Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Lesser of two evils?

salat - men in a row

Assalaamu'alaykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu

I have a friend who lives halfway around the world. We met as pen pals quite a while ago, due to our mutual interest in Deen.

Anyway, I soon realised that this friend of mine wasn't punctual with salaah. I also realised that despite the difference in time , we read virtually all our salaahs at the same time. So I offered to call my friend to remind him to read each salaah before reading my own.

This worked exceptionally well until I started to feel guilty. The problem is, I'm a girl and he is a guy. Although I mean well, I can't help but feel guilty for it. I don't know which is worse, committing the sin of speaking to a non-mahram or him not reading salaah.

We do speak otherwise via text, which I know is wrong, but him hearing my voice 5 times a day just takes things to a different level to me. Also, he says that although he sets alarms etc... He either doesn't hear them or just doesn't feel as motivated as actually hearing someone tell him to do it.

Is it worth it to keep this up ? Which is the lesser of the two evils? Us speaking or him missing salaah ?

a hidden smile

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

9 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum sister

    Why does it bother you if he prays his salah or not in the first place??I mean he is not even your husband. He is probably old enough to know he has to pray, it's non of your business to talk to him or to remind him.in fact you shouldn't even be talking to a non maharam. Him reading salah or not won't benefit you. You are going to be questioned about your own deeds. Remember Allah swt is the only one who changes hearts, so there is no need for you to remind him of anything because talking to him is forbidden for you in the first place and you will have to answer this one day.it's not worth it trust me. Are you still going to call him for the 5 daily prayers once you are married??? I would advice you to stop all the communication with him.

  2. Asak,

    Sister if you're so religious why U are speaking to non marram and concerned if he prays or not?
    It's very contradictory that many religious people will look down on those that dnt pray, wear hijab. But wen they are engaging in this it's okay. Plz reevaluate ur self

  3. Salam a hidden smile,

    If it was his mother you were reminding it wouldn't be as big of deal. But by reminding him 5 times a day, he is on your mind five times a day and this may soon cause you to be invested in him to the point that you're in love. Then you'll end up with a husband that has no motivation to pray until told to do so. So the main risk you're running is losing yourself. Outside of that, if this was a sister you were talking to you, you would be invested but it wouldn't go to romantic love. Please tell him to set his own alarm and rely on Allah. Allah guides whom he wills. Salam.

  4. My question what is your purpose in life and what is the real reason having a pen pal...?Are you that bored...When there is no solid foundation in deen no attachment to musjid do not read quran daily then you are basically in the same situation with exception you pray and so it feels like you are superior? The point is in short An idle man's brain is a devils workshop. .This life is a test for all and we have to look at ourselves on what are we doing for this beautiful deen that is been given to us as a gift!!!

  5. sister, it all starts with this little cute stuff like oh im helping him to offer salah, i feel guilty ,
    then a point will come where you will he addicted to him. You will be thinking about this dude in salah as well instead of focusing on your Lord. Do you want this?

    Get real sister. youre a nice lady, concious of deen Masha Allah.
    Im telling you there are scores of girls .. and guys who later get hurt when feelings get involved.
    preserve your heart for Allah.
    You must feel guilt.

  6. On the judgemental day , will you be held responsible for his prayers and ibadah?
    Will Allah swt ask you how much you did your part in his ibadah ?
    Your efforts aren't counted in his book of aimal not it is counted in your aimal because it has no any basis in islam to wake a non mehrum and talk to him to remind hom of his salahs . Rather it's a silliness to talk to a guy only to remind him of Salah .

    It's the duty of imam io the area to remind people of Salah not yours.

    Don't be the mullah . Phone wala mullah .
    Lol : D

  7. OP: Anyway, I soon realized that this friend of mine wasn't punctual with salaah. I also realized that despite the difference in time , we read virtually all our salaahs at the same time. So I offered to call my friend to remind him to read each salaah before reading my own......This worked exceptionally well until I started to feel guilty. The problem is, I'm a girl and he is a guy. Although I mean well, I can't help but feel guilty for it.

    Why do you feel guilty, if all you do is wake him up to do salaah?

  8. Salams

    I agree with First poster MuslimGirl..Its haram...shaitan is making you think it's okay because you are reminding him about Salah..Then the next step he will lead you further down a haram road..Stop communicating you are getting sins..On the Day of Judgment Allah will raise you up by yourself. and your guy friend as well..( by himself)..you reminded him 7'alas sis..May Allah reward you for reminding him for his Salah and that's all..

  9. Allah knows best. I think it is your intention that counts. Can you put your hand on your heart and say you are contacting him solely for salah? My guess would be no. I don't believe that he does not have anyone else to remind him. And after all why is it only you who can convince him. My guess is you are not being true to yourself. If you wish to marry him or take things further from a marriage point of view then that is different. Do you refer to him as brother in your conversations? Again my guess is no.

    If you want to remind people to do salah send a generic message email to all your brothers and sisters in Islam that you know. I'm sure we could all do with reminding!

    I respect the advice of other readers regarding mahram and non mahram but it is not unlawful to talk to someone of the opposite sex. It depends on your intention and the cleanliness of thought. For example if there was a man who I helped because he was in distress/unwell by giving good advice or giving him some medicine then I don't think that is considered 'haram'. However talking to a bloke 5 times a day in the guise about reminding him of prayers cos nothing else works is a weak reason.

    Your prayers are same time as his. Sounds like he is playing you just to talk to him! And I think you know that

    Good luck sis and be true to yourself and your deen ameen

Leave a Response