Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is this relationship possible?

Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage

He has told me he wants to come to my country and marry me and then after that he said we could decide the best place to live. I am positive he would never use me for a green card. He loves his country and is actually more afraid of the western world i live in. Both of us believe family is really important and we both love our families and value the time we spend with them. This is another problem, both of us live very far from each other which means one of us would have to leave our country. He said we could stay in each country for a period of time and then go back. I honestly just dont think that's possible or realistic. What about our families? Also, my family is christian and i have only told one person in my family about him. I am afraid what the rest of my family will think. He is very comfortable with his family and has told them about me. He has even introduced me to his mother, sisters, and brother over skype. He says they really like me and cant believe the way i think about life. I find his family to be very nice and i love the way they live and the closeness they have sharing Gods love and prayer.

Despite all the negative things i hear and see on the media and internet, i actually find Islam to be a beautiful way of life. It is sad how people are so quick to judge without really researching and studying Islam, same goes for people who judge Christians. We should all love one another as brothers and sisters and just help each other the best we can to live for our only true God. I am a christian, but through everything i studied from my Bible i don't believe Jesus is God. However, i think he is still really great and that God sent him for a big purpose. So right now, i'm confused with my faith. But both of us believe God will guide us to the truth. If he can convince me Islam is the truth then i would have no problem converting. I want to live my life the right way and worship God in truth. I would just worry my family would disown me and i love my family so much and don't know what i would do if they didn't approve. I don't know what to do. I continue praying to God for guidance and feel that God will help us through this situation if that is his will.

If i find Islam to be the truth i will convert. I know it would be a big change in my life considering the western world i live in is very different, but i already believe similar to Islam anyway. I've never had a boyfriend or been with any guy my whole life. He tells me he hasn't either. It was hard for me to believe since most guys where i come from date and have been with many girls. Some girls where i come from are also that way. But i'm not that way and i'm amazed that i found i guy that thinks the same as i do about life. I was happy to hear in Islam dating is not allowed. I agree with Islam for many reasons and just can't explain everything now. Anyway, if Islam is true i would have no problem wearing Hijab or covering my whole body. I agree that modesty is important and is better than what most women wear in the west. After he explained to me what the cover is for it made me see Islam differently and i actually respect women and this culture for the beliefs they acquire. It is beautiful way to live. If Islam will bring me closer with God and is really true i would change all my ways and become the best i can be.

All i want to do with my life is serve the one true God the right way and live beautifully. He just turned 24 and tells me he will wait for me and really loves me. He says i'm the only girl he sees a future with and believes God introduced us to each other for a reason. I have even told him its probably best he finds a muslim girl, but he says he has never met a girl that thinks the way i do. I am 19 and will also wait for him if this is really what God want's I am in no hurry to be with a guy and i pray to God that when a guy does come into my life that he will be a man of God. And then i met this guy. Is it just a coincidence, or can this really be Gods plan? Do you think there's hope for our future together considering the circumstances with our family and the fact that we are different religion and so far from each other?? What do you think about my situation??


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9 Responses »

  1. OP: I am positive he would never use me for a green card.

    I am positive he would use you for a green card. Most of the time boy meets the girl, they date do things then all of a sudden boy declares his family wants him to marry his cousin. I am talking about when boy does not need a green card.

    What country the boy is from? How did you 2 meet? If you met online, I am sure he has met MANY other girls.

    • Salaams,

      This does happen, but it doesn't accurately reflect everyone. There are some very genuine and sincere people out there, people who are not looking for green cards and who are legitimately trying to find a good mate. To be so sure he has "MANY" other girls just because they met online is unfair.

      -Amy Editor

    • Such things does happen. But everybody can not be judged on the same scale. There are indeed good people out there. He might have met other girls ONLINE, but he wants to marry her. Thats why he introduced her to his family, a flirt would never do that.
      I know a friend who is religious, he offered a girl (he met online) to come to the country and marry him. The girl was christian. And my friend was very serious about taking her as his wife. He is a good muslim. The girl didnt come because she didnt want to leave her job and her religion.
      Point is, good people are not finished from this world yet.

  2. Salaams,

    I believe the best thing to do with your situation is draw a distinction between God leading you to Islam as the truth, and God leading you to this man as a husband. One does not necessarily require the other. If God wants you to marry this man, you may marry him regardless of whether you remain Christian or convert to Islam sincerely. That's a separate issue from you converting to Islam strictly because you find it to be the truth about God and His will for mankind. That is something you can learn about and adopt regardless of who you marry.

    So that's how you must approach this. First you must take the time to learn about Islam. You can do this by asking local muslim women for guidance, going online, or reading books. There are so many avenues to explore. If you truly believe that there is only one God, and that Muhammad SAWS is His messenger, then you are a muslim. Following the practices or sharia is something to be taken as your faith grows.

    Now, about this man. I truly believe there are God fearing people like him in other places of the world. I've met a few people from Egypt (men and women), and it seems that is at least one country that has a population of sincere and God fearing people. There are always exceptions, of course. It's easy for us to be skeptical if we've grown up in the west and have seen only one side of life. But trust me sister, there is so much more.

    You need to take a lot of time in getting to know him to decide if he is the right husband for you. If you do decide to convert to Islam, you may see that there are many such men, and maybe you have more of a choice than you why rush? Since you are only 19, there's really no hurry. And suffice it to say, if your parents are going to have problems, they are probably going to have problems first with you converting to Islam (if that's what ends up happening). That's why you need to focus on that first.

    If things do continue to get serious with you and this man, it's imperative that you meet him before making a final decision. Since it's very difficult for foreigners to get travel visas to places like the USA, it may be better if you go to his country to meet him. It's absolutely necessary that you are accompanied by your parents when you do this. If they refuse, at least take some adults you trust. Even though there are a lot of sincere people in other Muslim countries, there are plenty of scammers who also lie in wait for westerners who arrive there alone, knowing nothing about the local culture.

    Once you meet him in real life, and your family has the chance to get to know him, you can make a better decision if this is right for you. There are a lot of factors to consider- such as cultural differences, employment opportunities, language barriers, familial make sure everything is communicated clearly and objectively. On the bottom line, DO NOT commit to anything if you are not 100% certain it's what you want.

    -Amy Editor

  3. Since you maintain Chasity obviously you will get rewards from God!

    Perhaps I guess as a part of your gift God introduced you ISLAM (Monotheism)

    Learn more about Islam (Oneness of God) from Quran.

    Remember that THE QURAN is the only source of this religion, of all the scriptures God The Quran is the latest and the last ultimate, complete, details, protected by God Himself (protected from all manmade fabrication, misconception, misinterpretation).

    Only Allah is worthy of worship, you will get everything in Quran, including all dos and don'ts, all answers of your questions.

    God willing.

  4. I think definate green card wanter...but that okay as long as he will live with u fr life thts the issue

    This is 50 50 now ONlu Allah knows

  5. OP: I am in no hurry to be with a guy and i pray to God that when a guy does come into my life that he will be a man of God.

    Do you think Catholic priests and Imams are men of God? You are only 19 think about getting some education and a nice job.

  6. I completely agree with Amy's response, hope you will get some pointers in her response. To make it brief, I just want to stress a few points:
    1. Find your religion and may Allah helps you to see the right path.

    2. Separate your search of religion and your feeling with this man.

    3. Always, ALWAYS be cautious about "internet relationship" or even "pen pal" relationship. Those are not solid relationship, there is no ground foundation. You need to meet and learn about the person and about his family and friends.

    3. You are only 19, so young and so naive (not a negative meaning), there are a lot of flaws in this world and don't be so easily trust what he said in the internet. How can you be so sure that he is not go for the Green card? I know it sounds harsh in some of the response asking where is he from but we heard of tons of cases that some men and women / muslim or non muslim, they are hunting for their prey. Be careful. Just not to discriminate some countries in here but some countries are notorious of cheating on woman.

    4. You are only 19, focus on your study and keep searching in your religion. Make friends with muslim girls and visit the masjid and attend some classes. It will help you to understand more about Islam.

    5. It will be a big change when you decide to convert, the impact of changes penetrate in every layers of your life- from eating to clothing, from child raising to career decision, etc etc. Take your time and don't be emotional or influence by any factors.

    5. In the mean while, keep the internet relationship with a distant, don't get too close, don't romanticized it.
    Take care.

  7. Please be very, very careful. As an American sister, I can assure you that I have known American sisters who were used by men in order to obtain green cards. It is very, very bad when he obtains his citizenship, dumps the wife, and somehow fails to pay child support after he marries his cousin from back home.

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