Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’ve been having sex with my cousin since we were young

 

Sexual Relations in Islam

Sexual Relations in Islam

 

This is very wrong, but when I hit puberty I didn't get any education on sex in Islam. The same happened with my cousin, who is a year younger than me. I was 13 years old when it started. One day my friend showed me porn, and I was surprised at what was happening. I was shocked by it, and after a lot of months I started to feel that it was kind of fun.

So I showed it to my cousin who was a year younger. At 12 years old, girls are already in puberty. She even liked it. We both didn't know having sex was wrong. So when we were alone in the house we went to a room, took of our clothes and just flirted with each other and took a shower.

With time we stated to have sexual intercourse when we came back from school (we shared a room). So after doing our work, we had intense sexual intercourse. It's been three years now that we have daily sex, and no one knows.

A month ago my friend told me that it's so bad that the westerners have sex out of wedlock, and that it is Haram in Islam. I don't know how to control it. We both live with our grandfather, and deeply love each other. I know I can do nikkah, but it is not legal to have nikkah under 18 in my country. Please tell me what to do. My cousin and I are deeply in love.

-Probe


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16 Responses »

  1. Then marry according to Islam or move out and live elsewhere to stop the sin. You both should not be sharing a room at all or should be living together. I feel sorry for you both.

  2. Asalamu alikum,

    My dear brother, its a huge sin what you are doing- please be careful.

    If you can do move out- either one of you- It will be a lot easier that way.

    if you cannot move out- do have a serious conversation with your grandfather about how you two are now teenagers and its not islamically appropriate to share a room as you both are now adults and have sexual urges- jsut say she needs space as now your cousin is now a teenager to have her own privacy. I am sure grandpapa will get the hint that something is going on. do give him hints so that they can help you.

    If your grandparents are receptive to marriage- you can get islamically married- but not legally in your country- tell them you are in love and that will either push your grandparents to either seperate you or marry you.

    IF you cannot absolutly move out- then sleep on the couch at night. tell your grandparents that this will be your new space to sleep. Maybe put a curtain in the corner and create a little space for your to sleep at night.

    And STOP watching porn. Put that child protection option on your internet so it blocks all the porn sites. Stop watching media and R rated movies that have sexually explicit scenes which only make things worse.

    Also, never ever be alone. Go outside the house if no one is around and just leave- dont be alone. At night, do not go into the room- always stay in a public space.

    and my brother, know that Allah is always watching. and you can get pregnant even if she hasnt gotten her period yet. Condoms break sometimes- so please be careful. Are you ready to have a children? if not, then dont have sex, because there is a high posibbility of that happening if you are not careful.

    Also, let he wear hijab and full abaya in front of you or loose clothing so that you do not see her body. IT will make the temptation easier. She should do that anyway, because you are not her mahram. This will remind her and you to constantly be on guard.

    Most of all, fast, fast, fast, and fast. Make dua to Allah help you and give you strenght. This is your test my brother, you know you made a mistake- now its up to you to either move away, seperate from her, or get married.

    May Allah make your affairs easy for you.

  3. Sorry to be posting this here but I have recently submitted a question, how will I know it's been recieved and when it will be published? Thank you

    • bucks, we currently have more than 100 posts in the queue, so it will be a while, sorry. 6 to 8 weeks, perhaps.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Oh gosh that's a long time esp since I'm going through the issue currently needed advice now. Well I guess in thatncase can everyone pls keep me in ur Duas and pray Allah guides my husband and puts love and mercy in his heart for me.

  4. Since you already know that "adultery" is strictly prohibited in Islam, please don't continue it if you are a Muslim.

    Precisely you have two options, Firstly, marry her. Secondly, Stay away and seek mercy to Allah for your extreme sin that you have committed in such a young age. Allah is most merciful and most gracious, He mercy whoever He wants.

  5. What happens if she ends up pregnant? Then what are you going to do? If you deeply care for her like you say you do, stop having premarital relations. Make tauba to Allah and wait till you can marry.

    Salam

  6. OP: We both didn't know having sex was wrong. So when we were alone in the house we went to a room, took of our clothes and just flirted with each other and took a shower......... It's been three years now that we have daily sex, and no one knows.

    Now you know having sex with cousin is wrong. You are lucky your cousin did not get pregnant after having sex daily for 3 years. Where are your parents and your cousin's parents?

  7. This is definitely fake. If you been having sex with her daily then she would have been preagnant common sense.

  8. If you you are in love than marry her. Stop having sex until you guys are married. If you guys love each other than it shouldnt be a problem to stop having sex. You can get engaged to her and wait to get married.

  9. o god! What's wrong with you people. He is a te3nager for god sake and you are suggesting marriage to him instead of telling him to focus on his studies or reading prayer. Not only that but you guys should at least know that being a teenager, he isn't in love with her instead he loves the idea of having sex with her. Not everything needs to be solved by Islamic teachings. One needs to analyse the whole situation. For example, he is not that mature but we are. So we need to suggest him to get rid of this problem asap and focus on studies or go away with his parents
    And hypothetically, even if he does get married to her. What's the guarantee he won't leave her a few years later coz it's clear from his post he loves to have sex with her.

    • Why do you say that this problem can't be solved Islamically?

      As for being in love, that is a major bonus in marriage, but it also immature to think that a person will always be in love in marriage. Love isn't the most reliable thing. When you read the Quran or the Hadith regarding marriage, the discussion is heavily weighted on responsibility and not love. Love changes, it increases, it decreases, it is greatly impacted by many factors BUT the point is that intimacy is a responsibility. Perhaps that is what some posters above are suggesting.

      The OP needs to realize his responsibility in his choices. Even some teenagers who are not Muslim and have become sexually active which resulted in a pregnancy have made responsible decisions. This only becomes exponentially imperative when a person is a Muslim.

  10. OP: We both didn't know having sex was wrong. So when we were alone in the house we went to a room, took of our clothes and just flirted with each other and took a shower.

    If you did not know sex was wrong why you did not do it when others were at home.

  11. I also have a question i wanted to know can you touch your cousin's boobs.

    • No brother Rehman, you CANNOT touch your cousin's breasts. It is haram to have intimate contact with anyone except your wife. If you are too young to marry then you must be patient and remain celibate until then.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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