Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is my Pakistani boyfriend lying to me, is he already married back home?

Is he living two lives?

I have a Muslim boyfriend, and just recently a girl e-mailed me from Pakistan telling me that I am a home wrecker, and that she is my boyfriend's fiance. I demanded that my boyfriend tell me what's going on, but he denies being engaged, and he denies even knowing this girl. She sent me pictures of my boyfriend with a lei around his neck, and said that this means that he was engaged.

I am in the US, and I don’t know what that means? I showed him the pictures, and he said it was just a party he went to when he was in Pakistan. I don’t know what to believe. Another thing is if it is true why is she telling me I am a home wrecker, when I think that she is a home wrecker. I have been with my boyfriend for four years, and we have been talking about marriage, and for the past half year we have been looking to buy a house to live in when we start a family together.

He keeps telling me that his life is with me. The last time he went to Pakistan was last summer, so I know I was in his life first.

What is happening? I’m very confused and I don’t know who to believe.

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43 Responses »

  1. Salaam my Sister,

    What an awful predicament.

    The truth is, nothing will ease your mind except total proof of his marital status and situation. The only thing at this stage that he can do is to introduce you to his family and marry you.

    Also, be aware that boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is haram (forbidden) in Islam, and being in boyfriend-girlfriend situation with a Muslim puts you in a vulnerable position as family are likely to see you as taking him away from religion (even if this is not the case). Engagement is not an Islamic process either, it may be that his parent's bethrothed him to this girl, but even if that were the case in Islam there are only two distinctions of male-female relationship: married or not married. That's it.

    I would also advise that you do not harbour hatred or bad feelings towards this other woman until you know her status / situation. Whatever the truth of the situation is, it is your boyfriend's responsiblity to handle it and control it. I would have additonal questions: how did she get your contact information? Where did she find your email? Are you positive of her identity - it is a sad fact that there are many jealous women out there who seek to destroy the happiness of others.

    I am not familiar with the wedding traditions of Pakistan, so I am afraid I can't help you on reading the signifance of the neck photo.



  2. Dear Sarai, I agree with Leyla.

    The only way to know this person is serious about you is if he brings his family to your house to formally ask for your hand in marriage - with no time wasting.

    It may be the case that this person has been engaged to this girl in Pakistan against his will but doesnt know how to release himself from this. This is a common but extremely 'Jaahil' custom in many Pakistani families. I am of Pakistani origin but have never heard about the 'lei around the neck' tradition.

    If this person does not formally propose to you through his family very soon, I would advise you to distance yourself from him. Let him sort his issues out and then come back to you with an offer of marriage (with his family) if he is really serious.

    I will reiterate Leyla's words to you Sarai - boyfriend/girlfriend type relationships are strictly forbidden by Allah. Furthermore, if you want clarity, guidance and barakah in your life, refrain from what is haraam and run towards what is halaal. If you want what you love, then do what Allah loves.


  3. ok sister, the possibility that he is already engaged/married is more likely than that girl is lying or his family knows and one of them is pretending to be his wife/fiance to ruin your relationship. both are possibilities. if the first is true, i know you love him, but how can you spend your whole entire life wth someone who lied about something so big? what does this say about him as a person? you could be next. men are men, the minute he gets tired of you, he will move on to someone else and you will be accusing another girl of being a homewrecker when infact it is your man who is the homewrecker. the second thing is i don't know how she got your contact info. maybe everything she is claiming is fake? or maybe she saw your email in his email, which ofcourse a wife does have access to a husband's email account or fiance's. next thing is, does his family know about you? in pakistan, arranged marriages are the way for most families. finding your own girl is a big deal. pakistan is a very conservative society in which there is no such thing as premarital relationships/sex in the general population. and if you are from a rural background, they might kill the girl or boy involved. so i am pretty sure he might be very scared to tell his family, since pakistani guys don't generally tell their families of their white girlfreinds. some of them have wives back home but still marry or mess around with girls here. comming from such a strict conservative society, as soon as these guys come to "free" countries, they go wild. don't give a kid candy ever, but accidentally leave him in a candy factory unattended and see what happens. they go wild! nightclubs, fudging girls, porn, drinking. many of these guys, regardless of what they are doing, have no respect for western girls. they can not respect a girl who is so sexually free because in their society an ideal wife is a beautiful virgin. some marry for status and immigration. some marry cuz they are old and will settle for anything. in pakistani culture, they marry for such things like money, job, caste, social status.

  4. lemme finish here, sorry. things like money, job. caste, social status, beauty, family background, and i dunno what else. so for him to marry you for green card is not such a big deal or bad thing, if infact that is one of his intentions. but for you, it might be a heartbreaker. in your country, you marry people for love. he may, in fact love you very much. i don't know him. i know some white girl, pakistani guy couples who have been married for years. i know some non-white girl and pakistani couples as well of which the husbands actually had wives back home. one of them i know fudged around with many girls while having a wife back home and then invited us to his second marriage. i don't mean to offend you with the term "white", but that's just what my guess is. i don't know your nationality, british or us so i can't say that. the final thing with pakistani guys, family is a big thing. sons are raised to grow up and support their parents financially. daughters in laws are expected to srve their husbands and mother in laws, especially in people of rural background. if you are upper class, then the servants do all the work. . or just for the simple fact that you are white, you might get superb treatment from him and the in-laws.

    • "Anonymous", I don't know if you read my previous reply to your comment (and yes, I have no doubt you are the same person). I removed the multiple links that you posted. I don't mind a comment that includes a link to a relevant website, but when you routinely post comments that have seven or eight links, all to one website, that is spamming in my opinion. And when you comment anonymously, it is doubly suspicious. There's a difference between writing a relevant comment with a helpful link, and posting multiple links to the same website. Last warning.

      • no i didn't read your previous comment sorry. i will take care from now on. i am the same person if you are talking about the girlsguide2survival website. no, i am not spamming and being a stay at home mom i have no idea what spamming means. i was only tring to help these girls, otherwise why waste my time here? isn't everyone anonymous here. i mean they have names, but we don't know who they really are. you should not have removed my links from the post of the girl who was being bullied from her in-laws, if that is what you were talking about. obviously u are male, and do not understand the seriousness of such issues. anyways, modern computer stuff is too complicated for me! actually i'll have to search the word spamming and see the defination so that i know exactly what not to do from now on.

    • Hi Anonymous

      Thank you for sharing your racist views with the entire forum. It is amazing how easily you categorised Pakistani men as being opportunistic and deceitful.

      For your information I am a Pakistani. I have been living in Australia for the over four years and Alhumdolillah have not gone ‘wild in the candy factory’. In my four years here I have met hundreds of my fellow Pakistani brothers from all walks of life and all parts of Pakistan and Alhumdolillah most of them are stand up human beings. Every day we struggle to ensure that our actions do not disgrace our religion, our country and ourselves. What gives you the right to call us opportunistic? There are black sheep in every society but to condemn every Pakistani for the sins of a few is stupid.

      BTW You are right that Pakistani society does not approve of premarital sex and the reason for that is Allah (SWT) forbids it and Pakistani men are brought up to take care of their parents because, again, Allah commands it. I am proud of the fact that our society strives to act upon Allah’s commandments. We are not always successful but at least we do not dismiss Allah’s commandments because they are inconvenient or “conservative”.

    • this is true i no some guys who are like that be careful

  5. i been knowing this pakistani man for 2 years we talkd everyday he said he has never been married and wants to marry me. he is a teacher and has a big family i talked to him all the family members even the mother i guess it is his family on the phone the mother only speaks pashtun. I was supposed to go to pakistan last year but did not make bec i am so afraid of pakistan. he then attempted to comitt suicide 2 time taken poisen. he was in the hospital for many days. i love him very much i think he is a good man but how do u really know the usa never gives visa easy to pakistan people or msulim. so we decide to meet in dubai very soon. but i want to make sure he is not married i have no way of knowing. he applie for visa three times and everytime they turned him down. i know many muslim want to marry non muslim women some for a green card some for better lfe but i think there are many good muslim and are kind and honest but how can u tell.
    can anyone help

    • anna, if you want a detailed answer to your question then please log in and write your question as a draft. My very short answer would be do not travel to Dubai to meet this guy and do not continue your relationship with him, as he is emotionally unstable. I don't know whether he really attempted suicide or just told you that to manipulate you. Either way he's not a stable and balanced person. I believe a relationship with him would be a mistake.

      Wael Editor

    • yes anna, there are definitely a lots of good muslims an good pakistanis. i am also a Pakistani man but i agree with Wael , this guy doesn't sound normal or true.

    • hey anna just to let you know tat one of my friend (spanish back round) fell in love with a pakistani guy and he tried to commit suicide and all that so she got married to him she helped him getting his citizenship in canada toronto. when he got his permenent residense status he told the girl that i am going to pakistan if u want u can come with me the girl refused to ofcource she had no idea how things work in pakistan so he left her. You seem to be a nice girl because u r feeling guilty that he tried to commit suicide what if he does that every time when you get married to him do you wana go through this for the rest of your life.

  6. In Islam it is acceptable to have more than one wife so some guys get under some pressure from their parents to marry one of the uncle's daughter.I knew few guys who got married for their green card or other sextual reasons but they also marry some one later on in pakistan since the other wife will be to much younger and would obey them with less drama.The kids from the second marriage will be raised in the islamic culture.

  7. It seems that pakistani man are getting popular.... I always knew how to stand up for myself and not get involved with boys/love (until i have finished at my university).
    But somehow a good pakistani friend of mine ( I am iraqi, born in europe) became more than a friend. I find it really hard to take a step back but i have to because first of all i am aware that having a relationship is haram.
    Second he has a girlfriend... He tells me he loves me and he wants to end things with her only it's hard because they have so many memories.
    I know I shouldn't believe him besides this is not the only thing that is bad about him.
    But the last year i have cut the chains so many times. Deleted him out of my life. But he comes back, he never gives up. AND he doesn't give up on her either.

    Does someone know how to deal with this? Any suggestion is welcome.

    • Powerless - you know how Shaytaan promised he would do his best to drag us down with him to hell; well see the attraction you have towards this man as just that - its Shaytaan at play.

      If he was serious about you, he'd have take the halaal steps to marry you along time ago; instead he is using you to two time his current girlfriend.


      You cannot make this man change, but you can change yourself. Do everything you can to distance yourself from him; be that changing phone numbers, changing uni (if its that bad); tell him to leave you alone.

      Furthermore keep reminding yourself that this man is using you to two time his girlfriend(which is immoral), he is committing major sins by having a relationship with a non-mahram woman and his negative influence in your life is pleasing to Shaytaan. However, if you take steps to distance yourself from him, this will no doubt be pleasing to Allah hopefully.

      Remember Allah(swt)'s words:

      [Kahf 18:28] And restrain yourself along with those who pray to their Lord morning and evening, seeking His pleasure; and may not your sight fall on anything besides them; would you desire the adornment of the life of this world? And do not follow him whose heart We have made neglectful of Our remembrance – the one who has followed his own desires and his matter has crossed the limits.

      [Kahf 18:29] And proclaim that, "The Truth is from your Lord"; so whoever wills may accept faith, and whoever wills may disbelieve - We have indeed prepared for the disbelievers a fire the walls of which will surround them; if they plead for water, their plea will be answered with water like molten metal which shall scald their faces; what an evil drink it is; and what an evil destination is hell!

      [Kahf 18:30] Indeed those who believed and did good deeds - We do not waste the reward of those whose deeds are good.

      [Kahf 18:31] For them are everlasting Gardens of Eden, beneath which rivers flow - in it they will be given bracelets of gold to adorn, and shall wear green clothes made of fine silk and gold embroidery, reclining upon thrones in it; what an excellent reward; and what an excellent abode is Paradise!

      SisterZ Editor

      • Sister, thank you for you're advice. It supports me letting this man go. May Allah bless u.

        • chr
          Hi I have a muslm boyfriend and we love each other very much his family fund out about us and dos not aprove of us I want to know what I can do to get his familys apovel I love him vey much and he loves me and it is killing him that his family dos not aprove of us hes family are giving him such a hard time over us
          I want to become muslim and marry him but I dont think it will be anoth we did talk about getting married is there anything I can do I love this guy more then anything in world and would do anything for him and I know he loves me very deeply I dont want him to loos his family over this I cant have hiom loos his family for me but I dont know what to do cos I cant give up on him and he cant give mw what can we do please this is really killing him and im worried about him

          and I would have to say out of all my friends my muslim friends have more respect for me then my white friends

          Usman is right it dos not matter where you come from you will always get your bad eggs and every muslim person I have ever met I would be happy to say they are my friends.

  8. me and my Pakistani boyfriend met when we were in highschool. he was a senior and i was a junior. we studied in an international school, mixed with boys and girls. so, the usual boy-meets-girl story got going, he always went to my classroom every morning, bringing his guitar. from the moment he talked to me, i knew something will be VERY DIFFERENT. i saw sparks between us, the way we looked at each other was different from looking at our friends. a week or two passed, we exchanged phone numbers and texted like crazy. he knew where my whereabouts were, even when i'm making my way to the church. i'm born a single kid, Catholic and from Philippines.
    somewhere along those texts, i knew he had feelings for me. when it was eid, me and my family went to a family vacation outside the country. that's the time he said he loved me and i knew i loved him back. i responded, of course.. therefore that eid was very special.

    after we came back from our four-day stay, my parents found out. my dad didn't like it, of course considering that he IS a news addict. he watched CNN and BBC and France 24 and all those news channels, even in his sleep making him OVER UPDATED to the world around him. and yes, he doesn't miss how Pakistan is always on the headlines about suicide bombings and the like.
    so, making my "love story" less amazing when it is, dad said a strict "no" because he is a muslim and from pakistan. you know how dads are..

    my mom on the other hand, tried to understand and she is the only person who knew about my relationship with my boyfriend. my mom told me to ask him if his parents knew about us. so i did, but he said that he won't tell just yet.. so, i gave him time. i waited and actually had the patience which was surprising because i'm not that kind of person who has a very long string of patience. but i loved him *and still do* and that fact blinded me.

    but on the fourth month of our relationship, he finally had the courage to let his mom know i exist. we agreed that he will introduce me AS A FRIEND at first but gradually, will take on a step higher. his mom was nice. she had that smile on her face and VERY FORMAL.

    we were a somewhat talk-of-the-town couple. he was pretty heard around the school because he too, was the school president. some teachers knew, but they didn't mind as long as we don't do anything stupid. and we didn't. 5 months passed, and he went to this scholarship thing to Dubai, and i was about to join, but i didn't go because i wanted for him to spend time with his friends considering that that year was his last.

    when he came back, EVERYTHING CHANGED. he became an ass - sorry for my language, but he did- and all we did was fight. we never sat on our special place every morning, and he would always look on how people walked and imitate them. we tried to fix, and it was fixed. we lasted for another three months until summer came.

    summer, i should say IS A FxCKING HOME WRECKER. me and my family *only mom and dad* went to canada, and his family, including ALL sibs and parents went home to pakistan for their cousin's wedding. we exchanged mails, but i sent him more mails than he did because his parents and his whole bunch of family including cousins, nieces and all, were on the same roof AND grandma. the cousin who got married HAS a deep crush on my boyfriend. even her siblings HAVE crushed on my boyfriend's siblings. there was this mail where he described his cousin with GLOWING TERMS. i knew from then on, something was fishy. but i didn't mind and in fact, i was happy because he used to tell me that he hated his cousin before we got together.

    BUT when i was in montreal, a spiral came. i received a mail from him saying that what if he said the most precious three-word sentence to someone else. i knew, right off it was his fxcking cousin. and then he broke up with me.

    i was in deep shock but i knew him. i knew that he wouldn't hurt me and won't neglect me. in my head, i knew it was his stupid home wrecker cousin so was emotionally terrorizing me. black mailing me to get him for her own. i don't get why she sees him, as his own cousin as his POTENTIAL SPOUSE.

    we came back, and we talked things out. he denied that he said that he "love" her or anything because that was downright disgusting. and broke up again, and he also changed 360 degrees. he suddenly was rude to me, and trying to push me AWAY from his life.

    one time, we were both online, but we didn't chat. i saw his statuses that he confessed to his parents. i was so happy at first but i later found out that he confessed his feelings for his fucking whore MARRIED cousin.
    i can't deny that i was a fool for him because i was. i still LOVED him and gave another shot.. we only lasted a month and recently, he just talked bad things at me when a day ago he said that he had plans on picturing us together in his future.

    i just don't get the rage he has against in me.. i mean, his rage is as enough as if i cheated on him and screwed every guy i see on my way.. i didn't..
    i'm confused as of why he just won't talk to me AT ALL and becoming the fail bastard that he is not.

    i still love him, but i'm not showing it. this is my way of letting my feelings burst out because i just can't.. CANNOT take it anymore. it just hurts so bad, and i just want things to be more than the best.
    and i just keep wondering to myself what did i do to make everything wrong.

  9. Islam allows 4 marriages to a male. so, if you want to marry him, let the other one also share him with you. believe me, it will increase your love for him. it will also strengthen his sexual powers

  10. Hi I am a female of Hispanic/Latino background keep in mind ... So I had a Pakistani boyfriend as well but he classified us as married after jst one week we really weren't married but that's how he wanted people to see us so I went along with it Cz I thought it was cute &- his family knew about us also including his aunt, cousins, sisters, etc. And everything was perfect between us we used to talk everyday 24/7 but after like the fifth month together he started acting different &- not to be mean but acting like a total prick we used to tlk see each other everyday stay up all night talkng calling even on Facebook lol (its not official until its on Facebook) xD jk anyways I know it seemed soon but we also talked about marriage and how he saw me in his future as his one &- ONLY love/wife whatever u know .. but around the time that my bday came up so worst 20th bday for me I found out he was cheating on me like 3 days before his 22nd bday so in November till January >.< Cz the girl messages me on Facebook &- Idk how she got my info but she was telling me to stay away from him so and so that they would marry soon and all that &- that I need to stay away &- let them carry on so I was very confused &- when I asked him about her he denied it at first but the more I asked him &- showed him the messages he admitted it &- I did a little snooping of my own &- he had another Facebook account where his status was married to her &- on his main Fb it was married to me but I was so hurt &- confused so we broke up &- I made a mistake of having a "rebound" bf (his names Wajdi) jst so I wouldn't feel lonely now dnt think wrong I NEVER did anything wrong with this rebound all we literally did was just talk Cz he was more like my bro/best friend &- he knew everything that was going on between me &- my x Pakistani bf .. so to make him jealous for cheating me I put on Facebook I was married to Wajdi ... But I nvr really felt love for him like relationship wise jst as a friend &- he understood . So when my x bf found out he decided to block &- delete me Cz he said how could I move on so fast that I cheated on him when we were technically broken up so now I am in California where I was born &.- raised &- he left London &- is now back in Islamabad.. Cz he said he has his business and all &- wanted me to come there to Pakistan but I'm deadly afraid to go so I was honest and told him i wsnt going .. he was ok with it but then we argued about the same past things Cz he thinks I'm flirting and all but I'm not I love him with all my heart but it wasn't until today that I came across some pics of him &- the girl he cheated on me with ... The pics are recent its of them getting married I felt so angry &- destroyed &- I asked him about it but he completely denied it &- said he's not married Idk what to do or believe Cz I have the proof right in front of me &- there's no denying it I cnt seem to understand how he acuses me of cheating when I guess I was dumb &- blind while he had a girl on the side whom he jst married Idk why he would play such a game but he did & I lost now today we jst had a horrible argument &- he just said to never talk to him again but I think he panicked when I started asking him about his marital status &- told him he was completely mad if he thought I was going to b his second wife or share him at all Cz not to offend anyone at all but I jst don't see why someone would share the person they love with someone else ...but I cannot judge the rules of religions.. he Is Muslim I am not but I was going to convert for him I don't hate him I jst hate his actions &- what he did it was wrong but maybe also I was wrong !? &- we are both at fault ... It's jst a bad love story gone wrong ...what should I do Cz forgetting him is not easy I gave him my love my life &- my time :'( it hurts to find out all this Cz he had like a double life ?! O.o &- forgetting isn't easy but I cnt b with a married man and it sux too Cz i was with him first but I'm so angry at him for his marriage behind my back, her for ruining everything, &- at myself for being such a fool !! :'(

  11. i am a pakistani and let me tell you whats happening :

    1-pakistanis have a very strong family system thet They keep their parents and siblings together in Pakistan, if they don’t care for there parents they are banished by rules of islam

    2-Marrying you would mean he would offend his family, for moving outside culture and religion. Also may be he is already committed through a arranged marriage in Pakistan. Plus he may not be totally independent yet, maybe that’s increasing his fears of a family backlash and being kicked out of his home.

    3-Also you should know that a muslim is not supposed to touch, meet a girl before marriage and vice versa, he is the sole property of his wife, both are supposed to be virgins before marriage (that’s what’s in our religion don’t judge by actions of some muslims). So relation ship with you will raise questions about him back home

    4-On the other hand he is in love with you and cannot leave you. And still knows he is going in the wrong direction, something his mother warned him about when he was leaving Pakistan.

    (besides we have stories of 70s and 80s when many of our uncles etc etc married a foreigner and in their old age they were either kicked out or their children left them with no place for them to go to, I guess similar stories are there for you guys too with opposite ends. Yet any ways, these stories keep there families horrified in accepting foreign women as daughter in laws, so they even try to marry a guy before he leaves for Europe)

    He is probably fighting himself right now too,,,

    Any wayz if you really are that intrested in understanding him and wanna really understand him study his religion a little to understand he moral values set by islam, then think of him as a mixed person with one foot in his religion and other in your own culture, then you will really understand him

  12. Im in dubai right now from asian country and i met my pakistani bf here for almost one year. My problem is that his begging at me to marry him will infact i knew that he has his own family back home.3 months back i converted to islam ,and he put me in pressure to marry in dubai court which againts my will cos of his situation ,although i love him truly, he only need to legalize our relationship since his a devoted islam and we knows that if you staying here we cant easily live together if were not both married. Please help what should i do? i dont think i can manage the situation esp.if his family are coming here every year (one month) his reason always is that he has a fear in GOd and his always feeling guilty every time weve been together.

  13. dear sarai,
    i went thru d same situation recently.i was with my pakistan boyfriend for 6 years. telling youthe truth i never ever wanted to get involve with him,even tho he was very handsome.but he used all my friends to get on with me and infront of me he cried by telling he lost his mom,and everybody he loves leave him alone,and asked me not to make him down,as i felt pity on him i started talking to him and later i started loving him for the first time,truly and deeply..he made me talk to his family and friends,he kept my hand on his Quran and promised me he wont change and he will marry me and live with me forever.we planned about our future,i was to change my religion even,cause i loved him a lot and i trusted him a lot..he came and he even met my parents and all my relatives...
    so dear but from the last December he started acting wired. suddenly he stopped talking to me, then i talked to his family,they said its impossible for him to marry me,coz he was engaged to his cousin for 10 years ago ! he didnt even darent to give me a reason,we dnt hv any argument,neither fights,only thing was the distance we made by leaving to our own countries and he went back to china to do his pg..his last call was like,baby i know i have changed not because of you,from tomorrow onward i will be back to myself. !!!! from that day to now i didnt hear frm him..but few weeks ago i found him having an afire with a korean girl.that girl sent me mails by telling she is his girl friend.i was wondering how comes that can be possible,if he was already my dear..what i am trying to tell you is what i experienced about pakistanis ...they are not honest with girls,all they need is money and long as you are with him he will cherish you like a prince.they will even cook for you,evn do ur shopping..soon u make a little distance they can easily change their mind...they think god has given them a superior birth and all the other living things are for them to use....i just pray god will put them in to the correct path,make them understand girls are not toys...what im asking you is dont get involve so deeply,then only you get hurt,,so if he cheats you or not he cant break you in to pieces...if he is honest he will marry you with out any condition..god bless you !

    • Ms : tanya i dont think i can all generalize those pakistanis cos even us being a filipino everybody thoughts that we are gold digger,etc.etc..which we felt us bad cos we knows that not all nationalities are all same cos i believe it depends how you grown up with the guidance of the parents or guardian.but since we dont know them exactly i cant judge for them. but im trying to avoid him as much as possible cos i knew his not my own...cos i knew islam are allowed to marry 4 women which i dont want to be happend in my life.My problem is that i really dont know how to keep away from him cos i love him .

      • dear April,
        I am in the same situation with u...i am still here in Manila but soon to be working in UAE, probably Dubai. I am engaged -as what he called or labeled it, to a Pakistani man for almost 2yrs. He is there in Dubai for work. Suddenly i met his relative online last month and told me the shocking truth that he has a wife not yet divorced in Kashmir, his hometown... all i know was that they were divorced for sometime already and he's really planning to marry me in dubai court the moment i arrived in Dubai. One filipina converted muslim also claimed to be his wife. I confronted him and told him all about this. he vehemently denied allof these. he asked me to send a message online to this Filipina whom he claimed doesn't know him and his full name or birthdate at all.
        my friends online, esp. my closest friend from Cairo, advised me and plead me to break the relation with him ASAP. cos it's getting nowhere cos this man is a pledged liar!! and all i will end up is misery if i will continue to hope for him.
        I am praying hard to our God for guidance as I am already decided to give him up...i don't think i can let my future suffer with this kind of man. plss think first too, being a filipina...consider our values and how we we're raised well by our parents and fathers.
        love is just a controls the mind, but u have to use ur mind and focus well so as not to fall in regret~
        God bless u~

        • well dear ppl it is a bitter truth that most of pakistani men and also women due to financial pressure, seek green card. and only way to be settled is marry a foreigner. yet many of us do this the wrong way by cheating and lying that they are single etc etc. one should be crystal my case im seperated not divorced, i canot divorce bcz of strong family system but it is also true that im too searching for life partner through which i can get out to a better country haha but on dating site i have mentioned all true so thats y no luck so far

          • I am a girl (moslem) from south east Asia.

          • asti, please register and write your question as a separate post and we will answer you in turn, thank you. Or you can take advice from similar questions we have already answered for others.


  14. Hi,

    I had a Pakistani friend who is always asking me to marry him. This thing flows out on my mind if this could be possible. I am from one of the country in Southeast Asia and non-muslim. I did enjoy how this pakistani guy is flirting with me. It such so fun, when they are about to express their feelings. Actually, we didn't see each other in person, it's only in facebook. Honestly speaking, i think i'm fallen in love with him but i can't say that to him because i still enjoy him courting me and i had a pride. All i can say is, some Pakistani men are sweet lover boy BUT it's just a fantasy. Reality is very far away from it. So you girls, just enjoy loving him for that moment (only that) but don't compromise yourself, don't analyze, it will only give you a headache. Don't expect for something in return because it is really true that he might already "engaged to his cousin" in which he could not resist because that is their culture. Learn to realized that it is just temporary, " cherish the love only for that moment" and think ahead for the future next but accept the fact that not with that pakistani guy you love anymore. There's a lot of fish in the ocean...

    So for you Pakistani guys....You're such an irresistible lovely man in the world! but sad to say, we non-pakistani girls will not take you seriously.. "but it depends"..maybe a good twist of the story but 50-50.

    Thank you

    • Hello Angela,

      You had fun because you, as a "non-pakistani girl will not take [Pakistani Guys] seriously" and your intention was in no way to get married and nor did your lifestyle conflict with your personal beliefs. The part that you are either failing to understand or choosing to ignore is that these kind of guys are having fun with girls with no intention of marrying them but they do so deceptively. If they happen to find someone like you who just wants to have fun, it might be a "win" situation for them so that they can walk away with no accountability. Please remember that such men are indeed "irresistable and lovely" to their gfs or mistresses, but much of that changes after marriage because that type of behaviour isn't out of respect--considering dating/flirting outside of marriage are not acceptable either in the Pakistani culture or in Islam.

      Having said that, dating in Islam is forbidden where a man and woman engage in a relationship and cross boundaries by talking alone, being alone, all those things that lead to intimacy out of marriage. So, in that regard, both the woman and the man are wrong, but I don't think it helps that some men deceptively lead a woman on and unfortunately some women fall for this ridiculous trap because of the weightless promises of marriage.

      • Hi Saba,

        🙂 Yah, i understand what you are trying to portray. Are you a Pakistani? can i ask you some questions:

        If it is, just to put yourself on the situation....If you say I love you and lets get married to a non-pakistani girl, do you really mean it?



        • Dear Angela,

          The point I am trying to convey is that as Muslims, we don't partake in fantasy lovers outside of marriage and we don't promote deception when a person promises marriage but really has no intention. Also, "love only for that moment," is an abuse of the word love since that love for just a moment is really lust. Let us call it what it is. Responsibility is key for both parties.

          I can agree with you that any girl, Muslim or not, should not take such men seriously whose intentions are to play with emotions, but do so by not getting involved in a relationship with them.

          • Hello Saba,

            You maybe right, but what you say about you and your fellow men ( "we" )is kinda idealistic and not realistic. As we are now in a new modern world and on social media trends, seems everything had change. Oh by the way, i'm telling you that there is no such "win situation" on your fellow side. As i have told, i had control over my emotions and besides its not lust for your information. We only had meet on "facebook". Actually it goes something like this: A game, we both play. We had sweet talk, we play fight, greet each other good morning and good night, dream together, give each other nicknames, chat all night long but no lust talk, and kinda like a love and war thing :). And who ever fall in love first? LOSES.

            If ever this thing will happen so, to the guy (Pakistani guy), do you think he would really mean to fall in love? and find a way to marry ? or he will also just have fun and cherish the moment?

            Considering the fact the he is Pakistani and am not...


  15. Dear all mate. I'm the victim now. Just reach my country malaysia last month .

    I met this pakistani since 3 years ago . He come and work in restaurant. We met and grow relationship together. But last year I did go dubai for new job . SO he still stay in same restaurants in malaysia.

    During April 2015 he told me his visa and permit had expired and need return to pakistan .I heard and I'm sad , I try apply short leave from company .I get approval for 23days , I apply visa and fly over peshawar to met him.

    He want bring me back to village on 11th may . He forgot to take my belt purse inside contain my passport and wallet include ticket and other important documents . After that I had stranded there 4 months.

    HE slowly change his attitude and way how he treat me . I fight and argue with him because the words he used is hurting me so much . I saw his house preparing new room decorated with new furniture everything. I asked what is going for. He answered is my brother daugther birthday party .I asked 8 times that day cause his house keep bringing all stuff to the room and seems going prepare a big function .

    At last by 7 pm his brother wife came to me while I prepare dinner . This is his wedding !! I'm shocked and my heart beating stopped . I'm going crazy . Why this world have this kind people ? This manner ? No humanity ?

    Because of him I suffering there 4 months . I lost everything included my own shop and my important job duty in dubai 5 star hotel . I sacrifice all and this at the end what I get from him . Because of him . He left me to his 2nd brother and brought me to a stranger.

    I been abused by these men and last I force raped by him and I lost my Virgin and my respect . I lost all my words. Why he want to do like these to me ? I gave him all included money and mobile and love and cares . I really lost my mind ,so hopeless and meaningless life .

    They are pushton from Dir Lower Rabat Ganjla village in Timergara . His name is Niamat Ullah Son Of Harron Rashid . Thank you very much . You are the greatest man create by God to practice your Islam and learn how to treat human in this manner in this way .

    Till today he called me is said to me I never love this lady. Is not my wife . Is my parent force me . They find this lady so is they married not me. I will not border .I want you and I love is you and I want be marry with you and you convert to Islam after marry . How am I going to trust him again ? I asked to God (Allah ) what am I doing wrong ? Why I need to be treated like thus. Mind torture and heart stab by spear . I can't accept and support all these pain I had .

    • Dear Flederina, I would request you to immediately stop all kind of communications with that Man, I would hate to say but the truth is that you have defrauded in love. Please live in peace whenever you're try to build yourself a new life. I know life has been a roller coaster for you but you need to triumph. There are several such stories and many such bastards out there, so beware be brave never loose hope.

    • Flederina: He left me to his 2nd brother and brought me to a stranger........I been abused by these men and last I force raped by him and I lost my Virginity and my respect . I lost all my words. Why he want to do like these to me ? I gave him all included money and mobile and love and cares . I really lost my mind ,so hopeless and meaningless life ............Till today he called me is said to me I never love this lady. Is not my wife . Is my parent force me

      Why you want to even talk with a guy who raped you and let his friends and brother abuse you. When he says "I never love this lady (his wife) is just a ploy to continue using you for money/sex.

    • This is very sad... I am so sorry you have to go thru all these bad situation. Sometimes it is more easy to let go than to hold on to something that was never for us. Please move on and know that you deserve to be happy and pls do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. Take care 😀

      By the way I am not pakistani and I am not muslim but I have a big respect to Islam.
      I believe that religion is suppose to unite us not to divide us.
      My brother in law is from Pakistan Peshwar. He is nice and with my sister now for 7 years

      What I am trying to say here is that not all Pakistani are bad but not all are honest. Some are very coward to say the truth and rather keep lying.

      So please be happy and move on. Be happy that u didnt end up with that kind of man. Think... u will be more miserable if u stay with him forever.

      Stay pretty and happy


  16. I wish all this had not happened to all of you. but point of caution is that Pakistani society is very complicated. It is so complicated that there are complexities within the complexities. That is why any foreign bred Pakistani, let alone a foreigner, would not understand the hypocrisies, obligations, emotions, devotions and psychological plethora of Pakistani men. Our breeding instills religion in our subconscious but inability to strictly follow it makes us a complete hypocrite. that is why we, Pakistani men, start drooling when we see a white skinned girl for two reasons. firstly, the inferiority complex that we have and secondly we see western ladies as our gateway to Europe, Australia and the USA. but once our "goals" are achieved, another instinct upsurges right away, now reminding us of our religious, moral and ethical duties and the right of our parents on us, eventually forcing us to con the "girl of dreams". Emotionally, most of Pakistani men are troubled for the circumstances they have gone through in major portions of their lives, making them emotionally unstable. lack of opportunities in Pakistan have forced many good people to do all that what most of the ladies have described here. one more point to note: Pakistani society is not open to new ideas and cultures, that is mainly because of immense literacy problems. most families have illiterate parents/ large family tribes who can not accommodate people from other cultures even within Pakistan, let alone from abroad. the social and religious barriers restrain us from making relationships with girls openly, that is why we make all the wishes come true with our foreign girl friends (although the social norms are changing drastically and boy-girl pre-marital relationships are becoming a norm now). Lastly, but worst part: due to immense lack of religious knowledge and practicality, Pakistan has a social system which has been snubbing women, and most Pakistani men are the product of this system. As more and more religious knowledge is spreading, men have started realizing the worth and the status of women from all walks of life.

    yet, many of us (Pakistanis) are good, hearty and friendly men who know their limits. they have respect for women, who stand up for the right cause. Pakistani men are creative, lively and vivacious who know how to live the life to the fullest. we are always there to help our friends. we know how to make them laugh (and a lady in part of world would fall trapped to a person who can make you laugh, however not all men are same).

    last but not the least, Allah SWT has set limits for certain reason. one, no matter what gender, should never cross them. I hope all of those who have cunning minds will get Hidaya and will refrain from those deeds which may hurt any human being.

  17. I've been tru the hole situation. Sadly I no how believable they r . It almost seems impossible to see the truth. My boyfriend did the same to me. N eventually after being blind for so long by his lies. I found out it was tru. He left to Pakistan when he was wit me . B told me it was someone's wedding but it was really his. He left for about 1 month. I'm still with him . N as someone who's been tru so much . I'm telling u make ur decision . N don't look back . I'm still wit him becuz after 4 years of the hole disaster his done to me . He has changed m workin on gettin a divorce but it is hard from here , but if that is not done . He nows I can't stay . Cuz o won't accept him to be married to me while wit another . These men do this bevuz it's arranged n they cAntvreally talk for them selfs. . But shouldn't be acceptable . Becuz it's painful especially after so long and then u find that out. It's heart breaking . If it wasn't for people telling me . He would if never told me . N would of lived his life in a life .im sending u love . From a women who's been hurt so badly . N I hope all goes well for u

  18. I met a Pakistan man who was a liar and cheater. He played with women for sport leaving and coming back to them as if nothing had happened with no guilt. I have not seen so much player behavior from US men they would not have the patience to play like this man did. He even used fake love of God to get women and believe me he doesn't obey or follow his religion. He is visiting Boston his first name is A Rahman, he has a wife and many children back home. You will know when you meet him he will innocently try to charm you with his fake British accent. Don't be fooled. He is only seeking a green card and he has serious mental issues. Stay away.

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