Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Lesbianism…Will Allah forgive me?


Assalam u alaikum.

Sorry but it's a long story. I am a practicing muslimah now and I am straight (heterosexual) but I have committed a sin which I regret a lot. I have been crying because of it and have suffered and I am still suffering.

I came abroad to study and met a girl here. We started as good friends but then we became best friends and she used to spend all the time with me and she started staying in my room. I heard rumours about her that she is lesbian and I met her girlfriend too but she introduced her to me as a friend and I honestly didn't know about lesbians and stuff. I came to know about all this stuff when I went abroad and then one day suddenly she told me and I asked her about all this as I was curious .. then she started showing interest in me; she was possessive about me, used to guide me, take care of me and was always there for me and then she had a breakup with her girlfriend. I took care of her and when she openly started expressing her love for me I told her no it's wrong, but she didn't stop and I got attracted to her too which was a big mistake.

She used to touch me and I used to get angry at her many times and then she would get upset... and then I don't how this relationship just started and I became her girlfriend, like a real wife and we stayed together 24/7. It lasted a few months and then she started ignoring me and she broke up with me by saying it's wrong. We promised each other that we will not have sex or anything and will guide each other to right path. I started repenting but she had actually betrayed me as she was getting attracted to another girl who she started going out with as soon as we broke up. I sensed this and fought a lot with her and cried like daily for 7 months and she used to apologize and say she wants me there as a friend and she never loved me like she loves her so can't leave her. I was totally torn down and I thought of killing myself but then I started repenting again and offering salah and making dua.

I have given up my bad habit but she finished our friendship too because i was asking her to give me time too and I was not supporting her for this act. She suddenly said it was over and she loves her new girlfriend and doesn't care about me - I tried many times to think over and stop ruining my life and her's too ... I asked her to repent but she doesn't listen. What should I do? Now she insults me if I try to talk on this subject otherwise she talks nicely ... This is all because her girlfriend who doesn't like her talking to me, she set rules for us and broke our friendship ... she separated our food, groceries, stopped going out totally just for her.

I am repenting but want her too.


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31 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, the first thing to remember when you think about wanting to be with this girl is that your relationship with her was not halal, and a relationship based on haraam will not lead to good outcomes.

    It's hard to move on from the break-up of a relationship, but she has made it clear that she doesn't want to reconcile, so it looks like your only practical option is to leave this situation behind and move on with your own life. Sometimes people say that they still want to be "friends", but given how this relationship has turned out, my advice would be not to bother with being her friend, but to focus on your own healing and repentance. If you're still in contact with her, I'd suggest that you stop communication with her, as this could just complicate things.

    Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful - repent for your transgressions, follow His guidance, and refuse to let this experience cause you any more suffering. Learn more about Islam, surround yourself with people who have a positive influence on your deen, and avoid people like this girl who would (intentionally or not) lead you away from the straight path of Allah's guidance.

    I'd also recommend that if you were physically intimate with this girl, it might be worth getting a sexual health check-up to make sure you have not caught anything unpleasant from her.

    Midnightmoon editor

  2. one advise..... KEEP AWAY FROM HER!!!

    dont put your emaan to test yourself.

    if you want to see a reflection of your emaan.... see the group of friends you keep.

    you have given advise to your friend ...... thats enough...... now move away and work on your own emaan not hers.

  3. U made a mistake and now u say u are repenting well then u need to get away from the place u sinned and the person u sinned with. Allah is all forgiving but u need to ask urself how much will power have u got and how much do u want to do the right thing and if u do then walk away with a smile in your face and never ever look back to this horrid sin u commited and dnt leave urself wide open to sin again.

    Best of luck


  4. Assalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    I think you will be fine once you can accept this woman for what she is; a predator. Just like there are predators among men, there are predators among women. That is why it is important to be careful that you base your very close relationships on rememberance of Allah swt. Remember that she came close to you not disclosing her true nature, until you trusted her and had affection for her, and could be manipulated for that love you had. Put her out of your heart, by seeing her for what and who she is. Return to Allah with greater strength and conviction. Be more discerning and selective in the future. And don't be afraid to be alone if that is what it takes to protect your beliefs and maintain your dignity.

    Your sister in Islam,

  5. Salam,

    Estafirullah...what has happened to the Ummah.
    Sister my advice would be to you that you should repent.

    The meaning of tawbah (which we call sincere repentance ) is going back, getting away from the sin. But Sister you don't go back from the sin, you just want back the sin(your lesbian girlfriend).

    We can't help you, if you don't want to help yourself.

    The question you ask us is:
    How can I go on with the sin and addionally get Allahs forgiveness ?

    You can't. You can't. You can't.

    Sister Allah won't forgive you until you stop the sin. And if you made zina with her and don't repent, than you will enter hell forever. It's not worth for this relationship. Sister hate the sin and make more Halva with Allah. Ask yourself, do you want to marry a pure guy? Are yourself , if your studies is going to help you? What have I done in name of God.

    Sister I will tell you a little story:

    I went to work with a someone. It's was women barber Shop, where we had to add something's.

    I had to ask a nearly nude women, if she had something to cover. But I asked her with both of my eyes down like it's stated in Quran.

    Later I noticed that these women were backbitting about me, why I lowered my gaze. They always came to me to test if I was looking into their eyes, but I didn't.

    They said stuff like, that I had a mental illness perhaps for following the sunnah. I just heared that and was however lucky.

    I prayed for their souls "oh my lord whatever they did wrong to me. I forgive them. You are enough for me. If you are satisfied with me, than I am the happiest human in the world. "

    The sin you hate will always try to convince you that the sin is acceptable or the right thing. It's not.

    I am sorry for the guy that will sometimes marry you and you will keep silence. Poor guy. Hope he will get a another beliving virgin in cennah .

    • @ no apologies:
      How mean. Have some shame. Next time you humiliate somebody for their sins and boast of how great your deeds are, remember that everybody's hearts are in Allah's Hands and it doesn't take a wink of an eye to change the state of hearts. The sin that makes a person humble is dearer to Allah than a good deed that makes a person proud. So kindly keep your boastful deeds in your pocket and if you can't offer comfort to an already broken person, at least stop judging them. Just because somebody sins differently than you doesn't make you a better person. Only Allah Ta'ala knows where we stand and I am truly appalled by how you are showing off and humiliating the poor sister. Ppl like you drive others away from deen just as the murderer ended up murdering the 100th time.

      As for the sister, remember, you are dealing with a Lord Who is Most Merciful. Allah Ta'ala grants strength and He is the Doer of everything. It is difficult but you have to place your trust in Allah and let go of the friend who became a source of such grief for you. Allah Ta'ala will replace it with something much better if you have faith in Him iA. He never leaves us alone. And He will bring peace and love in your life in a purer form. Wanting the company of that girl is just shytan's way of keeping you in sorrow. Please engage yourself in dhikr and read 'manzil' daily. You will feel a great difference in your heart ان شاءالله

      Duas for you and needy of your duas.

      • MN your words are truly helping me. We need more Muslims like you, who are able to express sincerely without passing judgement. My situation is similar. I wS a God fearing child and have the most wonderful parents. We don't know when we will astray. For me this is my jihaad and I'm trying to seek help and forgiveness from the Almighty. It's not easy going through this alone as you can't talk to anyone about it openly. Reading your words have provided me comfort and support. Thank you.

    • Allah is merciful he always provide us ways to go back to him. Put yourself in her shoes. Have a heart. Besides everything even the imam of the mosque cannot guarantee for his life to be sinless. We should pray for guidance and mercy for every soul.

  6. Ayaah: "I have given up my bad habit but she finished our friendship too because i was asking her to give me time too and I was not supporting her for this act........ This is all because her girlfriend who doesn't like her talking to me, she set rules for us and broke our friendship ... she separated our food, groceries, stopped going out totally just for her."

    I don't think it is good idea for you 2 remain friends. You may be tempted to do it again. You have learned to enjoy a woman's body and you are more like a bisexual. Get married

    Verily, the prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater.
    Surah Al-Ankabut 29:45
    The command to purify our hearts from sin was an essential Islamic teaching ever since the early stages of the revelation in Mecca. This is known as “purification of the soul” (tazkiyyat an-nafs).
    Allah said:
    He has succeeded who purifies the soul, and he has failed who corrupts the soul.Surah Ash-Shams 91:9-10
    Verily, among his people was Abraham, when he came to his Lord with a pure heart.Surah As-Saffat 37:83-84

    Verily, when the believer commits a sin, a black spot appears upon his heart. If he repents and abandons the sin and seeks forgiveness, his heart will be polished, but if he increases in sin, the blackness increases. That is the covering which Allah has mentioned in his Book: Nay, but on their hearts is a covering because of what they have earned. (83:14)

    When we exalt Allah and ask for our sins to be forgiven, this removes arrogance from our hearts and makes us humble. When we pray for Allah to guide others, this removes malice and hatred from our hearts and makes us love others for the sake of Allah. When we remember the Hereafter and the Day of Resurrection, this makes us less attached to the world and more inclined to help others.....

    Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and actions.Sahih Muslim 2564, Grade: Sahih
    The Power of Istighfar – Astaghfirullah (I seek forgiveness of Allah)Astaghfirullah
    People often forget the importance of the simple yet powerful dua (supplication) – Istighfar i.e., saying “Astaghfirullah” (I seek forgiveness of Allah). Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to recite this at least 100 times a day. Let us see the benefits and virtues of reciting this simple beautiful supplication insha Allah.
    Istighfar (Astaghfirullah) is the gateway of relief and happiness. Whenever you are in distress start reciting it and Insha Allah it will take you out of your anxiety and will put you in a peaceful situation and will give you happiness.
    Istighfar removes anxiety and duas are answered.
    Istighfar opens the door of sustenance.
    Istighfar opens the door of mercy.
    Istighfar opens the door of knowledge.
    Istighfar is also gateway of productivity.
    Istighfar relieves you. When you feel that sadness within you, when you are disturbed and frustrated, when anxiety surrounds you, say “Astaghfirullah” “Astaghfirullah”…
    Reciting Astaghfiruallah is an effective method of calming our self and wipes away the variety of worldly worries from our mind and body. It may also help us, if we are suffering from depression, it calm us and lessen our depression.
    Astaghfirullah also helps us to refrain from all forms of sins. Regularly saying this reminds us that Allah is everywhere and in this way there is very small chances of doing wrongful actions.
    Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,
    “If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not.” [Abu Dawud].
    The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, said:
    “The master of invocations for forgiveness is that the servant says:‘Allãhumma ‘anta rabbee, lã ‘ilãha ‘illã ‘anta, khalaqtanee, wa ‘anã `abduka, wa ‘anã `alã `ahdika wa wa`dika mastata`tu, ‘a`outhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu, ‘aboo’u laka bini`matika ‘alayya, wa ‘aboo’u bithambee, faghfirlee fa’innahu lã yaghfiru ‘aththunooba ‘illã ‘anta.
    O’ my ‘ilãh You are my Lord, there is no ‘ilãh but You. You created me, and I am your bondservant, and I will stick to my covenant and promise [of faith and sincere obedience] to You, as to my ability. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done, I acknowledge, to You, your bounties upon me, and I acknowledge, to You, my sin. Thus forgive me, for none forgives sins except You.
    Whoever says this as he enters upon evening, then, dies that night, he would enter Paradise; and if one says this as he enters upon morning, then, dies that day, he would enter Paradise”. [Al-Bukhari]
    The servant is always in the blessings of Allah which necessitate thankfulness, and in sinfulness which requires seeking forgiveness.
    Both of these matters are required and essential for the servant at all times, as the servant does not cease to alternate between Allaah’s (various) favors and blessings, and does not cease to be in need of repentance and seeking forgiveness.

  8. Not only that she had this realationship she must tell her husband.

    • Noapologies: "Not only that she had this realationship she must tell her husband."

      Why not make every one tell his/her history of relationships and sexual activities before they get married?

    • I am sorry, but she isn't chaste. She has no right to cheat someone into marriage. Sometimes we should know, if our future spouse can accept it.

  9. Why not talking about all sexual activities.

    Yeah why? Better than cheating someone into marriage.

    • Islamically it is a sun to expose ur sins to anyone as long as she is sincerely repenting she is to keep this a secret an pray Allah with keep a curtain over her past sins. Everybody has sinned in one way or another and the main thing is to come back to Allah and to put ur trust in him and to be a true believer.

      • Why should she expose her sins just to be sworn at by the world and wen one day she may have children and risk her children being led astray by rumours if their mothers behaviour and what about her parents being sworn at by gossipers? Would anyone who has girlfriends and boyfriends tell their future partners of their sins?

        • Yeah why should we betray our future spouses?

        • Salam Sister,

          You can't convince me that you are chaste, but you had girlfriends and boyfriends. You have no right to keep silent or lie about if you had sex or a friend you had relationship with.

          She hasn't to tell the whole world. She just tells her future husband, if he can accept it. If he Can,than she marry him and conceal it for ever.

          Of course everybody has sinned, but no one has the right to lie or keep silent.

          If she doesn't want to tell about it, than she can use sentences like : I have sinned in my past you won't probably like. If you can accept than you will ask me never.

          Or she can say : Is chastity a requirement and she can get away.

          Then she can tell.

      • If this sin is interefering to someone, than she has to uncover in this case....

  10. Ok well this lesbian stuff is way out if my league I'm just trying to think of ways this girl can maybe become a practicing Muslim again without her being pushed down and to be lead even more astray! I would never like it if I was to find out my husband was once a gay astaghfirullah! Maybe she should ask a Shoah what to do that is if she really does want to turn the corner and become a practicing Muslim. But to be honest if she really wanted to she would have left this girl and walked away from this kind of life and not find excuses that she is helping this other girl to see the right path! Marriage for her is a long long way ahead she needs to live a life without a partner and concentrate on her seen first then one day when she wants to settle down she needs to speak to a scholar inshallah

    • Salam Sister,

      I think too that she should be a practicing Muslim. But she should marry with a brother who can accept this.

      But I have serious question...

      [Editor's comment: If you wish advice regarding your situation, please submit a post for publication, and it will be answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  11. Assalam o alaikum,
    Well watever midnight moon said its right .. I just wanna mention that dnt go back of girls there they are just for fun .. So Pls try to forgive n forget her n dnt do ths mistake again . Even I did the same n now I dunno but from the time I just catch her blood as she cut herself . May Allah forgive me if I'm wrong . But from tht time im not well .. N I didn't do check up yet .. I dunno wat to do really .. She dnt love me she played with me very badly .. She just came in my life to ruin my image .. I'm very guilty of wat I did .. I was a girl who never ever kissed in my life n I'm 24 .. Just for her sake I did .. N she will ruin my image .. N still I'm running behind her knowing tht wat she is doing with me .. I'm stupid I came in her life to show her the right path n said her we won't do anything wrong just for allah .. Ur story is somewat like wat happend with me .. I know I will b fine but I was proud tht I never did anything wrong even if the world say wrong Abt my character but i did little all coz of her .. N wat she is doing ? She is talking to my own family member who is my enemy . He doesn't leave a chance to insult me .. Watever she says I just say Hmm yes thou I dnt wanna .. It's coz of as she said she is unwell but she did very wrong yaar ..

    • I gather from yaar you understand Urdu. Apko uss larki se koi taaluq nahin rakhna chahiye. Apna dil Allah k sawaye kissi k b hawaale karne se Banda boht pachtaata hai. Allah Ta'ala boht Raheem hain- aap tauba kar Lein Aur Uss larki ka Mat sochein.

  12. Jenny: N still I'm running behind her knowing tht wat she is doing with me .. I'm stupid I came in her life to show her the right path n said her we won't do anything wrong just for allah .

    Why are you still after her?

  13. Hi i am a muslim girl

    i am very happy to be muslim and love islam
    but recently i did bad things like i was in a relationship with a guy for 8 years from when i was 13-19 we did bad things in the car but did not have full intercourse if u know what i mean. Suddenly I broke up with him because i dont love him anymore. Now I am having an interest in my best friend who is a girl we only kissed on the lips not major tongue and what not. i regret it and I want to stop. I do not want to stop my relationship with my best friend cause she is like my sister. I was just curious and wanted to try.

    PS. do not be harsh on me
    I really want to go on the right track

    • Rur: Now I am having an interest in my best friend who is a girl we only kissed on the lips not major tongue and what not. i regret it and I want to stop.

      What is keeping you from stopping? If your kiss was consensual you better stop meeting her alone.

      • "SVS" has a good point.

        As long as you keep meeting her, this sin won't stop. Completely cut this girl out of your life, and distract yourself so that you won't find your mind wandering to thoughts about girls.
        Never ever give in to these urges and desires again.

        Good luck and stay strong.

  14. oh ..... quite strange. seems like you still want her love that's why you are so desperately wanting her. don't you remember the punishment Allah SWT gave to qoum - e- loot AS.

  15. I'm no expert but if she sincerely is a different person and you are to for you know what's right their is nothing wrong with being in touch just as long as you know your place and she knows hers but you seem to be a lot more mature and aware and knowledgeable to know so much and are being guided so for you to be a good human you've said your part but god knows best I can only speak from what has been written

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