Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is my friend still considered a virgin?

Henna hands, Henna designs

Hello dear brothers and sisters,

I have posted on this website before when I was in a very hard time in my life, and this website and your kind comments have made me realise that I was not a bad person but simply a human being and like everyone made mistakes.

I took your advice and repented to God it was a hard and long jounery and it was not easy but elhamdoALLAH I have come out a stronger Muslim girl.

This time I am posting on behalf on one of my muslim friends who also committed a sin and would like advice on what to do.

Like me a boy took advantage of her and she got into a haram relationship, elhamdoALLAH she has realized her mistake and has began repenting to ALLAH, however she has one concern.

While she was in this relationship the guy touched her private part (with his hand). She would like to know is she still a virgin? She did not have sex with him but she is unsure, she said no blood came out and her hymen was not broken.

She has talked to a nurse and the nurse said that she is healthy and has not contracted any disease.

So just a general question does being touched in this way by another guy mean that she is not a virgin anymore even if she has not had sex with him?

Thank you,

- Mimi1698

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25 Responses »

  1. She is Virgin! Losing virginity mean having sexual intercourses for first time it does not you will bleed because you could break hymen before you have sex by doing sports or riding so she just need ask for allah's forgiveness and stay away from sin and pray to allah all the time.

  2. Sister your friend is still a virgin far as I know from what you have written,
    She must repent and ask Allah for forgiveness.

  3. If she had not had any intercourse with the boy then she is still a virgin however she will need to repent sincere.

  4. You all saying what i said so basically no point wasting your time comment here answer somewhere else where it need be answered thanks

    • Maz,

      Even if 100 people answer saying the same thing as you, they are not wasting their time. Just as you want to offer advice, so do they. So no need for that kind of strange 'don't touch my cyber space' sort of attitude, thank you.

      SisterZ Editor

  5. in my view, if it wasn't a skin to skin contact, then she's a virgin..

    if she's done everything but the sexual intercourse, i'd still say she's not a virgin.

    • Thats your view but she is still a virgin based on what the sister has said on the post she has not had full intercourse with the man thus she is still a virgin.
      Oxford dictionaries definition of a virgin ' typically a woman, who has never had sexual intercourse

    • Brother Naseem,
      what is Quran, sunnah and scholars view on this? Please could you find out before accusing someone of zina (tawbah). And, if your view is not in line with Islamic view, then you need to repent and in future, please keep your unIslamic views in your pocket. Thanks.

      • taubah nauzobillah, i didn't accuse her of anything.. i'm not a perfect muslim either. i think she asked in general terms, so i gave a general answer. and i'm not a brother i'm a sister.

        my view is based on my reasoning. i didn't answer it in islamic context, if i weren't supposed to then i'm sorry to her..

        and since we're at it, i would also like to know some verses of holy quran or the ruling of fiqah on this issue..

        • Your answers should not be in general context it has to be given with the backing of the Islamic teachings with sources included.

        • sister Naseem, pardon me for mistaking you to a brother. Please see below:

          What is considered Zina? Does penetration constitute it? How about masturbation through a prostitute?


          In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
          All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
          Dear brother in Islam, we would like to thank you for showing keenness on learning the teachings of Islam, and we appreciate the great confidence you have in us. We hope our efforts meet your expectations.

          Islam has taken a firm and decisive stance against Zina (fornication or adultery). Allah, the Almighty, commands in explicit and unequivocal words: “And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way.” (Al-Israa’: 32)

          Thus, Islam not only prohibits Zina, but also closes all the avenues and means leading to it. This is achieved by prohibiting every step and means leading to stimulating desires, opening ways for illicit sexual relations between men and women, and promoting indecency and obscenity.

          In his book Fiqh As-Sunnah, the late Egyptian scholar Sheikh Sayyed Sabiq, may Allah bless his soul, states:
          “Any illegal sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is subject to a severe punishment prescribed by the Shari’ah. The Fuqahaa’ (Muslim jurists) have unanimously agreed that Zina is constituted by the penetration of the penis into a “forbidden” vagina, deliberately (i.e. not being forced to), and with no doubt of marriage (i.e. marriage that is deemed invalid but the couple don’t know), even if there is no ejaculation.

          As for other sexual acts of foreplay which do not result in intercourse, there is no Hadd (prescribed punishment) for it as in the case of Zina. However, the Muslim ruler or judge has the right to give Ta’zeer (disciplinary punishment) for those who indulge in those forbidden activities.

          The proof that those acts are not subject to the punishment of Zina is the Hadith reported by Ibn Mas’ood, may Allah be pleased with him, stating that a man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and said:
          “O Messenger of Allah, I sported with a woman in the outskirts of Madina . . . [and] committed an offence, short of fornication. . . . Kindly deliver verdict on me.” `Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said to him: “Allah concealed your fault. You had better conceal it yourself also.” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, gave no reply to him, so the man stood up and went away. Thereupon the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, sent a person after him to call on him and recite to him: “And keep up prayer in the two parts of the day and in the first hours of the night; surely good deeds take away evil deeds this is a reminder to the mindful.” (Hud 11:115) Following this, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, dismissed the man, telling him: “Allah has exempted you from the imposition of Hadd, or from your sin.” Someone who was present at the time asked the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, whether such clemency related only to that individual. “No, but for the people at large,” the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said reassuring all believers. (Reported by Muslim, At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawood.)”

          This does not mean that other behaviors such as kissing, hugging, caressing, heavy petting, etc. are not prohibited, but the requirements needed to justify a harsh punishment of Zina are strict. They are not considered major Zina, but they fit into the category of minor Zina which is also prohibited.

          Obviously, couples can engage in all these activities without being exposed to witnesses and thus avoid punishment in this life. But they still must answer to Allah, the Almighty, who, in no uncertain terms, admonishes against any sexual contact outside of marriage.

          In an authentic Hadith reported by Ahmad, it is narrated that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The eyes commit Zina, the hands commit Zina and feet commit Zina and the genitals commit Zina.” (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith no. 4258) In another Hadith, he is reported to have said that [b]“the genitals confirm or deny it.”[b/] (indicating that starring at opposite sex in a lustful way has a spontaneous effect on the genitals and may induce person to commit Zina).

          Thus, in light of the above, it's clear that masturbation through a prostitute is absolutely Haram (forbidden) though it is not subject to the same punishment of Zina (100 lashes for unmarried person; stoning to death to the married one). A person who indulges in these activities should make sincere repentance to Allah by giving up this sin, feeling regretful for what he has done and ask Allah the Almighty to forgive him.

          May Allah protect us from this evil act and guard us against all ways that lead to it.
          Do keep in touch. If you have any other question, don't hesitate to write to us.



          Therefore, the sister in question, her friend was extremely close/near to comitting zina but Alhamdulillah never happened. Her friend needs to repent to Allah (swt) sincerely and never ever go near that sin again.

          • thank you for giving me a detailed reply. however, it's on zina, not on the definition of virginity.

            or maybe it has.. since it differentiates between minor zina and major zina.

            which means when you commit zina, you lose your virginity, be it minor zina or major zina? afterall, zina is zina, no?

          • Sister Naseem,
            Yes, exactly. It is on virgnity and not zina. Your initial, post said that any skin to skin contact breaks virginity. Meaning, when a boy and a girl just holds hand, does one's virginity breaks??? No, it doesn't. Your first comment related to zina issue and not virginity.

            correct me if I am wrong. You are also saying that any skin to skin contact (breaks virginity) should result to 100lashes (before marriage) or stone to death (if married) because for you whether minor or major, zina is zina, no? If that is the view you hold, then it is not within Islamic law or ruling.

            Anyways, at the end of the day Allah (swt) with His Will, will judge our actions by our intention. We don't know nor the sister in question knows what her friend's intention was. Maybe, the guy's intention was zina but the girl just maybe wanted to talk to him. It could be anything. That is why, Islam says, don't go near it.

            Allah (swt) knows best.

  6. i can't see the reply tab on your comment, so i'm replying here.

    first of all, chill and relax. with an open mind mind read her question again and then my reply and then your reply.

    by the way, she did ask the question in general terms. now it's only her who can clarify what she meant.

    and so my reply was meant generally, i didn't talk about zina, you talked about zina.

    and now you're putting words in my mouth. of corse, i didn't mean that if a guy and a girl touch hands, they'd lose virginity. this is how wisely and subtly i could put it when i said "skin to skin" contact. do u want me to elaborate more?

    but anyhow this is my view and i still stick to my opinion, unless of corse somebody gives me a good islamic reason to change it.

    • Sister, alhamduliallh, at my end here, I am relaxed 🙂
      I am not trying to put words in your mouth. I just reread the posted question and it is talking about validation of virgnity (from islam and science view=general, not personal view). The sister in question was asking generally, but if you go back to your original post, it says, if they have done everything apart from sexual intercourse, you hold it as no longer virgin. what does that mean? And is your view from Islam, science, both or none?
      If the sister in question takes your view to her friend, her friend could go into depression or something.

      And please pardon me for misunderstanding your post, and it was not only me who misunderstood your post.

      May Allah (swt) forgives me and all of us for our incorrect judgement and lack of intellicate. May He protects us and our off-springs from bad.ameen.

      • Sisters, thank you very much for your comments. In the question I was talking about the ISLAMIC point of losing virginity , my opinion/thoughts was that you must have FULL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE to not be a virgin and have commited major zina, that is what I told my friend but she wanted an islamic view. Everyones opinion is different about who is a virgin some think that any touched girl is not a virgin even if it is only hugging and some think it is full sex , which is the islamic difination, that was all my friend wanted to know whether she had comited major or minor of course this is not a small act but it does come under the minor, thank you for your time and Parveen for the similar story that was answered by a schoolor your kind words and information was very helpful. sister naseem I see where you are coming from but that is your opinion not the islamic difination.


        • cool.

        • What it all comes down to is wilfull penetration or acceptance of it. If you are raped....physically your hymen is gone...but for all intents you are a virgin because you did not will it. Allah doesnt punish us for what we didnt will. So heavy foreplay or touching is sinful...but if you were not.penetrated...then there was no zina and you are a virgin.

  7. Well I agree with Naseem.In the first post, it was written that if 'everything' besides sexual intercourse was done, then the person involved is not a virgin.If we explore the word 'everything', then in explicit meaning, it includes genital to oral, hand to genital, feet to genital sex, kissing, mutual masturbation, fisting,etc.I cannot call such a person a virgin even if that person boasts about his/her virginity.Besides, some people think vaginal intercourse takes away virginity, what about anal?
    But even if one doesn't have anal sex, she/he is still not a virgin if all of those earlier mentioned acts are done.This is my view.You can call it unislamic if you want.Perhaps you feel that a person who hasn't done any of these things is the same virgin as another 'virgin' who has done them repeatedly(and repented after every indulgence too! what a conscience), not just a one time 'mistake', as many people like to put it.Now I know many replies will include that I have created degrees of virginity, but if a person would tell me she is a virgin after doing all those things, I would be offended.According to me, a virgin is one who abstains, thoroughly.Isn't masturbation enough of a deviant force, that we need all these too?
    Musht Zani is the only act that still keeps virginity, even that is haraam.But I guess many people want to include deep tongue kissing in 'virgin limits' too...

    • Salam,

      from your post I gathered:

      Done EVERYTHING (touched/played around ALL parts of the opposite body) apart from the actual intercourse part, then from Islam view the individual is no longer virgin/have comitted zina/forincated (sex before marriage)

      If above is your 'Islam' view, then please could you go in the following post and CORRECT every advisor by telling them that the brother in question is no longer virgin and has committed ZINA. Ensure to back your points with Quranic ayats and hadiths:

      • Dear bikram,

        Please read the post carefully, she has not done everything she has not commited anal oral or sexual intercourse , Even so after reading from several different sites , the only way a girl can lose her virgnity is through sexual intercourse that is the islamic defination, what you have written is your opinion.


  8. its basically like a tampon, you pt it in for bleeding and that idiot touched you but you had no intercourse therefore praise to all mighty allh that your perfectly alrtight but ask allah to forgive you mayallah bless you

  9. Dear Sister,

    Tell your friend that at the end of the day, what matters is Allah's SWT opinion. Anyone here can have an opinion and tell you what they think is the right answer. Some of them can be easy and blissful to read and some of them can be scary and hard to bear hearing. Like everyone else I will add my own but mine is based on personal experience. I too suffered similar turmoil and may Allah SWT forgive us and protect us always. Ameen. I suffered an expense at the hands of a man (a Muslim man). But you know what? I was protected by Allah SWT because I too did not commit the major Zina. There was never a sexual intercourse Al7emdoulillah. But I was still troubled knowing what I did was haram. So below was an advise from a Muslim Counselor. Please share it with your friend and I hope it helps anyone.

    By Dr. Maryam Bachmeier

    First, I want to praise you for being so strong. You did not give in and you are so precious. This experience has enlightened you to the fact that there are many men out there whose intentions are not so pure. A young woman in her 20’s and 30’s will indeed become attracted sexually to a man. This is only natural. That is one reason among many that we keep ourselves away from men.

    The fact is our body has no sense at all. It likes what it likes, and wants what it wants. And, if we let our body’s desire rule us, our heart will be broken. Some men are honorable and will respect this and protect us from being put in that position. Others will take advantage of that. We women are vulnerable. It is wrong for a man to take advantage of that. Many men use the excuse that if a woman puts herself in a situation where something can happen, then it is her fault. And, most of us Muslim women really try hard not to be in that situation. But, as human women, we get lonely and long to be with a man, and sometimes we do end up alone with a man.

    The man that you were with took advantage of you. He knew you were vulnerable and he knew that he was not looking for a wife. He put you in a position to get hurt. Some of our brothers need Honor 101, it is a sad thing. This man never had any intentions of being with you, and you are absolutely doing the correct thing by cutting off all communication with him. Please remain strong and do not talk to him again.

    There was a day when a good man would notice a vulnerable woman and not touch her, and if his intentions were not to peruse her for permanent marriage, he would encourage her to go home, talk to her mother, and keep herself away from men until marriage. These men are hard to find, and women seem to be like free candy to many, even to our Muslim Brothers. And it is true that our society may be giving our brothers the message that a woman’s body is no longer to be protected as so many of the modern women have forgotten themselves. But our Qur’an tells us not to sin against our own soul, and indeed, a woman’s soul and body cannot be separated. Penetrate the body, you penetrate the soul. Violate the body, you violate the soul. You were protected by ALLAH Alhamduillah. He did not penetrate you, and you can recover from this.

    I speak candidly and straight to the heart with truth. You have done well. Purity is important for so many reasons.

    You have already taken the first and most important step in getting yourself and your soul back after this experience. You stopped all communication with this man who is not interested in making you his wife.

    The next step is to heal. You do this by prayer. Prayer changes everything about who you are. It changes your physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual self. Pray for Forgiveness from Allah for allowing yourself to be put in Haram’s way. Allah is All Forgiving. With the knowledge that Allah Forgives, forgive yourself. You cannot judge yourself or be angry with yourself when you experience the All Forgiveness and Endless Love of Allah. This will purify you from the inside out, and your soul will be renewed.

    You will never lose the wisdom you gained from this experience, but you will experience purity again. Once you have completely accepted the Cleansing Love and Forgiveness of Allah, you will easily forgive your brother who took advantage of you. Alhamdulillah, he did not take your virginity, but he still wronged you, as his intentions toward you were not admirable or honorable. And, if you had given him the chance, he would have taken you illegally. But, our brothers are as confused and lonely as we are in our contemporary society. Many think that women want to have sex outside of marriage as they are receiving mixed messages.

    Most men don’t really want to hurt women or take advantage of them but they also are being told that they are not real men if they don’t have sex with them, without the responsibility of marriage. So, praise Allah for not only saving you, but for saving your Brother in Islam from this ignorance and potentially damaging sin. The Brothers sin against their own souls as well, and they are damaged too, they may not realize this, but it is true. With your new level of enlightenment, you can easily forgive this brother. When you do, you will reach even a higher level of spirituality and spiritual purity. The purity of the body is only the beginning. The completeness of our deen (religion) requires a refinement and purification of our minds, our emotions, and our soul. My sister, you are much closer than you think. You will not only be untainted as before, but better.

    This brings us to deen. It is often stated that marriage is one half our deen. Our deen is the very life we live. Indeed, we live in a world where so many men refuse to marry a woman who will not have sex with them first. This is haram (sinful). The men are “test driving” the car. Then if they are not completely satisfied, they refuse to buy the car. But, they are never completely satisfied, because buying the car means you have to maintain the car. Maintenance of a car means responsibility. You cannot own a car without working for the money with which to maintain it, or doing labor such as changing the oil, or the tires, etc. The bottom line is a man cannot have a car unless he is willing to care for the car. (Isn’t it interesting how we name cars, ships, planes….she?).

    Now, it is just wrong to “test drive” a woman as if she is a car. She has a soul. You cannot give her back once you take her. Oh, no sir, you have to keep her and take care of her, otherwise you just are not an honorable man. Plain and simple! And woman, you must realize your value, and not let a man steal you as some bad men steel cars, and don’t let him use you, and don’t let him test drive you.

    My sister, if you want marriage, let the whole Muslim Community know that you are available for Marriage…and be firm. Marriage or nothing! You are very young. There is no doubt there is a man out there who will appreciate having Quality, rather than quantity. And that is you, you are indeed quality.

    It is better to remain a virgin your entire life and “marry humanity” for the sake of Allah. In this way, you will complete your deen. Do good works, make yourself available for marriage. Keep a good brother (family member if possible) as an escort and protector so that the next time a suitor shows interest in you, he will not think he can touch you until marriage. If the world has degenerated to the point where a man will not marry you without touching you first, then, don’t marry. That may sound harsh and very difficult to do but you will be happier on the inside if you follow this advice.

    Woman’s heart is so delicate, and part of the reason our society is falling apart is because women are falling apart, because too many women are sinning against their own souls and allowing less than honorable men hurt them.

    So, please, start with prayer, forgive yourself as Allah Forgives you, then forgive your brother; get yourself sane and mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy and be available for the path that Allah has destined for you.

    I will make dua (supplication) for you Inshallah.

    • Masha Allah, Long but so very true, inspiring, uplifting insight by Dr. Maryam Bachmeier. I will keep it for future use iA and highly recommend everyone to read this to benefit.

      Thanks for sharing.


  10. I also wanted to add this

    "Remember that you are pure. Purity is in the heart first and foremost. You have not lost your innocence. Alhamdulillah, ALLAH protected you. The only love that is pure is the love of ALLAH, and this is the love you will ultimately love with. So, focus on getting closer to that love, by getting closer to ALLAH. You are not going to feel attached to this man for much longer. The time is near and you will have moved through these emotions.

    Once you get in touch with who you are and what your needs are, you will be aware that your needs are real, and even intense, but that this man and this relationship in no way met your needs. Once you know what your needs are, you will be able to receive a real life man that ALLAH has destined for you as your husband. Don’t settle for anything less. ".

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