Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I lied about the nude pic I sent him, now he hates me

liar heart

Asalam0Alaikum brothers and sisters,

I am a 23 year old girl and my boyfriend is 26. We have been in a long distance relati0nship for 3 years. We haven't met in pers0n, but have shared pics and talked on ph0ne. We love each other a lot. We are from the same country but different states.

Well, my st0ry g0es 3 years back when we met on facebook. We fell madly in love with each other. One day he asked me for a nude pic. I said I can't give such pic, but he f0rced me to and t0ld me that there is no problem in sharing as we are in a relati0nshp. He started forcing me for the pic, and also t0ld me that if I trust and love him I will do it. I didn't want to lose him, as we had planned to get married in the future. I shared a pic but not of me. I downloaded it from a porn site and gave it to my boyfriend.

He thought it was me and we had phone sex that day. It was new for me and I didn't feel comfortable, but for him it was not. He had it with a girl, but it was his past and we both were virgins. He had told me about it. Well, we started doing it often- twice in a week or sometimes everyday. But we always felt guilty after doing it as it was haraam, and prayed for forgvness, but we couldn't control each other so we again used to go with it.

Life was getting on. He finished his studies and started searching for a job, and also told me to tell my parents about my relati0nship with him. I told my papa, and I was able to c0nvince him and eventually he accepted my relati0nship. I was very happy and told my boyfriend that my parents said yes, and also told him to talk with his parents about me so that our parents could meet and talk about our marriage.

But after some days he was very upset. When I asked the reason he told he told his mom, and she said no. When he forced his mom, she told him to ch0ose one: me or her. I was broken. I didn't know what to do or what to say. He asked me who should he ch0ose. I know the value of parents, so I told him to ch0ose his parents, but I told him that we can't leave each other so at least try to c0nvince his mom.

But still she is not ready for me, and my boyfriend tells me that we can't be together and he'salso n0t ready to leave me. He is also rejecting proposals which his mother is bringing for him because of me. Sometimes I feel guilty that maybe because of me he is hurting his mom. Sometimes I feel like going away from him, but I can't. I have deactivated my id so many times, but can't live a day without him.

Well, still we are together bcause we have faith in Allah that He will do everything, and one day maybe we will be together. We pray salat and read Quran. But 2 days ago my boyfriend saw that nude pic on a page and asked me if that was me. I was shattered because I had lied, so I told the truth that it's n0t me and that I gave that pic because I didn't want to hurt or lose him.

He got very angry and told me he doesn't trust me anym0re, n0r does he expect anything from me. I also asked for forgiveness for telling a lie, but he's n0t ready to listen and is telling me to go away. I have d0ne bad, I know, but I didn't want to hurt him so I shared that pic. But the other pic was n0t fake, but he's n0t ready to listen and telling me that maybe that's also a lie. A 3 year relati0nship is just g0nna drown because of one lie.

I have again closed my account but I'm not at peace. I'm feeling very low and helpless. Have I d0ne wr0ng? Should I open my account and go back to him? My mind is sometimes telling me to go to him, and s0metimes saying n0t to go. I need help, I need a suggestion because I can't even share this with any0ne as I'm feeling shame to say all this.

 I'm still a virgin. I didn't cheat on him n0r do I want to be in a haram relati0nship. I want to marry him. What should I do? Should I go back and beg for f0rgiveness, or should I stay silent? I'm feeling guilty on my path. Please help me and suggest to me what m0ve I should take. Allah bless you all for your help.


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37 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    It's difficult for me to understand why you are focusing on how you might've wronged him by lying, instead of focusing on his wrong to ask you for a haraam photo of yourself. In essence, his frustration or anger was brought on by his own wrongs. If he had stuck to the halal, he would've never been frustrated with how you responded to begin with.

    Sister, I think the root of this issue is that you have to work on your self worth. You didn't need to give him a 'real' picture of yourself when the truth came out. If he was upset that it was not real, he should've had to deal with that on his own, because he was wrong to ask for such pictures to begin with.

    I think you should leave him alone. Why would you want to marry someone who wants to see women naked in a haraam way? It's possible he might do the same after you're married by looking at porn or talking to other women who are non mahrem. Then you would be hurt even more than you are now!

    He's the one who needs to change. He used your care for him to lure you into satisfying his lusts. You are worth more than that, and you should marry someone who treats you accordingly. This relationship was out of bounds from start to finish, so the best thing you can do is let it go and move on with the intention to maintain halal standards when you meet another man you might want to marry.

    -Amy Editor


      off course i agree with your this best point

      this is bullish t

      I don't know what is a reason? that you and he give nude pic each other this is not halal before marriage and let suppose he give you , you give him nude pics and you both are making sensual sex with your private parts with in phone call's so after that due to your this little lie that you did not give him your original nude pic's. he don't want to longer relationship with you. sorry sister he is not in love with you and now he is fulfilled with you. this is good for you that you did not do marriage with him. i will say about that ALLAH saved your live.

      He is a sick man he is not capable for you go away he is not in love. you give him your nude pics that's why will bag forgiveness to ALLAH because this is the act of hell and ALLAH will be anger with you if you don't call to ALLAH for forgiveness.

      and i suggest to you that now you need a life partner go and do marriage and bagging to ALLAH good kind of husband as you want. We do pray for you that ALLAH give you pious husband.

      and don't do next time this kind of mistakes.
      anybody in this world doing mistakes don't be loos your hopes and after forgiveness to ALLAH don't feel guilty about this matter ALLAH forgive you and us.
      ALLAH knows Better.


  2. I don't see any signs that this guy will marry you. He can tell you stories, how he is rejecting girls for your sake. He still wants you. He will try to convince you send your naked pictures or undress on web cam. He may even try to meet you alone some where. All of a sudden he will anounce his parents are forcing him to marry his cousin and that will be the end of story. Talk to your Papa and see what he says. If your family finds a nice guy for you get married.

  3. Asslamoalikum sister already sister Amy and Svs give u good advised . He is not a good person his actions proved already if he want to marry he never disrespect u asking nude pic plz don't think that if he is not with u u can't live it take time to heal but every as every wound healed this also inshallah healed just keep in mind u r respect ur self u r not for someone lust u r inshallah gonna b pleasure for u husband in halal and respected way leave this looser alone when he can't ask his mother to accept u if he want u his wife but he show anger on u for doing haram.we r humans mistakes is part of life learn from mistake just ask ur parents to see nice person for u get married and let it go.My dau is May Allah bless u and all daughters with nice and Islamic spouse and blessed with happiness amin

  4. Asslamoalikum sister already sister Amy and Svs give u good advised . He is not a good person his actions proved already if he want to marry he never disrespect u asking nude pic plz don't think that if he is not with u u can't live it take time to heal but as every wound healed this will also inshallah healed just keep in mind u r respect ur self u r not for someone lust u r inshallah gonna b pleasure for u husband in halal and respected way leave this looser alone when he can't ask his mother to accept u as his wife but he show anger on u for doing haram.we r humans mistakes is part of life learn from mistake just ask ur parents to see nice person for u get married and let it go.My dau is May Allah bless u and all daughters with nice and Islamic spouse and blessed with happiness amin

  5. You should have thanked Allah that you did not send your own nude picture to this guy. Imagine what would a damage be. He has no good quality at all. You need to work on your self esteem and respect yourself. You seems so accommodating to whatever he asked you to do. You know that those sex phone, nude pictures are wrong, so wrong. You degrade yourself to his level. Sister, trust me, you should be glad that he is out of your picture. You expose yourself to him too much and he can see that you are so desperate to get marry. ALso, online / facebook relationship is not real. This guy does not possess any good quality of a good muslim. Don't be sad at all!!!. Allah is protecting you from further hurt by this guy. ALhumduallah that you are out of this mess.

    Sister, repent to Allah and work on your self esteem by understanding Islam, studying and read. Stay away those online / chat relationship. A good husband will appreciate a woman who respect herself and have a good deen.

  6. I dnt think u need to apologize love is nt abt sex r taking nude pictures he shud respect ur feelings so u need to find out isit lust hez after r love tht he has fr u cz if its lust fr him nd love frm ur side thn i cn tell u nw its gna end very bad later fr both of u so be very sure b4 u take any step further ppl say love is blind believe me it is blind until u gt together thn soon u wake up nd by the time u realize anything its too late anyhow i hope it wrs out gud fr u (:

    • So true yasir Khan!
      Exactly love isn't about sending nudes! Jini may allah help you! But just think about it would a lover ever be bothered about your nudes! No love is from the heart and soul! And yes truly you Did right by sending him a fake pic!

  7. Be thankful you didn't sent any nude pictures of yourself to
    Him!! And be thankful his mother said no, why would u want to marry such a guy who ask for your nude picture? Honestly if a guy really care about you he would never ask for such a picture. How do you know how many girls he ask for nude pictures of? Move on be smart and don't ever trust what a guy tills you these days you have to be the smart one!!

  8. Assalaamualaikam

    You're better off without a boyfriend who disrespects you like this. He wants pictures of you naked, wants you to stay his girlfriend while not taking any steps to make the relationship halal (boyfriend - girlfriend relationships are not permitted in Islam!), piles the blame onto you while refusing to accept any himself... That's not husband material - he needs to do a lot of growing up before he would be ready to be the head of an Islamic household. Instead of feeling upset that the relationship is ending, say Alhamdulillah - you are leaving behind a haraam relationship and have a chance to become closer to your faith and the straight path.

    In the future, when a guy shows an interest, stand firm and tell him that he needs to follow Islamic guidance. No premarital relationship, involvement of your wali from the start, clear awareness of boundaries. If he isn't able to respect you and respect himself by acting in accordance with Islam, then he isn't the guy for a practising Muslimah.

    It's important as well to recognise where your own actions strayed from Islamic teaching - premarital relationships and private correspondence with non-mahrams aren't permitted, looking at each others' awrahs and the awrahs of strangers on the internet isn't acceptable, etc. - and to repent for these. Once you identify these mistakes, you can make changes to ensure you do not repeat them, and inshaAllah move away from those things. Remember that Allah is Most Merciful.

    Getting over a relationship can be painful and upsetting, so it will be important to have support around you. Turn to Islam, read Quran and pray. Make sure that you are busy with Islamically appropriate activities and spending time with practising sisters who will inshaAllah encourage you to keep to the straight path. Don't go back to him - instead, make dua for a pious husband of good character, and work on developing your self-esteem.

    Midnightmoon editor

  9. Assalamualaikum sister...I suggest you to forget him and move on...I know its difficult but its the correct path...I'm also going through similar kind of small unintentional lie, lie for the fear of losing him made everything vanish in few seconds...he said go away and now he is happy with other girl..I was totally broken and cried day and night by making dua to allah to get him back in my life..I was totally helpless and was seeing for advice thats when I got this site and Alhumdulillah by reading brothers and sisters advice I'm feeling my aim is to be a better muslimah,daughter, wife and mother and please allah to grant me repenting for my sins everyday..sometimes still I think of him but I make myself strong by telling my allah is bigger than my problems I face..
    Sister if he truly wanted to marry you he would never ask for nude pics..and he would not give u excuse about his mom..its better u repent for ur mistakes and let ur parents choose guy for u..may allah bless you with a gud life partner..ameen never lose faith on allah..he is always with you...

    • @helpme786: .one small unintentional lie, lie for the fear of losing him made everything vanish in few seconds...he said go away and now he is happy with other girl.

      Did he leave you short time after he got what he could get from you? Every lies. If you love some one you help them change.

  10. Thankyou sister for your kind advice.. I was heartbroken as well but after g0ing through all am feeling healed up..Allah bless all those whoz working on tis site and helping people recover from ther pain.Allah hu Akbar iam happy i am safe by the grace of Allah subhana wa taala..this is a wonderful site jazakAllah hu Khairan..

    • @jini be thankful and safe. Allah saved you, be very grateful for that. Never ever talk or communicate with a guy anymore until you get married. If you want to still get married PLEASE GO THROUGH YOUR FAMILY, PARENTS AND RECOMMENDATIONS FROM FAMILY. Never ever let a man use you like this please do not ever trust a man from his words they will do anything to make another girl a victim.

  11. i will suggest u saba to leave him as soon as possible.plz dont spoil ur self..look at me my husband also force me to do mobile sex after engagement..i neva wanted to do but he forced me alot so i accepted him..but i neva send him my nude pic...but u know what happend after wo got marry..i found him talking with other girls also sending and sharing nude pics..after my baby's birth he left my room..he sleeps at saperate room where he has started web cam sex with other girls..when eva i ask him why u r doing that he replys me dont only belame me look at ur self u were like that...
    it hurts me alot..i dont know what to do i sometime think to do suicide..i just want to leave him becuz every night he does cyber sex with othr girls and i spend my time waiting him whole night alone...

    • haniii. he sleeps at seperate room where he has started web cam sex with other girls..when eva i ask him why u r doing that he replys me dont only belame me look at ur self u were like that...

      He played an important role in the way you look now. How long ago did you have the baby? I don't think your problem has any thing to do with mobile sex. Was he there during the birth of the baby?

  12. yes this is true that our marital relationships are going much hard with the starting of the marrieg..this is just becus of his lust...he told me abut his x girlfriend when we were engaged..but he told me that there is nothing between us now and we talk some time but just as a friend..and soon i will leave her becuz she is going to marry with another person...but i neva know he keeps to talk her every time till now and they are badly fallen in love till now even they talk every time through with each anotehr ..i made him understand lots of time but he always say me to look at my own self as i was use to talk to him after if she is wron then i m also wrong becus i did wrong in the past..
    this does not end at this he is use to talk with other girls also..i have seen pron and nude pics of these girls on his moblie and laptop...he nva has any interest in laptop pron videos...this is his life and nothing


      you are absolutely write about man i am a man i know man 's thinking thats why ALLAH said to man & Womens sura-e-Noor i forgot the no of this Ayat (Any pious men & pious womens put it down your eye & save you'r sexual parts). ALLAH knows Better.

      if man and women would be do that so he will save.

      otherwise after mistakes we do feel guilty.


  13. Haniii I am sorry to hear this. My prayers with you. May Allah give hidayat to every Muslim girl and boy. Aameen

  14. plz suggest me also he is not supporting me financialy..after baby's birth he has started studies again to have more fun in a saparate room..what eva he is doing job but keeping all mony in his hand and me and my son are made is parent's responsibility..i cant tell them my needs clearly..when they dont want they any thing they easly behave with me clearless points...what should i do in such a case when no one is doing well with me?

    • Hope things will change. Is he spending time with his son? How old is your son?

      Be nice to every one in the family, sooner or later they will become nice to you also.

      Why do you think he married you and not his x-girlfriend?

      He is sleeping in a separate room. Are you implying you 2 are no longer being intimate?
      There is some thing lacking in your physical relationships which he is trying to find in online relationship. It is not some thing you are responsible.

      I can understand single people doing webcam to express sexuality. Your husband has you right there why he needs to do webcam stuff.

      Are you living with your in laws?

    • ASSALAM-o-ALAIKUM Sister Haniii

      I am very sad about you if your husband would my friend i pick his ear and straight him.

      Actually this is a fever of nudity which has came to internet and western cultures.

      and sorry for that Your husband has sick of nudity but don't worry this is not a big problem for you this is same problem in our muslim societies and our bound muslim womens is facing that.

      But don't worry first of all be cool , warm this problem take time and think about deeply that this problem is not big and then start caring your husband with light lectures of islam with prayer's. OK

      Always be ready with best suiting best perfumes which like your husband when your husband has came in home to office. "Second" try different types of sensual , seductive styles which is in the circle of Islam but try to some different new another styles. and will try to know that whats your husband wants & desire about sex this is most important of marriage life.sorry sister but this is real part of marriage life in this atmosphere.
      and i am sure this is main problem your husband after & before your baby birthing process.
      now a days man life want some new to his wife but be remember that when you do anything it is in the circle of shariyat.

      and "third" tip for you that prey for him with your whispers he is your life partner. whip for him , beg to ALLAH. you don't know to wife prey for her husband is go straightly at ARSH-E-AZAM. after Domesday and after ground of exams don't anybody with yours you both are alone with your great love. Husband & wife relationship is not normal it is more then strong to hills , to mountains. don't be afraid keep it prey for him.
      Prey Namaz punctually.

      ALLAH Knows Better.

      We do prey for your husband that ALLAH give him clear path of islam
      Don't loos to your hope upon ALLAH.

      • thank u brother but you dont know the whole problem till now i have submitted all situation..i surely need ur advise after publishing that ...that would be with the name of (MY HUSBAND IS NOT INTERESTED IN ME AND WONT LEAVE HER ALONE)...plz suggest me after that..

      • Typical advise coming from a MAN. It is always the ladies who have to work hard to keep their men happy. No wonder there are lots of abuse , around the world. Csuse men like you advice women to give thier husbands free pass!!! If she does all you Adviced her to do. What do you think a man like her husband with a filthy mind think ? My wife is desperate to keep me and keep me the marriage ! Next he will ask her to do threesomes ! Do you know how many Muslim
        Women are forced by their husbands to live a swingers life and do theesomes. And the wives oblige because they want to save their marriage. You men are old school thoughts and make your own rules and say this is what is right in Islam. Hanii if you love yourself and your child. Get out of the house and divorce him. Please
        Don't be fooled by others who tell you to change yourself. No matter how hard you will change your husband is still going to watch porn. Infact This time he will do it hindingly. And maybe bring his girlfriend in bed with you and him !be brave. Love yourself and if your parents and fsmily members refuse divorce thsn you do it anyways. No where in Quran Allah says be miserable in life you will go Jannat. " God will ask you in yawmul qiyaamat. The soul
        I gave you is amanat. How did you treat it. Did u abuse it by keeping it sad and letting it be abused by your husband. Where does it say in Islam to allow spousal abuse. Where does it say in Islam to be a sex Slave for your husband ? Please don't stay in this marriage. You are young. He will not change his habits. You can't live a life of stress. And don't worry that if you divorce no one will marry you you won't be accepted in communtiy. Who cares. Allah wants to see his creatures happy and enjoy his blessings. Get yourself
        Out of this filth. Be strong. Get a job have s friend csre for your child while you at job. You will be
        Much happier ! Don't worry what others say. Divorce him and allow allahs blessings in your life. Stay happy for your child so when your child will be a young man he will know how to respect women. If you stay in this marriage you are teaching your son to do the same to his future wife when he marries. He will think my mom loved and stayed with my dad so my wife has to do the same ! Don't listen to these people who say stay in the marriage and you have to fix yourself to please. You are a woman the prophet respected women. He didn't treat his wife this way because he knew it was wrong and they are not slaves. I am speaking from experience. My ex wanted porn wife swapping and threeosmes. I love myself because I love Allah who created me. I divorced him. Even my sheikh told my ex no chance keep this marriage you are filthy man and no Muslim women should oblige you and perform your fantasies ! Alhamdulillah I am very much happier person. I don't allow him to take our kids to his place for sleepover. Visitation rights only weekends 3 hours a day. Even the sheikh and judge agreed. I protect my kids from such pollution !

    • HAnii. Although Allah does not like divorce get he has given a whole chapter about it. Which means go seek divorce. !in this situation Allah would wsnt you too. Think why would Allah want you to be in a relationship with a dirty man. You have a daughter. What will his relationship with his daughter be like ? Get out of this marriage. Allah has given us aql. We pray to Allah to help us. And how do we think he will ? He won't be there physically to slap your husband ! Allah guides you to do what is right. Allah wants every human being to respect and love themselves enough to not be in such a situation. Pack your bags. Leave him and go live your life. If you see down and hurting and crying your baby senses it. She will grow up being depressed and will have very low self esteem. We mothers need to train our daughters that in no way we acceot abuse and in no way should our daughters accept it too ! I don't believe if our men behaves in such a bad manner that we wives should prsy even harder to Allah to guide them ! Allah has given all human aql !

  15. my son (remainder of comment deleted by editor)

    • Salaams,

      Please log in and complete your question as a separate post, and we will answer it in turn in shaa Allah. Until then, feel free to search our archives as there have been many posts already submitted with similar situations to yours and you may find some good advice on them.

      -Amy Editor

  16. i am in a big problem ..i m very much depressed...want to share but it is not published and show pending..plz tell me how to publish it...

  17. dear sister may i tell u one thing ur bf never marry u..he is a bad guy..a good guy never ask such photos..he always give u excuse by saying hsi mother is not ok and for u is that leave him as soon as possible...u may feel now that u cant forget him but definilty u can forget him and can lead a wonderful life..ask forgiveness from Allah and pray to get a good husband..marry as soon as possible

  18. Salaams
    He is very unlikely to marry you

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