She left me, said lies about me now I am helpless.
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
I am very much mentally disturbed these days I always wish to end my life but i know its haram. Actually when i was studying in my college doing bachelor`s degree there was this girl in my college who was also doing bachelor`s degree and was just known to me as friends friend and belonged to the same nationality and culture and she also wears an abaya and scarf her hairs. she started liking me and she proposed me with the intention to get married i thought about it but after thinking for around 2 days i accepted her proposal with the intention and i will get married to this girl one day for sure .Even her mother was agreed to this relation which was destined to marriage. We would share all kinds of moments and i would do anything to make her happy and have also spended lot of money as per her wishes and in many ways i had done to such extent that sometimes i would keep my wishes aside to fulfill her wishes i used save single penny to get her gifts and forget about myslef .As the time passed on we also indulged in zina . which was also as per her wish ,though i had a fear of it i asked her if she has true intentions to marry me she acutally took the Quran in her hand and said that i swear on Quran with keeping ALLAH (swt) and Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) as witness that " i will marry you and even now i consider you my Husband ".As time passed on both of us graduated from bachelor`s. i got was busy in settling up my life and had to travel abroad for business and by the time she started doing her masters degree .
Now the time comes that i was struggling and With ALLAH (SWT) blessings doing well in settling business which is basically my fathers and me being just carrying it forward and at this time she graduates and completes her masters and all of a sudden after 4 years of ralationship she says she is not happy with me and because i have not completed my masters and she wants to leave me .i made her understand that its all that i rarely give you time these days its because i am struggling to make life better so after marriage we can have proper livings and definitely i asked her just a month to pursue marriage talk with parents .but she kept on resisting that all our relationship is over and i want to leave you i am not happy after getting so annoyed i told her that you are committing sin and you are zaani and that was it !!! she just left me alone . Even after my mother got to know about all this she tried to make her understand and she even apologized saying that i apologize on my sons behalf and he will keep you happy for sure .but there was no responses and i also informed her mother regarding everything she said she cant do anything about it as because this daughter of her is very different thinking and is very egoistic. After trying my best and giving her Quran references she still did not listened to me and called me as i am harassing her by making her understand.When i kept quite for a while i could see her facebook with pictures without scarf and with some guys from masters class added and talking about her beauty, appreciating her and she being thankful to them . I could not resist this i have send an email to her father informing about zina and Quran Swear and everything . i received a call from him but i had no guts to talk to him due to respect and guilt and also nervousness and finally my father received a call from her friend he said that i have been harassing there family and disturbing them and have become panic for them all though it was told by her to her friend to call my father not her father just to put me down in my front of my father as she had gone through it was a revenge act .
My father have requested me to avoid all this now and let her go if she wants to and she doesn`t want to stay with you then why you are forcing her.
NOW SHE HAVE ALSO SPREAD NEWS IN ALL FRIENDS AND COLLEGE MATES THAT BECAUSE I GAVE HER BAD WORDS TO HER MOTHER AND SISTER SHE LEFT ME WHICH IS UNTRUE. WHAT SHOULD BE DONE NOW ? WHAT ABOUT SWEAR UPON QURAN WHICH WE BOTH DID AND I AM READY TO GO AHEAD BUT SHE IS NOT IN ANYWAY .SHOULD I TALK TO HER FATHER AFTER WHICH THEY MIGHT COMPLAIN AGAIN TO MY FATHER AS IF I AM HARASSING THEM WHICH IS VERY WIRED WORD OR SHOULD I NOW JUST LEAVE IT TO ALLAH AND MAY ALLAH PUNISH FOR BETRAYING MY TRUST AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS FOR MYSLEF. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HER FATHER RESPONDED TO THIS BUT SHE IS STILL WORKING IN ONE OF THE COLLEGE AND LECTURER .I CANT EVEN IMAGINE HER WITH SOME ONE ELSE NOW I KNOW SHE WILL GET MARRIED ONE DAY BUT I CANT TOLERATE THAT FACT I AM VERY MUCH MENTALLY DISTURB PLEASE GUIDE ME PLEASE .
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What did you expect her to do after you told her father that she commited zinaa with you. It was a very bad thing to reveal that.
Let her go now. You both have abused each other already.
Pray to Allah to make you forget her
Thanks for reply ,
But my dear i informed her father after i got to know that she has left me without any reason and she is moving on . Plus when i informed her mother that aunty it all started (relationship destined to marriage) was with your concern and now your daughter is running away. She said she cant do anything her daughter is very egoistic .i was so helpless whom would i have told to convince her to be alright .I made all our common friends to make her understand and every one did that but she was on one stupid factor saying that i have become mature now and i think our thinking are different.
I wish and i have faith on ALLAH that one day she will be in my situation and there will be no one then to support her and what happened with me may ALLAH punish her for betraying my trust .
I thank all the rest people for giving their advices .
Thanks a ton
Regards
As salamu alaykum, brother farhajn,
Ramadhan Mubarak.
Thank you very much for sharing. I am going to be very straight with you. Please listen carefully.
Stop contact with her and her family, ignore them, repent from Heart and listen to your father.
Your father is absolutely right, step one: don´t contact her under any circumstance, if she approachs to you, run in the opposite direction, don´t email, don´t phone, don´t anything. Stop all kind of contact, don´t look at her facebook or whatever other page of her, avoid her completely. Am I being clear about this?
Let her go, means let her go, she is past, after no contact, the next step is trying to forget and forgive, this is step two: she doesn´t deserve your attention, she just used you, don´t get annoyed about it, Alhamdulillah she was a good teacher, she taught you all that you don´t have to do, think that your suffering now is the price you had to pay for sinning. Then be grateful, she is out of your life and this test will help you to get closer to Allah(swt), to help and guide you to forgive and forget, insha´Allah. This will take a time but you will get it, insha´Allah. You are a sweet, soft hearted man, Alhamdulillah.
About all the lies she is telling about you, my mother always says: "it is easier to caught a lier than a person with one leg" , don´t worry about this, give silence as answer, all this will wrotten and fall for its own weight, when people see you are a good person, you keep quiet, stays away from her, avoid fights, conflicts and suffocating situations, you will make a difference, she is who she is and if nobody avoids it she will do the same or something similar to other one, now she has nothing to lose and when she had zina with you, who knows what she had done before, then she is paving her own path, you are out of that path, Alhamdulillah. Go to Allah(swt) and get stronger on the Straight Path, insha´Allah.
You are possesive over her, this is what makes you disturb, please listen and understand, she belongs to Allah(swt) no human being belong to other human being, you belong to Allah(swt) and please from now on understand that your submision to Allah(swt) is what is being tested here, let her go, repent (tawbah) from Heart, forgive her and yourself and move on.
You weren´t married to her, repent from that swearing you made and forgive both of your ignorance.
You should have a STD test done, to be sure you are clean, you don´t want to give your future spouse a problem, Allah(swt) forbids.
Alhamdulillah, Allah(swt) knows what´s the best for us, be patience, go back to Him(swt), pray your salat, do your duties as muslim man, read and recite the Quran, be your best brother and honour yourself and us as a straight muslim man, Insha´Allah.
If you need us just let us know, we will try our best for your best, insha´Allah.
My Unconditional Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks a ton Maria,
I really appreciate your way of making me understand and i am really glad that you could understand my situation very well . I would just like to ask you few more things i hope you really don`t mind it.
First thing is at some or the other corner of my heart i have this feeling that she should face the same as i did and May ALLAH guide her to good but she should get the lesson of what she did.Secondly for the fact as i never ever expected that my love will destined to this due to many reasons.however she has gifted me Holy Quran and many islamic things when she went for an UMRAH ,should i keep it which at some instant reminds me of her being so good at some instant or just give away to anyone or just handover it to her watchman to just give it to her.
Fact but true i really loved her with pure heart but she is no more same and so she is no more mine.
I am really thankful to you again and i understand your point very well.,
Thanks a lot
Regards
As salamu alaykum, brother Farhanj,
Thank you very much for appreciating my words and opening your Heart. May Allah(swt) make me worth of your trust. Ameen.
I understand you say what you say due to the deep suffering you have gone through with her, ....even when you may think she is like nothing happened, when we may think her Heart is hard for doing what she has done, she still has a Heart and we don´t need to wish suffering to others, we should leave them in Allah(swt)´s Hands, He(swt) is all Knower and He (swt) is the only One (swt) who will decide when her Heart is ready to soften, not us, then please don´t put dirt on you with thoughts of revenge, no need for that. We are believers, we don´t wish bad to our brothers or sisters, we respect their process, even when sometimes is so painful for us, we should go to the root of the situation and understand that what is being tested is our submision to Allah(swt), our closeness to Him(swt), our boundaries, ...In situations like the one that you have experienced, you can see that she was the center of your universe, and Alhamdulillah, you already know now, she is not , the center of our Universe is our Almighty Lord(swt)... Allah(swt) knows best.
Brother, many people ask about gifts given by boyfriend, girlfriends, many give them to charities, they get rid of them, some have asked what do we think about returning the gifts to the giver, and the answer that has been always, don´t do it, ...the reason is the following, when we give back a gift we want to show that person we don´t want to have anything to do anymore with them, we don´t want to have anything around us that remind us of them, not to feel hurt, then a way to hurt back or sometimes to look for contact is to give the gifts back to them, like this is not mine anymore, this is yours, but you know what I have thought about it, the gifts are yours, they are not hers, and in your case, they have a deep meaning, not everybody gives you a Holy Quran as a gift, I would like to share my opinion about it with you, but remember is just my opinion, take it with a pinch of salt, ...read it, recite it, live it, make it yours and give it the place in your Heart that deserves, with time you will look at your old, used, Holy Quran and you will remember her as the sister that helped you to go deeper in your deen, the one that was there for you to get closer to Allah(swt), certainly she caused you a deep pain but masha´Allah she gave you the tools to heal your wounds, Alhamdulillah.
Yesterday, a had this on my mind until I went to sleep, I would like to share it with you:
"Only on the remembrace of Allah, our Hearts can find Peace" Quran 13:28
This is the perfect month to read the Quran, Sister I submit to Allah, shared with us a link to read it in thirty days, you can give it a try, insha´Allah.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/ramadan-mubarak is the post and this is the link http://www.scribd.com/doc/2946704/How-to-finish-the-Quran-in-30-days
I see your pure Heart, brother Farhanj, Allah(swt) has brought you back to the Straight Path, your life is full of blessings, Alhamdulillah, acknowledge all of them, be loving to your family, get closer to them, enjoy their Presence and their Love to you, see what is really important in this world and you will learn that a person that truly loves you will be grateful for your Presence in their Life, that is the biggest gift you can give to anyone, your Presence and the purity of your Heart, and that is the biggest blessing we can receive someone´s Presence with a pure Heart that loves us for who we are and wants to share life with us, Insha´Allah.
Allah(swt) knows best.
All my Unconditional Love and Respect, from Heart to Heart, to your mother, father and to you. God(swt) bless you.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Miss Maria,
Thanks a lot for your detailed understanding criteria .I really appreciate that but for the fact i cant never imagine her as a sister and for the fact i cant forgive her. What she did i leave it to ALLAH (swt) but INSHALLAH as the world is round and people get what they do in this life itself.
May ALLAH help me come over this situation
Regards
Farhan Jamil
Your relationship was a time pass for her .
This sort of relationship is common in west . It is called fr***** w*** ******** .
She approached you first and proposed you instantly . That seems extremely odd . If I was you , I wouldn't even be friends with her .
You have become attached to her because you slept with her . I assume you would have been virgin before you met her . I don't think she was a virgin because if she was then she would have been the one chasing you , not the other way around .
It is better for you to start repenting and forget her completely .
Ms.Maria's advice is wonderful .
I 100% agree with you A Muslim Man. Brother you have to move on love does hurt but sometimes when things are not meant to be there is no point going backwards instead goes forward. I also think Sister Maria replies make sense masallah. Repent your mistakes too and inshallah in time you will heal the pain and forget this woman. Your parents are right they only want what’s best for you and your parents know you best trust me they are there for a reason. One day in life once you had time to reflect you will find someone else worth for your self worth and respect wish you all the happinessness you deserve w/salaams
Brother,
Listen to your parents and move on. This woman has made it clear that she no longer wants to be with you. Why would you lower yourself to be with anyone who makes it clear that they are no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with you? You gave so much of yourself in this relationship that you yourself said, "I forgot myself". Brother, it seems to me that you have lost respect for yourself. No one is worth you losing who you are, remember that. In a relationship, both parties give and take and that in itself makes for a healthy situation. Who knows...maybe this has been one of Allah's tests for you in this life...Allah hu alem. Learn from this. Learn from all that you have been through and Inshallah, you will be a better muslim because of it.
Yesterday is gone, today is a new day. You will find in life that some individuals think nothing of walking all over another persons heart. It is sad but true. Work towards your masters degree and clear your mind from all of this. Allah has something better planned for you...be patient, it will come to be.
May your Ramadan be blessed.
One idea is to donate the Quran that she gave you to the local masjid. Make sure to remove your names and her names and any other writings or papers that may give away yours or her identity.