Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I left my house and took a shelter

What is this World?

What is this World?

Well , I don't know where to start but a guy I know and love purposed to my mother and she said no to him after humiliating him and making him feel very low .

Recently she discovered that we still talk to each other and she decided to return me back home and quit my education. Before she does that I left the house and I am at a shelter. I know that I broke her heart and my own at the same time although; before all this happens I was pleasing her in many ways but strictly disobeying Allah which is terrible and I know .

Our relationship included dates , phone calls , sex talks and Cyber sex . I personally got very tired of living in sin and she would never ever accept him or accept me for accepting him . For this I decided to leave the house and something Halal for once and get married to him to please Allah and not feel ashamed while praying to him .

If my mother dies will Allah get mad at me ? Will He punish me for making her feel that way even though I am seeking every way possible for pleasing him . My older sister dated and went out with the persons she dated and my mom didn't have a problem in her doing that because she wanted her to get married .

I think thats totally Haram because I don't want to do that or do more than what I already did because I am seriously very tired and stressed of everything I did in front of Allah .

Please help me out

~ Rola

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5 Responses »

  1. Assalam'alaykum,

    Okay so you did sin and you know it. I hope you did sincerely repent too. But your situation is basically a sin on top of a sin or haram on top of haram because, you did haram by having an illegal/haram relationship with a stranger man and then another haram by leaving your mum/family. I can tell you another sin/haram which you might do , that is, marrying someone without the permission of your wali ( father, it not available then grandfather or uncle etc ). By doing anything unIslamic way or by transgressing the law of Allah, we can almost gurantee troubles, punishments etc in this life and the next from Allah. Therefore, take heed, repent before its too late.

    "And return [in repentance] to your Lord and submit to Him before the punishment comes upon you; then you will not be helped". (39:54)

    "And follow the best of what was revealed to you from your Lord before the punishment comes upon you suddenly while you do not perceive" (39:55)

    How can you think of leaving your mum just because of a stranger man ? How do you feel if your daughter break up ties with you the same way ? Instead of re-building a beautiful relationship with your mum, you thought it is halal to do so with other man and not your mum ? Is your dad present ? By breaking up ties with your family, Allah is surely going to be very angry at you. Know that your mum took great care of you, she carried you with pain, sufferings, hardships and happiness. She sacrificed for you etc. All she wants is the love and consideration of her children. Leaving her will cause her great distress and more. Therefore, re-think what you've done. If you want Allah's pleasure and blessings then you've got to get back to your parents and obey them.

    "Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them ; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray,“O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as theybrought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.” (23:24)

    "And We have enjoined on mankind (to be good) to their parents : in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command)"Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal" .(31:14)

    The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relationswith him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him! " ( Sahih Bukhari )

    “And those who break the covenant of Allah after its confirmation and cut asunder that which Allah has ordered to be joined and make mischief in the land; (as for) those, upon them shall be curse andthey shall have the evil (issue) of the abode.”
    (Surah Ra’d 13:25)

    A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet (PBUH) said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim)

    A man once consulted the Prophet Muhammad about taking part in a military campaign. The Prophet asked the man ifhis mother was still living. When told that she was alive, the Prophet said: “(Then) stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

    On another occasion, the Prophet said: “God has forbidden for you to be undutiful to your mothers.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

    Allah has wanred us to obey our parents and not break ties. It was your fault when you had illegal relationship with a man and so therefore to correct the faults you've got to sever ties with that man and not your mum.

    Pre-marital relationship is forbidden as you obviously know,

    "And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like palms of hands or one eye or both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron, etc.), and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.) and not to reveal their adornment.." (24:31)

    "And do not approach unlawfulsexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way".(17:32)

    Therefore, do everything in Islamic way insha'Allah. If you want to marry that guy, then let him and his family approach your wali and family. If they deny him with valid Islamic reason, then obey your parents for its their right.

    • It is certain that when you pray 5 times a day, fasts, make sincere tawbah, obey Allah and His messenger and also your parents and finally fear Allah because His punishments are true and extremely severe and insha'Allah everything will comeback to normal. You'll be content with life, filled with peace and happiness insha'Allah. Go back to your home and apoplogize to everyone. Marriage is a big thing. To choose some, our Prophet said we must choose the one religious and good character so that we may prosper. If we go after looks or weatlh, know that those will fade and only good deeds and worship will remain. Before marrying him or anyone, its for your best interest that you pray salat al istikhara. If you really wish to marry him then you may ask your grandfather or uncle to stand as your wali ( but I wish you choose wisely and dont hasten )
      if you make halal according to Allah's commands then everything will fall into good place and your life would have Allah's blessings and mercy. May Allah guide you, have mercy on you and forgive you ameen.

    • Salamu'alaikum Brother Ali,

      Please check the Aayah references you have mentioned.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  2. Assalamu'alaikum sister,

    What was the reason your mother denied this man for you? If she had valid reasons and you over-reacted, then it is a sin to disobey your mother. But if the man is religious and compatible with you, generally, he should not be denied.

    Sister, obedience of parents is a duty of every Muslim. Allah Has made it next to His Worship.

    Allah Said in Surah al Isra:

    23. And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.
    24. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.

    Whatever your mother said was perhaps for your own benefit. She was probably aware of the dates, the haraam interactions, etc. It is not allowed to discuss intimate matters with a non Mahram, and you know it.

    You are probably earning Allah's displeasure, though you intend to Please Him. I urge you to return to your mother and forget this man. If he can indulge in illegal actions with you before marriage, there are high chances that he has such relations with others too. If not this, then there are chances that after you get married, he begins expressing displeasure towards you, because this is what most "love marriages" result in.

    So, for now, stay with your mother and apologize for your actions. Concentrate on your school for now. If she intends to make you quit it, assure that you won't repeat the mistake and you have realized that it was Haraam and you only wish to Please Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

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