Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I just want to be successful in this life and not bother with religion – CLOSED


With all the problems with my marriage, I have started thinking about the man I wanted to marry but wasn't allowed to marry because of parents. I just wished him well through email, saying that I hope he is happily married and happy, and then he asked me for my pictures and my phone number and gave me his phone number.

Is he playing games with me or does he love me still? Why would he ask me for my number and pictures if he knows I am married?

I have to tell you, I have lost all attraction to my husband because he doesn't provide nor is intimate with me or emotionally supportive. I even went to a chatroom, but I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wanted to talk to muslim sisters, but mostly men were hitting on me. I sent them my pictures, only because I wanted to know if I am attractive or not because my husband always puts me down and compares me to other women.

Would that be considered zina, to show my picture to other men just to feel better about myself? I don't care about any of these men. I just want to lift my self-esteem since my husband always puts me down.

Also, I feel like I am so far from Islam. I don't pray or read Quran or nothing. Since doing so, I feel so much better. I am no longer seeing Shaytan and my mental health is improving. I also feel that if other people are getting happiness in this life and they don't pray or anything, why bother praying?

I just want to be happy and successful in this life. I don't want to suffer anymore. Also, men don't like religious women. Most of the muslim men are the biggest hypocrites in the world. So, I feel why not "be" what the men want me to be. They don't like hijab or religion at all. In fact, my husband told me to go marry a mullah. He hates hijab and wants me to show off my beauty. So, I don't understand why Allah commands us to wear hijab when most of the men aren't attracted to it. If they were, they most muslim men would be faithful.

Anyway, that's just my feelings. I really don't understand why Allah rewards others when they don't pray, fast, or could care less for Islam. It seems why bother with these things when you end up suffering. And please don't give me the line, "the dunya is for the disbelievers and hell for the believers", because most muslims aren't practicing these days.

Anyway, I feel like just enjoying my life and doing what I want to be happy. I tried hard to pray and read Quran, but it only made my life worse. I'm glad my mental health is improving and I feel better.


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24 Responses »

  1. Listen my dear sister sit down and ask your man what the problem is and sort it out but don't leave him for someone else and please don't send anyone your photos I'm sure they would use it the wrong way. Pray to ALLAH and talk with your man trust me things will soon work out when he sees your changing your self for him.


  2. As-salamu alayukum sister,

    This is your tenth post on this website. Your previous posts have received (cumulatively) hundreds of replies. If, after all that, you are sending your photos to strange men, not praying or practicing Islam, and you say you feel happier like this, then what more can we tell you?

    If you feel that religion is not necessary or important for life, and you want to be successful in this life only, then we are not the ones to ask, because this is a religious website. We offer advice based on Islam. Of course we are going to tell you to return to Allah, continue your prayers, practice your faith, and seek solutions from Allah, and from your own positive actions.

    Allah does not exist to serve us. We exist to serve Him. He is not there to give us money, material success, happy marriages, etc. The bargain we make with Allah is that we give Him worship and obedience, and He gives us Jannah. As for the dunya, while it is nice to have financial security, that kind of security is ultimately an illusion. We cannot take it with us when we die. We can only take our deeds.

    If we do not have a connection with Allah, and the desire to serve Him and be close to Him, and gratitude toward Allah for whatever good we have in our lives, and the desire to achieve Jannah, then of course the dunya will seem more appealing to us than anything else.

    My final comment is that life is short, and soon we will be standing before Allah on the Day of Resurrection, awaiting our fate - either Jannah or hellfire. We must think carefully about what we hope to achieve on that day.

    Wael Editor

  3. When you said why ALLAH give to this who don't pray is because ALLAH likes it when you keep asking for something Trust me I know It means ALLAH cares about you and one In Sha ALLAH watch whatever you prayed for will come true and to those who ALLAH dose not like he gives them what they ask for because ALLAH dose not like them and he gives them what they ask for so they dont come back ☺but start reading Quran and praying again and most importantly be patience☺☺☺and all will be well

  4. I will allow only a few replies on this post, and then I will close it.

    Sister, I advise you to read the first 29 ayahs of Surat Al-Baqarah (with the meaning), and contemplate them very carefully.

    Wael Editor

  5. ALLAH says wear hijab because he dose not want others to see your beautiful ☺☺

  6. And let not those who disbelieve ever think that [because] We extend their time [of enjoyment] it is better for them. We only extend it for them so that they may increase in sin, and for them is a humiliating punishment (al-imran,178)

    Do not extend your eyes toward that by which We have given enjoyment to [certain] categories of the disbelievers, and do not grieve over them. And lower your wing to the believers (15:88)

    Who took their religion as distraction and amusement and whom the worldly life deluded." So today We will forget them just as they forgot the meeting of this Day of theirs and for having rejected Our verses.


    OP:Anyway, that's just my feelings. I really don't understand why Allah rewards others when they don't pray, fast, or could care less for Islam.

    -How exactly does Allah reward them? you think just because they have wealth , fame, do deplorable deeds, sleep around with the opposite gender and always seem happy , that its actually Allah rewarding them? Not at all its the other way around people like this have forgotten Allah and only concern themselves about the worldy life they only care about pleasing there fake friends and people who only respect them for there worldy wealth or status. Allah guides whom he wills and no one can guide someone whom Allah doesn't will. What you consider Allah rewarding them is actually a punishment because they have been blinded and do not even realize what they are doing is wrong. Nor do they have islam left in there hearts to guide them back to the straight path,

    -As for you , your on a dangerous path yourself, you should ask yourself what do you want from your life? Short lived worldy happiness with no struggle and hardship or eternal happiness that will never end.

    -You work at a school or with kids as mentioned in your previous post , so think about it this way

    What makes the difference between an A + or B+ , and that's the amount of time and energy your willing to put in.

    • Assalamualaikum,
      I completely agree with wael. I have read your previous posts as well. Please as a Muslim sister don't make a mockery out of Islam. You have been given more than enough advice throughout your previous posts. This website is for people who want sincere Islamic advice. Someone who fears Allah, who wants to be advised about something very important could have been in your place. There's a waiting line for posts to be posted and for you to take up the waiting line, take up space someone Allah fearing could have benefitted from is just not fair.
      Also you say since you have stopped reciting the Quran and praying you don't see shaytaan anymore well sis let me give you a wake up call. You let shaytaan win. He knows he doesn't have to work hard on you since you don't bother with your religion. And why on earth are you asking am I committing zina if I send pics to these stranger men just to make my self feel better. Even common sense says it's wrong and I am sure you do too.
      My apologies to the editors if I sound rude but this is un acceptable and please unless there is a serious reason this sister messages again don't waste the slot by submitting her questions.

  7. i just want to say Everyone have problims but not every one have Allah , Allah makes all differnce . Allah is not an option, Allah is not plan B, Allah is not alternative, Allah should b our priority our sole purpose in life dr.bilal philips.
    this sister post scare me. May Allah show her right path amin.

  8. Dear sister
    I don't understand what and why you are letting out your anger by horribly phrasing words in such manner towards religion.
    You are a grown up and I'm sure you know what's right from wrong.
    I really feel sorry for you disrespecting religion, your ongoing circumstances whether good bad or ugly are no one's doings. Everyone in life will have troubles at some point, but we cope with our troubles asking,solving and praying, we don't go around shouting, screaming and being disrespectful.
    The way you have posted your current status is very appalling, you act out as a child who lashes out when they are really spoilt and need things immediately. You have to work things out in life not just throw tantrums.

    Wishing that you look at what you have written and sort yourself out, duas are for you.

  9. Salam sis,
    I'm sorry to hear what your going through and I feel like a bit of a hypocrite advising you because recently I have been going through fluctuations in my deen. Sister it's natural to go through dips in your faith but you need to persevere and keep moving forward, otherwise your letting the shaytaan win.

    Your words and your actions in this post are a reflection of shaytaans influence. The sadness, the helplessness, is a result of his influence over you. Don't you see that? Next time, you feel down or suffer from low self esteem, think about the consequences of your actions before you do anything. Do you really think sending your pics to sick desperate men online is going to help your situation or build your self esteem? Of course not, it's destructive behaviour, if anything you will feel more guilty and used.

    I don't mean to judge, but your saying that men are hypocrites, well what does that make you? Your wearing hijab, and married, whether your happy or not, but still sending your pictures to random men? That makes you the same as your husband, your stooping down to the same level as him. That's like me going out and cheating on my husband just because he cheated on me. That's degrading.

    Like I said its natural to feel this way at times, this is how the shaytaan works. He breaks your self esteem, makes you feel helpless, tells you to isolate yourself, and slowly before you know it, you start hating good and desiring what's bad for you. You start to rebel like a teenager. Right now the blasted shaytaan is telling you to send your pictures, soon he'll tell you to take the next step and meet a guy, then the next step to sleep with him. This is worst case scenario but believe it or not shaytaan is very patient - he will guide you with baby steps to his ultimate goal. Don't let him win.

    Each time you have self destructive thoughts, picture the shaytaan in your mind, and picture you kicking him and hurting him until he becomes smaller and weaker. Turn to Allah, listen to inspirational Islamic videos, read books, socialise with pious good Muslims, people with positive energy to get yourself out of this darkness. Just like anything in life you need to work hard and put effort into building your emaan and your relationship with God. It doesn't just happen with an odd prayer here and there. You need to plan, focus, pray, contemplate, reflect, learn. Just like you put hard work and effort into an exam at school, you need to do the same for your life.

    I understand what your saying about people who sin yet seem to have everything in life, I would whine about that to my mum all the time too. She would respond in anger and tell me to stop speaking nonsense and kufr. And she was right. all you need to do is read stories from the Quran. These are real life stories - look at the prophets - they didn't have an easy life. Take prophet ayubs pbuh story, the story of yusuf pbuh - he was seperated from his family as a child, sold as a slave, put into prison, but that didn't stop them worshipping Allah swt, instead it brought them closer. So if the prophets who were so dear to Allah swt went through trials what makes us so special ?

    It's like a scholar once said, this dunya is designed to break our hearts. We're not living in paradise, we're not going to reach full contentment here. And we need to accept that.

    I know it's torture to be married to a man who doesn't love you nor care about you, but that doesn't mean all men are the same. If he is denying you your rights and mocking Islam then he's sinful. Pity him. If he is so keen for you to take the hijab off, then do it, but only in front of him. Dress up, do your hair, make up etc for him when your at home. Attract him to you. But doesn't mean you need to do the same for every guy out there? Why would you ??? Your body, your beauty isn't meant for other men - it's actually quite disgusting to have other men stare at you, men who don't have any rights over you, who probably stare at tonnes of other girls. How can you define yourself by their disgusting standards?

    Right now, you have two options, stay in the marriage or leave. If you stay, then accept your husband as he is. Pray for him, be a good example for him, be patient, guide him by being a good role model. Who knows one day he may change and be how you want him to be, but if he doesn't then don't complain.

    I know I've probably simplified things, I realise how difficult things can be in reality but you need to start taking some serious steps to change your circumstances. And the first step would be to actually develop your relationship with Allah swt, push the shaytaan away and slowly things will fall into place.

    Don't give up hope in Allah swt. I read somewhere once that if you complain about smaller things in life, Allah will give you bigger things to whine over. So be patient - it's a for worship in itself.

    Like I said, I do feel like a hypocrite, because I myself sometimes feel this way. But at the same time I'm trying to be productive and trying to occupy my time with achieving other goals in life. It's difficult but gets a little bit easier.

    Allah is how you think of Him. Think good of Him. I pray Allah swt lifts your burden, and guides you to peace and tranquility, putting comfort into your heart, Ameen.

  10. Dear sister i can understand and feel what ur going through and how hurt ur feeling. Geting hurt from ur loved ones either phsicly or emotionaly and then living in a loveless marriega is the worst thing can happen in life and i know how it changes u emotionaly and mentaly.. I dont knw what to advise u caz u've already recived some beautiful and helpfull replies. All i will say to u is that i really feel sorry for u. May allah gives u hedayth. Rewards u for all the pain u have suffered in the past. And may allah bless u with jannat. Dont worry tooo much about this world sister. It is temprary life and it will end oneday no matter ur living happily or sad u r going to leave this world one day.. Its better to praper for ur akhira then worring tooo much about this fake and short world. May allah show u the right path and strengthened ur emaan. AMEEN.... Inshaallah i will remember u in my duas

  11. The fact that I am posting on this muslim website, means that I am in desperate need for help because I am struggling in my deen. I have prayed to Allah and constantly asked for a happy life in the dunya and akirah, and every time, I am suffering more and more. I am dealing with so much...disabiltiy, an abusive and financially and basically a husband who cares nothing for my intimacy or emotional needs, and when I turn to the muslim community, I get told why am I posting here from the moderator Wael and all kinds of judgemental backlash instead of the support I need. That is why so many people leave Islam. It's because when one of your brothers or sisters is desperately in need, the community shuns them and doesn't give them the support they need. Thanks a lot Wael for making me feel even worse and telling me that I'm a waste of time on your website when really I am a cry for help and on the brink of wanting to be out of the dunya. I am dealing with so much health problems both physical and mental, my unsupportive family, and a husband who doesn't care about my needs at all, and this is the support I get. I hope you all answer in the day of judgement, especially, you Wael, for treating me in this manner. You are the reason I am failing in my faith.

    No wonder non-muslims think so low of muslims. You don't help your brothers and sisters in need, who are crying for your help, and they end up turning to non-muslims for the support and eventually leave Islam altogether. For these actions, you will be responsible on the day of judgement for shunning a sister in need. I hope you get the hellfire Wael, it won't be me.

  12. Oh, and the fact I am turning to other men, is because I am searching to be loved and appreciated which I don't find in my marriage...but of course, the muslim community judges me and tells me I'm destined for hell and all kinds of backlash, when really I need the support. You are all going to answer to Allah on the day of judgement, especially you, Wael, who is the creator of this website. For turning away a muslim born sister who is struggling in will be answerable for your cruel and harsh responses. I hate you Wael.

  13. All I want is to be happy, and I said multiple times, that when I tried to read quran and pray, I saw the Shaytan, but instead of helping me, you have made a mockery of me and shunned me. I hope Wael especially goes to hell for answering me in such a harsh way that I am a waste of space on his website. I really am crying desperately for help from the muslim community, and I'm just not getting it and turning to non-muslims. Going to other men, is really a cry for help because my marriage is so torturous and the fact that I am disabled, makes me stuck in this marriage where it is loveless, emotionally unsupportive, and finanically devoid. Wael you will really have to answer to Allah in the day of judgement for responding to me so cruelly and turning away a muslim born sister who always loved Allah and prayed and went to Quranic school, but is suffering horribly and can't mentally take it any more and is struggling with her deen and doesn't know any more what is right or wrong. You will answer to doubt about it for saying I am a waste of space. I hate you so much Wael. You are a complete jerk and probably a male chauvinist.

  14. And Sohaib, I have talked to my husband for five years, and he hasn't changed at all. I can't mentally take a loveless marriage and no emotional support or financial support. I have done everything possible to talk to him, gone to counseling, I am just desperately seeking love from other men. I don't think you need to judge me so harshly. We all want to be loved, and it does feel good when another man can see you for who you are when your husband doesn't. I hate all the people on here who have judged me so harshly, especially stupid Wael. I don't even know why you are the head of this website when you are so cruel at heart. That's why non-muslims hate the muslim community. You don't help the people who are suffering, and instead the non-muslims give them the love and support they need. The people on here, especially Wael, who have told me I'm a waste of space, you will get your punishment for answering so harshly and hatefully to a muslim sister in need. That's why the world hates muslims.

  15. Oh, and then closing my posts, you are a complete jerk Wael. I came to this website in need of your help, but you always answer me so rudely. It would be best if you just never answered since you are such a loser and complete jerk and always judge me so harshly. You really shouldn't even be the moderator of this website since you are such a loser. I hate you so much Wael and I hope you burn in hell for answering me like this. If you close my post, you have just contributed to a muslim born sister totally lost in her faith and will be answerable to Allah for your harsh and judgemental words.

  16. And Serenity, you can shut the hell up for supporting Wael because he is totally wrong. You don't know how much I am suffering and crying and desperately need your help, but this is what you do to me. Shun me completely. You will answer to Allah for what you have done to me. For turning me from from my faith...Allah will give you, and especially Wael who is the creator of this website and supposed to help struggling muslims, the hellfire forever.

  17. I have tried everything to be attractive to my husband, but he isn't interested. He is never interested. Instead he stares at other girls on tv, starplus actresses dancing half naked on the stage and doesn't even care about me. So to feel appreciated, I have turned to other men. You all don't need to judge me so harshly. That's why people hate the muslim community so much. I hope Allah punishes Wael and Serenity and all the harsh comments made to me from other muslims on here with hellfire for turning me away from Islam and contributing to it instead of getting me back in faith. Oh and blocking me and telling me you will close my posts, that is just so awful of you Wael. Remember will get hellfire there is no doubt about that and definitely Serenity instead of giving me love and emotional support and bringing me back to Islam.

  18. Don't blame non-muslims for portraying the muslim community so harshly when you are so judgemental and unhelpful to your own brothers and sisters crying in need. The prophet wouldn't have done it, but you are all the biggest hypocrites in the world and hellfire will wait for me on that. For forcing me away from Islam and turning me to non-muslims for help and support.

  19. I wish Wael would never answer any of my posts. I especially hate him so much. Like when he answers, I wonder why doesn't he just shut the hell up because what he says always makes me feel so horrible and moves me even further away from my faith.

  20. Same with all the other people on here who just made me feel ten times smaller, like Serenity.

  21. OP: I just wished him well through email, saying that I hope he is happily married and happy, and then he asked me for my pictures and my phone number and gave me his phone number...........Is he playing games with me or does he love me still? Why would he ask me for my number and pictures if he knows I am married?...........I have to tell you, I have lost all attraction to my husband because he doesn't provide nor is intimate with me or emotionally supportive. I even went to a chatroom, but I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wanted to talk to muslim sisters, but mostly men were hitting on me. I sent them my pictures, only because I wanted to know if I am attractive or not because my husband always puts me down and compares me to other women.

    You seem to be an intelligent woman who is going thru hard times because of some emotional problems and loveless marriage. Most likely your husband has sexual performance issues which has nothing to do with your looks. Don't trust men in chat rooms. Most of them will say or do any thing for you to DATE you. Many will say they love you to get you into bed. Stay away from Internet. If you go to chat rooms don't share your personal information (pictures, phone, your location).

  22. This is so sad. May Allah help you.

    Remember only in rememberance of Allah does heart find rest. I think you should start by repenting sincerely to Allah and I know we are not going through what you are so we don't know exactly how u are feeling but everyone has test that Allah puts us though, but believe me the person above said it right, Allah makes ALL the difference.

    Also, I think you misunderstood Wael because you're not it's seems in the right frame of mind, I haven't read your previous post but it's seems that everyone has advised you already and u didn't seem to take heed? I am not sure, but he just meant what difference would a few more response make when you didn't heed the hundreds that were given as his comment noted.

    Also, if you haven't tried praying tahajjud you should start 🙂

  23. Sister, may Allah guide you, comfort you and ease your heart. I ask Allah's forgiveness and yours for any hurt I have caused you.

    I said what I said only because you have posted multiple times on this website and have received many, many replies. I feel that there would be more benefit to you in going back and reading those previous replies, or in seeing a counselor in person on a regular basis.

    Also, I firmly believe that people must take responsibility for their lives, and actively seek solutions, in addition to calling upon Allah and asking for His help. This is one of those great truths of life, that our situations do not change unless we take steps to change them. But sometimes this can be difficult for people to hear.

    Again, I apologize for causing you pain.

    This post is now closed to comments.

    Wael Editor