Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Islamic view on intimate video chat with husband

For the past 5 months my husband is not near me, as he got a job abroad and had to go. As he finds it very difficult to stay without me (especially as he cannot sexually satisfy himself without me), he applied for family visa for me and our son, but it got rejected twice.

He used to ask me to send him my partially exposed photos, so that he can view them when he feels sexually aroused. I obeyed him as I thought it might help him when he gets tempted (especially in this modern era where women shamelessly go in the public by exposing their aurahs, even in their job sectors!). We also used to chat with video via internet. But once during an intimate video chat, he asked me to expose myself(above waist) as he felt sexually aroused and he asked if he could masturbate himself by viewing me in the video.

Both of us were not sure about the islamic view in such a case. But I felt pity for him, for being devoid of any sexual pleasure for the past 5 months (while we used to have sex atleast once in every 4-5 days when he was here with me). So I did as he wished and he finally ended up masturbating. Obviously he took bath after that to purify himself before prayer.

I want to know whether we have commited a sin(as he masturbated and I didn't stop him from doing that)? If so, then what is a married man supposed to do when he gets sexually aroused while he is away from his wife for long (as marriage is the only lawful key to sexually satisfy oneself)?

Please note that his application for family visa got rejected twice. Neither will he get enough leave from job to come back to India now as its just 5 months since he entered the job. Expecting a reply at the earliest.

Jazaakallah khair
Assalamualikum warahmatullah.
~Umm ad

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17 Responses »

  1. Salam Sis,

    The answer is simple...

    a. Ask him to marry again.

    If he doesnt want to that... then tell him to live with you!

    b. either you go to him.

    c. or he comes to you.

    very simple!

    Islam has the asnwers to everything.

    I suggest you try c...if not possible then b....if not then a. and theyre all as good as each other.

    Play with himself - why? thats disgusting! He has three options before that!

    Allah guide the ummah and strengthen our imaan!

    ONE love, ONE ummah!

    • Islam teaches empathy and your reply lacked that. They clearly have a problem being together due to valid reasons . However they are still trying to stay on the right path that’s why she’s asking. Who are you to Shame anyone ?? This is a very hard problem to be in and they seem very desperate for an answer, kindly don’t suggest solutions if you have to be rude .

  2. To ask him to go for polygamy is too early and not the best option for now. You should allow him to suggest that himself, and not you advicing him to go for a second wife. Maybe his love for you is too strong and he cant see himself with another woman apart from you, it may break his heart if you tell him to go for a second wife.... You know, you are his wife and there is absolutely nothing wrong for both of you to see your nakedness or nude pictures.. If you think the internet is save (which i dont think so because someone else might be watching what both of you are doing), then i see no problem in you sending him your nude photos/vidios if that would satisfy him... My advice to you should be; ask your husband to search for a job in india where you are, or in other countries where he can easily get you a visa.. Or you should apply for a student visa (as though you wanna be there for studies) in the country where he is, so that he can be with you, and b4 the visa expires he must have obtain the spouse visa (since the student visa would take years b4 expiring).... But if both of your cannot go through with what i suggested above, then i strongly recommend that he quit the job and come back to india and find another job,, because him alone leaving and working abroad (specially these so called civillized countries) would result in alot of temptations and finally he could end up having a sex mate or a mistress or a girlfriend that would be satisfying his sexual need to the fullest (as these are the kind of women that full the streets of the western and other ''civillized'' countries).

    • @bro, do you admit that while they are alone in a private room, she can be totally naked before him (and vice vasa)?? You know, there is no restriction in this, they can enjoy each other however the like, and he can go into her how ever he like ''except through the anus'' (because anal sex is haram in islam)... If it is halal for her to display her body infront of him and in private, then what makes it haram if she does that when they are far away from each other (ie through the web or vedio)?? She is his legal wife, it's 100% better for him to watch her nude vedios (if that would satisfy him) than to go for mistresses or girlfriends or sex mates there by commiting zina to fulfil his desires.. And again, you may go and confirm what i wanna tell you know, the majority of the ulemas (islamic schoolers) came out with the fatwa of ''doing a minor sin in fear of commiting the major one''., and they site an instance with masturbation (a minor but big sin) with zina (a major, worse and grave sin). They said if someone is faced with temptation of zina and he/she cannot prevent him/her self from commiting such major sin (due to the excessive sexual arousal),, then he/she can masturbate so as to be free from that sexual arousal.. It should be noted that masturbation is a big sin and anyone that does it, he's/she's sining, but it is not as worse or as graver as zina. So if you masturbate in fear of commiting zina, you have done a minor sin to prevent your self from the worst and destructive sin of zina.. Of which if you do some istigfar, Allah would forgive you.. Infact Allah said in the koran that if we do away or give up all the major sins for HIS SAKE, then he would consider and forgive the minor sins that we commited because HE IS OFT-FORGIVEN AND MOST MERCIFUL,,.. And again anytime you go to pray the compulsory salat prayers, you minor sins is been forgiven. Say for instance you go to pray zuhr, then the minor sins you commited btw subh and zuhr would be cancelled authomatically. So all btw zuhr to asr, asr to magrib and magrib to isha .. OUR LORD IS FULL OF FORGIVENESS MY BROTHER,.. But for the case of major sin, tawba is compulsory befor Allah would, and one must never go back to such sin again if he does the tawba/repentance.. I think there is a link on tawba up on this page, you can scroll up and see the conditions of tawba.

  3. Salaam,

    I do agree it would be best for your husband to try to find a job back in India when he can. Or for you to try again to reapply for a visa. Did you find out why it had been rejected? Is there a condition maybe you can fulfil before getting this visa?

    Islamically masterbation is at the very least frowned upon and in most cases is forbidden. There are a few exceptions in which it is allowed (if someone can't marry and has no other way of fulfilling desire.) I do not know about your individual case. But make tawbah and avoid this act and Allah knows best.
    One thing I do know though that even though he is your husband it is not that safe to expose over the net. It can be intercepted or viewed by someone else. It is not private. Another thing is that internet sex and masterbation is lacking in many things a healthy sexual relationship needs. You too obviosuly need to be together so work on a solution. It is dangerous for you both to be so far as there is a real risk of zina.

    Sara Editor

  4. Asalam alaikum,

    Always consult with a scholar privately about such things as a ruing regarding these issues, but it is not forbidden to share your body with your husband. If you both feel comfortable that the internet connection is safe, then there is harm in showing your bod to your husband. Once you are married, your nakedness is halal for the two of you. It is not shameful to arouse your husband in this way, in fact, you are fulfilling your duties as a wife and keeping him safe from looking and being tempted by other women. It will encourage him to always have a exciting reason for him to run home from work to see you! Sex between a husband and wife also involves arousal, and this is an allowable through sight.

    However, he should avoid masturbating. Instead, through techniques, he should be able to reach orgasm without touching himself and by instead being captivated by your voice and body. There are many ways to excite him that do not need to be mentioned here. It is possible and this way, you are becoming responsible for his satisfaction and he can satisfy you, as well. This should work in the short term, until you are able to visit.

    Also, since it has not been mentioned, have you thought of visiting a neighbor country to your husband where you can both meet?

  5. Talking to one's wife over the Internet and finding pleasure in that

    I work in Saudi Arabia. Praise be to Allaah, I adhere to the Sunnah as much as possible and I offer prayers regularly in the mosque, praise be to Allaah. This is the first time that I have left my family behind, because of the children's schooling. When I talk to my wife over the Internet (audio and visual), I sometimes ask her to show me part of her body, and this causes intense sexual provocation which I cannot resist, so I masturbate with my hand to ward off this desire. Does this come under the heading of the verse “Except from their wives” [al-Mu’minoon 23:6] or of enjoying one’s wife? Please note that I am aware that masturbation is haraam, but this is my wife whom I am looking at. What should I do? Please advise me, may Allaah reward you with good.

    Praise be to Allaah.

    It is permissible for a man to find pleasure in speaking to his wife and looking at her or at her picture in a chat program, so long as he takes precautions so that no one else can see or spy on him.

    With regard to masturbation with the hand, the general principle is that it is haraam, except in the case of one who fears that he may fall into zina, in which case it is permitted.

    Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: Is it permissible for a married couple to talk about sex on the telephone and provoke one another until one or both of them reaches climax, without using the hand because it is haraam? This happens because my husband is always travelling and we only see one another every four months.

    He replied: There is nothing wrong with it; rather it is permissible.

    Question: What if it involves using the hand?

    Shaykh: Using the hand is subject to further discussion; it is only permissible if the person fears that he may fall into zina.

    Questioner: And without using the hand there is nothing wrong with it?

    Shaykh: Yes, without using the hand there is nothing wrong with it; he may imagine himself being intimate with her and there is nothing wrong with that. End quote.

    See also the answer to questions number 4807 and 329.

    And Allaah knows best.

    Islam Q&A

  6. I have the same concern with our brother in islam slave of Allah, my situation is too hard for adjustment since we haven't enjoyed our married life much, we don't have baby yet were together about ten months only and i worked in abroad, now that I'm here were craving for sexual desire and use chatting as our pleasure. my question is it allowed for her to masturbate too? shukran and wassalam need answers Allah bless us...

  7. there are a lot of hacker and software which can hack u video chat it is so simple sister plz plz dont allow him to do this with u i am a software engineer i know better than u ....... u r only halal for your husband not for others

    • Assalaam Aalaikum brother. i am also in software and my husband also wanted to see some pics of mine but i password protected everything when sending to him and revealed the password only in person. Is it possible anyone can hack this? Also some pics i clicked on my cellphone in offline mode and deleted them before sending because they were too much for me to think of sending it made me very uncomfortable. Do you think anyone can hack from cache? I formatted my phone after that. Anyway i am too uncomfortable from before to send but because of his requests i had to. Now i will not.

      • I am a software expert. my advice is Never ever take naked photo or video using mobile phone or any digital device. Some one can extract the file from your system even if you format. If you have taken video or photo destroy it by burning. Password protected file can be opened. Your husbend will extract it and open in his device. So if you lost the device people can extract. Never play with digital camera. Most of the lastest leaked videos are of couples.beware. assalamu alaikum

  8. I married a Muslim man but I live in other country plzzzzz is it ok an permeated to have online sex what does the Quran say.. Help

  9. asalamualaikam..... for the past 1 year my husband is not near me ,as he got a job in australia and had to go .and as he finds very difficult to stay without me specially he cannot sexually satisfy himself without me .....,,,when he was with me we used to have sex atleast once in evryday .... now he is asking me to send my naked pics so that he can view when he feels sexually it permissible in islam....

    • Fathima, it's not a good idea. What if he loses his phone and someone else finds it and sees the photos? What if he gets angry at you one day and uses the photos to blackmail you? It's not a good idea to put anything into the world that you would not want others to see.

      Wael Editor

      • I know its bad thig 2 do but my husband never listen to me .... if i say something he will start fighting wid me .......... wat i do please help me ......... i need to talk u about my relationship with my husband .....

  10. If all options don’t work; it’s best for him masterbate on his wife video or picture. But make dua

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