Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Lack of trust in our relationship


I want an advice regarding trust. I am in love with a boy we are in relation also he said he will marry me but he says that after sometime ..... I have doubt upon him regarding his promise as he used to say me I will talk to my family this month but when the month comes he says next month, then next month comes and he says no next month. He did so many times - he is not a man of his words should I trust him further? Or it's just my misconception of not understanding his situation ????


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15 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister, speaking from personal experience - if a man is not true to his word and breaks his promises then forget about him. If you are already having trust issues it would be very risky to pursue things further and marry him. I can't stress strongly enough to cut your losses and look for a man who is trustworthy and who you will feel at peace with after marriage. I have been in a marriage where my husband lied about everything small or big, it's torture because you never know when to believe him. Lack of trust should be a deal breaker. Save yourself the heartache, move on and find yourself someone who will respect you. Marriage is a long journey, don't ignore any red flags.

  2. Sister,

    It sounds like this guy is just stringing you along. You should stop contact with him for the sake of Allah and for yourself. If he is sincere, he should contact your father.


  3. Many replys on this website comment "for the sake of allah" which doesnt seem right because allah doesnt need anything from anyone so whenever you do something it may be for the sake of others or yourself because when you indulge in the right thing you will benefit from it not allah. (I didnt intend on attacking anyone with my comment)

    • Salam,

      You are absolutely correct in your correction of my comment. I guess I should have chosen my words more wisely. I will pray for this sister that she end this relationship with this boy as it is a haram relationship to begin with. Allah hu alem.


    • demise, you're right in a way. The expression in Arabic is "fee sabeel-illah", which translates to, "In the path of Allah." Many people translate it as "for the sake of Allah," but it's more correct to say in the cause of Allah, or in the path of Allah.

      Wael Editor

      • Isn't ''for the sake of Allah'' or ''for Allah's sake'' more close to ''Li wajihillah'' لوجه الله? or ''Lil-lah'' لله?

        اخلاصا لله may mean ''wholeheartedly for Allah'', which doesn't look much different from saying ''wholeheartedly for Allah's sake or for the sake of Allah''.

        I'm just confused. Is anything wrong with the English term ''for the sake''? Just curious!

        • For the sake of Allah means in order to please Allah.

          Like when people say " I love you for the sake of Allah. "

          This means to please Allah because pleasing Allah swt should be our top priority.

          "The Messenger of Allah said: Allah, the Exalted, has said: For those who love one another for the sake of My Glory, there will be seats of light (on the Day of Resurrection), and they will be envied by the Prophets and martyrs. [At-Tirmidhee]

          • Jazakillahu khair Sister Saba for your great responses, mashaAllah. I just saw them.

  4. no language can be perfectly translated in to another same holds true for arabic to english

    • So what's your point at all? Can't we say ''we do things for the sake of Allah''? That means ''for the sake of attaining Allah's Satisfaction''. However, if the same term is applied to humans, then the meaning may change.

      What sister Najah could mean is, ''You should stop contact with him for the sake of attaining Allah's Satisfaction and for your own good''

      ''"We only feed you for the sake of Allah. We want from you neither compensation, nor gratitude.'' (Quran 76:9)

  5. sake means out of consideration to help someone therefore no one can do anything to help allah. furthermore your actions can only benefit or harm yourself as well as others.

    My comment was not aimed at ms najah i was trying to advise commentors in general. I have discussed this matter with a imam and only trying to give a word of caution.

    In my opinion its better to just leave out the word sake, so if it was me i would say , "stop contact with him for your own good and to stay on the right path"

    When you say to attain Allahs Satisfaction it seems a bit peculiar because satisfaction may mean a fulfillment of needs and Allaha is free of needs so i would refrain from the term "Allahs satisfaction"

    • "It has been related by Al-Miqdaam bin Ma’di Karib that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "If any of you loves his brother then he should inform him" (Tirmidhi, Hadeeth Hasan Sahih) Also, Anas ibn Maalik related: "I was sitting with the Prophet when a man came passing by, and he said, ‘Oh Prophet of Allaah, indeed I love this man (in a brotherly way)’; so he (the Prophet ) said, ‘Have you informed him of this?’; so the man said, ‘No.’; so the Prophet said, ‘Get up and go tell him.’; so he got up and went to him and said, ‘Oh so-and-so, by Allaah, indeed I love you for the sake of Allaah’; so he said, ‘May the One for whom you have loved me, love you (in return)." (related by Imam Ahmad and Abu Daawood and it is hadeeth sahih.)"

      This translation can be found by doing a google search. I think you are taking the word sake way out of context. Not sure which Imam you talked to, but I have heard this word being used during Juma'a Khutbah.

    • 1. As I pointed out before, when the same term is attributed to both Allah and humans, then that term will not mean the same in both situations. For example, ''Allah is Hearing'', and ''Humans are hearing''. Both statements may have the same term ''Hearing'', however, the hearing of humans is limited, whereas the Hearing of Almighty Allah is absolute. The Criterion for this matter may be understood from the noble verse of the Holy Quran:

      ''...There is nothing like unto Him, and He is the Hearing, the Seeing.''
      (Quran 42: 11)

      2. Allah is free of needs, however, whenever the attribution of need is attributed to Him, then it does not mean the same thing as to when it's attributed to humans. Have you considered, the saying of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, as He says?

      ''Who is he who will offer Allah a generous loan, so He will multiply it for him manifold? Allah receives and amplifies, and to Him you will be returned.''
      (Quran 2: 345)

      3. Attaining the Satisfaction of Allah, in this sense, would actually mean ''attaining the Approval of Allah, you being loved by Him, and He being pleased with you''. If that becomes hard for you to understand, then you may simply replace that with ''earning rewards and blessings from Allah''.

      As Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says:

      ''And the parable of those who spend their wealth seeking Allah's approval, and to strengthen their souls, is that of a garden on a hillside...''
      (Quran 2: 265)

      Their reward is with their Lord: Gardens of Eternity beneath which rivers flow, where they will abide forever. Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. That is for whoever fears His Lord.
      (Quran 98: 8)

      I actually wouldn't want to go further with you on this matter because it's a separate topic. Therefore, if you still need more help, then you may see a local Imam or a scholar for further discussions on the matter inshaAllah, or at least you may register and submit a separate post here, and then you will be responded in depth and detail, inshaAllah.

      Hope this helps inshaAllah, and Allah Ta'ala knows best.

  6. Definition of sake:

    for the purpose of

    It has multiple meanings and therefore it can be taken out of context. The translations I have written here are not mine and are in fact from scholars.

    And Allah knows Best--especially our intentions.

  7. Interesting discussion but everyone seems to be going off topic. I'm sure the sister would appreciate some advice related to her question.

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