Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is this abandonment in Pakistani culture?

Aslamualykum sisters and brothers,

I used to ask question here about being pregnant alone and ignored from him and his family. It's now six months passed and my son has never met his father. The father ended contact with me,  he blocked me out from everything. It is not fair with my baby, my child is innocent and didn't do anything wrong. That man said he feels nothing toward me and baby and he said this after  became,  but before I became pregnant he  came to see me every 3-4 months!

Now he is not coming any more. His parents never knew that we married. But after I became pregnant they came to know and they do not do anything. I don't understand Pakistani culture. Now, I take care of my son alone. He is a healthy boy alhamdulilah, but he's never met anyone from his father's side.

Should I go to meet his parent's? Will they hurt my son or me? Will they beat me or kill me? I don't know what I should do.

Another question: if I go to Oman is there anyone or organization to make conversation between me, him or his parents? I'm worrying about safety. I went there twice but he kept me in a hotel. This time Insh'Allah if I go it will be me and baby.

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9 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    It is very unfortunate indeed that your child's father is not owning up to his responsibilities. I am sorry to hear that he seems to be avoiding being in your child's life, but unfortunately that is far too common in any culture or country.

    Based on the information you've given, I think you're taking a GIGANTIC risk trying to go visit him or his family alone with your new baby. Your child does have rights, but the proper way to ensure that your child's rights are met is to use an attorney. An attorney in your country should be able to look for an attorney in Oman to liason with the father's courts and ensure that the baby's financial needs are met, at the very least. This is certainly not something you should try to handle or fix on your own. At the very least, the courts should be able to ensure that you are given some form of child support, but no one will be able to force him to be an active part of your child's life...he will have to make his mind up to do that on his own.

    Secondly, anytime a young girl with or without an infant travel internationally there is a risk of being a target for human trafficking. I would suggest you stay at home and do all the work with an adovate/attorney instead. No one would advise you to try to go and meet with them alone, especially if you fear for your physical safety or that of your child.

    An attorney as well should be able to help find any resources or agencies that would be necessary if he should change his mind and want to have visitation with the child. Since the child has been with you since birth, you are the primary custodian so the child should stay near you at all times (especially at such a young age) and if he truly wants to come see the baby he can do so in your safe environment and under the watchful supervision of your family.

    ...not to mention the fact that I heard that there was some political upheaval going on in Oman, and rioting. Definitely not the situation anyone would want to be stepping into for any reason.

    -Amy Editor

  2. He will never do anything problem is I don't have anyone I have no family they passed away when I was pregnancy was 6 months. I have depression I've tried to control but I know it is going worse day by day. I really have no choice to do anything with people of this culture? Is it normal to Pakistan to abandon thier own grandchild? Is this simple to Pakistan man to have parttime woman secretly from his parent before they married him to his cousin?

    • Sister, its not pakistani culture, its shaytans culture, and pakistani boys/men are victims just as any others, sadly you fell for deception and suffered the consequences, i wish you the best, keep faith in Allah, he will never abandon you.

  3. what you need to do is try and move on as this man does not love you or care for you. If he feared Allah he would not have abandoned you and the your child. I think you should remarry!!!!!

    • Jazakallah I have baby but have no family I have financial problem etc etc..
      I am not good looking. I'm not living in Islamic community but I promise to Allah (swt) to rise him up as a good muslim so I'm scared to remarry I don't know where to find a good muslim man I'm not sure which man can sincere takecare of 'other guy's baby'.

      • sister inshallah you will find a good Muslim man their are so many single Muslim men even in their thirties that you can meet on-line just pray to Allah you deserve someone special i have an uncle who is 31 and is a divorcee, he came out of an unhappy marriage last year and he is looking to get married nobody is judging him people will understand your need to get a move on now and get out of the marriage. Speak to a Mahram that is close to you that you can trust and explain your situation and tell them that you are extremely unhappy in your marriage and that you don't feel that you can continue with your marriage!!!

  4. When u were marrying him u should have asked him about his parents and about thier consent. Neither he even talked about it nor u considered this important , and u married him. Marriage isn't the bond of two persons but it is the bond of two families. and consent and intention of both families is very important. Now u r suffering from that mistake.
    Anyways, its ur right to be given support, shelter, love, protection, and fullfiling of ur needs by him.. .. .
    or he will be asked and punished by Allah.
    Do dua to Allah that may he give him hidayat and give him sense to realize the responsibility.

  5. I am not sure if there is any way to pm here, but i am in Oman and would be more than happy to help you. Is he at least sending you some child support? I am confused as to whether he lives in Oman or Pakistan. Perhaps the embassy could help you out. If there is anything I can do from my end, I would be more than happy to. May Allah bless your little one.

  6. Thats not a Pakistani culture. I can feel your feelings. I think you need a good person for your children. You have to married any other person

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