Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is love haram?

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I've always wondered if love is haram if we should stay away from it but yet again we cant  control our feelings

Now I'm almost 19 and there's this guy I've known ever since ever that keeps telling me that he wants to marry me as soon as he graduates from college, we've been seeing each other for the past year and I know its wrong I really tried a lot to stop but I keep going back at it. I lately told him that I feel guilty about us cause we kiss but nothing more he's really good he never crosses limits or tries to do anything but I know kissing itself is just wrong. Anyways I told him that I don't wanna kiss anymore and he didn't mind at all he told me he doesn't love me for that and that we won't do it anymore if it bothers me.

Now my question is: IS it haram for me to love someone who I'm not married to? Is it haram me to talk to him and wait for him to  graduate? I don't wanna lose him, I've never met anyone as honest as he is

I know this might sound really stupid and you guys tend to hear it a lot but I really do love him hes the only guy in my life and i dont know what to do.

thatone

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4 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu alaykum sister please stop seeing this guy if he really loves you or even cared for you or more importantly fear Allaah(S.W.T)he would proceed doing things the halaal way the islamic way by getting he's people involved and you to get married we all know that bf/gf are haraam in islam.This guy would say anything that you want to hear then it means the opposite too many young women fall for this if you uncomfortable kissing then you won't but that's it shaitaan is waiting for that moment it'll happen so quickly and regret will be huge. sister please listen to my advice some guys would behave and say everything when he gets what he wanted he's gone when inlove one can't see clearly cause your decisions are based on that but look @it this way there are so many reasons why it's better to get married then dating you can live with your spouse without sinning or feeling guilty there no gaurantee in being in a relationships but heartache and sadness.in this world today it's almost like normal to date asif nothing wrong being done but remember you muslim and live your life according to Allaah(S.W.T) laws see the blessing in that how fortuned we are to have been guided by our creator yes we will make mistakes make repentence Allaah is most forgiving but turn away from this I hope and will make dua that Allaah make it eazy and give you the strength and will power to turn away from this relationship.

  2. OP: he wants to marry me as soon as he graduates from college, we've been seeing each other for the past year and I know its wrong I really tried a lot to stop but I keep going back at it. I lately told him that I feel guilty about us cause we kiss but nothing more he's really good he never crosses limits or tries to do anything but I know kissing itself is just wrong. Anyways I told him that I don't wanna kiss anymore.

    he wants to marry after he graduates, why can't he wait to do kissing and other stuff after marriage.

    This graduating things is just an excuse, all of sudden when he is about to graduate he will declare his mother wants him to marry his cousin and not you. He may even leave you after he gets what he can get from you.

    "You keep going back" is a sign that you will keep going back and do things, he knows it.

    he never crosses which limits or try to do what? Most men will get sexually excited with kissing and will want more.

  3. I am a man and let me tell you, if you want to win a girl's heart give her space and comfort she wants and say what she likes. Nothing can be forced. Let me ask you a question, if he do the opposite and pushes you out of limits you will STOP going back to him right? Thats why he will NEVER do that. It shows that he wants to continue the relationship but it is not a guarantee that he will marry you.

    Think yourself. You are saying that HE WANTS to marry you AFTER graduation. There is a want and a condition. After graduation I believe he will ask time for SETTLING DOWN and getting JOB/WORK to have income, isnt it or no? That will be another condition. After getting job, he will ask time to tell to parents. After telling parents now the moment of acceptance and rejection will come. If parents reject, he might go with parents decision or go against them. If he went against them both of you will have to leave ur parents....etc etc. There are so many stages ahead and like i said there is no Guarantee that you both will get married or not.

    I feel like you are using this weak commitment/promise just to give satisfaction to yourself and keep doing the wrong things.

    It is not wrong to LIKE someone but it is wrong to DO THINGS what people do in the name of love like touching each other, hugs, kissing, cuddling etc. Be patient and wait for time to come. Be reserve and control your feelings so that you may not turnout to be a broken and loser person if things didnt go as you want !!

  4. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    Feelings of love or attraction are not haraam in and of themselves. It's natural to feel attracted to certain people, to want to get closer to them and even enter a marriage eventually.

    But all feelings have boundaries and it is important to keep those feelings inside and not acted upon in sinful ways. So while you may have strong feelings for someone, you can't make them a boyfriend. You still have to follow all the adab of dealing with a non mahrem. You can't engage in acts of intimacy, even kissing or holding hands.

    If someone has a genuine feeling of love or care for someone and they are available for marriage, that is what should be pursued by way of family coordination. If you really feel you love someone, you have your family and his family arrange the nikkah. Everything else would be inappropriate.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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