Is waiting the right thing to do?
Assalam O Alaikum
I don't know where to begin. I am a Somali Muslim Sister in North America. When I was 16, I met a wonderful boy at the masjid. For his name call him Hamza, he was 19 at the time. Our meeting was purely coincidental and was one of the best things that had ever happened to me and still is. It was of those rare meeting where the connection was strong and just wonderful. He was a Quran teacher and still is. But he wasn’t mine.
I went and confided in my brother first before my father. And surprisingly he told me that Hamza was interested in me too. I was so happy when my brother told me that. We agreed that we would wait for each other for 2 ½ years because he was financially unstable. That was 3 years ago.
So what happen to the 2 ½ years? Well the world caught up to us. The first year was amazing we learn so much about each other. The second year he confessed his love for me. And like about 3 months I was in a happy daze, no one could get me to focus. I was so ready for our ½ year to end so that we could be together. But then a dark cloud move in. I was annoyed that he didn’t want to go to college.
I would be starting college in the fall. He didn’t want to talk to me in the masjid, and if we did my brother had to be present. He started acting weird. And I passed it off as if he was nervous because of meeting my father. It made me feel like we were drifting apart.
When the 6 month was over and we approached my father to tell him, he said flat out no. Because he said that that first love wasn't reality and didn't exist. I was heartbroken. I loved Hamza and the only future that I envisioned for myself was one that he was in.
So please should I stay with Hamza?
~ AzizA27e
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Assalamu'alaikum sister,
You ask whether you should stay with Hamza, you should not. You must instead try to convince your father that his daughter will stay happy with him.
Hamza was probably nervous for this fear and the way he acted was not weird, it was correct. A Muslim must not meet a non Mahram without the presence of the girl's Mahram.
So the solution is that you convince your father. Perhaps you can take help from your brother in this.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As long as your relationship with your father is good (as in, he doesn't abuse you or maltreat in any way), and you have it good under his roof, I would personally not go forward with a man that my father has not approved of - even if the reasons for his rejection are not the most valid. You only have one father, but you will get many proposals in your lifetime to choose from. Plus, a girl who's marrying without her father's blessing is immediately setting herself up for disaster. Because, usually, the type of guy who gladly marries a girl without her father's involvement, sees this as a plus for him: the girl is now without any protection and the guy can basically do whatever he wants with her, because he knows that no matter how horrible he is to her, the girl can't just run back to her father, whom she disobeyed and cut out of her life.
You made a mistake to allow yourself to grow attached and very fond to this boy for more than 3 years without your father's involvement from the day you found out you have mutual feelings for each other. Maybe if you had had your father's approval when you just met this boy, it would have made sense to talk about marriage with this guy - but your father was never involved, so you never really knew whether or not your famly would accepted him. Now, because of your assumption that your father would welcome this guy with open arms, you're in the predicament where you are attached to this boy and can't easily let him go.
If you really want him, I suppose you could try to convince your father one more time...maybe ask your brother to talk to your father for you. But if your father still sas no, then...I would listen to your father. I have to admit, if my daughter came home and told me to accept a guy she's been seeing for 3 years...I would have my reservations towards the guy, too. Only because it's never nice for parents to find out about their children's secrecacy. It's much better with upfront people.