Lied to and betrayed
Dear brothers and sisters, I have been faced with one of the most difficult situations in my life.
I come from a Hindu family and accepted Islam upon marrying my husband, I lost a lot of my family due to this but didn't care as I loved my husband so much and fell in love with Islam. I have been married for 12 years and have 3 beautiful children, my marriage has not been perfect but we loved each other so worked hard to keep it together also I just found out that I am expecting (still very early weeks)...
My situation is this that I caught my husband texting another woman 4 months ago, this completely broke my heart, I was extremely devastated but he reassured me she was someone he met on Facebook has never met her and she meant nothing to him, he held the Quran and even called the imam from the masjid who is a friend of ours to speak to me in regards to his mistake and he asked me to forgive him and promised he would not do it again.
I forgave him and tried to forget what had happened and we went away for a short break but all didn't seem right, I still felt he was not the same at home, he didn't show me the love he used to before and was very distant.
3 months later I had a recording device fitted into my home to see if he was still speaking to this woman. I discovered more than a conversation. He brought this woman to my home and into my bed and it was not the first time I soon discovered.
It was all recorded and he could not deny it but he continued lying saying it was the first time. He wouldn't tell me who she was and made up stuff so I would not discover her identity, I found out she is white, with two children from two different fathers and they work together and he had been with her for the last 6 months, he had secret phones so I would not know he was still in contact with her and even kept in contact with her after I discovered the recording. He also took her out to restaurants lying at home that he was out with friends.
She told me everything but she continued the relationship with him even though she had a boyfriend who was living with her and also claimed she is pregnant and it could be his child. He has no remorse or shame, he still goes to work when she is there too and continues with life as if nothing has happened.
The imam has been to try and resolve the situation many times, all my husband says is I should forget and move forward. My home is like torture for me. I can't live there like this, I am so unhappy there. he just can't stop lying about everything, he doesn't see my pain.
What can I do? Is there hope he may change? I love him more than anything. Please help me, I sacrificed so much to be with him, and he just doesn't care about what he has done to me and our family, and his family don't care, I have no one.
zara
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Assalam alaikum Sister,
I am really sorry for your pain. It was hard reading every part of your post.
Of course, the natural reaction is to tell you to divorce him especially since he has no remorse, hasn't changed, continues to find other ways of hiding his serious sins and also, treats you differently.
I don't want to tell you something that you don't feel comfortable doing and also not tell you something if hope is there.
It boils down to you and if you know if there is any hope. Has he given you hope? Will he attend counselling? Will be go for counselling to a Muslim counsellor? Will you be able to trust him again? Will he get tested for sexually transmitted diseases?
The thing is that your husband is carrying on intimacy with a woman who herself has multiple partners--this isn't just about who you love, it is also about your health.
No, your husband doesn't get to say that just to forget and move forward--and what is the Imam saying during the sessions that you and him meet with him?
Frankly, I think that you should take precautions about being intimate with him considering his choices. You should involve an elder on his side of the family if possible. You should also start saving money and have a solid plan if you have to live alone.
I should also tell you that you should keep the evidence that you have against him if divorce does result.
I know that you love him and I know that you want to give a chance--but, more than you, he should want to fix things. If you are the only one actively trying to fix your marriage, it may be broken beyond repair.
Take time to really think about what it is that you want. Dig down deep and ask yourself if this is what you deserve and if this is what your children deserve? Your husband may be in the house with you, but he has checked out.
Do not let your love for him dictate your misery--you may love him and you may always love him, but it doesn't mean that you should accept the degradation of the treatment of your family and yourself. HE has to WANT to CHANGE.
May Allah swt ease your pain Sister, Ameen.
There is no other option then divorce a pure mominah cannot or shall not live with an adulterer, he is trying to exploit yur weakness.
First ,
Here you need to be very careful as he might pass you Sexually Transmitted diseases .
I think he will not change so better to get divorce from him and move on in life ..
Salaam sister
I must say reading your post sent shock waves down my spine and i couldnt believe what i was reading. I feel for you at this stage you dont need the stress. You have definitely sacrificed a lot and struggled a lot. I pray that Allah makes this test easy for you and make you successful. Ameen x
Sometimes its human nature to forget about what importance something/one have in our lives until its no longer there. I know you dont want to just give up and not fight again but this time i would advise you separate for a while dont tell him where you are or keep any contact. Some time later he will realise his mistake God willing and will beg to have you back in his life. Just leave it to Allah to make him realise you just have to strengthen your faith in Him
Just try and live without him for a while as he seems to have started taking you for granted. Show him no matter after how many years of being together no matter after how many children later you are a independent woman and can take care of yourself and the children. Dont let him take you for a ride you deserve better.
If you decide to seperate for a while make sure you are all set before hand e.g. somewhere to go any help etc. Im sure your midwifes can give you some advice on what to do
I pray Allah makes it easy for you sister to take a step for you and your children. Ill be giving birth soon inshaAllah and i will be praying for you x
much love
Listen, I'm not a Muslim, but someone who has been betrayed by my husband, who happens to be Muslim.. This man is a completely selfish narcissist who could never, ever be trusted again. What he's done to you is beyond haraam. It's sinful in anyone's eyes. He has zero respect for you (or for himself). Do you think he'll be loyal to that strumpet he's sleeping with?
She's just as low as he is to be sleeping in your bed. How disgusting (why some women fall into the pit with disgusting men is beyond my understanding).
Do you think this woman didn't know what she was doing when she hooked up with your husband? She has children and a boyfriend. Protect yourself. You don't want to catch anything from this man that would affect you and your unborn baby.
In fact, forget sleeping with him ever again. I suggest you speak to another imam - and not to that useless imam friend of his - with a view to divorcing this hideous creature. Get all of your legal rights together, using the evidence you've cleverly gathered against him. But try to get protection for you and your children. Try to reconnect with your family by swallowing your pride and asking them for forgiveness.They love you
Get rid of this nasty, evil man.
Good luck!
Salaam Sister,
Ask your husband to stop committing Zina, if he doesn't stop then divorce him.
If you really want to still stay with him, then keep making dua that Allah guides him to purity and try to advise him slowly to stop committing Zina.
May Allah make it easy for you.