Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Legally married to a non-Muslim man, but never done nikah according to Islam. Is the marriage valid?

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I'm legally married to a non-muslim man, but I refuse to live in the same house with him until he becomes a Muslim and until we marry according to Islamic law. Please keep in mind I also keep this marriage a secret from my family as my parents refused his proposal even though I accepted it. Everybody thinks that we are only engaged. We got married because we loved each other and he promised to learn Islam.

3 years have passed and he insisted that Islam is not the right religion for him. So, recently I told him that this marriage is not working and that we should go on our separate ways. I was so consumed with guilt that I could not go on with it. Now he wants to be a Muslim so that he can be with me. I told him no because I doubt his sincerity and his conversion is for the wrong reason.

Am I wrong? Is my marriage valid to begin with according to Islam?

As it happens, I met a really nice Muslim man not too long after we seperated. We fell in love. I have not told him yet my situation. What should I do? I don't want to drag this nice man into this situation. Is it wrong for him to be with me? I have not seen my husband for over 2 months. Am I still considered in my iddat?

Please help! I am so lost in this complicated situation and I want to make it right according to Islam.

- kps03

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4 Responses »

  1. Assalamu Alaikum sister,
    As far as your marriage by common law to a non-muslim man ic concerned; By Islamic Shari'ah it is not valid. Alhamdulillah, you have not "been" with him because regardless of the vows that you exchanged for a secular marriage they still we not valid in Islam thus saving you from major sin. Also if you question his motives for wanting to accept Islam then set up conditions for him. Like request him to take his shahadah on Jum'ah at a local masjid. try to connect him with the husbands of some of your friends to get him connected to the muslim community and Insha'Allah he will become a muslim sincerely.ameen. And as far as this new brother that has come into your life, just realize the laws of Islam that you are allowed to work within when looking for a spouse and do not transgress the boundaries of Allah azza wa jal and Insha'Allah he makes possible for you whatever best suites you in this life and the afterlife. ameen

  2. Assalamu'alaikum Sister,

    According to Shari'ah your marriage is not valid. Based on what you have said in your post, it sounds as if you were married in the West somewhere in their court system. If that is so then according to the law of the land that you are living in, legally you are married.

    Before you can move on with another man you have to get divorced from the first one. You are still obligated according to the law whether it be Islamic or Western law, you still need to get a divorce from this man before you can get married again.

    As Mu'awiyah said, you cannot transgress the boundaries of Islam. So far everything that you have done from your first marriage to this new man is totally outside the boundaries if Islam.

    I would suggest to you to first resolve the issue with your marriage. You should either help your husband become a better Muslim, (THAT INCLUDES YOU ALSO!!!!!)if that doesn't work then you should get a divorce. While the divorce process is going on you need to make time for yourself to learn about Islam. Find out what is legal according to Shari'ah concerning marriage. Do your homework. If you don't then you will continue to go down this path of haram relationships.

    Before you do all of the above you need to ask Allah for guidance and forgiveness.

    Your Brother in Islam

    Abdul Wali

    • assalamoualaikoum.. as said above, the marriage (legal one) is perceived as legal in the country u r living. so before engaging urself to the new guy, please resolve the first problem. u have to make ur legal husband understand that if he is converting it has to be for the sake of ISLAM and not of you. this is really important. but as u said, u have been married to him for 3 years. have u had husband wife relationship.have u been staying at his place. Well what i mean is that have u both had sex? if yes, then u have to repent because u did not performed nikkah.. repent and ALLAH swt will surely forgive u ur sins if u repent sincerely and never go to that man again. DIVORCE him and then u can move on with our muslim brother.
      but be careful.. ISLAM is against divorce.this is a very delicate's the solution only if all othher solutions have failed. so please. talk to ur legal husband. ask him whether he is accepting islam for ALLAH or for u?
      this is very very important.
      If he says he is accepting so as to be close to you, then u have to remain far from that person.very far..
      but if he is converting to ISLAM for the sake of ALLAH and accepting ISLAM as it should, then it will be better to stay with him. Let him convert and then perform NIKKAH..
      ALLAH swt know BEST..
      May ALLAH guide u sister

  3. Assalamu aleikum sister in Islam

    What I should say have already been said by our brothers Abdul Wali and Muawiyah.Abdul Wali`s answer is more detailed, so sister I would recomend you.

    Repent from your sin to Allah and do what was said by your brothers.
    Insha Allah you will succeed in here and hereafter.
    Assalamu aleikum.

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