Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is masturbation really this common?

As Salaam Alaikum,

I am 26 years old- male, white american, western. I am a revert/convert to Islam from Christianity. I am a Muslim now. I love the Religion, but I feel sexually frustrated. I am single- unmarried.

I have been masturbating since I was 11 or 12 years old. When I talk about this issue with people, many tell me it is normal because all men masturbate. They say all males/teenage boys masturbate, and they claim they can't help it because masturbating feels good.

Can anyone give me advice? Any Muslim- Male or Female, or Muslim Man or Muslim Woman. I have heard that there are women who masturbate, too. It makes me feel gross to even type the word. Thank you everyone for your time.

-truthseeker 2007

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34 Responses »

  1. Before we answer your question, you need to answer ours

    what prevents you to marry?

    Because there is just one solution for this problem all of others are artificial temporary cautions

  2. Addition:

    Have you ever ate a meal without salt? I really want you to remember the last time you ate a meal without salt.

    When you marry with a girl. The love between you is salt in a meal. Orgasm without love is saltless meal.

    It really doesn't satisfy your expectations.

    • Another important addition.

      Marriage with love cures, sick, pervert, needy, monstrous part of Man's soul. (Which is called "Mr Hide" in World Classics).

      Depending on how much you love your wife and how much your wife loves you (with the existence of good personality in both sides) Man changes from selfish self-centered stubborn person to lovely one.

      As it is referred as fairy tail in another world classic "The Beast and The Beauty"

      in contrary masturbation feeds the beast instead of curing it

  3. Another addition:

    I have to critsize your title "Is masturbation really this common?"

    Being common doesn't prove anything as wrong or right. You need to review your point of view.

  4. Yes masturbation is that common, it's a very big problem in the Muslim world because the demands on a man to be eligible for marriage are very high.

    Brother you didn't specify in the question; what prevents you from getting married?

    Also here is a short book (40 pages) to help deal with this problem (click the download pdf option):

    Insha-Allah it will be of some use to you.

  5. assalamu alaikum

    and welcome to islam..

    as a medical professional..from that point of view i can give you a definite "yes" even children masturbate in very young ages especially the stages of toddler through preschool to school ages they begin. It is normal due to hormones and a natural curiosity for what just feels good.

    i cannot comment to say if it is haram or not but..its natural.

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister Ayatbinthamza,

      Since you are a medical professional, can you tell whether masturbation has any bad effects on the doer or not?

      Jazakillahu Khair.

  6. Salaams,

    I can put it this way: I've never met a teen/adult -male or female, muslim or non-muslim- who has NEVER masturbated.

    I have, however, met many teens/adults who masturbate and try to stop. In the overwhelming majority of these cases, the person in question has only been able to refrain from such an act for a period of a few months at the most (again, this is my personal experience ONLY).

    Some people (both muslim and non muslims) are more comfortable with masturbation than others. Some people struggle with it more because they feel it's forbidden altogether, some people struggle with it less because they permit themselves to do it as needed without any guilt involved.

    There is an ongoing debate about the permissability of this action within Islam. If you're not comfortable doing it (regardless of the reasons), there are many posts on this site with great advice about how to reduce or stop it.

    But rest assured, the people who feel and do as you do are by no means a minority.

    -Amy Editor

    • Quota
      I can put it this way: I've never met a teen/adult -male or female, muslim or non-muslim- who has NEVER masturbated.

      I met 🙂 interesting but real.

  7. Assalam alaikum Brother,

    The way that you feel is normal.

    I don't know how long you have been a Muslim, but when you are comfortable, approach the local community about the possiblity of getting married.

    If you are an Allah-fearing individual of responsible and good character who can provide the basics, I can't imagine any reasonable girl turning down your proposal, inn shaa Allah.

    As for stopping the habit of masturbation, there is a lot of information on this site that can give you advice. The basics of avoiding it involve fasting, keeping busy, staying in the state of remembering Allah. Work on your mindset and the trail of thoughts. Hopefully, you will be able to lessen the frequency, inn shaa Allah.

    May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  8. I'll say this much MOST IF NOT ALL males masturbate.
    Even some married people masturbate because the spouse can't or don't want to keep up with the other's sex drive.
    From what I've researched many scholars believe masturbation to be makhroo as long as it doesn't become a daily thing, you know what I mean?

    • What makes daily masturbation haram and not daily masturbation makhroo?

      • There are some reports that masturbation has some effects on the doer when it becomes a habit. If this report is true, then masturbation would become makruh in that case, and can even reach thelevel of haram depending on the seriousness of the effects.

        Allah knows best.

        • in my idea if we put boundaries which Allah didn't
          We will make our lives miserable for nothing.
          Allah's circle is very wide. Let it be...
          Some people called Alim exaggerate the orders and put some rules which is not in İslam.

          This is a historical problem of Christianity and Judaism.
          Lets not repeat the same mistakes. I really don't want to write a lot of ayahs proving that.

          Briefly our Prophet Muhammed Says. "If Allah had wished, he would say a lot of things about a lot of things but He silenced, so dont make it complex" (and don't over weight weak human's load)

          There is nothing about masturbation in Quran or Sahih Hadith.
          That means Allah left the coice to our concious. And I am pretty sure we know when do we need masturbation or we don't.

          • AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Fatih,

            Sorry I typed "Faith" and then noticed that it is "Fatih" lol. Is the name "Faatih"?

            Anyway, I do not think your view is different from mine, regarding masturbation. I myself have not yet found any proof from the Holy Quran nor the Sunnah to consider it haram or makruh. So I wasn't actually giving a ruling here (of course I see it as mubah at this moment, and I am still waiting to see the views of professional doctors about it, in order for me to complete my view, inshaAllah), I was rather talking about how it could turn into makruh or haram based on whether it has a real effect on the dower or not, just as how smoking has been considered as makruh or haram, based on its effects on the smoker.

  9. AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother,

    Since it seems you are searching for a way to stop this habit, then lets go it that way, inshaAllah.

    Part of the basic ways to stop masturbation is to stop eating a lot, and stay away from the foods that create your desire for it, and then keep up with fasting a lot. Food is the source of many desires, including sexual desires.

    Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah be pleased with him) discussed about the main obstacles that stand on the way, and then prevent our hearts, from reaching Allah. Food is the fourth obstacle that he mentioned, till at the end, he said the following:

    "......For example, fasting tightens the path of Shaitan and closes its doors (in the heart), whereas the satiation on the other hand creates the path of Shaitan (in the heart) and expands it. Whoever ate a lot, drinks a lot, and sleeps a lot, and loses a lot. It is in this well-known hadith that ("'The human does not fill any container that is worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the son of Adam to eat what will support his back. If this is not possible, then a third for food, a third for drink, and third for his breath."(Tirmidhi))"

    It has also been reported that, Iblis (Allah's curse be on him) revealed himself to Prophet Yahya/John the son of Zakariya/Zechariah (May Allah's blessings and peace be upon them both), and then Prophet Yahya said to him, "Have you ever got me in any way before?" He said, "No, except that there was one night that a food was brought to you, and then I made it taste so delicious for you, till when you were satiated, you slept and missed your dhkr at that night." Prophet Yahya (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) then said, "By Allah, I will never be satiated by food from now on" and then Iblis also said, "and me too, by Allah, I won't advise any human being from now on."

    (Madaarij as-Salikin vol.1, p. 369)

  10. Another important addition.

    Marriage with love cures, sick, pervert, needy, monstrous part of Man's soul. (Which is called "Mr Hide" in World Classics).

    Depending on how much you love your wife and how much your wife loves you (with the existence of good personality in both sides) Man changes from selfish self-centered stubborn person to lovely one.

    As it is referred as fairy tail in another world classic "The Beast and The Beauty"

    in contrary masturbation feeds the beast instead of curing it

  11. Salam listen if prophet muhammad peace be upon him saw you masturbate would he be happy? No! Did prophet muhammad masturbate no so dont do ok. There are people who never masturbated before i know people.

    • They were prophets hello! We are not prophets if mastrubation keeps him from committing zinna then it's allowed. He's preserving his innocence and his self respect and not becoming a disgusting boy like most .

  12. Im on mobile right now so i cannot paste references but one last thing masturbation is haram dont listen to people who say its not and that its natural they are misguiding you then you will end up being to addicted that you will forget about 5 times prayers etc. right? Trust me Look its haram to hurt your body by doing drugs smoking it damages you slowly. Just like masturbation it causes Stress,Memory loss,Concentration,Hair loss and much more research. Anything that causes damage to your body is haram.Muhammed had said get married or fast because it keeps you away from (sexual acts) Zina and Masturbation.Salam take care truthseeker2007

    • Abdul, if a person can't get married, they can't just fast for the rest of their life! The desire to masturbate is normal because it is in response to a sexual drive -- and we have been created with a sexual drive. Like everything else in life, excess is harmful. We eat when hungry - but if we eat too much we become obese. Obviously masturbating round the clock is not healthy, particularly if you are physically harming yourself. But a grown adult can't fast their entire life to suppress their sexual desire -- THAT is unhealthy. Remember, the Prophet told the youth to fast, because youth may have a harder time controlling their desires and may slip into non-marital relationships. But the same does not apply to an adult who does not have the opportunity to marry, especially if you live in a NonMuslim country where it is virtually impossible to find a Muslim spouse

      • Bro Salam alaikum, so you are saying tha masturation is ok?I never said fast for the rest of their life theres lots of ways to stop masturbating.Those who cannot afford marriage must try to take exercise, observe fast, keep their pubic hair long, avoid eating energetic food, looking at non-mahram, fancying or thinking about sexual issues and being alone. By doing so, they can weaken the sexual urge and do away with all kinds of the preliminaries of masturbation.Masturbation is haram forbidden.You need to understand this, the addiction to masturbation, is essentially, the same addiction to crack or heroin.When you're alone you are tempted by the shaitan to engage in sinful behaviour. Thats why maturbation happens mostly when you are alone shaitan will tell you to look at women to do this that etc this act is of shaitan. Another cure pray five times a day and you don't have to or need to masturbate. the praying will keep you a way from doing bad things. I read and i am taking a health scienc class. EDIT: precious star you said if you eat too much you get obese if you do too much masturbating it can harm you.Masturbating is already haram just like wine is haram and drugs.Being obese is not haram in islam of course.

        • What is "energetic food" and why on earth would anyone want to "keep their pubic hair long"?? Where did you come up with such things?

          I'm not saying that addiction to masturbation is not wrong. I'm saying if you can't get married then masturbating is normal. Addiction is an extreme. Obviously, you must channel your daily energies in other activities that keep you too busy to think about loneliness and bring childless, but I doubt there are virgin men out there who are in their 40s and 50s who NEVER masturbate.

          Btw, I'm not a bro, I'm a sister.

          • Well sorry i didn't know your a girl.I disagree with what your saying its not normal to masturbate even if you can't get married prophet muhammed had said to guard your private parts and stay away from doing sexual acts. I just turned 18 i was born in u.s and and i never masturbated.Allah loves those who are clean and pure masturbating is sick and nasty.Smoking may not be mentioned in the quran but smoking can kill you which is a slower way of dying\suicide which is haram. Same with (sexual acts) read Qur'an Muhammed told us to stay away from doing these acts.Theres hundreds of ways to control yourself. from doing this sexual act not only fasting astagfirallah the only time you may masturbate is only when your about to do zina a greater sin.Im not gonna argue masturbate and think that its fine only shaitan is telling you its fine i wanna guide truthseeker to right path not the opposite of which you said.Allah knows best.

  13. Oh forgot one last thing don't say its okay to masturbate and dont influence him by saying its okay to masturbate and to keep on masturbating even if its once a week because truth seeker is sexually fustrated he is probably depressed. And saying that will make it worser for him especially when he has been masturbating since he was 11 hes most likely addicted to masturbation just like when you get addicted to something thats sinful like sexual acts music drugs you will start to forget prayers and stop reading Qur'an and going to the mosque.

  14. There is nothing wrong with mastrubation ,it keeps you from having sex ,it refrains you

    • You can masturbate if your about to commit zina better to do the smaller sin then the minor ones.Also H do you think prophet muhammad and jesus (pbut) would masturbate and sexually fantasize about woman? I wanna see you people answer this now. 🙂

      • Abdul, prophet Muhammad PBUH was married -- many times. We don't know if Jesus was married because the Quran does not speak of that part of his life.

        We are speaking of masturbation in the context if someone who cannot get married. You are 18 years old. If you are still single 20 years from now, you can come back on this forum and tell everyone you did not masturbate nor did you fantasize about women. Ok?

        • Yes im 18 and i am very religious when im outside i lower my gaze as i was taught since i was a kid i dont watch movies such as with woman half naked nothing close to that.I pray my 5 daily prayers AND i read Qur'an daily why would i do such thing whalah it might not be common to find many people who never masturbated but i am among the people who hadn't yet its like your saying that every human in this planet masturbates IMPOSSIBLE not true you probably dont talk with teenagers or adults much about this subject who are you to say every human masturbates not possible.As for Muhammad pbuh he first got married at age 25 what about the 12 or 14 years?He never sinned in his life? My own imam talked to me about masturbation its influence from shaitan he will tell you when you are alone to do it then porn then leads to zina.Any sexual acts such as zina masturbation porn is all from influence of shaitan.ALLAHFIZ STOP THE REPLYS this will go on forever!! lol...

    • My friend when you masturbate you have to use your brain to think about women etc.This leads to greater sins such as haram movies then what zina? Big sins start with small sins.

  15. Heres proof masturbation is haram its a 3 min video watch it and this is a well known scholar btw.I can show you many vids of scholars saying masturbating is a sin but this is one of the best .

  16. Dear Brother;

    Welcome to Islam. May ALLAH SWT keep u staedfast and on the right track, Ameen because reverts are the real assets of Islam. In fact u are lucky that were guided at a young age. Forget about what u were doing in ur previous faith and now u have direct connect with ALLAH SWT. U should leave ur confession box where u said all to the priests or minister. All u need is to ask everything from ALLAH SWT and reveal all ur pasts to him only.

    If u are still in this bad habit even after reverting which is strictly haram, then it means that ur Salah has deficiencies which needs to be corrected. Simple as that. Work more upon ur DEEN ISLAM and try to learn from some scholars, books, articles. U have a lot to learn and once u start studying about ISLAM, u will not find the time for haram acts. These bad habits develop more and shaitan deceives him/her when one has nothing to do.

    I delved upon this subject in this website under the title, "Masturbation and its Alternatives;" Is Ghusl Necessary? where u will find very useful information under my name, .

    May ALLAH SWT protect u further from Shaitan. Ameen.


  17. Bismillahi-Rahmanir-Raheem,

    As-salaamualakum dear brother,

    I do not know if you have found your answer yet and conquered this issue (as I am aware this post is from a long time ago [I joined today], but I too have struggled with this problem for a while. In my humble opinion and now 20 years of life on Earth, I am certain that masturbation is ultimately haram: I understand everyone has their demons (or qareens), but it is true that Islam is the truth and a way of life; and in Islam we ARE supposed to guard are "private parts". We are supposed to get married asap, as this completes our deen and shields us from many sins, in addition to naturally fulfilling emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.

    I actually have done a lot of research on this topic, as SubhanaAllah, there is a reason why we have a conscious that "tells us" this act is not pleasing to our creator's eyes (figuratively speaking). There are many harms that this act leads to/is tied with: porn, loss of hair (esp. for those brother's already pre-dispositioned to hair loss via DHT sensitivity), loss of nerve receptors (due to prolonged dopamine exposure) and genital development, loss of general vitality (and an increase in aging in general), and premature ejaculation, etc. And you are definitely not increasing any of your good deeds obviously because in order to get off you have to fantasize about haram acts/things with or without the aid of porn ( a whole other topic that needs to be addressed by itself if present in a believer's life!). And for women, which I am not even comfortable addressing, masturbation is DEFINATELY haram (not just because of my gender [a male]) but because I know a little about this subtopic: I remember reading women weren't allowed to at all, because they would likely pop/tear the seal to their virginity in the process by the act, etc, according to Dr. Ahmed Sakr's book on matrimonial education; and not only that, a woman's parts are internal and the act is even more physically damaging-no virgin girl will keep her seal intact! Similarly, masturbation for men was said to be haram and/or extremely disliked unless they felt the need to rape someone (which does happen unfortunately and as awkward/gross as that sounds).

    Since you are a man though, I will address our gender specifically, with both scientific (ignoring its secularity and Islamic reasoning. Every time a man masturbates, he is essentially losing not only sperm but vital nutrients, namely zinc. This is why men experience hair loss and/or weakness of body, particularly genital retardation. Bodybuilders do not masturbate for this reason alone. It hampers muscle growth too because your body would rather support your ability to reproduce and pass on your genes than regenerate your body, due to being stressed from constantly using all your vitamins toward your semen/sperm. Another way of looking at this is hair loss in general: if your body lacks protein during survival mode, people lose hair (explains why healthy ppl w/o hair problems lose hair during stressful times in life). There are much more evidence for the negative effects of masturbation but I'll stop here because I believe I am ranting, lol.

    One more thing, it is true that your body (AllahuAkbar) is very complex and intelligently designed: it knows the difference between a woman and a hand/etc. So for those saying it is healthy, you are wrong, because the act of it releases different hormones other than those produced with a halal partner. Please research more on the subject if you guys don't believe my claims (astagfirullah, why would I want to lie to my fellow bothers and sisters in Islam in the first place?).

    Lastly, in Islam, a man and woman were created for each other: and although I do not approve of all the secular things I am being taught in my university education, in biology I do agree that shape determines function, and as inappropriate as that may sound, SubhanaAllah, a married woman and a man who protected their private parts are like a personal lock and a key for each other. Indeed in the Noble Qur'an, it says that we are garments for each other!

    And Allah SWT knows best:)

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