Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’ve read that suicide committed by a mentally ill person is accepted

Assalamualaikum to readers. I'll make it very brief, so please bear with me and offer advice.

I am a twenty year old student in a foreign country, and I met a guy and am interested to marry him due to his piety. But since he is a foreigner, my parents are really against him. He talked to my mum to work things out, but he left me afterwards since he could not get my mum's permission for our future. That was roughly two years ago, leaving me in a very deep stage of depression.

I cried everyday and the memories just would not leave my mind. It sent me to anti-depressant as a way of medication. When my parents found out they forbid me to take the medication and once again I'm left alone in a foreign country without any means of coping. Depression took everything away from me; my energy and motivation to study.

Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts but I can't kill myself due to Islamic reasons. But lately the articles I read state the acceptance of committing suicide in state of mental disorder or depression (Allah knows best), so it got me really thinking. I'm still praying thank God, and still do not lose complete hope in Allah. I know this is a test, and La yukallifullahu nafsan 'illa wus'aha, but Ya Allah, I don't think I can cope with this depression any longer. I tried asking my parents to reconsider about him, but they refused, and I'm scared to ask again.

Tell me please, what shall I do? I want to continue my studies in my country, but that's not an option. I want to continue my medication but if I do it, it'll be against my parent's wishes, so is it a sin? I want to marry him, but I just can't see the way. I want to love my parents, especially my mother but every time I talk to her, my heart hurt so badly. Most important thing, I want Allah to love me, if I have that I don't care about the rest, but how could He loves me when I'm too depressed to follow His orders?


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I personally have never heard of suicide being Islamically excused for any reason, as far as it being assured of forgiveness etc. Forgiveness is contingent upon repentence, so how can one repent for an act that is not reversible? If it were me, and I can say this with my utmost sincerity because I too struggle with such thoughts from time to time, I would not be willing to take any chances on that assumption (that it will be forgiven) and find out once it's too late that the assumption was wrong and suffer eternally for it.

    What I've noticed is that when those thoughts come, at times they are very strong and almost irresistable, but I remind myself that they will pass if I can be patient. I have a list of things I do to try to help myself feel better, which can include things like taking a nap, eating a snack, taking a walk, listening to some music that I find soothing, having a good cry, writing, and other things. I suggest that you make a plan, a manual so to speak, of some strategies that you can implement that will help you have patience until you state changes into one that's more manageable and the thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself are no longer a viable temptation.

    This is also my personal feeling, but I believe that it's a sin for your parents to keep you from taking medicine that is clearly necessary for you and is arguably life-saving. In Islam, we are to honor and respect our parents in all things except sin. I am not sure why they are against you taking it, but it sounds like they may need to meet with the doctor who prescribes it for you and be educated on what it's for and why it's important for you to take it. If for some reason they are still being unreasonable about this and trying to keep you from taking it, I personally would take it anyway if I were in your shoes. Maybe it's the wrong way of looking at it (May Allah forgive me if it is), but in my eyes it's better to be sinful by disrespecting them than to put myself at risk for a greater sin by being in a state where I may take my own life if I don't take it.

    I am not sure why it's not an option for you to finish your studies back home, because honestly that would be preferable since you are in a place without resources and support and facing a lot of stress and emotional pain. If there's any possible way to get back home or at least a place where you can study and still be close to friends and family, please do so. If you must remain where you are, I strongly suggest you find a counselor who can help you with your depression and work on mending your scars from that ended relationship. It would also help to find some support groups in the area for people who are also struggling with depression and other mood disorders. If you can find ways to minimize your time alone and isolated, it will help improve your spirits a great deal.

    Alhamdullilah, Allah's love for us is not conditional upon what we can do or not do. He doesn't need us to be obedient to make Him more of Who He already is. He asks us to do things because it's better for us, so I imagine when he sees us failing in those regards He has so much compassion on us because He knows how weak and fragile we are. When we can't take care of ourselves, He wants us to know He will take care of us. I can tell you with certainty that if a fallible, sinful human being can love you, then certainly Allah loves you. Can creation do more than the Creator? Of course not. So be assured sister, I love you for the sake of Allah, and He loves you too in a measure infinitely more than I ever could.

    -Amy Editor

    • Asalaam alaikum Sister Amy,

      I really liked your response, especially the last paragraph. May Allah (swt) always comfort you and Sister Mira throughout your life, through trials and on the day when you are raised again.

  2. Salamu'alaikum sister,

    I would first like to clarify what the suicide of the mentally disturbed means. Consider a person who is mentally ill and is out of his mind totally. If he commits suicide, then we can not say he is wrong because he himself did not know what he was doing. But Alhamdulillah, you are sound and strong enough to cope with the challenges of life. Be you good or bad in terms of deen, these challenges come. But the difference is that the believing servants of Allah gain rewards for the patience they show and for following the ways of the Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi wasallam in dealing with these moments.

    Ahaadeeth of the beloved Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi wasallam have instances when he said that the people who kill themselves with something will keep cutting themselves with the same thing forever in the Hell fire and the people who throw themselves from a mountain will keep doing so forever in the Hell fire.
    The hardships of this World, however great they maybe, have no match to one tiny moment in the Hell fire, which is enough to forget all the luxuries one may have enjoyed. How true was the Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam when he said 'الدنيا ‏ سجن المؤمن وجنة الكافر' which means 'the World is the prison of a believer and the Paradise of the disbeliever'. Hence, think about this whenever you have suicidal thoughts. Thank Allah for all His Bounties and keep your duties to Him as much as possible in the ways of His Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam.

    Moving back to your country would be one of the best options as it will give ypu the company of known people who would possibly help you in forgetting about what leads you to the suicidal thoughs. But you say it is not an option. If this is because of school, then you can always consider continuing studies in your country and I do not think it is an issue. But if you have a different problem, then the solution would be different, too.

    Regarding the medicies (I have understood them to be anti depression pills - tell me if I am wrong), why do the parents stop you from eating them? Do they have any side effect or something? Just try to know why they do not want you to have the medicines. If they can harm you, then you should not consider having them. But if your parents do not have any plain reason for stopping you from having them, then you should see how important they are for you to have them. While I advise you this, I am afraid that the medicines become a harmful drug which you become addicted to and can not get rid of.
    My sister, Islam has better medicines for these pains. It is the remembrance of Allah. And this is not something you can do in a day or two. Its a gradual process. First, try to be in the company of the righteous and discuss the matters of deen, in order to refresh your Eemaan, time and again. Then do regular adhkaar in the mornings and the evenings (consider the book 'Fortress of the Muslim - Hisn al Muslim) which is one of the best collections of Du'aas - also available online (check Then try reding the stories of the Prophets, Seerah of Rasoolallah Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam, lives of the Sahaabah Radiyallahu 'Anhum and try to do all prayers with Khushoo' (submissiveness and humility) until you feel as though you are right in from of Allah Subhaanah. Then tell me if you are stll dipressed... This, if you do it, will give you the most valuable treasure in the entire World, which is tranquility.

    Hardships are a part or each and everyone's life as I told you above. Even I have faced a lot of them. But alhamdulillah, my Lord has always Helped me out. He has showed me a way out of every trouble. And may Allah forgive me for the times when I was not thankful to Him. One thing I want to tell you about hhardships is what Ibrahim Alaihis Salaam said to the Angels who visited him, which means, who can despair from the Mercy of Allah, except the one who is astray? Keep yourself up to face these challenges of life with patience because Allah loves those who have patience.

    The root of your depression is the feeling of love, which is a disease of the heart. Initially when you intended to marry, it was fine insha Allah because that was because you thought he was a practicing Muslim, and might have thought the same about you (and Allah Knows Best). Now that your parents have rejected him, you should consider other options. One, if your parents are ready for your marriage, you should ask them to find you a practicing Muslim boy with a sound 'Aqeedah which is upon the sunnah of Rasoolallah Sallallahu 'Alaihi wasallam. Two, if you would marry after you finish your studies, then you need to have patience and do what I said above and insha Allah, it will do wonders. I have experienced it and I am sure it will help you, too. Our Lord Who Created us is The Most Merciful and He is all Aware of what we are going through. He loves us more than our mothers can ever love us. Infact, 70 times more that our mother's love. Can you imagine how much? He puts us in these tests, because He wants us to reach higher levels of Paradise. Just put your trust in Allah and insha Allah, He will lift your depression. There is many du'as for depression which you can find in Hisn al Muslim - Fortress of the Muslim which you can download here:

    You love your parents, and Alhamdulillah that is natural. Infact, they are the most important people in one's life (after Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi wasallam) . Obey them, until they ask you to do something that Islam disapproves. Put your trust in Allah and insha Allah, you will find relief.

    May Allah make it easy for you
    Muhammad Waseem

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