Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is nikah valid if the girl is not willing by heart?

Forced marriage

They're pressuring me into this marriage

Salam.

My parents did my engagement with my cousin. I refused them even at engagement that I don't like that person but they insisted. Now my marriage date is fixed. I want to know that will this nikah be valid? Instead I like someone else (I am 25 and he is 27), he even sent proposal by his family, but father refused by saying that we don't marry our daughter outside our family and also they have already engaged me with my cousin and they have given words, so my father cannot deviate from his words, it's the matter of izzat, (respect), and he says that he owns a shop and we can't trust some shop person, though he is very well off with a good business. I need advice.

saboohi

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27 Responses »

  1. Ask your dad one question..... is his daughters happiness we more important than his shop?

    Its him and your mother that raised you not your uncles and aunts....

  2. Dear Sister

    According to Islam a nikkah is not valid unless both parents and daughter are willing for it. This means that

    your nikkah with your cousin will not be valid without your permission and also you should not marry the

    other person without the blessings of your parents(you need to convince your parents of the

    sincerity of the person you like).

    You also need to communicate your cousin(fiance) about your situation. He is the only one in a strong

    position that can support your refusal. Obviously no man will want a woman, who is forced to marry

    him by circumstances and not by sincere love.

    • I like what you said but I didn't like the part where you said " He is the only one in a strong position that can support your refusal "
      He's not.... the strong person will be the girl.... she doesn't like just say no over done.... they can't force you to marry your cousin it will be against Islam right? So ask your dad if he is willing to go against Allah for the stupid izzat that the family cares..... respect is only a small thing in this world when you die you don't have the same respect if you went against your God.....

      So chill you should be strong and tell NO

      • Dear Key

        By strong i means in a traditional family, where parents do not want outsider to marry their
        daughter or son, i assume there will be less emotional pressure on the son than on daughter.
        If he agrees to cooperate, then the girl in question will be in much stronger position.

    • these questions are posted with so much delay, its been a month i got married... everyone said if one obey ones parents he ll be happy nd successful. but even after a month i am not happy.. want to get separated,,, its not about the person or family, my internal is not happy..
      nd now after reading ur comment i relaize that my nikkah is also not valid , as they asked me to sign a day before barat,, even than i didnt wanted to get married, ,, i spent a month full of sins that mean..

      • i tried each nd everything to convince them,, but the whole family stood against me, even my sister brother uncles, everyone,,,,, i even threat of leaving home , bt no one bothered, my mother kept crying nd saying dont insult us by refusing to this marriage ,, .

        • Dear Sister

          Let us imagine that you are forced to develop a piece of land(spouse) into a garden(family). Now it is obvious that you have no option other than to turn the land you own into a beautiful garden.

          In this world, your fate was forcefully decided by environment(parents etc ). Let Allah decides in the end, who should be with you in the next world.

          In the mean time focus on becoming a wonderful gardener. May Allah helps you in your journey of love.

  3. feelix: in a traditional family, where parents do not want outsider to marry their daughter or son

    What is the reasoning behind prefering to marry a close relative?

    • Dear SVS

      I wish i know why do parents not wish to arrange marriages outside of families and also why their daughters risk making friends in the open with the knowledge that it will eventually lead to disaster.

      • my parents made this lame excuse that they dont want their daughter get married outside family,,,, can be married outside, thats y i asked the person to send his porposal but they refused as they wanted marry me with my cousin only

      • people please for me,,, i am so much depressed ,,, i miss him alot nd even with my husbnd i cnt get him out of my mind,.... i just want a miracle to happen want to marry him but dont know what to do... please pray for me

        • I am in the same situation. Please tell me if you are happy with ur husband after years or u want to go back to him?

  4. no this is unislamic practice.Go ask the imam for advice.from my knowledge you have evry right to say Noooo. if they arent going to listen say i will leave.Hope you have education because women need skills and to be independant just incase.Undestand so think of something or else you can be in trouble.Somany divorces and abusive relationships. my advice when your Islam is correct everything in life becomes correct and look for husband who has taqwa because he will be always blessed with little means and if he is educated tooo even better!

    • Dear damco

      You cannot suggest her to say about leaving in anger. While a boy can leave his parents, he can take care of himself on his own. The same is not possible for a muslim woman to stand alone in society without her parents financial and protective care. She has to figure out a rational(and not angry) way to convince her parents.

      • Why is it not possible for a girl to be independent? Why?

        Girls have the right to be independent..... not slaves of their husbands or society......

        Grow up..... anyone will employ her with her education.....

        • Sadly in many cultures girls are treated like slaves especially when it comes to making decisions about education, marriage etc. Millions of girls still get their sexual organs mutilated to keep them moral. Same girls do the same thing to thier daughters and cycle goes on.

          Every girl should be educated and allowed enough freedom so she can learn to be independent.

      • A girl can be independent and there is no doubt but under a proper protection.

  5. Dear Saboohi,

    First of all I'd like to apologise and say how sorry I am to hear of your situation,

    Secondly Pressurising, Manipulating and Forced Marriage are the same thing.

    Islam prohibits Forced Marriage.

    In Islam in the time of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), it was signed, sealed and stamped that all those involved in conducting and it's act of the actual Force Marriage itself, thier Emaan is taken away from them and they are destined for Hell fire.

    In Islamic Law and English Law you are allowed to speak and fight for your rights.

    Now In Islamic Law and English Law you are allowed to marry whom you wish without any fear.

    If you fear that if you speak and fight for your rights then the Law is on your side.

    If you live in England you have a few choices.

    Option 1:
    You can either suffer the way you are doing,

    Option 2:
    You could do a Nikah under cover, with 4 witnesses,

    Option 3:
    You could report the offence that is being carried out against you and your will to the Law enforcement agencies, the Police, to a Solicitor, Forced Marriage Unit or to your Local MP.

    I have to warn you though with Option 3 your parents will be arrested and the boys parents and all those who are involved in the offence carried out against you and your will.

    The punishment for anyone involved in Forced Marriage can start at around 7 years imprisonment to 20 years imprisonment.

    The decision of what you do is in your hands.
    I have given yourself my advice as a brother, which Option you take 1,2,3, is in your hands.

    Asalaamualaikum and I pray May Almighty Allah Talah assist you to take the right decision and May Allah Talah help and Bless you.

  6. I m also like u exactly same with cousin and I m not willing and yet I m not at his house just nikah with him ! and girl can we talk 🙁

    • m in the same situation my wedding is next month i cant figure out what to do m dying inside and asking Allah fr a miracle everyday
      Every day m scared and brust out of tears as m getting closer to the next month
      I need help to get out of this

    • M in the same situtaion my wedding is next month and i cant figure what to do am dying inside n asking Allah for a miracle every day
      every day am scared and brust out of tears as i get closer to the next month every day
      I need help

      • Sister Afra, there is no miracle that will happen. You must be the one to speak up and say, "I don't want this marriage." Then you must resist whatever emotional pressure is put on you. I know that's not easy. But if you don't do this, you will soon find yourself trapped in a marriage you do not want.

        Islam gives you the right to refuse. Use it.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. This is unbearably sad that the post took so much time to be posted that the event happened and it was all for nothing.

    Such a shame that the moderators cannot judge a distress post when they see one and bump it up the queue.

    • Everyone feels their situation is urgent. Posts that get bumped forward are those dealing with true emergency situations, such as suicidal thoughts, abortion, molestation, physical abuse, etc.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Aslam-u-Alaikum, I really need advice... my parents got me engaged to my cousin a few years ago, I refused but they still got me engaged I stayed quiet as it was for their happiness I didn't want to let them down however, as years past by I still haven't got any feelings for my cosuin In that sort of way and I never will either. I like someone else and I want to get married to him, I have mentioned it to my mother before just in general that id marry w my own choice but not to my cousin and also tht they should rid of the engagement with my cousin as I'm not happy with it at all however my parents are telling me it's about their izat and it'll cause problems in the family but how can I marry my cousin when I'm not happy with the proposal?can you please help me out and tell me what I should do, force marriages are not valid in Islam?im sure the girl can say no if she isn't happy, I want my parents to like whom I've chosen INSHALLAH. God forbid if they still disagree to it what can I do in that case? The guy I like has said he will send his proposal in a year once his education is compeleted and I'm okay with it, I just want to get married to him and I hope my parents agree too. Can someone pls reply Asap - JizakAllah

    • you have complete right to reject your cousin, if you are not willing by heart then this nikah would be haram. if you cannot say no to your cousin then you should accept it by heart otherwise it would be a sin to live with him with a haram relation. and bear in mind when you'll die one day what answer will you give to your god why you did haram? think about it.

  9. Hi
    basically I'm kind of stuck in the same position. But instead of my parents wanting to get me married to my cousins they want me to get married to someone with a degree and someone who's from a rich family. but I am in love with someone who hasn't got a degree. also his family history isn't as great. however I know hes changed and isn't a bad person. does money and class matter. I want to be with this guy
    also he is 6 years older so what can I do

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