Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My life is a mess & I need someone to guide me to repent, please don´t judge me

Confused girl



Could you please help, I got married to my pakistani cousin as parents made me feel guilty but didn´t force me just made me feel so guilty I said yes. I had a boyfriend here in england so when I came back from pakistan after getting married I started to be with my boyfriend here again.

When husband came over to england he found out about my boyfriend I told him to get lost and he left my parents home. It´s been six years since I have seen him and nobody has discussed divorce as its such a sore subject. I have also had a child with my muslim boyfriend and he has gone I could not be with him as it was a violent relationship.

I find it very hard to practise my religion and am very isolated from the very judgemental community there is absolutely nobody muslim, can you tell me how I can repent and how I can turn this around so I can be happy as I am so depressed and ashamed of my sinful past.

Thank you



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6 Responses »

  1. waalaikum sister

    I think you should start asking for forgiveness from Allah. Read Islamic books and try to increase your knowledge of Islam slowly but steadily inshAllah. If there are not many muslims around you may b able to join a madrassa or mosque in other nearby town to where you can drive...Try to learn reading arabic with translation.. Your social life needs to change...make friends with good muslim women inshAllah

    Secondly after repenting with Allah try to put things right with people. You may try to get in touch your husband because you are still in his Nikah and openly say that what you did was wrong and that you should not have married him in the first place and you should not have carried on your relationship with your boy friend. Try a few times with your husband as he needs time to forgive you because what happened to him is so disgraceful. If he is not willing to listen and accept you back at any cost then someone from some mosque can seek a divorce(khula) for you as this chapter of your life needs to be closed and you need to move on in life.

    Because you are an adult yourself relying on parents for everything now which make you commit sins is not wise. I am surprised how can they be so strict about you having a divorce but they could not do anything about you having a relationship and even a child. They should have let you married to your boyfriend you had before marriage. I think they are very much involved in this sin. And how can you be so obedient to your parents in one thing and totally against them in the other?

    Reform yourself first and focus on your imaan and learning deen at the moment. When you change your social life and new people around get closer to you open up and try to get married through reliable people from mosque. Involve your family and if they dont listen get help from aunt or uncles who are closer to you.

    Your life is messed up in many ways but its not too late. You have to put things right in every way. remember family is a great blessing and make the ties stronger with them. they will respect you at the end that whatever happened you still loved them and came back to them every time.

    Take advices from other people too not only my advice. May Allah turn your life around for better. ameen. Its a wake up call for you.

  2. Maany, Walaykumsalaam,

    I am sure this same post was published and answered a few weeks back, but cannot locate the link at the moment.

    SisterZ Editor

  3. Salaams

    Sister, we are all human and thus however now that we have realised our wrong, it is imperative that we get back on the right path.

    The first thing you need to do is ask for forgiveness from ALLAH (as Ash has also mentioned).

    Rasulullah [Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam] said, "Turn you people in repentance to Allah and beg pardon of Him. I turn towards him a hundred times a day"

    In view of this, it is obligatory to feel penitence for every sin. There are three conditions to be fulfilled for the acceptance of one's sins:

    a) Refrain from committing the sin again
    b) Feel remorse for the sin committed, and
    c) Resolve never to indulge in such sins.

    Sister if you find happiness within yourself, you will be happy, but please do not even think of commiting sinful acts again. You can try and mend your relationship with your husband. If he is not prepared to continue the relationship then seek a divorce and concentrate on the future. Make sincere taubah. It's time to turn your life around and you will see good.


  4. Assalamu aleikum sister in Islam Maany.

    People around you or Muslims hate you, because of your bad deeds that you have done, sorry, but their hatred does not depend on them.

    Prophet peace and blessing of Allah upon him tells us this story.

    Here on the Earth happens something when Allah hates someone for his/her deeds He exalted calls Angel Gabriel the powerful living creature whom Allah has created from light. Allah tells him that He hates that and that person and he should hate also and he tells all of other angels and they hate that person as well then they tell angels on the Earth then they hate him/her then hatred descends upon that person and all people around him/her hate him/her then his/her future will end in one of those two ways, which depends on him/her.

    1. If he/she sincerely repents back to Allah then He accepts him/her and the same way goes back He likes then Gabriel and other angels then love and light descends again on that person and all people and creatures around him/her likes and welcomes him/her and God willing his/her dwelling will be Jannah may Allah make all of us this person.

    2. If he/she does not do that way and does not repent to Allah and ask Him acceptance then as you already said he/she feels very high depression, unsatisfied, meaningless life and evil becomes his/her nearest neighbor at the end he/she commits suicide or something else, which is very known at this time in the world then he/she will end in hellfire may Allah not make us this person...aamiin.

    So, my sister blame not anybody issue depends not on the people around you, but Allah exalted and He waits you with open hands until you come back, but this must be before DEATH approaches you and this must be as well before everything as you do not know when is your REAL moment this is death, which is inevitable.

    May Allah exalted guide all of us to the right path.
    Allah knows best.

  5. Maany,

    Are you the same person who submitted this post? If so, then it has already been answered.

    SisterZ Editor

    • It's clearly the same person and I am closing both posts to further comments. Good eye SisterZ for catching that.

      Readers, please do not submit multiple posts. It just duplicates our efforts and wastes people's time. If you've had one answered and then you have a new issue, that's different and that is acceptable. But don't submit the same question under two different names. It's not helpful.

      Wael Editor