Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will Allah Forgive My Sins? How can I let go of these feelings?

Allah Knows who you are

Allah Knows who you are

Aslamalikum brothers and sisters

This is my second post and it is a very distressing time for me, if you could read my first post it would help this but if not i will briefly talk about it here.

I was with a man for about two years and we wanted to get married but my parents wouldn't let it happen when I asked them due to caste. After hearing this the boy has broken all contact with me and wants to be a hafiz, he asked me to wait till he had finished university and I had agreed, we had decided to not talk or keep any contact due to temptation.

Now he has decided he doesn't love me anymore and I am finding it hard to understand and deal with, I had forgotten for a moment I can only rely on Allah and I cried for a long time, I still pray to Allah to be married to him as I still love this man and somewhere inside me I know he does too but he isn't strong enough for the fight it will cause with my family and wants to protect me.

I want Allah to forgive me and I want to be a better person, I am going university next year and want to forget all about this life of mine and begin anew with no problems. The thing is I can't accept it will never happen, I had so many dreams and hopes and to see them all burn and crash hurts me so much,

I pray to Allah all the time and I know Allah is listening, I want to be patient, I want to be worthy to be Allah's servant, I know I have wronged I have hurt so many people and don't want to continue, how can I get myself to stop praying for him to comeback when he's ready for marriage, how can I accept its over, he's told me its over and asked me to forgive him and said it wasn't meant to be, will Allah forgive me? Will Allah mend my broken heart!?

I want to get married in the next couple of years and now I don't want to marry a stranger I want to marry someone I know who is islamic and financially stable, but I am scared I won't be able to love again? I am scared

I still love him, I still think about him and it hurts me to think he doesn't care, I generally keep busy with studies and namaaz and spend time with my family. I want to learn to be alone without anyone else, I want to be closer to Allah, can anyone give me advice on how to accept there's no chance that the man I was in love with will never accept me as his wife, he was also my best friend, I have forgiven him and now I wish to move on.

I just can't let go of the small hope inside me? How can I let go? Or shall I just come to terms that if in a few years it does happen if say yes. But move on without pinning all my hopes onto it

Thank you for listening and I'm sorry its all mixed up, i needed to share my problem as you know the saying a problem shared is a problem halved

Jazakallah khayr

~ barbie

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7 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alykum dear sister , i could understand ur problem and i am confident enough that u r gonna excel in ur life. What i would appreciate is that u r ashamed of ur deeds.... A quality u would find in allah's servant . A hadith-e-qudsi goes like this '' beloved prophet (saw) said when an astray servant returns to Allah, allah is so pleased as is a person who is dying of thirst while travelling in desert and at the last moment finds his lost water-studded camel" do love but ur God and refrain from path heading to distress -forget the boy...please do pray for me i am much much downtrodden then u

    • 20. Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said: "There was a man from among a nation before you who killed ninety-nine people and then made an inquiry about the most learned person on the earth. He was directed to a monk. He came to him and told him that he had killed ninety-nine people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted. He replied in the negative and the man killed him also completing one hundred. He then asked about the most learned man in the earth. He was directed to a scholar. He told him that he had killed one hundred people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted. He replied in the affirmative and asked, `Who stands between you and repentance? Go to such and such land; there (you will find) people devoted to prayer and worship of Allah, join them in worship, and do not come back to your land because it is an evil place.' So he went away and hardly had he covered half the distance when death overtook him; and there was a dispute between the angels of mercy and the angels of torment. The angels of mercy pleaded, 'This man has come with a repenting heart to Allah,' and the angels of punishment argued, 'He never did a virtuous deed in his life.' Then there appeared another angel in the form of a human being and the contending angels agreed to make him arbiter between them. He said, `Measure the distance between the two lands. He will be considered belonging to the land to which he is nearer.' They measured and found him closer to the land (land of piety) where he intended to go, and so the angels of mercy collected his soul".

      [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

      In another version: "He was found to be nearer to the locality of the pious by a cubit and was thus included among them". Another version says: "Allah commanded (the land which he wanted to leave) to move away and commanded the other land (his destination) to draw nearer and then He said: 'Now measure the distance between them.' It was found that he was nearer to his goal by a hand's span and was thus forgiven". It is also narrated that he drew closer by a slight movement on his chest.


      1. One comes to know from this Hadith that the gate of Taubah is open even for the worst of the sinners; and Allah forgives everyone provided he repents sincerely, the conditions for such repentance have already been discussed.

    • Assalamualaikum. Dr Ashaq, will Allah forgive me if we had did s** before? Even the guy left me for a good reason to achieve his mission? As i knew, couple who had a haram relay must apologised to Allah after the get married. I only hope he will be my husband because thats the only way to pay our sins beforee. Its hard for me to accept the reality that we had n did before.

  2. Wa'alaykumsalam,

    Allah WILL forgive you insha'Allah,

    " Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. " (39:53)

    "He is the One that accepts repentance from His Servants and forgives sins: and He knows all that ye do." (42:25)

    "And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, and ask for forgiveness for their sins, and who can forgive sins except Allah? and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done, For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath- an eternal dwelling: how excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)! (3:135-136)

    On the authority of Anas, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah say: Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”

    Do not despair for Allah's mercy, it is a sin to do so.

    "Truly no one despairs of Allah's soothing mercy, except those who have no Faith." (12:87)

    Here are few du'as for forgiveness,

    - "O Lord, I have wronged myself. So forgive me. Verily save You there is no one who can protect from the consequences of sinning."

    - " O Allah, I seek forgiveness for every sin I committed, about which, of course, You know inside and out, from the beginning to the end of my life, whether committed deliberately or unintentionally, few or many, abstruse or manifest, old or new, secretly carried out or openly done; and for whatever wrong I have done I turn repentant unto You and beseech You to bless Muhammad and the children of Muhammad and forgive all my unjust acts I did to wrong the people (because they have rights which I have to recognize and fulfill) but You have full authority to forgive those wrongdoings whenever and howsoever You wish, O the most merciful" .

    - "O Allah, I seek Your forgiveness for those wrongdoings for which I had turned repentant unto you but have done again. I seek your forgiveness for those deeds which I planned to do for your sake only but afterwards other interests not connected with You crept in, and I seek Your forgiveness for my taking advantage of the bounties, You gave me, in order to disobey You. I seek forgiveness of Allah (who is) “There is no god save He, the self-subsisting, the knower of the unknown and known, the beneficent, the merciful.” For all those sins which I have committed and for all those transgressions I perpetrated. O Allah grant me perfect ability to use, follow and apply reason, astute and keen determination, preponderant genius, pure heart, all-embracing wisdom and beautiful elegent manners. Let all these favours work for my good; let them not harm me, through your mercy, O the most merciful".

    For now sister, just build your relationship with Allah. Make your eman very strong. Ask Allah to guide you and help you. Pray regularly and make lots of dua and tawbah. "Only with the remembrance of Allah do heart find satisfaction ". Have patience. Forget that man for he has sever all ties with you. Respect him for that. You do the same. With some efforts and time, your love for him will fade away. You'll love your husband to be insha'Allah. Don't think about him and the pasts. He says he doesn't love you, therefore, do not waste your precious time. Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said,"There are two blessings which many people lose: (They are) Health and free time for doing good." ( Sahih Bukhari ). Its easier said than done, but you've got to try hard. It'll take time obviously, but try not to bring this matter in your prayers. Submit to Allah and have trust in Him that He'll give you somthing better. May Allah ease your situation. Ameen

    • Regarding your question, " Will Allah mend my broken heart ? "

      This has to be done by you. As Allah said "Whatever good happens to you, is from Allah;but whatever evil happens to you, is from yourown soul. " ( 4:79 )

      This ' broken heart ' you're experiancing is a result of your choices by which you chose to disobey Allah and transgress his limits ordained in Quran. The choice you made was pre-marital relationship, which is forbidden in Islam. "As you sow, so shall you reap ". Therefore, with hardwork and patience, change whats in your heart and mind, then only Allah will improve your situation.

      "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves ". (13:11)

  3. assalamualaikum sister , Allah brings people into your life for a reson and removes them for beter reason, anything that hapens is by allah will, you mite feel hurted now but after somtime u will thanks allah for taking him away from ur life, at first this guy did not keep his words and did wrong with you , if u were getting married to him and after marriage her soul have ditched u what were u doing , alla knew his intentions and allah loves u and protected you from doing more sins , you are chosen one turn towards allah he love us more than our mother more than anyone , he is most merciful and allah listens and sees your pain , allah has created our heart and he knows our hears more better allah has good plans for you ahead , trust allah and ask forgiveness for all u did and pray allah for blessing u with pious loveing husband who will hold ur hand towards jannah and fall in love with person who is in love with allah , the person who is true muslim will never break his promises and hurt you and have any wrong relation if he was good person he was approching to your parents directly for marriage , he is not right that why allah save u from him thank allah and move ahead in life , be like a gem pricious and rare not like a stone found evrywhear , respect your self and keep smiling as allah loves you he is alwys with us

    🙂 jazzakallah kahair

  4. Will I ever get over it? Will I ever be 100% happy? Has anyone else faced this? it just hurts to imagine I'll never have him again.. Will Allah help me? And forgive me? I'm trying so hard and need Allah in my life.

    InshaAllah you will get over him, I know people who have been in a relationship longer some amounting to 5 years or so but for some reason it doesn't last. I personally been in a similar situation where I was crazy over this one sister but I eventually got over her although I was like you thinking that I won't. It is a matter of facing reality and one thing that helped me along the way was being 'Rabbaniyyah' 'God Orientated' with regards to individual and social life. So if you haven't already, make friends with practicing sisters and they can offer a lot of support.

    Destiny (Qadar) is vital to acknowledge in moments like these, if something has not gone your way then be happy as it is Allahs plan. By questioning ourselves further we potentially damaging our faith.


    So when Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala , in His Infinite Wisdom, tests us with a situation that we think is difficult or takes away something that in our mind was good for us, we need to remember that perhaps it may not be so. Perhaps if we had continued in our way, it might have been harmful for us and whatever Allah decreed for us is actually better for us, for He is All-Wise and All-Knowing. Allah says:

    '...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.' (Surah Baqarah: 216)

    Al-Hasan al-Basri said: 'Do not resent the calamities that come and the disasters that occur, for perhaps in something that you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that you prefer will be your doom.'

    Remember that we are dealing with the One who is Arham ar-Raahimeen, the Most Merciful of all that show mercy. All the mercy that we have in this world from Adam (Alaiyhi Salaam) to the Day of Judgment is only one hundredth of the Mercy of the Most Merciful. And He is Most Wise. He knows and we don't know.

    So have faith in Him and trust in Him and although, sometimes we may not understand the reason behind certain things, know that as long as you obey Him, whatever He will do for you is, in fact for your betterment.

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