Jealous of Hindu friend’s marriage
Asalamualikum Dear brothers and sisters,
I have gotten over my previous relationship and have healed completely, Alhamdulilah, and I am wishing to get married soon inshallah. Problem is that I am having so much trouble finding my future spouse and I have been feeling really depressed lately. During this time I have made friends with this hindu woman who has been a good friend to me.
How to deal with jealousy?
Another problem is that this hindu woman is married to a Muslim man who is very VERY handsome, hard working, takes good care of her and they have been married for 10 years. I know that in Islam you can not marry someone who is hindu and I even told her that I can not marry anyone who is not Muslim and she doesn't understand why not and asked me if some of her Muslim friends who married non Muslims are bad people. I explained to her that it is my faith and if I marry non Muslims it won't be valid according to Allah and this is the most important to me. I do not care about marriage in paper, I care about the real marriage that Allah will accept with all the obligations fulfilled.
Everytime she calls her husband or he picks her up from work or she talks about him and everything he does for her I feel so jealous. I want that too. I don't mean to be jealous because she is a good person but I feel very bad in my heart because at the same time I know it is a big sin to marry a hindu and I don't know how to let him know this (because I do not speak to him) and I also do not want to break their relationship up. They both are so comfortable with each other, knows each other very well, and plan to be together for the rest of their life.
I have tried to give dawah to her about Islam but she says she is happy with her faith and has firm belief in it but at the same time she says she believes in one God who has created her. It's just she believes in different "parts" of God (such as the creator, the maintainer and the destroyer). She is a very wonderful person, even better than I am at doing good deeds and is always kind and loving to everyone. Everyone loves her.
Because of my previous relationship with waiting for my ex to convert, I do not plan to marry any non Muslim until after they convert on their own terms and I try to keep my distance from all men unless it is work or safety related. It is just so difficult to find someone to marry because I haven't gotten any proposals yet and I haven't been able to see and pay attention to good brothers. This has made me feel very sad and hearing about how good some people's marriages are I feel like I will never get something like that!
Please give dua for me to find a righteous husband and to stop being jealous of what other people have and focus on the things I have and put my trust in Allah. I wish for all of you the same.
- Pepper
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Asalamalaikum sister,
Get your family's support and ask them to look for you too. If that doesnt work you could also go to online muslim websites to find matches in your area to meet.
Insh Allah you will find Mr. Right 🙂
-I advise you to stop being close friends and spending too much time with this Hindu friend of yours because a Muslim does not take a non Muslim as a close confidante.
-Secondly, ask Allah to purify your heart and make dua for the guidance of this Hindi girl.
-Thirdly, ask Allah to bless you with a righteous spouse but in the meantime, if you aren't married, don't make marriage the sole purpose of your life: keep ties with kins, help the needy, feed the hungry, help older ppl in your community, ETC.IN OTHER WORDS MAKE YOURSELF USEFul and focus on akhira.
-forgetting the akhira is a cause for destruction. so spend time learning your deen. nouman ali khan' seems to have good lectures online, Ask Allah to increase you in guidance.
-Pray in the last third of the night. and make istighfar.
al the best.
Besides the fact that the friend is Hindu, what does her being married have to do with anything??
I'm unsure but is this another reason why they cannot be friends?
adina this friend who is a hindu is a woman and so is pepper. i think u misunderstood pepper as a male.
peper, i understand how you feel, but know that this is your test from ALLAAH. you ve past the first test by divorcing your non muslim husband, you did this because Allah himself ordered you to do so. and you obeyed that order even with the emotional stress you underwent. sure ALLAH will reword you for this.
now you are undergoing the second test of not finding a potential spouse to marry, which is more difficult as compared to the first test. this should send a signal to you, and that is your status in the sight of ALLAH is getting higher and higher. because the more close you are to ALLAH, the more test you receive from HIM.
that is Allah's way, he has to test you to see how true you are, and to see your level of faith in him.. he test the humans to see whether they will leave his path, or wether they will remain patient and steadfast in his path.
so sister, be patient and keep on making du'a. and pls dont allow this to be distorbing your, try to occupy your self with other things and try to convince your friend to accept islam.
also seek help from your muslim communities and ask your imaam to help you find a potential spouse. also, if your families are muslim, ask them to help you search for a potential muslim patner.
also you can try islamic matrimonial site, it do help atimes and some couples met and married through these sites.
http://www.purematrimony.com
http://www.muslima.com
http://www.singlemuslim.com
http://www.zawaj.com
lol!!, yes!, actually i forgot to include zawaj.com
i really dont think its your place to tell the guy that being married to a hindu is a sin, im sure he knows that being muslim and all.
Al I can say is jealousy is haraam, secondly find yourself to love yourself and ask Allah sincerely for a good husband. This Is where your heart is not pure. If you are a good friend to this hindu girl you would not feel jealous and why would one want to be. If you are burning inside of jealously I suggest you leave her alone and work on yourself to become closer to Allah. You have a lot to learn within Islam never compare yourself to others that happens for a reason.
@pepper - walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu
@samina -
jealousy is haraam ? any reference from quran / sahih hadees ?
_________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Beware of jealousy, for verily it destroys good deeds the way fire destroys wood." [Abu Dawood]
Narrated Al-Zubayr Ibn al-Awam that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "There has come to you the disease of the nations before you, jealousy and hatred. This is the 'shaver' (destroyer); I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (destroys) faith" [(Hasan) Jamee at-Tirmidhee]
Assalam'alaykum,
You must be thinking about 'Ghirah' (protective jealousy) which is good, but 'Hasad' (destructive jealousy) is bad.
it is very upsetting and i know what is bothering u, but if u think its just a personal concern then think about it like this; what will happen to our indian muslim community in a decade?
A lot of people support the idea of their boys marrying non muslims coz it simply makes them feel like they r earning some reward by converting hindu women but the reality is so different. these girls who marry dont really convert or revert to islam. (there mayb a few exceptions) Their infatuation makes them lie and their motivation could b anything but the religion itself.
Two such marriages took place a couple of months back in my social circle. both the boys were related to me and though they were not related to eachother i found some striking similarities which were interesting actually; and then i realised that these similarities were not coincidental, at least 90% of such marriages happen with the same set of similarities. they r as such;
1) Both the boys belonged to effluent families who never had to work hard for anything and lived in luxury.
2) both of them were non practicing muslims
3) both of their parents allowed free intermingling of opposite sex
4) both of them assured that their wives wanted to convert to islam b4 marriage
5) both of their parents were gullible enough to believe that and so supported their decisions whole heartedly
6) both their brides took shahada but returned back to their old practices and the worst of all..
7) both the boys not only allowed them to go back to their old faith but also accompanied them to their temples ( we have the proof of at least one such occurance in both the cases).
8) they call themselves modern/moderate muslims.( a term which doesnt even exist, its purely created by the hypocrites so that they can b easily accepted by the non muslims)
just like u r either pregnant or u r not, u r either a muslim or u r not there is nothing like little muslim or sonewhat muslim or moderate muslim and so on.( levels of piety may vary not the basic fundamentals)
At first i was simply angered not coz of the numbers but the quick successions at which they happened. tthe second 1 gave us no room to compose after the first shock and the mesg was clear. the munafiqs r at a rise. My main concern was..will my daughter b able to find an eligible muslim bachlor in my network of family and friends after a decade? but then i thought all this is bound to happen. the muslim ummah has become so blind to the concept to akhirah.. all i can do is pray to Allah for my children coz its only getting worse.
when we dont obey our creator our children dont obey us.
sister pepper i forgot to mention one more thing, both these boys r extremely handsome and r married to (excuse me) very unfortunate looking hindu girls but i still think they deserve eachother coz those men r blind to the whole reality which awaits them plus they r so stupid that if practicibg muslimahs would have married them , im sure they wouldnt have valued their piety or chastity and instead continued to indulge in their haram ways making their wives' lives miserable.
Have faith in Allah, u dont have to feel jealous of this woman simply coz u r more blessed. what can b better than the gift of emaan and the belief in akhirah ? you could b her, a confused hindu. do u think a handsome husband or a sweet husband is a good trade for emaan. for them this world is jannah and for us its a test. Allah has a plan for all and i think He has a better one for u.
Well said. Those "muslim men" who marry hindu women tried to deceive Allah by deceiving themselves, yes they are deceived by their evil doings and their seat will most probably be in the blazing hell fire for marrying mushrikah and whatnot.
Assalam alaikum Pepper,
You have to look deep into your thinking and your approach on life. You obviously have a deep connection with this person, but if you look at it from the outside, observing it as a third person, you can see it is making you drift away from Allah and His commands. I would say your feelings of jealousy are probably natural, BUT preventable.
In order to discourage envy, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Do not look to those above you. Look to those below you, as it will more likely remind you of Allah's favors bestowed on you." [Saheeh al-Bukharee and Saheeh Muslim] On another occasion, he said: "If one of you looks at someone wealthier and better built than him, he should also look at someone of lower standard than himself." [Saheeh Muslim] I mention this only because it seems you are looking at this Hindu friend as if her situation is better than you. IF she actually was (we don't know-only you perceive this because many things are hidden from your view), still you should look at those who do not have the things you have. That is the first thing you should do to deal with jealousy. You have to train your mind to not focus on the ones you perceive to be better than you, but in fact see the whole of this world, all of it, and then analyze your position accordingly. Trust me on this, you can achieve a lot of peace in your heart with this. I often struggle with this, but whenever i feel that I have something creep in my heart telling me how someone else's life is better--I try to think a few things:
1. Suppose it is better. So what? Allah gives wealth, good health, educational success in this world to Muslims and non-Muslims. These are worldly things-never let the worldly pleasures distract you. . As Muslims, our goal is to use this world as a tool to achieve Allah's pleasure. Do not take your mind off that goal. Ever. If we should be jealous, it should be of the person who has humility, strong Emaan, completes their obligations to Allah with happiness in their heart, prays sincerely 5 times a day, has peace of mind despite hardships. These are attributes to be truly jealous of and things we should compete for.
2. Maybe I am just perceiving their life to be better? We are not all-knowing (AsthagfurAllah). So basically, we should leave this matter and consider it irrelevant. Sometimes people like to show us a perfect picture of their life because it might make them feel some superiority--they might feel better knowing that you look up to them.
Though you are not receiving proposals lately, talk to your parents about marriage. Many other questions and their responses on this site can help you regarding finding a husband. Make du'a to Allah to help you get a spouse right for you, that will help you come closer to Allah swt.
I would encourage you to research and read about Hazrat Ayyub AS. He lost wealth and suffered so much and yet never complained. He had so much patience. I pray that we can have the patience of Hazrat Ayyub AS. I do not want to get in my personal details, but I can tell you that reading about other people's problems and the patience of our Prophet's has changed my view on so many things. It has made me have courage in times I never thought I would. You have to realize it is about your thinking and having a strong unequivocal faith in Allah swt.
Do not feel depressed. Look at all the wonderful things you have and you will begin to see that you are not able to count them. Make du'a to Allah about finding a good spouse. Make distance between yourself and non-Muslim friends. Do not allow anyone to change your faith, make you feel devalued (intentionally or otherwise), and never feel you have to justify or explain your stance on your marriage. You said she asked if the Muslims who marry non-Muslims are bad? I would ask her back "Am I bad if I want to marry a Muslim?" If they can make that choice, you can make yours. It is simply non-negotiable.
Basically, put your full faith in Allah. "If you had all relied on Allah (SWT) as you should rely on Him, then He would have provided for you as He provides for the birds, who wake up hungry in the morning and return with full stomachs at dusk." [At-Tirmidhi] I have often heard of this Hadith when people talk about problems with finances, but I think it can apply to any difficulty really. We should always give our tawwakal (faith) on Allah a constant boost. Sometimes we mistakenly think we are in control of everything and feel the weight of our difficulties on our shoulders and forget that truly Allah is here for us.
May Allah ease your difficulties and help you pass the tests of this life. Ameen.
Good to see lot of amazing answers. Briefly I would like to make few points.
1) Few advices to "pepper" would be to since she repented about the past sins and felt guilty, time to put effort and come closer to Allah and make commitment not to disobey any laws of Allah including by keeping properly attired in Islamic Hijab (known as Burqa here), lowering the gaze in front of non-mahram which is one of the chief distraction. Also try to isolate away from mixed areas. Stay focused on to the purpose of life
2) As regards to marriage through matchmaking sites, in majority of instances, it consists lot of those who are just looking for casual relationship.
3) As it has been suggested, get the family involved unless either you don't have any support or live alone from them or in a far off place away from them.
4) The issue is in families having social connectivity these things may not happen unless they are aloof.
Sister,
You should fight this jealous feeling u have towards your friend by any mean necessary or else it will ruin u!!
I know the feeling of seeing close friends enjoying what you wish you have but know that just as the fingers aren't equal, so are the blessings. However, rest assured that you will get what you are destined to get no matter what and am sure when you do, you wouldn't like it when people get jealous cus they do not know how hard and long you yearned for it. As such, also allow others to enjoy their blessings.
Just pray for inner peace and contentment and continue to pray to God to give you happiness in whatever way He deems fits as its only Him who knows what is best for us on earth and in the hereatfer.
To get rid of the jealousy, instead of foucing on what you do not have yet, focus on what you have, count you blessings, show gratitude to Allah for them at all times and pray for more.
Also, always sincerely pray for your friend always that Allah continue to bless her marriage nd pray that if it is best for you, may He also give you a marriage just like hers or even better. Always keep her in your prayers. Its good for the healing process.