Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’ve Gotten Physical with a Guy

Can we be together even though we have been physical together?

So it all started with me getting into a university i didnt want to go to. It was pretty bad in terms of living and facilities. All the more wasnt happy with my degree and couldnt do well in it. I was also demoralised and down for not getting my dream of persuing medicine inspite of working so hard and praying to Allah and always refraining from such acts of having deep friendships with boys. It was during this time i met a guy from my uni. Who i liked. His character and compatibility with me.

Thats when i had the idea that if i could make him want me. Atleast i'd have one thing in life now. The right person to marry. if not my dream. i dont know why i started to think like that because my mother was always concerned about marriage and it was a burden on her. I thought finding a partner would lessen that burden on her.

Eventually my friendship with this guy became deeper and we confessed our feelings for each other. We went out once and he kissed me without warning. And i got angry. Because i knew it was wrong. But i forgave him because he really meant it. We still went out and ended up spending a night together. We didnt do anything sexual. But would kiss on the cheeks and hug and slept on the same bed. We continued to do this 2-3 times. The final time with us making out, like kissing on the lips. I was always reluctant to do all these things. Neither did i feel sexually aroused by doing so. I did feel though that he loved doing it , that too a lot. And i let him because i wanted to marry him. Maybe i did so that he would want to marry me. After that night i cried in front of him and asked his intentions. At first he seemed bit confused and un ready because he was older and concerned about distance and time as he would be graduating soon. But he promised to marry me. And said he was mine. I always felt the guilt before going physical but would ignore it. Perhaps i was too broken from not being able to acheive anything despite praying and hard work and looked at my peers who would get everything and would do anynthing. I told him we couldnt do this anymore. And he agreed. In ramzan i repented to Allah and profusely asked for forgiveness and so did he.

At times i would get so frustrated that maybe God would not forgive me will He? Forgive us?
It is not a guarantee that we would get married as it is too soon. He isnt independent and even im not fitting well in my degree. And im scared about this? what if God doesnt let us be? what if we were never written for each other? what if in the coming years , he changes his mind? i do think he is sincere and commited though.

But only God knows what will happen. My mother knows about him and that he is interested in me . And will have no issue with our decision to marry. but she is unaware of our physical acts.

Also in not doing well in studies. And even he is having some issues. Is God punishing us? will he forgive us? will he continue to punish us even after we get married and withhold His blessings? Controling our urges and going to no touching is so hard. but both of us are resisting temptation and are commited to each other and will to be on path of good even sometimes it gets so hard to not think about those times and even miss them. Sometimes it gets so frustrating ive to pray to Allah to take these urges away. Ive again become regular and prayer and hope that it will help us go through this difficult time. But im always scared. And i think im only doing this degree so i can be close to him. Otherwise if i go back to my home town. It will all be over. And i cant think a life without him.

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1 Responses »

  1. OP: Eventually my friendship with this guy became deeper and we confessed our feelings for each other. We went out once and he kissed me without warning. And i got angry. Because i knew it was wrong. But i forgave him because he really meant it. We still went out and ended up spending a night together. We didnt do anything sexual. But would kiss on the cheeks and hug and slept on the same bed. We continued to do this 2-3 times. The final time with us making out, like kissing on the lips. I was always reluctant to do all these things. Neither did i feel sexually aroused by doing so

    You got angry when he kissed you, but ended up spending the night together and slept the same bed without much problem. Did not do any thing sexual and did not feel sexually aroused? Did you feel if your friend was aroused (erection)? If your friend only kissed and hug you, there is some thing not right.

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