My possessive mother-in-law wants to live with my husband, but she doesn’t like me
Interfering mother in law
Salaam,
I’m a newly wed and a full-time university student. I’ve been married for 4 months. Though my husband and I have completely different cultural and ethnic backgrounds, we share the same values, both devoted to Allah and we fell in love really quick. We both felt like we were the right one for each other, destined to be together, until recently things kind of fall apart due to the fact I don’t get along with my mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law has got divorced a long time ago, ever since then she has been living with her daughter and son. After her daughter got engaged and moved out of the house, she has been living with her son, i.e. my husband for more than 5 years. She is disabled but still can take care of herself physically. Financially she is dependent on alimony, social welfare and my husband. She is a lovely mother-in-law and very nice to me. It’s just she is too dependent on my husband, especially emotionally, and that made me feel like he pretty much already has a wife and I’m just the third wheel in that family.
After we got married, I moved in with him and my mother-in-law. But things started getting really awkward:
- I started noticing my mother-in-law nags to me about everything in the house, e.g. I didn't fill out the dish washer till completely full before I turned in on, I shouldn't be doing laundry before 7pm because after that time the electricity and water would cause half-price, I didn't put the pans or pots in the right place, I didn't close the fridge properly, I didn't close the door properly, I packed too much food/not the right food he likes for my husband’s lunch at work etc.
- She feels like I’m competing with her. For example, she would always criticize the way I cook or doing housework, and how my husband likes my food only because he wants something “different,” i.e. not the food from his culture. Once it was 6:30 in the morning, I had to go to school after but still I woke up to make a sandwich for my husband. She got up and literally standing right next to me, watching every single step when I made the sandwich, and told me what I did wrong every second.
- I got very scared and stopped coming downstairs to the kitchen, because every time she would tell me something negative. Meanwhile my mom came to visit me and saw I was unhappy. We had a big argument about my marriage and since then my clinical depression got worsened. I changed the meds, still I got very sick and lethargic suffering from withdrawal side-effects, to the point I had to take a break from school. My mother-in-law noticed my behavior changed, and she felt bad for me since I stopped coming downstairs. But she doesn’t understand that I was sick and would still refer me as “being lazy,” and hinted and quoted her friends’ stories educating me “a wife should take care of her husband.” I swear in the name of Allah I love my husband with my heart and soul and I want to take care of him forever. But I’m scared of his mom, and with her being there, I don’t feel like he needs me in his life.
- She speaks English really well, but still majority of the time she speaks Urdu with her son, even with my presence there and both of them know very well that I don’t speak a word of it. When three of us are in the house, or at dinner table, I have no clue what is going on and I feel disrespected, ignored and embarrassed. My husband talked to her about it, but things never change. He would justify it as she wasn’t doing it on purpose, and it’s just her habit.
- When my husband and I go out for dinner or vacation to have some alone time, she would always call him and ask when he is coming home, sometimes 4 in the morning, though he is married and 28 years old now. It happened also once or twice when we were intimate but she knocked on the door by accident, or she heard something at night then asked the next morning if we were fine. It was very very very awkward.
- My husband’s sister is not religious at all, and she is not willing to share any responsibility. She moved out of the house a long time ago. Now has a dog, and my mother-in-law doesn’t want to visit her because she doesn’t like dogs. Thus even letting my mother-in-law go live with her daughter for a couple of days so we can go out and have a bit personal space is absolutely impossible.
After three months of living with them, I’ve decided to move out. They don’t need me to be there, and they don’t want me to be there anyway. Though disguised under the excuse that I want to live closer to school, in fact we are pretty much separated. Now I’m living by myself, and my husband still lives with his mom. I don’t live that close to school so my husband can still come over to have sex with me once in a while and then go home (I feel like I’m his whore). But if he wants to spend the night over, he needs to think of some excuses so it would look like he NEEDS to spend the night over, or try to sneak out of the house at late night.
I mentioned to my husband a couple of times about moving into a place together to have separated accommodation away from his mom, e.g. two condos located nearby, but my husband insists on living with his mom under the same roof so she won’t feel depressed and lonely. And he said my mother-in-law would want to live in a house instead of a condo. But we aren’t financially capable of buying two houses right next to each other yet. However, I know for a fact that she will always want him to come home and sleep over at her place, doesn’t matter where he is and how old he is.
I don’t feel like I’m married at all. I feel more like a mistress or whore. I feel so guilty every time spending time with him, like I’m pulling him away from my poor mother-in-law. Whenever my husband comes and have sex with me he would leave me alone and then go back to his house, with his mom.
I’ve really tried to understand his situation and obviously it is an obligation for everyone to take care of his/her parents, and I tried to live with him and his mom so I could help him out. But his mom is always being so difficult on me. Living with them is just unbearable. I know she wasn’t doing anything on purpose for sure, because she is a lovely lady.
We sought advices and suggestions from family and my mother-in-law’s relatives as well, but no one wants to share the responsibility. Now I just have to accept for a fact that my husband needs to live with his mom forever. I’m not happy with this marriage, but I don’t know what to do any more. My husband and I now fight almost every day, about how I don’t cut my mother-in-law some slacks or how I’m not making any effort. I feel like I made a huge mistake by getting into this marriage.
mihetahi
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Assalaamu Alaikum
Whatever you do, DON"T divorce. Marriage isn't always easy, and problems are bound to happen. Keep trying to make it work. It seems like you and your husband are a decent, pious couple, but your mother-in-law definitely has some problems that should be sorted out.
Be patient and don't do anything in haste. A reliable and God-fearing third party would be a good option, but you said you have tried that already. I would suggest you and your husband visit a reliable Imam and discuss this issue. Try to make a list of the most important issues you are having with your mother-in-law and have your husband speak to his mother at an appropriate time, and be GENTLE.
Your mother-in-law seems like a good lady as you have mentioned. It doesn't look like she has any bad intentions towards you, rather she is very attached to her son. If anybody (you or your husband) lash out at her, it would further inflame this issue and magnify it.
REMEMBER sister his mother is an old woman that is all alone. All she has is her son, and she cannot help herself to have this feeling of attachment to him. If your husband distances himself from his mother or lashes out at her, all the blame will fall on YOUR shoulders (in his mother's eyes) as she will think you are the reason for his misbehaviour toward her. You both must try hard to please his mother to the best of your abilities. She definitely will feel depressed and lonely, and in her view, you will be the reason for that. This will cause her to direct more anger towards you, and your relationship with your mother-in-law will further deteriorate.
Believe me sister it isn't easy dealing with old people. At times they push you to the most extreme edges of patience. But patience is a must in this situation.
'A moment of patience in a moment of anger prevents a thousand moments of regret.' - Sayyiduna Ali Ibn Abi Talib (R.A.).
In short, your concerns and frustrations are justified, but must be addressed appropriately and with patience so as to avoid further amplifying this situation. Your mother-in-law definitely needs to change some of the things she is doing, including speaking to him in a language you don't understand when all three of you are present on the dinner table. Your grievances are valid.
Ibn `Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) said: the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, "In the presence of three people, two should not hold secret counsel, to the exclusion of the third.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Also sister, I suggest moving back to your husband's house. A married couple should live together no matter what, unless there is an extreme necessity. Do yourself and your husband a favor and move back in his house. Always speak kindly to his mother so that she does not harbor any ill feelings towards you, as that will worsen the situation. Have your husband slowly speak to his mother and basically tell her that it is okay if you handle some of the responsibilities for him, and that she should take it easy. Again, you and your husband should make a list of the problems that you are having with your mother-in-law, and have him speak to her about it. Your husband needs to support you and you two need to stop fighting.
Speak to your husband about the issues you are having with his mother, and tell him that to make this marriage works, he needs to actively engage in solving this problem. Today your homes are separate. Tomorrow your lives could be separate if you do not try hard to come back together and solve these problems with a cool mind. Remember sister, Your marriage takes the highest precedence over all other things, and should be your top priority. Alhamdulilah Allah has blessed you with a righteous husband, and you shouldn't give up this easily. This is no time for fighting and blaming each other. Both of you must exercise patience in all matters, and find a way to deal with your mother-in-law. This will require both you and your mother-in-law to compromise on some things, and both of you need to understand that.
Finally, be very very very careful of the 'meds' you are taking. In my opinion, you should consider natural medicine and try to leave these pharmaceutical drugs and allopathic medicine altogether, unless there is an emergency or it his highly necessary. I suggest visiting a skilled Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner and consulting them about natural remedies for your problems. You may have an imbalance or deficiency in your body that needs to be addressed. Also, I highly recommend Hijama (cupping) by a skilled and qualified practitioner, as it imparts tremendous blessings and benefits physically, mentally, and spiritually by Allah's leave. Pharmaceutical drugs in many cases are a sickness rather than a cure, and will frequently have negative side-effects.
I suggest this website for information on Tibb-e-Nabawi (Prophetic Medicine) and Hijama, which has many ahadith in support of this blessed practice: http://www.tibbenabawi.org/
Of course, I advise you to further research on improving your health/psychological condition naturally.
I apologize for the lengthy post, and I am sure I have repeated some things. However, I hope that something out of this can help you, your husband, and his mother in some way by Allah's leave. Please keep us updated.
This post by Uzzy is inappropriate from the advice not to have relations with her husband (based on?) to providing the Skype address.
You're right. I missed that. I have deleted it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam alaikum sister,
Your situation sounds very challenging and your concerns are very much valid.
This may sound strange, but if your mother-in-law were not in the picture, how would you feel about your husband? If you would have no question about him and wouldn't ever consider leaving him, then, I would suggest that you have to keep on fighting for this marriage and by fighting I mean, fighting with love.
You mentioned that you made the excuse of school to move away - I can understand why you did that. You must feel hurt, but I think it is a mistake because you have sent the wrong message to your husband. He thinks that the current living arrangements are your idea and that you are happy with it because you chose it.
Is it possible to get a house with two separate kitchens so that you can have your privacy?
Your husband and you should make a list of priorities that you want in a perfect marriage, what are the deal-breakers, and where can the compromises be made. Read and compare your lists and work on a plan. This probably sounds very unromantic, but sometimes romance is found by planning it all out.
Even though there are a lot of awkward and strange situations you are facing, I get the feeling that your husband has some very good qualities and I would hate to suggest to you to break it off with him. I really feel strongly that even though he has some growing up to do (like knowing how to take better care of you emotionally!) - he is good husband material because he hasn't abandoned his mother who literally has no one right now. Imagine raising a son who would be like that. The tricky part is the fact that his mother is not making this situation easier. What really has to be respected are the boundaries of the relationship and in your situation, I think a single house, with separate kitchens to limit conflict would help in addition to a discussion about what can and cannot be compromised in your ideas of marriage.
It would help to know what he thinks is best and what are your current options. If I have overlooked something, I apologize - I know it makes you feel awful that he comes over to have relations with you, but at the same time, he is coming to YOU and no one else. I am not sure what is going on his mind and how he thinks these current living arrangements will play out in the event that you both have a child - maybe he hasn't really adjusted to this marriage and responsibility quite as fast as you would like. Marriage is a learning curve and sometimes we literally just don't know things until we makes mistakes and learn from them. Don't give up as it is so very early.
If you get a chance, let us know how things are and what are your current options.
May Allah bless your marriage and bring endless harmony, peace and joy into your marriage, Ameen, thummah Ameen.
Hello. My name is letty. I have been married for twenty years. I have an obsessive mother in law too. I know what you're going through. I was twenty two when I met my husband. Married three years later. I can tell you that this is not healthy. Twenty years have gone by and we literally have shared him. He was home during the week and with her every weekend. He caters to her every need. Every special holiday was spent with her while me and my son waited. It doesn't get any easier. She eventually also hated our son for the attention he got from my husband. My son is twenty now. Recently she convinced my soon to be ex husband to convince my son to join the army. Yes, I'm out of the picture and she's working on my son too. All I can say is stand on your faith. Hold on to god!! He is my rock and I believe that one day he is going to send me a mighty man of god. I believe my son will be a mighty man of god. My pain will not go in vain. I am gods princess and a princess deserves the best!! So are you. You are beautiful and wonderfully made in gods image.
Salam Sister,
Mother-in-law problems can be difficult, but I don't think your situation is so bad that it cannot be worked out. The first months and years of a marriage are basically an adjustment period in which everyone works out his or her role, and it is normal for there to be some confrontations or uncomfortable situations in the process. After that, things will settle down into a routine, and you will likely find that your MIL no longer feels the need to hover over you as you go about your day.
I do not know how you reacted in each of the above situations, but I think that your reaction is very important. Your MIL probably views you as a new daughter whom she wants to teach. This is very common in many cultures - even in the American culture, to some extent. In my opinion, the best thing you can do is smile gracefully and accept her help when it comes to cooking and housework. If, for example, she tells you to make a sandwich a certain way, stop what you are doing and listen. Make it the way she thinks it should be made. It is really not a big deal, and you will have plenty of opportunities later on to make other sandwiches. If she's asking you to close the doors or arrange the pots and pans in a certain way, why not accommodate her? These are very minor issues. Also, she has a point about the water and electricity. This does not seem unreasonable at all. Thank her for her opinions, and ask her questions about different things related to cooking and taking care of the home. In other words, show her that you value her involvement.
Some people might think it is wrong to comply with a MIL's directives, but I think it is just smart. When she sees that you are working with her and not fighting her, she will automatically start giving you the space you need. Your husband will be happier, too.
Regarding the language barrier, perhaps you should learn Urdu. Take lessons, or even ask your MIL to teach you.
As for the other issues (calling your husband late at night or knocking on your door at night), just let your husband handle it. Eventually this will stop.
You've only been married a short time and have not given this a chance to work out. It is admirable that your husband does so much to take care of his mother. Our time with our parents is very limited, so we should try to accommodate them as much as possible. This doesn't mean that your husband shouldn't put his foot down when warranted, but tread lightly, and do not turn minor issues into epic battles. I'd like to make it clear that I don't think you are to "blame" in this situation, but you cannot force other people to behave the way you want. This is why I am suggesting things that you can do personally to create a better environment in your home. With patience and a good sense of humor, I really think you can have a happy life with both your husband and your mother-in-law.
I dont know what to say. I wonder if this is something you guys spoke about before getting maried, mother in law and living arrangements.
For him to be good to his mother does not mean giving you good treatment and thats what it sounds like in your case. Pakistani men need to realize and stop putting their wives in the situation of having to please their mothers in order to please them.
Salaams,
Personally I think it's really sad that you've already taken yourself out of the home, and that hasn't seemed to inspire your husband to change a thing. I understand taking care of mothers who are alone and have no one to depend on, but when it comes to doing that at the expense of one's marriage I think it's been taken too far.
I feel that if a mother in law is going to move in with her son and daughter and law, her attitude should be one of "this is my daughter in law's house, I need to respect her rules and ways of doing things, and refrain from trying to take authority away from her and making it my own home".
The husband should have the mindset that while he is being dutiful to his mother, he will not in any way cheat his wife of her rights and listen with care to any concerns she has that may arise.
The daughter in law should feel ready and willing to be a help to her mother in law, and not see her as a servant, but also should feel comfortable enough to set and enforce reasonable personal and household boundaries that she can feel confident her husband will support.
If the household can work as I outlined, then things can go smoothly. However this rarely happens, because the mother in law wants to be the queen bee, the son ends up giving preference to his mother at the expense of his wife, and the wife ends up feeling (understanably so) sabotaged, devalued, and denied of her own rights. This is exactly what has happened here, and continuing to go as things have already gone won't solve it.
Personally, I don't understand why sons don't make more of an investment to find suitable husbands for their mothers. A son cannot provide that special kind of companionship to both his wife and his divorced/widowed mother, and as far as I understand it's not even part of the mother's rights to have such a thing as part of her "maintenance". I know there are a good number of older men who are also divorced or widowed, so to me there's no excuse that hasn't been made more of a focus instead of always having the son come in and provide for the mother's emotional needs (as well as material). In some cultures such a thing would be viewed as codependency, and it's not healthy for either of them.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam Walaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
You have a very common issue that a lot of newlyweds face. Perhaps you have seen some indo-pakistani TV serials where this is depicted.
You can get a lot of suggestions from people online, but none will be as best as seeking a professional mediator who has experience with settling family feuds. I would suggest getting in contact with someone at your local mosque.
My dua is for you sister.
Wa Allahu Alam
Samalualaikum,
I come to this site because I am absolutely devastated with my own life. I am also a married woman and my life is falling apart. After reading your story I felt like I was reading my Marriage life, word for word. Sister my Allah help you and I will always pray for you. I went through the same thing, I lived with my Husband, his siblings and parents and I went through the exact same thing with both his parents. Nothing I did ever seemed to be right. It was later...10 months into my marriage that I had a miscarriage and my husband and his parents left me and so my parents had so bring me back home. I was hospitalised and in such a bad state because my health was so badly neglected because in pregnancy I was not given the treatment I needed. I tried to be a good daughter in law and a good wife but what ever I tried and did was not enough, yes I love my husband till this day even though 5 months into my marriage he declared he stopped loving me but I love him so much. He hasn't spoken to me or seen me in two months now and I still pray for him and that we both stay together and our lives get fixed. I want nothing more than to want my husband to come back to me. Despite the fact that my husband hates me and has left me and that everyone keeps telling me it is over, I refused to stop believing because I know my Allah will help me I know that when I sit here alone typing this and tears stream down my face when I think of my husband my Allah is with me all the way and he knows what is in my heart no matter what anyone says because no one knows what Allah knows and Allah knows what is best for us.
Please all you sisters out there who are in the same situation, never forget the Allah is with you, with us and please this goes to all my sisters please please make dua for me that my husband come back to me.... what girl wants her marriage to break? In three days time it will be my 1 year wedding anniversary and all I do is cry because when I close my eyes all I see if my husband. This should be the happiest time of my life but instead I am here crying for my marriage to work. Please pray for me and if there are any prayers that you know of to help me please let me know. May Allah help us all and be good Muslims and wives for our husbands and may Allah always keep a strong bond in marriage Ameen.
Sister, i must say, i felt very hurt reading your message.
If I'm honest, i really admire your husband. He seems to really care about his mother and is the only one left who can take care of her because no one else is willing to take the responsibility and, to be honest, it is meant to be his responsibility as he is her son who she raised for 28 years and she wants to live within a muslim household.
To be honest, the things that she does are the type of things my mum does too like nagging and complaining etc. I would suggest you give her more of your time; instead of your husband feeling that he needs to invest all the love and emotional support, you give her all the emotional support you can. Act as though this woman may completely fade away if you do not give her attention and such. I can promise you that the more love you show her, the more love your husband will feel for you. Also, her love for you will increase. It has only been 4 months and the mother in law, as it appears now rightly so, fears she will be cast aside if she doesnt assert herself. She fears that he will be taken away from her son and it seems she was right.
Im sorry if ive come off as rude, but you say that your depressive state has gotten worse etc etc and know about medical conditions and their affects, well imagine this old lady with her disability and sheer loneliness. You are young, go to school, i hope have no physical defects and have the whole of life to look to considering you are a newly wed and then YOU start feeling like a whore when YOU moved out and had the ability to move to a separate accommodation. It all seems quite unfair sister that you feel butt hurt about something you have subjected yourself too. Many people end up living with their in laws and have people disturbing them time to time, and if you feel you want to have sex peacefully then take time away now and then but dont take it out on her.
Give this woman more emotional support and you will see the grip on your husband will loosen. Show that you do not want to leave her and take care of her more.
JazakAllah khayr
AOA Sister,
I truly sympathize with your situation and pray that Allah brings you a lot of strength to get through this tough time. You won't believe this but I am in EXACTLY the same shoes as you right now. When i got married i was studying as well, although didn't take a heavy workload. My husband's mother lived with us and my husband wasnt the only son..he was the only son attached to him mom. The other 2 sons literally abandoned their mom. So her son was all she really had. As you have also been in this situation you must know what a hard time my mother in law gave me after marriage. Alhumdullilah i survived living there for years and i dont know how. But on and off I kept coming to live with my parents every time i needed to think things through or just give my brain some rest from constant mental torture. Alhumdullilah I didnt have to take medications but I often felt suicidal due to my situation.
My mother in law already made my life like a living hell every day and on top of that my husband never admitted to the problem, I mean admitting is far off, he never even acknowledged that my mother is creating problems in the marriage. I felt exactly like u that I am not even married. I felt like i had married a tree or something because the mom and son would constantly bond and i would be left on my own. My husband also refused to have any children due to reasons of his own. I felt if i had a child i would be able to divert my attention but he even took that right away from me. Slowly i started to develop resentment towards my husband and he would also not leave me. Every time i came to my parents house he would beg and plead for me to come back home and then i would go back to his house and in some time his mom would stir up some more problems for no apparent reason.
Recently me and my husband had a big fight. THis was sooo unpredictable because me and husband were just coming back from a vacation and had spent beautiful time together. When we come back him mom obviously had to create a rift between us and she felt her son will abandon her if he becomes too attached to me. So she created issues over something so petty and my husband completely stopped talking to me for a week and he also was not intimate with me at all, so much to the point that he didn't even touch me as if i contracted some disease. You can imagine how much this hurt me, as we just spent time together on the vacation and he had no one there on the vacation spot other than me so he clung on to me. As soon as my husband saw his mom's face when we returned home he completely abandoned me, so it caused so much hurt and sadness and i didnt even know why in the world am i sad because i am just returning frm a time well spent. I was at work and just sitting there couldnt stop tears from flowing, i missed my parents incredibly, like a newborn cries for their parents. And then i realized i am feeling this way because i feel abandoned by my husband and mother in law is pulling him away.
Honestly i felt sick and tired of this tug of war. I felt i have married this man and he is rightfully mine in evey halal way. I have waited for this man all my life and now i have to "fight" for him...why???
I did always feel pity for my mother in law because she is widowed since a long time but felt that other siblings (she has 2 other sons) should pitch in more often, if not with financial support at least they can provide her emotional support, but they dont even do that. I feel pity for my husband too because he is stuck in this spot because of me, and i feel the root cause of issues now, when i did nothing wrong. I thought i was fulfilling half my iman but little did i knw it is no easy feat. At the moment, dont even ask my condition because we have been separated after that last fight. I am living with my parents again, working and studying, everything is fine but i miss my husband tremendously. I miss being married and having the married life and every time any memory comes of him it causes enormous pain.
Inshallah sister i hope u can save ur marriage and win this "fight". May Allah give u the courage and make it work for u if it is better for u in this life and hereafter.
Salaam
I was wondering what is the current situation with the poster and also those who replied and were in similar situations.
I am also in a similar situation where my husband promised that we would rent a place just for the two of us after marriage but now five months have passed and he is saying that wherever he goes, his mother is going too and I will just have to deal with it.
Since we have been married, he continued to live with his mother and brothers and I continued to live with my parents since he said he was saving up for us to get a place. I don't know what to do. I feel like he promised me that we would have our own place just so that I would agree to marry him but now I feel so betrayed like it was all just a lie.
Dear sister ur mother in law is emotionally deprived,she doesn't want to lose her son,that's why she is so conscious about the son,u should try that she get married,because the best way to make her emotionally satisfied is marriage,as it is not prohibited in Islam.
U can divorce actually and set ur own rules in future
I have the same situation. After my mother and father died, I took my inheritance money from selling their house and I bought my husband and I a home overseas and his widowed Mother who only speaks URDU moved right in and set up house! She runs MY house as if it belongs to HER. Her elder daughter and grandkids come and go all day, in and out of my kitchen, eating our food. I swear she put something in my food to make me sleepy when I visited last time and vow to never eat what she cooks for me! She cut down a large vine in MY garden I had bought, planted been caring for and growing and loved. My 2 precious cats died while in her care after she promised us she would care for them. All the other cats are doing great but since those were MY cats they mysteriously died. She knows I am an animal lover and still pays shepherds to cut off the head of small goats and then she brings the head into MY kitchen. She has stolen many times from me, linens, kitchen items, whatever she can get her hands on because she can sell my things at the market for cash. I had to move back to the states to finish my job before I can receive a pension, so currently I live in a small apartment. I locked up all my rooms before I left, but she has the run of the garden and downstairs including the kitchen. My husband does not live there he lives and works in Dubai. But I cringe every time I have to go back there. When we are there once a year, he spends all his time with HER!
He is constantly coming and going for her needs. Her idiot daughter uses the garden hose inside our house to wash the floors which can never be clean enough though we told her many times not to do that.
I recently told my husband I cannot live like this much longer and want her to rent an apartment of her own.
I feel like they are trying to get rid of me so they can take over the house and my property!! This is definitely a nightmare I cannot wake up from. What ever you do, don't let your mother in law move in, don't try to live with your Mother-in-law!!
same situation except i am always thrown out of the house and asked not to come back. i too feel i am a whore. it has been 5 months and he has not come to take me. i am lost amd finished and hurt and very very very lonely.
These problems are every where and almost every couple has to face it in one way or another. The solution is not divorce. Marriages are not easy and divorce only leave couples in shatters. It requires patience and the ability to cope with the situation.