Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Lonely Deaf woman

lonely bird

Hello

I was born profoundly Deaf and now I am 30 years old. I did a Masters degree in Fine Arts abroad for 3 years and got the degree. I got back to home. 2 months ago I got cochlear implant and have started learning how to speak and listen.

I feel that Allah has not answered my dua. I did Umrah and Hajj and my dua has still not been answered. I always pray and pray over the 10 years. Allah has not answered. I feel Allah doesn't listen to me. I start lost my faith in Allah.

I always feel inferiority to all my cousins who are hearing, married and happily life. I am the only one left. Here all male cousins ignore me. My uncles only introduced their DAUGHTERS to their friends and not me.

Is it because of my deafness? I always hate my life and deafness. What do I do? I am so scared in future.

bishi

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9 Responses »

  1. Allah loves you, we just need to have faith and belief in him. Allah is so close to us than you think. We all go through struggles in life, we want somthing without understanding why it's not given to us before all the pain. Please don't loose faith in Allah, I know it gets hard and we think well he isn't listening to me... I feel like that but then a voice inside me says "no" Allah is with me I have to just ask him, talk to him and believe he will give with time. If marriage is in your kismat it will be and may Allah give you then most pious loving and god fearing husband you deserve, but first believe in him and his rewards will unfold.

    Allah is with all of us

    Sa

  2. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    Sa has given very complete advice, Masha'Allah.

    I think it is so wise that you have studied Fine Arts. You need a voice- a way to express yourself and share, and interact with your surroundings. There are so many ways to communicate and you obviously understand that. You also write well. So please, don't worry about your uncles and cousins and their marriages. Start sharing with the world what you have to offer. The "world" could be visitors to an art gallery or a single child. Your husband will need to be enlightened and understand communication on its many levels, and you will need to be brave and start to communicate in the very special ways that you can. Since your family has allowed you to go to school, I am hoping they will allow you to work or volunteer.

    Do not loose your faith. Just be flexible and willing to change the direction in which you are looking for Allah's blessing. You could be looking straight ahead and see nothing...and then turn your head slightly to the right and there is the most wonderful blessing waiting for YOU. Insha'Allah.

    your sister,
    Hana

  3. No sister, Allah loves you so much! You have a MASTER's degree in fine arts! I can only imagine the talent you have, mashAllah. Yes, you were born deaf but then al-Hamdolillah Allah SWT made it possible for you to HEAR via cochlear implants.

    Do you see now, dear sister? Allah most High has given you so many advantages and talents when you could have been poor and disabled, silent and cut off from the world. I have two deaf-mute aunts; no one cared about them and now they s alone in old age, uneducated, untalented, mute, silent, alone. Sister, Allah has given you the building blocks to ensure that you do not end up that way. SubhAnullah!

    Please, use the gifts Allah has bestowed upon you. We each have a destiny to fulfill. Marriage may not be one if them. I have prayed for 20 years and my dua has not been answered. And I'm 10 years older than you. I know life can be lonely but you need to map out a strategy to use your talents. Teach art to deaf children, for example? Set up an art school for poor children in Africa? I'm just helping you recognize your propensity for greatness, sister. Allah has given you so much. Please use His gifts to help others.

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    You have received great advice above.

    Most of us wouldn't be able to relate to how your life has been like as you struggled with being deaf, but we certainly still all have our struggles. Even with our voices, still many of us remain unheard. A voice, by definition, is a sound created by our vocal cords, but dear sister, we hear you today with your words and we are mere humans whereas our Creator Allah swt can hear the voice of your soul:

    Al-Quran [50:16]

    "And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein"

    The only thing that I will say is that you have mistakenly associated the acceptance of your du'a with how much Allah swt loves you. It is reported:

    "The people most severely tested are the Prophets, then the righteous, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested in accordance with the degree of his religious commitment; the stronger his religious commitment, the stronger his test." [Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (7:78)]

    Our du'a may be accepted, delayed or rejected but something better is given--so do not despair.

    In the Quran [29:1-4], Allah says:

    "Alif, Lam, Meem
    Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?
    But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.
    Or do those who do evil deeds think they can outrun Us? Evil is what they judge."

    As difficult as it can be with no reassurance from others around us, our hardships act as a sifter and our faiths allow us to pass through the most impossible of tasks...and the irony of it all is those who seem to have it all with fewer difficulties are in fact in a greater test because there isn't pain, sadness, anxiety to remind them that something is missing or there is a yearning which ought to be yearned for....instead, their fulfillment from this dunya alone clouds their view of their true destination. So the question becomes, do you lose your faith in Allah who chose for you to be tested in the way that you are? OR do you thank Allah to give you a feeling that reminds you always of his existence and even in your distress, you see and feel the beauty of what Allah has given to you?

    I remember the story of Helen Keller and how difficult her life was. Reading about her life in childhood had a huge impact on me--so never underestimate how powerful you may be, not despite your deafness, but because of it.

    "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~ Helen Keller

    Reflect and remind yourself that this dunya shall end, we will meet our Creator and we are journeying towards our true destination...Do not miss any open doors...May Allah ease your difficulties and help you to overcome your challenges, Ameen.

  5. AsalaamOAlkium, Sisters, Thank you very much for great and kindly advice from you guys. I try to be patient. Which Surah makes me feeling happy, calm and stay strong?

  6. Surah Yusuf. It is one of the most beautiful Surahs ever.

  7. Dear daughter,
    I can feel your emotions. My grand daughter one year old just diagonised with severe hearing problem. I have been advised to recite verse 204 of Sura AL Araf and any pray a lot for her. May be you can do the same . I feel most of the people above have given very encouraging comments, Yes noble people are tested more and dua are accepted delayed , accepted or postponed for reward in the life here after. You should always thank Allah for what He has given you and do sabr what He did not and tested you for that. You will pass His test by Sabr and He can heal you any time He destined for you.

    May Allah reward you the best in life.

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