Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My life has become a labyrinth of debt and despair

Dunya versus Aakhirah

I'm Dahlia and I'm seeking advice regarding personal issues and frequent suicidal thoughts.

I feel as if life has brought me to a place where death is the only option left.  I'm 23 years old.  I've failed my degree.  I'm tens of thousands of dollars in debt to my parents, who have invested their hard earned money into my education.  They don't know yet that I've failed, and I don't know how to tell them.  They have sacrificed a lot and they'll be devastated.  I've ruined all my chances of acquiring a decent job, let alone pay my massive debts.  Therefore, I have no means of supporting myself.  My mere existence is a huge financial burden on my family (not to mention disappointment).  Even marriage is not a feasible option for me for various reasons (also to my parents' chagrin).  And these are not even all of my problems.  In short, my life is an irreparable mess.

My home has become a distressful place because of me.  My parents fight constantly, blaming each other for the way my brother and I turned out.  I've become reclusive, and often times so irritable that I lash out at them and misbehave horribly.  I've thought of just leaving home, but since I have no money, I'll be on the streets, homeless and destitute, and I dread to think of all the immoral/illegal things I might succumb to out of hunger.  My parents take care of me, but only out of obligation, bereft of any real compassion.  I don't blame them for anything, because life is hard for them too.  To them I'm a burdensome responsibility, and to me they are a constant reminder of my life's failures.

Unfortunately, no amount of regret will change the past, and there's not much I can do now to change my present situation.  I feel buried under guilt and debt with no way out.  I strive for patience, but its tough to sit and watch the life I had envisioned fall apart piece by piece.  Sometimes, I fall into denial, unable to grasp the reality of what has become.  Other days, I wake up in the morning with a sinking feeling in my stomach as, yet another day, I'm forced to face failure.  And these are the times when I just want to die.  Sometimes I feel so restless and frustrated that I just wish I had the courage to slit my wrists in half or put a rope to my neck and end it.  Yet other times, I just sit and weep, wondering what it would have been like to have a life where I wasn't planning my own gruesome forced death.

As much as I want to die, I fear everything death entails.  My prayers remain unanswered, and I often find myself questioning my faith and the concept of religion altogether.  There was a time when, although not religious, I felt thankful for being born Muslim.  Now I realize that there was no point, and all my fasts and (occasional) prayers will have gone to complete waste.  Is He, Allah, not the Almighty and All-Powerful?  What does he gain by throwing people in Hell?  Is He avenged, when they are boiling, shrieking, forced to eat smoldering pus?  I feel trapped in this existence.  I definitely don't want Hell but neither do I want Jannah.  I only want to escape my useless, dysfunctional life.

Dahlia

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19 Responses »

  1. Salam Sis.

    wow trust when i say i know exactly how u feel. i am there now to, however though life seems bleak and dark, there are better days ahead, I know people will regurgitate the same answer its a test its a test....

    However sis in your darkest time please remain strong even for a bit longer, you probs hate hearing this as i did to but hang on cus life is a cycle it always wont be bad as it always will not be good, as you are going through now.

    I know you hate facing people and especially, your parents..at a time like this, but what if you got a job anyone just for the time being, 1) it will get you out the house 2) you can support your self for the time being whilst other opportunities come your way, make sure you keep chucking out that CV 100 a day if you have to.

    Some times you have to work that million times harder. Trust me when i say the most successful people i know did not even finish SCHOOL let alone go to uni.

    Success is not measured with a degree, i know plenty of people with one and yet can NOT get a job, i know it accelerators chances, but that is not always the case.

    And lastly God Allah SWT will not just leave you in the lurch like this, he knows the efforts you have put in and your reward will be greater, i promise you on this. Take the ant on the book, he sees the writing and wants to know the deal...He then sees the pen come down and says ah this pen is doing this all..in his limited wisdom he cant see the hand,arm, body, brain attached to the whole process. Allah will not leave you in this state. but you might have to try a big extra work in and change your course to reach your destination.

    I know it can not be easy being a burden as i feel to, but believe it, things are turning round for me, as they will for you. STIRVE and plant that seed.

    your parents will always love you dude, come on how cant they, hence if you just went and go any job for the time being, they would witness this and see you trying, hey as long as you tried and didn't give up...success is in Allah's he wants to see the effort. In the mean time and always make DUA we will all make it for you.

    Salam Azeem

  2. Assalamu'alaikum sister,

    May Allah Give you strength and find you a way out. This life is a place of tests and trials. We are bound to be tried and tested again and again until we die. As the hadith says: The Dunya is a prison of a believer and the Jannah of a disbeliever.

    But we must do what a believer does. We must do what the servant of ar Rahman does. Allah Says in Surah al Furqaan:

    63. And the slaves of the Most Beneficent (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness.

    64. And those who spend the night before their Lord, prostrate and standing.
    65. And those who say: "Our Lord! Avert from us the torment of Hell. Verily! Its torment is ever an inseparable, permanent punishment."
    66. Evil indeed it (Hell) is as an abode and as a place to dwell.
    67. And those, who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes).
    68. And those who invoke not any other ilah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
    69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

    The statement you made is very dangerous: "I definitely don't want Hell but neither do I want Jannah. I only want to escape my useless, dysfunctional life."

    The answer is that there is no escape from the trials of life but you can seek tranquility from Allah, such that whatever happens, you are pleased with Allah. And if there is no Jannah, there is no place but Hell.

    Abu Hurairah said that Allaah's Messenger said, "All of my Ummah will enter Paradise except those who refuse." It was said, "Who will refuse?" He replied. "Whoever obeys me enters Paradise and whoever disobeys me has refused." Reported by al-Bukhari

    Why do you say you do not want Jannah? Do you not want to rest in a place where you do not have to work, nor face any trouble, nor see any kind of distress or calamity? Do you not aspire for a life with zero stress and maximum satisfaction? Forget about the aspirations of the world, there is no unrest in Jannah, there is no event of displeasure and there is no envy. Read the description of paradise here

    If you say you don't want this, then there is no other place but Hell.

    Sister, your calamities are great, but think of people who have been inflicted with greater calamities, but still they thank Allah. Sister, you said you were irregular in prayers, this is not a believer's lifestyle. A believer prays all 5 prayers, as instructed by Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and as he offered the prayers.

    If you think fasts are of no use, they are of no use. Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "Whoever fasts Ramadaan out of faith and with the hope of reward, all his previous sins will be forgiven"

    You must work on the faith instead of sinking deeper into the despair. This world will end one day and the Aakhirah is sure to arrive. There is no doubt about this day. Do you not think you should prepare yourself for that day?

    Sister, if you failed the degree this year, you can retake the exam later. Try hard the next time, but don't run away from the reality. Admit it to your parents and assure you will try harder. What they have spent for your education, you can repay them by being obedient to them and not being violent to them. If you disagree with them, say that without being harsh but do not let the trials of life affect your behavior.

    Say "Qadarullah, wa Ma Sha'a Fa'al" (Allah Has Decreed and whatever He Wills, it happens)" Face the difficulties with trust in Allah and by being obedient to Him, following His instructions, praying all 5 and observing the obligations.

    If this life was a person, it would be correct to say never trust life. For this reason, trust in Allah and fight the problems of this life with trust in Allah and Belief in Him.

    Imam Ahmad narrated in his Musnad that the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "Allah marvels about the despair of His creatures ('ibad), while the changing of their situation from bad to good is very near, He looks at you, and you are very desperate, so He keeps laughing, because He knows that your relief is very close."

    Strive to be one who falls under this hadith, even I do:

    "Strange is the affair of the Mu'min (the believer), verily all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (Saabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the Mu'min." (Sahih Muslim)

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. ASA dahlia,

    Listen as a sister in Islam I understand how you may feel your prayers at times aren't answered.I felt the same at times. Look life isn't perfect for anyone. Education is not the only way to success..its about experience. Maybe the career you wanted is not what is best for YoU. Your parents love you regardless. Don't let something as frivolous as money make you think this way.a permanent solution to a temporary problem. When I was 22 I killed someone by accident.I was driving iin a busy town in Khartoum Sudan and a lad on a motor may a turn into my lane without putting on his turning signal and I hit him.a young man with a newborn baby..Allah forgive me. I was at yhe brink of a meltdown. My family spent a load of money in my defense and it was an honest error. He pulled in front of me and I had no time to stop.the guilt I carried ..I couldn't continue life that way..I prayed and prayed and one day I got peace. I do my salat everyday to make sure until my last day walah.

    Listen you can't and don't do like I did please. Don't fret over the past.its done with.look for a solution sister be honest with yourself and your parents.they will love you always..suicide is not an option. Years from now like me you will be stronger and you will marry inshallah. Life is good regardless of our problems.

    • Thank you for sharing that. Have you been able to get over the feelings of guilt?

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Yes I did after years of duaas and help from family..

      • i got in contact with his wife and family after they asked to speak with me..this happened years ago and we still maintain contact and i send their son gifts at times..she has forgiven me.

    • ayat you are brave. Allah won't punish you for a mistake. May you get closer to Him and get elevated each day. Your story brought me to tears. plz forgive yourself.

  4. You're NOT a burden to your parents, Sister! They are the ones who wanted children, so they obviously wanted YOU - if you really were a burden, then your parents would have no one else to blame than themselves, because they are the ones who decided to give you and your brother life. Some parents just don't realize that their children have sentiments, sister...and they don't realize that the way they talk about their children is very, very hurtful and devastating. But trust me, most parents say things like, "my kids are giving me a heart attack", "I have the worst kids in the world" - they only say it out of frustration over something. Don't think that it's because you're a burden to them. I used to feel the same at some point, and when I told my parents about how I feel, they were in shock and very upset that I thought I was a burden to them. Now, when my parents get angry and say things about me and my siblings, we almost just laugh it off, because we all know they're just being dramatic out of frustration or anger.

    I don't understand what you mean by 'failing your degree'...I don't know the laws in your country, but in my country, students get 3 chances to take an exam, and if they fail all 3 times, they can seek merits from the administration to take the exam more times - Universities always accept and give the students the extra chances to re-take their exams...I know of people who've re-taken exams in Uni 5-6 times! The reason being that Universities actually want people to graduate...

    Sister, please don't despair :(. It's normal for students to be in debt, and of course you're going to be free from this burden some day! I think you need to have a talk with a student counsellor at your school and get help with making plans in order for you to finish your degree. Also, it'd be a really good idea to mention it to the counsellor if you have some kind of problem that makes it hard for you to focus on your studies and pass exams. I know that in my country people with difficulties can get extra help in form of free tutors, extra prep time for exams...and all students are able to book free appointments with psychologists, psychiatrists, priests and social workers who deal with exactly the kind of stuff that is burdening you. Please, sister, try to find out if your Uni offers these kinds of help and services for students...

    I'm very grateful that Universities are attended for free in my country, and that students are even paid a fee by the government so that we can buy books and things. It makes me realize that in most of the world, even in the rest of Europe, where I live, Universities are so expenssive :(. I really do feel for you, sister, but I don't think you can put a time limit to education. Maybe you've failed some exams now, but exams can be re-taken. Yes, they cost money, but that's just the way it is. I want to start my own business when I graduate, inshallah, and it's so scary for me to think about investing tons of money in something that can potentially go wrong. But I can't just give up, what else am I supposed to do if I don't set goals for myself and keep trying even when obstacles make it hard to reach my goals? Death is NOT an option, sister...you must try to find a way out of the darkness you're stuck in...and the first step really is to seek out to someone for help. It's okay, we're all just human and need other's help sometimes...please don't go through this on your own :(.

  5. Watch this on YouTube
    'why does God punish?' by Norman Ali khan.

    Yes at the moment your life looks very complicated but the positive thing about it is that there is something that you can hold on to. plz don't give up without trying what is in your hands.
    Everyone who fails a major exam goes though the same panic phase.
    a lot of parents love to blame eachother when children disappoint them.
    suicide will not bring relief to anyone.

    Just try these baby steps which are btw necessary to recover what u have lost :

    1 Just check what are ur other options with your college or university. When can you re- appear for your next exams or if you must appear for all your papers or just the ones you have failed in etc.

    2. introspection is needed. why did u fail? did you pick a wrong course? some students don't give much thought before they pick a course. they pick the more popular course in overconfidence. so try to find out the reason behind your failure. I hope it was not just due to lack of concentration or laziness. get a private tutor if you are weak in a particular subject or change the course if possible.

    3. Meet a career counsellor. he/ she will give you perfect guidance keeping your potential, interests and current situation in mind. Also discuss your financial condition and some good student loan plans. She might direct you to professionals who will guide you on that.

    4. Take a part time job. it won't b anything to boast of. A receptionist at a dental clinic, a telecaller, a home tutor for a primary school kid, a cashier at a cafeteria... anything. Now especially when there is financial trouble at home. It is better to show up with some money at the end of the month than no money at all. it will cool down your parents a bit.

    5. Try to improve your relationship with your parents. they May not be the best spouses to each other but at the end of day they still love you. I'm sure your behaviour must have annoyed them a lot but trust me as a parent myself, they will sell anything in this world to see you changed for good. if this failure in this exam brings you closer to them and your deen than this failure is better than a million achievements in this duniya. ( perhaps you will also value your time more than you did. . . I have a feeling)

    6. try to develop your relationship with Allah. Some of the questions you asked are the ones I asked myself some time back . sometimes while asking for forgiveness I tell him to wipe my existence give me nothing, neither heaven nor hell if u can't forgive me now etc but I know deep within me that Allah loves me too much to not notice my pain. He made me for a reason.. and I'm sure I'll find it sooner.

    just watch this video and hopefully you will get you answers.
    Until then just try to get a handle on it. take control of your life. pray to Allah in the middle of the night. talk to Him. He talks back. I know it.

    Don't believe me. just try it yourself.

  6. Take a shower offer your namaz and send all your worries to Allah, just sit back and relax and think from now on I will not worry about ANYTHING life is to short why the worries! Leave everything to God, He is the creator of the universe and he will fix everything have faith in Him. If your parents are fighting it's their choice not yours you don't have to blame yourself for anything let the worries flow away but you have to convince your mind and heart that you've done everything in a positive way and have worked hard, if you fail so what it's NOT the end of the world!

  7. You know, if I thought about suicide, I'd think what's worse, this temp miserable life or burning in hell fire for killing myself...

    May Allah give you happiness and grant you jannah sister.

  8. This is probs my fav vid on dispear, by Allah it will give you hope.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVj_zRqVaOQ

    Salam
    Azeem

  9. Sister,

    Sister I know your situation is bad, but is it as bad as our sisters in Syria

    Who are :

    "Sold for" marriage to help relieve the burdens of their families

    "Come in, you'll have a good time," suggests Nada, 19, who escaped from the southern border town of Daraa into Jordan several months ago. Her father, sporting a salt-and-pepper beard and a traditional red-checkered headscarf, sits outside under the scorching sun, watching silently.

    Nada prices her body at $7, negotiable. She says she averages $70 a day.

    Several tents away, a clean-shaven, tattooed young Syrian man, who says he was a barber back in the city of Idlib, offers his wife. "You can have her all day for $70," he promises. He says he never imagined he would be selling his own wife, but he needs to send money back to his parents and in-laws in Syria, about $200 a month.

    and except from this article "Syrian Refugee women who turned to prostitution out of poverty"

    Subhana ' Allah can you imagine what these people are going through and put your problem next to this and then tell me your problem is so big that you DESERVE TO DIE.

    or wait I got an even better article but I should warn you it is not a "happy" read

    Syrian women and girls for $ 150

    Trafficking Syrian refugees’ organs

    This is just about the women in Syria, imagine what our Ummah has to go through in Palestine, Kashmir, Mali, Somalia, etc ...... every one of them will tell you a story that will make your situation look like a childs play.

    Sister I am in no way trying to undermine your problem or call you ridiculous but I am saying that the LIGHT of Hope should never be extinguished in the heart of a Muslim, the light of Emaan should burn with all the might and flare....

    When you lost hope in Allah you lost hope in everything. One thing that is common among the people whom I mentioned above is that their Unshakable TRUST IN ALLAH, I saw this video where of a man in Syria who was burned alive when he refused to say "Bashaar is Allah(May the curse of Allah be upon him and OUR LORD IS THE PERFECT AND TO HIM ALONE BELONGS PRAISE AND WORSHIP)" even at that point he was proclaiming the Sahada and when they could not silence him, they slit his throat ,,,,, You can find that clip here but I should warn you it is extremely graphic.

    Sister your situation is not irrepairable, I don't know what is your Major, but working as an intern should get you started for a good Professional Career, just agree to work for a low pay ,hell even no pay for a time period and get some experience under your belt and Insha' Allah you will soon be see offers flooding your way through contacts, I should know, cuz I could not complete my degree and but Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with a successful and reputed professional career, a degree might get you an interview but not a Job, this again I should know because most of what you study in college is not applied in the Industry/Field, Why do you think companies ask for "Experience" not just a 4.0 GPA.

    I remember for 6 long months of applying for jobs, checking the mail only to find disappointment at every turn, infact once I sent my CV through a mutual friend to a Professional and he replied back that I was not suitable to be in the Industry I was looking for employment as I lacked the EXPERIENCE even though my degree complied with the Industry.

    Deserving Difficulty

    In a hadith qudsi, Allah (swt) says:

    “I am as the perception/assumption of My slave.”

    Narrated in Sahih Bukhari and Muslim.

    This means that if you think that Allah (swt) is Merciful, you will experience that Mercy. If you think that Allah (swt) is only Wrathful, then your outlook on life is dark and you feel that Wrath.

    Also, too much of this can lead to depression, which can lead to a total lack of hope, which can lead to kufr (disbelief). Allah (swt) says:

    “Despair not of relief from Allah. Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people.”

    (Qur’an 12:87)

    This can also be a doorway for Shaytan (Satan) to lead you astray. Hearts come to resent the ones that show them difficulty and punish them. In this case, the perception would be that Allah (swt) is doing that. It would be very dangerous to resent Allah (swt), yet many people do.

    You will also resent yourself if you do this because, ultimately, it’s your perception. Deep down you know this. This can then lead you to want to punish yourself more (for doing this to yourself). It therefore becomes a vicious self-perpetuating circle.

    If deep down you feel that you deserve difficulty or punishment, then you will do that which is deserving of difficulty and punishment. That’s the primary cause for so many people sinning. They are fulfilling their own self-initiated prophecy.

    Allah (swt) says:

    “Satan threatens you with poverty and orders you to immorality, while Allah promises you forgiveness from Him and bounty. And Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.”

    (Qur’an 2:268)

    When you think that Allah (swt) needs or wants your pain, you are being lured away from the Most Generous. You have been deceived into thinking that He is not Generous.

    And to conclude, Allah (swt) says:

    “What would Allah do with your punishment if you are grateful and believe? And ever is Allah Appreciative and Knowing.”

    (Qur’an 4:147)

    Sister to sum up please consider the following :

    1. Proclaim the Sahada out loud and reconnect with Allah Azzawajal(Top Priority)
    2. Get closer to Allah because Allah says in the Quran

    Those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.

    3. Pray for our Brothers in Sister in Syria and wherever our Ummah is going through Hardships.
    4. Never loose hope, be positive and try to think of the things that you have which other don't like for example limbs, which this guys obviously lacks and is a MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER.
    5.Try to enumerate the blessings of Allah and Imagine if Allah has given you a Job, a successful career but has made you incapable of bearing children or even worse blind
    6. Apply for a Job and be prepared to work for free or for low salary to get you started on a career which would take you towards your career goal.
    7. Please stay alive and here is a joke on anger ..... LOL
    8. And here is an description of Jannah (video)

    I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU READ THIS ARTICLE - Do you deserve Punishment ?

  10. ASAK Dahliya,

    I must say that I've read a number of distressful posts but your accentuated colloquialism showcases the depth in your writing. You may not have a degree but you definitely have ample of wisdom. Wisdom is a gift from Allah. Not everybody has it. So Cheer up.

    He gives wisdom to whom He wills, and whoever has been given wisdom has certainly been given much good. And none will remember except those of understanding. (2:269)

    Being in debt can hurt. However, it is time that you must quit being a victim of the circumstances instead start being a master of it.

    Try taking a short term course. You might not have a degree but you are educated. It is never too late to knit up life.

    Another thing is that you should refrain from thinking too much about Jannah or Jahnnam. It is quintessential that you love Allah free from the fear of hell or the avarice of heaven. You have to trust him. He ain't gonna put you in hell just because you are in debt and don't have a degree.

    And Allah means no injustice to any of His creatures.(3:108)

    Stop thinking that whatever good (Prayers and Fasts) that you have done in this world will go waste.

    And We place the scales of justice for the Day of Resurrection, so no soul will be treated unjustly at all. And if there is [even] the weight of a mustard seed, We will bring it forth. And sufficient are We as accountant. (21:47)

    And whatever you spend of good - it will be fully repaid to you, and you will not be wronged(2:272)

    So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: For ye must gain mastery if ye are true in Faith.(3:139)

    no burden do We place on any soul, but that which it can bear(6:152)

    I am a 24 years old lad and perhaps I can perceive your insecurities. We live in a competitive world and one thing that is available in wholesale is "Failure". Everybody gets it whether one wants it or not.

    This debt and failure is merely a bend in the road.

    “Change: A bend in the road is not the end of the road…Unless you fail to make the turn. ”

    "Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets."

    May Allah bestow sabr and love to redeem you from your ordeal.

  11. Salams sister
    First of all, you should know if you come here were going to tell u theat suicide is haram and we care about your deen bc you are our sister. Our family that we never desert. Inshallah you will listen.
    Second of all, not to be harsh, but havent you ever heard of getting a JOB? You dont have to start your career super skilled. Look at Bill Gates (ur in America right?), he never even went to college. Sister, I am working on a 45k a year salary going up in my career, 22 years old but the fact thhat you even went to college means that NO MATTER WHAT YOU STILL HAVE THE ADVANTAGE.
    Take your credits and at least make a community college give you an associates degree.
    You are not worthless. Get up off the floor and get your resume out there. With a good attitude insh Allah you will land a great job in your industry/ field and move your own way up. Life is never a piece of cake, and if you got this far you should know that.
    Your parents will eventually get over it, so just take their reaction and move on. Thats life.
    Now stop moping and go get a job!
    We in the Islamic community believe in you. Allah made you for a purpose.

  12. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    Typically we think we have failed by our definition of success. Yes, you may have failed school and accumulated some debts, but it can be overcome, inshaAllah.

    Failure would have been not taking responsibility for our actions, not thinking about your parents, not thinking about a solution. You are reflecting and you really have an AMAZING ability to write. You might have failed, but honestly, I wondered why because you come across as a very intelligent person.

    You have to untangle this web one knot at a time. When your mind feels foggy and overwhelms you with how to solve these problems, you can't ever do in one step. Take one thing and tackle it one part at a time and understand that this is a test of balancing emotions more than anything: the emotions of dealing with your parents, the emotions of dealing with failure, the emotions of deal with the debt--all this burden can be felt in your post and my heart goes out to you.

    First, pray to Allah to guide you and give you patience.
    You are not responsible for your brother's behaviour, but you can impact it positively by making changes to how your behave and portray yourself.
    You are not responsible for your parents' fights.
    Whatever you do not have control over, stop taking ownership for it.

    Change the things you have control over:
    Take classes if you can afford to and pass what you have failed. If you can't, go to the university/college and ask them for options.
    Help your mother/father at home and do not answer back.
    Find a job so that you can earn money and start paying off the debts - do not worry about how little it is.
    If you are paying interest on these debts, you may want to talk to a professional financial advisor who can consolidate these debts and bring the rate down lower.
    Ask your brother to help.
    Do not fall into despair.

    shaitaan is whispering to you right now and telling you that your prayers/fasts/obedience to Allah is a waste. Your love and obedience is being tested and as things become difficult and as your peace is snatched from you, shaitaan can't wait to see you fail (which is definition of failure for Muslims--when we forget Allah and stop seeking refuge in Allah) in your remembrance of Allah.

    shaitaan dislikes it when we remember Allah in our difficult times and continuously whispers to us. You have to change and control your thoughts before you can do anything--do a lot dhikr which will help you spirtually, but also help you to stop thinking so negatively--do not forget the favours of Allah upon you--this is certainly a trap.

    You have abilities that will help you to be successful in this world and the next--inshaAllah, I pray that you find peace and success both in this world and the next. Ameen.

  13. If you can maybe crying out the situation to your
    Parents will help you. Then tell them that you are
    Going to get a job and work through life slow and
    To pay them back. I have relatives in a similar situation
    And alhamdulillah after a long time they are happy
    Because they worked to get rid of their mistake like
    You will inshaAllah do because it is clear that suicide
    Is not an option.
    I think personally that Allah has put you in this situation
    Because he wants you to find the light. You have
    Reached the darkest situation in your life and
    Your soul is thirsty for a better state. I myself questioned
    The reason to even live when i felt there is no god
    Because he is not listening but it just so happened
    That not too long later i heard someone say:
    How dare one question faith when they have not
    Read the book of their lord.' This woke me up and I did
    Not read the Qur'an straight away but I started listening
    To lectures on youtube and eventually i read the qur'an.
    So how do you find the light?
    Get a job of course but begin a new journey in the cause
    To Purify your soul.
    At the end of a surah(chapter in quran), suratul waqi'ah,
    Allah says something so very interesting and beautiful.
    He says ' i swear by the position of the stars in
    The sky, and if only you understood my oath ( as in
    What he sweared by) the quran is glorious.
    Now let's think, the stars only come out at night?
    At night it is dark,right? Clearly Allah is saying that
    The only source of light in this dark journey called life
    Is the quran.
    And just like when you look at the stars for longer
    They seem more beautiful, it is the same with qur'an
    The more you look at it and understand it the more
    Beautiful your life will become and immediately
    You and your life will change. I promise you from
    Experience. Love you for Allah's sake. Allah brought
    Me here to help you today, don't say he hasn't answered
    Your prayers. Much much love. Your sister by Allah.

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