Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Answers to some random questions

Question mark and female doll

Salam everyone! 🙂

Firstly, I hope Allah helps all the brothers and sisters that's going through a hard time right now, may Allah give you patience in your trials and for the brothers and sisters that's trying their best to give sound advise, may Allah reward you for your efforts. AMEEN.

Ok, so I have a few questions. I am born Muslim (ALHAMDUILLA) but only lately I think I'm REALLY a Muslim, if that makes sense. So, I have a few questions and google isn't really helping :D. I know there are some knowledgeable people on here who know a thing or two, so I am hoping you can help me answer the questions I have.

1) Say, I really don't want to do something but I know its the right thing and MAYBE Allah MIGHT be pleased, so I did it just because I read a hadith. I just did it because I ONLY want Allah to bless me by it, would Allah accept it? because in my heart I really really don't want to do it. Is that classed as selfish? I just wanted the blessing and I really am needy and greedy for ALL of Allah's blessings. ugh! I know that's a HORRIBLE thing to say but I just can't help what I don't like!

2) So this question is about Hajj, INSHALLAH, I want to go someday. I have not started saving yet because I am in school. My question is; someone is currently paying my school fees and I have to pay it back (without interest), am I suppose to pay back this before I start saving to go to Hajj? (I know if I die tomorrow sadly Allah won't forgive my debt :(I read that sometime ago). OR Can I save for Hajj WHILE I am paying it back or is ALL my money supposed to go toward paying back?

3) I would like to learn Arabic as I only read the Quran in English translations, can someone tell me what my first step ought to be? I mean there is learning Arabic and then learning the meaning of the Quran, like understanding what it says. I don't know how to explain this :/. I just don't want to read and don't know the inner meaning. I hope you understand what I am trying to say because, I would really like some advise on this matter.

4) The HIJAB ._. I want to but I am worried about ALL SORTS OF THINGS! like the people that wear it, do they so anything special? I mean how do they act? What am I supposed to do and what am I not suppose to do? I have a male doctor and I have an irregular period problem so I have to do ultra sounds and all that, what happens when I have to go to a male doctor? The other problem that I am worried about is that I haven't been practicing and I have sinned, I am trying to be better though, would people judge me? I cry easily :(.

5) I haven't been the best to my mother because she wasn't nice to me when I was growing up, it seemed that she always favored my other sibling. I cant forget all the bad stuff and I just don't want to be close, however, now that I know about Allah, and the high status He gave, I just want to start over. Would it be OK to be kind, nice and give her gifts and see her WITHOUT getting too close? Like telling her whats going on with me and everything. Another Question, on this topic, I feel so guilty for asking as it's like I am questioning Allah but I JUST don't understand 🙁 if there is a hadith" WHY" I would like to know: Why would Allah gave mothers such high status when He KNEW that they all won't be good? Some are abusive where you feel suicidal, they don't care etc etc even on this website you see how some parents are. WHY? I read that when a parent prays for something BAD/good for their children, Allah grants it. WHY? I don't understand :/. ITS SOMETHING BAD, Allah is JUST, I don't understand why this exception.

6) What does it mean to give charity in secret, that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand gave. How can one do that? and can you give charity for Allah to help you for a specific purpose?

I WOULD REALLY REALLY REALLY like if you can give me some answers to my questions. THANK YOU.




Tagged as: , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. Salamualaikum,

    It is good my sister, that you have become REALLY A MUSLIM. What I understand by this is that you have started to practice. Alhamdulillah. Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.

    Regarding your questions, here are the answers:

    1. When you do a good deed, you should do it upon the Sunnah. You should do it as the Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam did it. If you strive to follow him and intend to Please Allah, then the heart feels content. If you are disliking this good deed, then find out why. And see if it is important to do this deed. Because it is not good to dislike a deed you do, which could effect your relationship with Allah.
    Allah is not in need of our deeds. He is al Ghaniyy (the Rich) and we are the poor ones. We depend on Him for each and everything, even the air we breathe.

    So, if you dislike a thing, see how important it is. For example, if you are talking about prayers, then whether you like it or not, you should do it, but should change your attitude, because of the reason I mentioned.

    In one of the Ahadeeth, Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said 'deeds depend on intentions'
    So, when you do a deed, intention holds high importance. What you intend decides the nature of the deed.

    Whether Allah accepts it or not, Only He can say. No power on Earth can tell you if your deed is accepted or rejected. But you should always hope that your deed is accepted, and fear that it might be rejected. This is faith which is between fear and hope.

    2. Debts are very serious matters. You should say them before going to Hajj, because until you have a debt on you, you are not considered to have means for the Hajj. And praises are for Allah for saving you from the crime of dealing in interest.

    3. There are 2 options I can give you:
    a. Find an Arabic teacher, who could help you learn Arabic.
    b. Buy the Arabic Language course DVDs. These are called 'Lessons of the Arabic Language' (دروس ‏اللغة ‏‏العربي‎ة‎ ) by Asif Mehar Ali.‎
    This is a complete series of classes held at Islamic University of Madeenah. It consists of 48 DVDs, and also accompany 3 Books which have the lessons.

    You could buy these. They may cost you nearly $40 (I am not sure though. It depends on where you order from). You can either buy them from an Islamic Center or order them online (use google to find the website in your country 🙂 ). If you not have money, you can probably borrow from the person who helps you with your school expense, or take your parents' help.

    4. Hijaab is something ordained by Allah upon all Muslims, make and female. It is just that men do not have it in form of clothes, but their modesty is their Hijaab. The women are supposed to wear it. In it, there is protection for them. It is the choice of Allah for you. Would you like to oppose Him? If He has chosen something for you, then there is only good in it for you.

    Fear of sin should not stop you from practicing Islam. Perhaps other women here can advise you better on this.

    Regarding the doctor, it is best if you find a female one, but if none is available, then its fine, but have one of your Mahrams along.

    5. What you feel is normal. Even I felt so when I was a child. I once said that to my father, who held of and said, never say that again, because we never differentiate between you. And later, I found that he was true. It was just a false feeling. I am sure this is the case with you too. Being kind to parents is something Allah ordains. Hence, you should stay with her, serve her and keep her happy. It is not appropriate to keep away from her.

    Why Allah has given that status to parents, it is His Wish. We have no right to question Him on this.

    Parents are the ones who stand with a person at every stage of life. If they are angry with your maybe they are, due to your mistakes. You should go to them and apologize for anything wrong you have done and start all over. They care for you and love you. Infact, your mother lover you more than anybody in this World. And its not an exception, but it is something the parents deserve.

    6. This means that you do charity in secret such that only you and the person you have helped knows about it. What one hand gives, the other doesn't know, is an analogy that illustrates the nature of perfect charity.
    If you want to give charity for a specific purpose, you can do so, if you find it in the Sunnah of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. It depends on what purpose you are talking about.

    I hope it has helped
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • 🙂 thank you! your respond was indeed helpful!

      just one question on the charity bit, i have moved to a new country and its a rich country so im sure they have enough people giving money to charity cause and such. Where im originally from, is not such a rich country and i knew an imaam from the majid, i know if i send the money there he will give it to the orphage, would this be the same thing if its just between me and him?

  2. Whatever you did in the old country, insha Allah, will count as secret charity. When you can not find the poor yourself, it is better to hand it over to someone who can actually distribute it among the poor.
    While you do not intend Riya (show off), it is a secret charity, as meant in the hadith.

    Regarding the new country, you should not stop, thinking there are enough rich people to take care of the poor. They do what they have to. You should do what you can do, in order to earn your reward from Allah.

    There is a Hadith in this regard:

    The messenger Sallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam said “No one gives Sadaqah from that which is good (and Allah only accepts that which is good) except that Ar Rahmaan (the most beneficent) takes it with his right hand, even if it is a date. It is then nurtured in the hand of Ar Rahmaan until it becomes greater than a mountain. Just as one of you would nurture his colt or his young (weaned) Camel“

    So, do not stop your charity. Give whatever you can, and hope that Allah will have accepted it.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  3. Salaams,

    I just want to add, that regarding your first question, doing what we don't to do, feel like doing ,or "like", is what is expected. It's going against our nafs. If we did everything we liked and wanted to do, most of the things we would spend our time on would be wrong or bad for us, or at the very least not what we were created for. The more we practice fighting the nafs, the more these disliked activities become easy and even preferred. That is what getting back to our fitra is all about. I believe Allah is always pleased with our efforts to do the right thing, especially when it's not easy for us. If we did only everything that came easy or that we liked, where is the challenge to better ourselves?

    Sometimes we get stuck in a mentality that tells us that if we don't do what we like, or we do what we don't like with less than total sincerity, we are being untrue to ourselves or even Allah. Those are whispers from shaytan. Think about it: what if everyone only did what felt natural to them? What if no one tried harder to do the right thing, because it felt "fake"? Islam didn't come to validate our nafs, it came to teach us how to control it and make it work for us. That is done by going against it and training it to know what it should prefer, instead of listening to what it tells us we like. As we succeed in controlling our nafs, not only do we earn Allah's pleasure and barakah, but we gain nearness to Him that helps us find His guidance as we continue through this life.

    -Amy Editor

    • thank you Amy 🙂 i am reallly trying to not to give into my nafs, thats why i wasnt sure if Allah would accept my efforts or not since i wasnt doing it because i WANT to. As brother Muhammad said, no one knows if Allah accepts it or not. Inshallah it would be easier in the future.

Leave a Response