It staves off loneliness, which is a feeling I really hate. Companionship is really important for our mental health. "If you were to keep your thoughts to yourself, and spend too much time alone, you put yourself in the dangerous position of forming opinions that are completely unreasonable. The opinions become self-justified, and without an outside take on the situation, you can convince yourself of things that someone could have talked you out of before you thought about it so much." ( This is one of the ways how companionship is important. (You can read the rest of the article in the link) You are not sinning as you listen to your mother spill out her problems. If your mom is talking trash(backbiting) about other people, you should tell her it's sinful to do that. Even if she was, Allah knows you're not sure of what to do, so as long as your intention is right, it's not sinning.

    May Allah help you resolve your issue.

  2. Sister,

    I too have have sat with my children and said something about someone that should not have been said. My daughter called me out on it and reminded me that if I have nothing nice to say, I shouldn't say it. She also reminded me that it is haram to backbite. Her words made me think about my actions and how what I say reflects upon who I am as a person. It also made me very proud of her. Simply because I was her mother, it didn't stop her from doing what was right and correcting me.

    Sit with your mother alone and talk to her and tell her how uncomfortable it makes you when she backbites family members and others. Don't talk to her around other family members and put her on the spot as this will only anger her. Just make it clear to your mom that you love her however, you simply cannot sit with her if all she is going to do is talk about other people. Let her know how it affects you and that backbiting is haram. If she isn't willing to listen and respect how you feel, simply busy yourself or leave the room when she starts backbiting someone. Your absence will make her think about the conversation the two of you had and it might be the catalyst she needs in order to change her ways. Allah hu alem.


  3. As Salam O Alaikum

    Sister ,why does your Mom speak about other family members with you ? What i personally think if she has any problems with the members she should discuss it with them and sort it out. Talking with you about the things bothering her with other folks is not going to help in either way.

    And until and unless she doesnt clears it out with the concerned members the issue will never sort out. Probably she discuss all these matters with you is because she Trusts you. But see all are not same some do have the habit of sharing things which bother them about other people and so she confines in you and discusses.

    Also the things she discuss with you are they Valid enough and the Truth? If in case they are and if you share a good rapport with the fellow members i think you should tell them the things what bothers your mom.

    After all she is your MOM. And MOM always at first place. Just Always no matter however she is.

    Best Wishes and Regards

    Wa Salam

    • Salam.. JazakAllah all for replying ..
      My mom never talks to anyone about their mistakes or problems to their face because she doesn't want to upset them . Well , her logic . And yes if she complains later it's not nice .
      I don't feel I have any solution . I've tried telling her it's no good , she should tell it to the person but never worked .
      And she always tells me how all other family members have problems and I get really stressed because of it all . Even if I'm a happy person this makes me too sad .

      If I don't talk or reply or simply sit mute without participating in it she says I'm rude . And I get the bad guy looks .

      Seems I've no solution .

      JazakAllah again all for relying

  4. I know what you are going through. What you could do is try and convine your mum to think positively for instance if she says "oh your dad never listens" you could make some excuse for your dad eventually your mum will get tired of telling you her problems because she will realise you never take her side

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