I’ve been with my boyfriend since the age of 12 but he still won’t marry me
Salam everyone,
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years now, and I'm so fed up of being his 'girlfriend' and doing this the haram way. We are sexually active but have not had intercourse.
Since I've been the age of 12, I've always wanted to marry at an young age. I'm 19 years old now and it's almost like he doesn't want to marry me. Everytime I bring the subject up he says he isnt making enough money. I don't really want a big wedding or anything, I just want to be married so that we can worship Allah together and strenthen our imaan; because right now we're comitting a lot of sin.
Our families are both Bangladeshi and they know we are together, so I dont understand why they don't get us married. I'm too shy to ask my parents, my siblings think I'm joking, and he is too scared to tell his parents. What shall I do?
Also, recently I found out that he's been lying to me about watching porn and I'm devastated by it. I feel so terrible but I'm so much in love with him and don't want to be with anyone else. Please give me some advice, it will be very much appreiciated. Thank you.
doingme
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I suggest that you talk to your parents and tell them you want to get married. It is not a matter of shyness. Dont b shy. Also, you should also tell the guy u love that in Allah's eyes it is better to get married if there is chance of sin even if he is not making enough money. Make it halaal.
This guy is no good for you. You really need to end this sinful, unhealthy relationship. I know you have feelings for him, but that's because you have known him for so long and invested so much in him emotionally. Once you cut those strings and make sincere tawbah to Allah, I am sure you will find your spirit feels much more free and peaceful, Insha'Allah.
I'm not saying you are too young to marry. Just that this is not the right person for you. He is not sincere, and is using you for companionship or pleasure.
You say you want to marry so you can worship Allah and strengthen your imaan, and stop committing sin. Marriage is not a magic key that will suddenly make you a good Muslim. You have the power right now to worship Allah, build your imaan, and stop your sin. Do it.
Also, what makes you think that this young man will change after marriage? Why do you think he will stop watching porn and suddenly be a good Muslim?
Look sister, you should be grateful that you have discovered the truth about him now, instead of after marriage. Take it as a sign from Allah that you need to move on. I want you to stop your contact with him and really change your life. Get serious about your deen and your relationship with Allah. Pray to Allah to bring you someone who is kind and gentle, and will live with you in a happy marriage, where you help each other to Jannah, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister
You should explain to this man that what you'll doing is wrong and that you'll commiting a grave sin. If he doesn't want to propose marriage to you then I would strongly suggest that you stay away from him. Do not allow him to continue using you.
Could he just making an excuses because he hasn't fully made up his mind if he really wants to be with you? His parents already know that you'll are together, why should he be scared to mention marriage to them. You should be strict with him. Tell him It's either you'll get married or you'll discontinue the relationship. If he is viewing porn could mean that he has other intentions on his mind as well. Just becareful. Don't let him take advantage of you.
Rumaysa
Salaam sister.
You need to make sincere tawbah for your sins and refrain from doing them. Leave this guy - It will be hard but in time it will be worth it. Trust me when you have moved on - you will be happy and at peace. There is no happiness in the disobedience of Allah - so be strong. Chances are he will leave you one day in near future anyway, so the sooner you can leave the easier it will be for you!
You deserve so much more than this - the sad truth is that if he wanted to marry you he would have by now. Focus on your deen, make tawbah and try to come closer to Allah swt through Ibaadah. Make Muslim friends (With sisters only). Give him up for the sake of Allah and you will be happy on Yawmul Qiyaamah when you see your reward InshaAllah!
Many people fall into sin over a long period of time. Allah gives some people an opportunity - He calls them back. Then its up to the person whether they take this opportunity or leave it. You are blessed alhumdulilah. Allah has called you back - He is showing you the true nature and intentions of this guy.
Its up to you whether you decide to take this or leave it.
I pray you make the right choice my dear sister.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
HI sister hope u will read my response what u have done is indeed wrong and u have to ask forgiveness from Allah.This guy is not at all in the stage of becoming your husband if he really loves u and wants to marry u he could have not make this relationship with u from the first place.The person who wants a true marriage he will never do what this guy had done.u dont know many of such guys are there in this world.They will make a relationship with u and lie to u with their sweet words & at the end they will throw u in the trash many girls have been the victims of such guys they are just messing with girls they dont want to marry at all! so u have to be careful from them dont let them make u a doll in their hands to play with.keep yourself a pure girl.Dont let such guys to lie to u because (everything that shines is not a gold)so returned to Allah and ask His forgiveness & may Allah choose for u a true husband.