I want to leave my abusive husband, but I fear Allah’s punishment
Aslamualikum. I'm 31 years old. I got married when I was 16 and it was an arranged marriage. After my marriage my husband love me but he act crazy. First he doubted me so much not its gone. I have 3 kids alhamdulilah and girl is 13 years old. My husband hit me when he angry, he curses more with dirty words in front of kids and again he told me he love me. I'm getting crazy about him. He read all the Islamic books and advise people to, he listens to Islamic speeches a lot but he don't do salat 5 times. He work at night sleep all day and eat and go work again.
All home work and out side work I have to do. we live in newyork.my fam told before to leave him but I was afraid to do that. Even my fam don't know he hit me. Lots of times he hit me and it bleeds. I'm always afraid of him. I don't love him but I afraid of punishment from Allah so I try to obey him. But day by day I'm tired. My sons are like him too almost. My daughter doesn't like her dad too. I tried to make my doughter to love her dad but I can't coz him yet herd doughter too and I don't know what to do but I want a husband who is love me care me understand me and do the right thing.
I mean his life will be a Islamic life,plz sir tell me what I can do. I'm getting menta ally sick. If I tell him give us some time he will say I have too work for u guys. but he is not a Time maintain worker .he go to work late everyday.pla advise me.if I still live w him I think one day he will kill me maybe, because when he hits me he can't control his self
-jannah
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Salaam sister.
I urge you to leave this man as soon as you can. Just get as far away from him as you can and take your kids with you. Keep yourself and your kids safe. Do not seek divorce at this stage until you are safe sister.
My dear sister, Allah (swt) is the Most Just and fair. He has made divorce permissible in certain situations. Your situation is definitely one situation where divorce is needed. Do you think Allah (swt) would want a one of his servants to stay married to someone who beats them? And harms his own children? Does this make sense to you? Of course He wouldnt. In fact Islamically your body has rights over you, and even more importantly your children have rights over you. You have to protect yourself and your children and leave him.
Get hold of any documents you need and any important items, find a place to stay and leave with your children in private. Once you are away from him and safe then seek Khula and divorce him.
Please for your sake leave this excuse of a man. If you cannot do it for your sake do it for your children. You say your sons are starting to behave like their dad - this is not good but it does happen. Boys that grow up in abusive households often hit their own wives when they grow up and girls may be vicious towards their spouses or may choose men who are abusive. Do you want that for your children?
Please leave sister. If you need any support from a female editor we can contact you.
I advise you to contact HOPE in the USA Call 800.621.HOPE (4673) who can offer you more advice as well.
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Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree with Sara's advise leave this man he dont deserve you and you shouldn't have to suffer and live in fear. You have to put yourself and your children first, i hope inshAllah Allah helps you and gives you the strength to leave this man.
Ameen
Sorry to hear about your situation sister...May Allah give him hidayah and give you sabar to deal with such wild person....And its better to leave him rather then gettin beatup eveyrday infront of kids...the reason boys are like this is cause they see their dad not respecting you and abusing you infront of them...If you have your family support then kindly take some action....i know its not that easy but you get one life it depends on how you try to deal with it...May Allah show you the right patha nd make you more strong sister! my prayers are with you.
sister Jannah,
follow sister sara advise. collect your documents , tranfer them to a safe place( may be your family). you should make a plan for safe escape. there are organizations who can help you make aplan and find a safe place to hide temporarily. From there you can make further plans.
remember you can always call police if he starts beating you.
my duas for you , may Allah make it easy for you and let this abuse end.
It's things like these that make me assume...what's going to happen to my sister? No man will touch,scratch,yell or anything without my consent.Annoying my sister is a job for me only. Your situation is kind of different. Yeah you may have family support, but there is no other man to step in. At a young age, I don't quite fully understand marriage. You have helped me gain more.SALAM
I'm in similar situation like you, and I leave in an other country far and my family lives in a diffrent country so my point is if my family were living close to me I would 1000% leave this guy but I can't cuz he treats me to take my baby girl away from me n he is not working n on top of that I have no idea were the hell I'm, but if I were u I would go away from that idiot but I myself are confused with my situation :,(
I'm 21 n got married in 18...
Farhin, I deleted the rest of your comment. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, thanks.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor