I’ve supported and loved her for 5 years… Now she’s ended things
I've been with this Muslim girl for 5 yrs I did everything for her we didn't do anything Haram I try to always treat her right. I converted and stopped all the mess I was with drugs alcohol and violence you name it. I left all my friends and better myself. She was my rock n religion helped so much. I never had anything I was poor and abuse as a child, but she made me forget all that. I got clean, have a great job and I make more than I need alhumdulilah.
I had so much patience with her because I saw she was worth waiting for and she always convinced me we would get married but just to be patient. I help her and her family through their hard times - I worked 2 jobs just to help them, I don't know how she explained all that money but no one knows about me except her sister.
She ended things with me because her dad had a heart attack from stress trying to support everyone and stuff happening in the family. The dad said that she's the favorite and she never put him down. She said being with me is just going to hurt him or kill him - that she can't have that in herself to put that in her family or dad. I said you deserve what you want too. you can't live your dad's life. I want a chance to talk to him and make things right. I'm a great man and I have the deen in my heart also learning Arabic .
She's like there's no way without hurting him or the family if I'm not Arab. I said so you're gonna marry the guy he brings to you? She said yes if it makes things right and sees her dad happy she said she'll fake it till it's real.
I said I wanted a chance to get things right with him, for him to see what kinda person I am. She said no that's it over. All I could think is leave me because I did something but not this not because I did everything right. I can't imagine someone just getting handed something I work for and love; him living the life I'm supposed to.
She says she hopes the other man is good as I am, and it just hurts - she wants someone exactly like me but just not me. I'm just a mess.
I still love her we still talk I know she still has love for me. I could pray for the dad to accept me and to give me a chance but if she's not willing to stand by my side. I really don't wanna lose her in my life but I can't imagine her with another man. I just feel sick. I'm not eating and just working 11hrs at work then come home beating my body working out 3-4 hours a day to cope. I just don't like myself I feel like I'm not worth anything. I'm just very depressed. I think the only way I could move on if I see that she got married but she's not so willing to fight with my words say I'm a good Muslim a great man. I don't know if it's Allah testing me. I go to the masjid and pray because I feel alone. I am alone I have barely any friends and my family are really not around.
I really want a chance I need to try I don't want to live and regret it later because I did nothing. Even if I fail I'll say alhumdulilah at least I tried and did everything possible. I never had an easy life and we both knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I always over came things inshallah this is one too.
Sevendust
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Dear brother
Sorry to hear of the heartbreak you are going through I pray that Allah makes everything easy for you and if she is right for you then for Allah to make her come in to your life with ease and happiness In Sha Allah.
Sometimes we go through tests that really break us and its when we are completely broken then we get Allah...Allah is in the hearts that are broken if we dont go through this pain we wont get Allah that easy. Turn to Allah as much as you can pray to Him and have full faith that whatever happens will be good for you in this world and the hereafter.
Is there any chance you can ask the imam of a mosque her father attends to recommend you for his daughters hand? Many a times when imams get involved people tend to listen to their advice. You can prove your self to her father through the imam if you get what I mean.
Dont stress too much in sha Allah it will be okay just make dua and leave it to Him. HE knows what is best for you and if its not her then in time you will heal and will find someone who will replace all your problems with happiness and peace.
OP: I've been with this Muslim girl for 5 yrs I did everything for her we didn't do anything Haram. ..... I help her and her family through their hard times - I worked 2 jobs just to help them, I don't know how she explained all that money but no one knows about me except her sister...
She just used you for your money. Haram is not just limited to sexual intercourse. She kept being friendly to get your money. Did you stop giving her money now?
There are millions of single women. Find some woman who wants you for your personality and not your money. Go check out some matrimonial website.
Svs is not like that she told me sorry for everything how it went down and that she's thankful for everything I did for her and her family that she'll pay me back every penny back. I don't care about the money I make a lot more than I need alhumdulilah for that so I do give cuz I am blessed with that option.
I don't give her money now, even if I try she won't accept it. we still talk to see how's she's doing her father not doing good at all his struggling real bad trying to support all of them. Wallah I wish I could help because it's so easy for me to do. I do still love her (I know is haram to say that) but I do.i know she's doing this cuz of her father and I respect that he a good man but I don't want a haram relationship with her like I said I would like that chance to prove that I am a good man and a better Muslim I am a provider I worked for everything in life cuz allah knows I had it hard growing up .
For now all I do is pray and learning to be fluent in Arabic I have to try even If it doesn't workout at least I have that knowledge. Allah knows best cuz I really can't do much
Asalamu alikum brother,
She is clearly using you. Just let her go, I know it's hard but you have to if someone just uses their parents as an excuse. If she loved you, she would have introduced long ago to her parents...5 years is too long to keep you secret. She was never serious about you, she just wanted your money. Just stop talking to her, and let her know that she either commits to you and introduces you, or it's over. Because islamic ally there is no talking to opposite gender,...because it clearly creates confusion
I think that evrything in life has a meaning, and maybe she is meant to be there to intoroduce you to islam.
Maybe she was your catalist to changing your view, now if you are sincere about Islam do continue in your path and there are many eligible muslim women who share your point of view.
Yes, you are right..you are being tested. We all are my brother. Know that hardship is a part of life and all you have to do is do the right thing in every situation and hope that you are rewarded for your patience. Keep going to the masjid, meet people there, volunteer and get involved and keep your mind busy with good things.
May Allah make things easy for you.
Assalam alaikum Sevendust,
Allah is Most Merciful. Allah is more Merciful than we can fathom and you know why? He tests us and tests us to bring us closer to perfection and to make us better than who we are right now. The problem is, that we, lose focus and forget our purpose...and I feel this is happening when reading your post.
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You write:
I did everything for her we didn't do anything Haram I try to always treat her right. I converted and stopped all the mess I was with drugs alcohol and violence you name it. I left all my friends and better myself. She was my rock n religion helped so much. I never had anything I was poor and abuse as a child, but she made me forget all that. I got clean, have a great job and I make more than I need alhumdulilah.
I'm a great man and I have the deen in my heart also learning Arabic .
I go to the masjid and pray because I feel alone. I am alone I have barely any friends and my family are really not around.
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Brother, by continuing to talk to her privately is haram. When you stopped all the mess which is a HUGE achievement, maa shaa Allah, shaitaan whispered and convinced you that continuing a relationship with her is nothing compared with what you used to do--and so you rationalized and accepted this. The girl is your rock and religion, yet, when you pray to Allah, you feel alone? Brother, you have lost your focus because Allah's Mercy brought you to Islam and through Him you got through your pain and agony--and it is Allah that is your ultimate support for it is He that made you forget, gave you risq through your job, made you a great man, made you have deen in your heart--Brother, do you love this girl more than you love Allah swt? If the answer is yes, then in your turning to the straight path, which is most hated by shaitaan, shaitaan whispered and twisted your mind enough to get you off-track in such a way that you felt guided, but the emptiness continued.
I don't know what to say about the girl--I don't think she is using you, but she has genuine family problems. Focus on yourself and your deen more. Discontinue talking to her and respect her wishes. If you must approach her for marriage, do so through her father through a community-member--otherwise let this go.
You were meant to come to Islam and see the beauty of Deen--remain focused brother. This world is a temporary place and don't get caught up on the ephemeral matters, as your Creator knows you better than you know yourself.
May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen, thummah Ameen.
Thank you saba your advice really help me. I do love Allah more, everything I do is for Allah 1st then everything else comes 2nd I learn that the hard way.
I know she never used me. I do have to let this go and let Allah guide if it's meant to be it'll be.