Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Istikhara said yes but I don’t want to marry him

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I am a 27 years old girl. We usually marry into family and a cousin of mine is intrested in marrying me but I dont want to due to many reasons. The main reason being that he lived his entire life in our ancestoral village and his thinking and way of life is like that and i lived my all life in a really big city and studied there and my parents nor i met our relatives back in village and suddenly they want me to marry him and the istekhara also said yes a few years back when they first put forward the proposal my family did istekhara without my consent and my family is pressurizing me to say yes. What should i do? They are telling me that you wont find anyone else and you should marry him. Also, I have anxiety due to which i left my studies 2 times but now i want to finish my studies and do something with my life but they are telling me that you cant do anything and its better that you marry him because no one would marry you. Please help me.


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5 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum ak1989,

    If you are able, you need to pray, on your own, the Salat al-Istikhara prayer followed by the dua for 7 days or until you arrive at decision that brings peace to your heart and mind.

    You can find more information on the Istikhara process in the tab at the top of this webpage.

    If after you have done this, you still don't want to marry him, the answer of the Istikhara is "no"

    I hope that helps sister.

    May Allah relieve you of any remaining anxiety, help you move forward in your studies, and bless you with a suitable partner only if and when you are ready.



    • firstly we should understand that Istekhra does not mean that now it's obligatory upon you to get married with the same person, istekhra just clears that it is better for you to do this or not to this. but indeed you still have choice to get married with some one else whom you want.. in marriage, understanding among both partner plays vital role, if both have different liking disliking then will be very difficult to survive unless one of them take decision to compromise with him/her in coming whole life.
      may Allah bestow you the perfect match.

  2. I agree with Nor, you must repeat the istikharah yourself again. Learn the proper
    meaning and way of doing istikhara from information given on this site and do not rely on istikhara done by anybody else.
    You say you have anxiety, do those relatives know that you have anxiety issues? It might be difficult for you to adjust in a rural setup. Has your family thought of this?
    I pray that the best works out for you. Inshallah!

  3. Salam,

    I think your parents are feeling the pressure of marrying you off and them having to look for you. They are then transferring that pressure to you. Look, this is your life and your say. If you feel that you don't want to marry this guy and take a chance and see what else is out there, even if there's nothing out there, then this is your choice and you should do that. If you want to marry this guy and not have to worry about getting married but live a married life that you don't enjoy, then marry this guy.

    Based on what you said it seems you'd be happier with the education and trying your luck that marrying this guy. If that's the case, don't marry him. Istekhara, what other people think, everything else doesn't matter. It will be you sleeping in the bed with him, they will not be there. If you don't want to sleep in the same bed as him then don't marry him.

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