Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Istikhara for marriage by a shaykh, based on parents’ names

English Translation of the Dua for Istikhaarah

Dua for Istikhaarah


I got a marriage proposal about two years ago. I knew the boy from before as we studied in the same school. My parents really liked the proposal as he belonged to a decent family.

However, someone advised them to get istikhara done by a shaikh. He just asked for our names, parents names and said this marriage is not successful and after few years it will end up as divorce.

I believe this is shirk and it is not the right way to perform istikhara and no one can predict future except Allah, but I am not able to convince this to my parents. After him many proposals came, but I do not feel satisfied with any and I really want to marry this guy. I want to know how can I make my parents understand that what they have done is not right?



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19 Responses »

    “O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and -I APPEAL TO YOU-to give me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favour, for You have power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters . O Allah ! If you know that this matter (then he should mention it) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: ‘for my present and future life,’) then make it (easy) for me. And if you know that this matter is not good for me in my religion, my livelihood and my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: ‘for my present and future life,’) then keep it away from me and take me away from it and choose what is good for me wherever it is and please me with it.”

    ENGLISH TRANSLITERATION: -‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa asaluka min fadlika al-’azim Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna *hadha-l-amra (this matter) Khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi) Faqdirhu li wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna*hadha-lamra (this matter) shar-run li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (orfi’ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li alkhaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi
    hadha-lamra (This matter) – you need to replace this word with what you are asking Allah for help and guidance about e.g marriage, job, leaving home...
    What is Istikhara and how is it performed correctly? This is a very common question and quite rightly so. Will I see a dream? Some colours? A Sign? Or nothing and what if I see nothing? Did I not perform it correctly! How many times do I need to do an Istikhara?

    Istikhara as recommended by the Prophet (pbuh) is such an amazing blessing and a direct answer from Allah. Its a way to get guidance direct from our creator?

    Istikhara, in reality, means “to seek goodness from Allah”Does Istikhara require lots of preparation or is it something I can do daily?
    The first misconception is that Istikhara is a ‘special occasion only’ prayer or dua. For example some Muslims think that it requires so much preparation. So they can’t be bothered to do it. Some think it is so difficult and complex that can they even do it! Others are told that they have to have a bath, wear clean clothes, pray Isha Salah then not speak to anyone, go to bed and wait for a dream of some sort. (It is permissible to do the above but not compulsory)

    Well, its not like that. Istikhara can be performed every day and even in the daytime. I know some people who do Istikhara with most of their prayers. Except for after Fajr and Asr when sujood (sajda) is forbidden. Also Istikhara can be performed for life’s small decisions, big decisions and even for general guidance in your life. Allah has made our lives easy. Alhamdulilah. Following your Istikhara – The Real Test :
    Now this is the real test of our faith and imaan in Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala). Some people have a good sign or feeling and go against it. Others see a bad sign e.g a marriage proposal and still go ahead with the marriage only to suffer the consequences. You have 'sought the good' from Allah and He, in His infinite mercy and knowledge has pointed out the way. Therefore, to go against this would be to your misfortune. This is where we can see the wisdom and hikmah of the Holy Quran:

    "And it is very possible that you dislike something whereas it is good for you; and (similarly) it is very possible that you like something whereas it is bad for you".(Baqarah 16)

    According to one Hadith: "It is from the good fortune of man that he makes Istikharah (seeks good) from Allah, and it is from his misfortune that he discards Istikharah."Sa’ d ibn Waqas reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “Istikharah (seeking guidance from Allah) is one of the distinct favors (of Allah) upon man, and a good fortune for the son of Adam is to be pleased with the judgment of Allah. And a misfortune of the son of Adam is his failure to make istikharah (seeking Allah’s guidance), and a misfortune for the son of Adam is his displeasure with the judgment of Allah.” Ibn Taimiyyah
    The Importance Of Istikhara
    We have been instructed by the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam to perform the Istikhara prayer whenever we make decisions in our life, especially when we make some major decisions in life. Therefore, we should always make an effort to perform this prayer of Istikhara, whether we see it as a way in receiving guidance or whether we perform it as a supplication dua.

  2. Assalamu'alaikum,

    Sister, Istikhaarah is a personal worship which can not be done by anyone except the one who is to take the decision. In your case, it is you and the guy who have to do the Istikhaarah. Asking someone else to perform Istikhaarah is not correct. Additionally, one who asks you your mother's name for such things is most probably misusing it. It is a sign of magicians, in fact.

    People who claim to do Istikhaarah on someone else's behalf are liars. Show the following hadith to your parents and tell them that the worship which is due on you is on you and not on any random Shaikh.

    The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam used to teach us the way of doing istikhara (istikhara means to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of action concerning any job or a deed), in all matters as he taught us the Surats of the Quran. He said, “If anyone of you thinks of doing any job he should offer a two Rakat prayer other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer):

    اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ ارْضِنِي بِهِ

    ‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa as’alaka min fadlika al-’azlm Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna hadha-l-amra Khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi) Faqdirhu wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hadha-lamra shar-run li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or fi’ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li al-khaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi.’

    (O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter–(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)–Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this job is harmful to me In my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter–(or said: If it is worse for my present and later needs)–Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me satisfied with it). The Prophet added that then the person should name (mention) his need.
    Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 21 Hadith 263

    (after "hadhal amr" (this matter) in two places, mention your marriage to this guy).

    Tell your parents that Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam asked the person taking the decision/starting work to perform Istikhaarah and there ia no evidence to allow a "Shaikh" to perform Istikhaarah on someone's behalf. You must perform Istikhaarah before getting married to him if Allah Wills so.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  3. If any sheikh asks for mothers name and birthdate of the person themselves to perform 'istikhara' know that this person uses jinn.

  4. asalam o alaikum

  5. Istikhara is not based on names or birth dates. Please read the comments already left on the post.

    Wael Editor

  6. Salam,

    I'm just curious enough to know as to whether you've gone ahead with the marriage or not? Because I just had an istikhaara done too and he asked for my name, my mum's name along with the guy's name and his parents name and he also said that it would be unsuccessful and will result in a divorce shortly after marriage and with that being said, I'm scared to go ahead with the marriage but I also want to really marry this guy.


    • M, what you "had done" was not istikhara, and was little more than fortune-telling, which is a form of shirk. Istikhara is a personal prayer that you perform to Allah yourself, with a specific form of dua' which was taught by the Prophet Muhammad (sws). After praying Istikhara you make the decision you think is best, and trust that Allah is responding to your dua' by guiding you to what is good for you.

      Wael Editor

  7. please tell me that when no stars match in istikhara or just 2 stars match is it not consider to yes and tell me after we pray to ALLAH do istikhara ourselves then what we do we ask ALLAH to answer or we wait for some sign etc is it necessary to do decision with istikhara cant we let ALLAH ALMIGHTY take care of what will happen? please explain the person i want to marry his parents only believe in Istikhara and not leave everything in ALLAH'S Hand i heard if someones do efforts ALLAH Changes his or her destiny then why they make istikhara an issue of marriage..

    • What "stars match" are you talking about? What kind of nonsense is this? Did you read the answers I and the others editors already gave on this post?

      Wael Editor

  8. How to use or what the use of mother and child name in istikhara in case of marriage

  9. Asssalmualaikum,
    I love some one and shes also love me we both want to marry with each other recently i meet with with her elder sis and she said she will talk at her parents 99% her parents will be agree but the issue is that now parents are not agree while i have already informed to my parents bout her even she also meet my parents at my home now my parents is stuck on other peoples thinking and in cast . .we both dont want to leave eachother and we also cant stay without our families ..
    please help me what to do
    I had concerned with one of my friend maulana he done istikhara and he said the resukt is 60/40
    60 is from my side
    40 is from her side ... .

    • Can you please let know what to do coz i met with her today n she saying that if my marriage will fix any other person she will take poison or she will run away from home n i am also need her with my family but my dad says that the cast is different what tje rrlatives think...

    • Can you please let me know what should I do voz I met her today and she said that if her marriage will fix so she will take poison or she will run away from home n i am also need her with my family but my dad is saying that she from other cast what will relatives think n all etc... I also need her..

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