Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Feel lonely, depressed, have suicidal thoughts; how to boost self-esteem and not feel insecure?


I feel so depressed and alone I feel like I have nothing to live for..I have no friends I keep trying to pass my math class but I keep failing I tried everything I can and I still suck at it. I tried to do online practice and it still won't help. I cry easily over the littlest stuff. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I don't belong anywhere I'm like the black sheep of everything.

I just want to commit suicide, but I won't. School with work is so hard. I'm such a procrastinator I don't know how to change myself. I just don't eat right I don't have an appetite to eat. I don't know what the purpose of my life is. I want to commit suicide, but I never will cause I don't want to go to hell, but I feel sad all the time and like no one understands me.

I don't have friends to call up to ask them to hang out. I feel miserable. what should I do? I have such low self esteem! no confidence at all. I do the stupidest stuff sometimes cause I'm so depressed and my brain can't function. no one will hear me I feel like im dying inside and I have to act happy when deep down im so sad and miserable. if someone says anything to me, I will let it get to me and define me.

how do i change myself? how do i make friends? how do i stop being so negative, sad and depressed all the time? I don't know who to talk to. I wish people knew understood how im feeling. I just want to scream no one understands that im so lonely. 🙁 :'( also should I stop going to school? I want to make something out of myself though. I don't know I hate my life. HELP!!! PLEASE!!!! I need friends I need human interaction.

:'( I'm so alone 🙁 🙁 I want a husband I want a good guy? what do I do pray what do I do? whats the purpose of my life. I pray make dua nothing works guess I have to be patient. who can i talk to? who will reach out to me??? my life sucks 🙁 HELLLPP PLEase. can I make dua to become smarter ? will that help me with my math?? can I change my destiny?? no matter what I do it seems like im always failing my math class. I passed last semester but this semester i'm stuck it's so hard what should i do??? 🙁 🙁

how do i make friends too I'm so lonely and sad!!! and I pray 5 times a day and make dua to god to stop me from being such a procrastinator when it comes to school and stop me from being lazy when it comes to school! I obsess over guys! I feel like I need a guy in my life, but they all seem to be the same I know this is haram i should be chasing after guys but i feel like they will fill that void in my heart I feel so lonely.

not like i do anything haram like date them, but crush on guys easily and when I like them I can't stop calling or texting them... 🙁 I have to many crushed on guys! I feel like I have a void in my heart. I think i have such low self esteem because my mom always brings me down she calls me ugly and a failure. i know im not ugly im pretty but i still have such low self esteem 🙁

it's cause i was also bullied mentally but a guy at my school when I was younger he would call me smelly say I smelled bad. I don't know I think I was just mentally abused by people a lot that's why i have such low self esteem. but I act confident when I'm really not. HELP ME though help!!! school is stressing me the fact that I don't have any friends is stressing me. the fact that I have nothing to look forward to. 🙁 🙁

Lucky Star33.

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35 Responses »

  1. Hey sister i am in the same situation but wasnt abuse or weak in anything, its like i dont have freinds i just have a very preity face thaaaats it, i hav nothing else. I cry no one hears, trust me dont dwell over it, people say what they want to they are jealous they wont admit, you are asking a dua for being smarter, sis you already are smart you are beautiful you are loved by allah, i have the same feeling that i am so preity but yet cant date any guy because of strict family, haha crushes is normal you cant frustrate over crushes it happens, if you re 16 or below that its just the change of puberty , i am 16 actualy ,, all i want to say is dont think you are less then anyone else you are the best i know 🙂 you say u cant have freinds its not like that the thing is you dont like your sorrounding like me i hate people around me lol, if u go sumwhere out trust me you will find billions of freinds, you are the best u will do the best in your math inshallah , i know people say think positive and i feel like banging their head , that cant u advice me with something better :/ ok sis dont ask people for help ask allah. Oright just go infront of the mirror and say you are the best 😉 and you are not going to dwell over anyone,, even i think that if their was a guy in my life it would me easier, but trust me am sure ther's some one already chosen for us, so keep calm and just wait for that guy, who allah has chosen for you 🙂 keep smiling always

    • al salam alykom inshallah ya rab ameen. awww wow thanks for telling me im the best that made me cry ur words your so kind! I needed that yes true! and yes I hate it when ppl say think positive lol I don't think positive self talk can help although it might haha. Yeah I hate people too ahhaha. and telling me to go to a mirror and say im the best and im not going to dwell over anyone is such good advice because I always feel the need to chase people to try to fit with them and if they don't like me or try to befriend me I wont why they won't to myself cause i consider myself a nice person and I think I deserve good friends.

      sometimes I just feel so alone because I have no friends and want to scream, but I talk and talk and pray to god to grant me good friends and stop me from feeling lonely and insecure. I have such low self esteem i think it's just cause I was mentally abused by a lot of people. i mean i know i'm pretty but I still have low self esteem. :/ but im trying to change that. Thanks so much for your kind words though
      !!! allah will help u for helping me! 🙂

  2. Wow I feel the same, no joke. Sadly I don't know what advice to give you but I understand how you feel. My mum doesn't really have good things to say about me. She thinks reverse psychology would work on me, for example, she says I'm stubborn for not agreeing to marry someone and that I'm an average looking girl myself, but this does not make me change my mind so I guess I am stubborn for keeping my views. I just wish I could meet a guy on my own. That is pretty much impossible for me because I'm not a very social person. I am 21 and doing a training course to be a teacher. However, I have struggled with my education since I was 16. I'm lucky I even got through it. I'm doing it because I want to make my own money and take care of myself instead of relying on other people.

    I do want a guy who can take me away from all this, but I'm very cautious and will not just pick anyone since my parents marriage broke up when I was a child. Truth is, I do think that if my life ended now I wouldn't have to face the difficulties and sadness I feel everyday, but like you said, we don't want to end up in hell and should leave this life as good Muslims. If we give up now who knows, Allah might have planned something good for us that we'd miss out on.

    I have a long way to go to become a better Muslim. Alhamdulillah, I don't date, drink, smoke, do drugs, try to hurt people's feelings even if I have bad thoughts in my head. I wear a hijab and I pray but I still need to practise waking up for fajr. I distract myself by watching TV and listening to music but this isn't a cure obviously because it's haram. I keep praying that I connect with Islam more so that it can make me feel better and so I can become a good Muslim but it's not working. There's no connection which is terrible because I do believe in my religion. I just need to stop being lazy and study it more to get to know it.

    I just want to live on my own. I never ever sit in the same room as my family because I don't feel like it. I don't know why but it just comes naturally to me. I sit on my bed and use my laptop all day when I'm at home. I never hang out with my friends but if I do I feel like I'm doing something bad because it's out of my comfort zone.

    At the moment I have this fantasy in my head that I should have a happy-ever-after like people do in the movies but those are just stupid ideas in my head. I keep telling myself that there must be something to live for, that one day something good will happen. Sometimes I think that maybe my life is bad now and that soon things will turn around and Allah will give me a good life Insha'Allah. I really need it because I'm sick of trying to get through it everyday. The only person I told how I feel is my sister but I've hidden extreme stuff from her like not wanting to face life anymore. I never want to open up to people which is why I hope I meet a guy I can talk to about this and who won't judge me. Insha'Allah I will meet a guy like that on my own and Insha'Allah my Iman will get stronger with this guy and Insha'Allah I can do the same for him. Though I don't why a guy would want a girl like me who hates to cook. I just don't want to be the one who does all the house work. I don't even want a wedding, just a nikkah.

    I told you all this because it's clear that we just have to get on with our lives. Maybe all our pain means that Insha'Allah in the next life Allah will reward us with paradise for all the hardship we have had to go through.

    • al salam alykom I know I try my best to pray and seek gods help, but I still feel lonely and sad. I think god is testing me because I heard he gives people pain the people he loves. yeah Omg I do the same I try to get close to god and pray so that I can feel better about myself, but I dont see results yet, but im trying to be patient and wait for allah to answer my prayers. why do u feel like this? why do u feel like u have no purpose in life?

      that is why i'm trying to finish my education even though i'm so lazy when it comes to school and I don't want to study or open a book or anything. I want to be on my own and not relay on anyone and I want to prove people who have doubted me in the past wrong, but it's so hard to do it cause im such a procastinator and I don't want to study. I also listen to music to try to make me feel better which i know is wrong, but I try to watch movies and tv and listen to music to feel better about life. At least u have friends I don't really have any friends just associates.

      True i'm sick of being sad all the time and depressed and lonely and feeling miserable and sad. Im tired of feeling unhappy. inshallah one day you will get what you want and so will i inshallah i'll be happy one day and accept my self for who i am.

      at least you have a sister to talk to! inshallah allah will give me and u a good life. and it's okay if a guy loves you it shouldn't matter if u know how to cook or not.

      wow we have a lot in common I don't know how to cook either!! why don't u hang out with your friends?? what is it that makes u sad?

      yes I think we will have a good life in the here after. that's why this is happening to us.

      I also don't drink, smoke, do drugs.

      I try to be a good musilm.

    • As Salam alaykoum Sr. Fabbiano

      You know I used to be like you when I was your age (now I am in my late 30s w/many kids, alhmdulillah) and like the sister who needs help in addressing her issues. Like you, I never sat with my family and never had any friends. Til this day I am really uncomfortable with them and that was due to my painful childhood. Alhmdulillah that part of my life is over. I suffered a lot of verbal, mental and physical abuse from both of my parents. I never grew up happy because happiness was never in my life. I was forced to work as a young teen and go to school at the same time. My parents are both Muslims by the way, but Islam was never ever practiced at my home. Along with the abuse I always felt alone because there was no one there to talk to about my problems. I never had anybody in my life that cared about me nor loved me. I hated my hell on earth life back then. Literally, no one cared about me when my dad was pounding his fists into my chest when I was abou 13 years old. My mom would just watch and saying that I deserved every pounding. Why? Cause my dad was driving drunk and had swerved into oncoming traffic, so I got scared and screamed. I thought we were gonna crash, head on. But luckily, he didn't crashed. I screamed aloud, he parked to the side of the road, got out, and I hung onto my door shut with both hands, with my dear life so he wouldn't pound me. But to no avail. A 300 pound man is no match for a 100 pound girl. That was one example of my life. Then as time went by I wanted to get to know God. Heck, I never knew who Allah was. Then I started searching about Islam through different books. Back in the 90s there were no internets or practicing Muslims in my community. So I had an old Pickthall translation of the Quran and started reading it. I began wearing long clothes and people started making fun of me especially in my high school. Long story short, I began praying qiyam al Layl a lot so that Allah would bless me with a righteous husband. I prayed for this for several years. I'd be alone in my room in the middle of the nite and just cry to him. I'd cry my eyeballs out to Allah almost every nite. And He, Subahana wa ta'ala answered my duaa. After my college graduation I got married to the most wonderful muslim man. I know this is my gift from Allah for the hardships I had suffered. Now, I'm trying to deal with how to let all those bad things go. So just remember Allah is the ONLY friend you are gonna have in your life. Never forget Allah...if you remember him then He will remember you. He says in the Quran that if you call upon Me, then I will answer you. Also, Allah is closer to you than your jugular vein. Lastly, He states in the Quran in Surat al baqara if His 'abd asks about Him, then He is near. He created you because you are special muslima. He created Jannatayn for you, that is two jannat for you, for me and for every muslim out there. You are an important person to this great ummah. Never forget that Allah is your only helper in this life and the hereafter. He loves you more than a mother loves her baby and removes a sin for each hardship we face. Your test will pass just as time does. You need to keep on moving forward, one step at a time, and never forget that you'll pass this stage in your life, but be patient. Life will get better for you and for all who are suffering. Don't forgot, jannah is not open to anyone and everyone. It's for those who firmly believe in la illah ila Allah with their heart and mind. This is the key to jannah. Salat and dua is your connection with Ar Rahman. Call upon Him, He is waiting for your invocation.

      As Salam alaykoum

    • I didnt realise that others would have so much in common with me and how i feel. I feel depressed, loney and sad everyday and that despite having so called friends, I have noone that I can feel comfortable with or share anything with. Even when im out with my friends i feel lonely. I try to seek happiness through religion and spend time researching so i can find a purpose in life. I feel my health is also affecting the way i feel.
      I am 22 now and have also done my teacher training course PGCE in Science and graduated in July 2013, I have found a job but tbh i cant be bothered with anything anymore. All I want is to start life a fresh, really wish some guy could come and take me away, someone who I can speak to have something in common with, who would care for me and accept me for who i am. I want to build new relationships and find true friends and family who are close. The only think im looking forward to is getting married and that also seems so difficult to find the right guy.
      I do the same as you do, sit in my room pretty much all day, dont have anyone to talk to or spend time with. I have a sister who I use to be really close to when we were little but now we dont even talk to each other, everytime we do talk it ends up in an argument or her putting me down and making me feel like im nothing, and thats why I just stopped speaking to her. Shes married anyways so she doesnt live with us and we had quite a big age gap of 12 years which prevented us from being close. I dont like being around her because she really puts me down and makes me feel worthless and I find her really rude. I try not to say anything that could lead to an arguement, just a hi and bye.
      Sometimes i wish that I didnt exist and that it would be better for all but I dont know, I guess im here for a reason and hoping that something better will come along my way. Theres many times when I start to think and end up in tears all day or night. I just feel really lonely and im tired of it all. I feel that everything that I was good at is being taken away from me one by one. i feel ive become boring and that i cant even have a proper conversation with anyone now.
      I got so many problems at the same time and not even one person to share anything with, i feel everyone who was ever close to me has become a stranger and the so-called friends are just there but not really here for me. Although I hardly ever see them anyways.
      I dont like going out clubbing or drinking or people swearing and going out till late to cassinos and all that and thats why i feel that i dont fit in and therefore dont make any friends. I wish i could find someone with the same interests as me but just dont know how to meet someone like that.
      I was not born into a muslim family, but I have been researching a lot about different religions especially Islam, so I can find the true purpose and understand the concept of different religions, I have always belived that there is one god, no matter what name people might give, whether its God, Allah, Bhagwan, Ishwar has always meant the same to me but im more interested in why there are divisions such as different religions, why if this one god made us there are different beliefs. That is what i want to find out before judging a religion as right or wrong. To me so far all religions seem linked some how, but I still am searching for the truth.

      I wish someone could lead me to happiness, i wish all those depressed feelings inside of me could vanish and i can live a happy life. Just want to start over again!! May Allah guide us to happiness.

      • Assalam alaikum,

        If you search on youtube for a video called "Don't Be Sad - Allah knows" you will find a lot of good information in there.

        We have to understand what our purpose is here on earth, that this is temporary and not our forever-dwelling place, that shaitaan is our open and clear enemy and he is joyous when he is able to convince us of our misery. Whenever we seek to fill our emptiness with worldly things or with the pity of others, we will only dig deeper into that hole inside of ourselves. We have to try to establish a strong connection with Allah and never give up. Depression and anxiety are real and very challenging to deal with, but they can be done when you begin to study Islam on a deeper level, inn shaa Allah.

        I pray that Allah eases your difficulties and that you get the guidance that you seek. Ameen.

  3. Salaam Sister LuckyStar33

    Sister first you have to have on Allah and yourself.
    you don't have feel bad what others say about you or tell you because like putting others down

    The Prophet ﷺ relates from Allah, the Lord of All the Worlds, in a hadith qudsi:

    “Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth’s sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: ‘Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?’” (Bukhari)

    Nothing is impossible, you need to know your power, first love yourself others will love you too.

    You are unique that is why you feel different others, do the things you love, you don't need to pretend to be someone else, feel yourself honor it.
    and yeah you already named yourself "LUCKY STAR'' so be that Star and start Shining 🙂

    in your studies you need more practice, before you start practicing read the Holy Qur'an and pray two rak'a and ask Allah to help you in sha Allah it will be easy for you.
    believe me if you only focus on how others see you, you will never win. what is matter is how you see yourself.

    build yourself confidence, try to be happy like nothing happened

    May Allah make everything easy for you 🙂

    • inshallah ameen!! I appreciate it. okay i'll keep that in mind! i'll pray before I study thanks for the help!! may allah reward you.

  4. Awwww c'mon. Get up and stop crying. Considering ur age u r like a kid to and believe or not almost every1 has been down that road when u have felt lonely and cluless. I hated math too and procrastination was my forte. Both the qualities go hand in hand. B regular with the subjects u r weak in coz just pushing them aside for the last minute will only make it look gigantic. Kick that monster when its still in its shell. Well that is for ur math.

    As for the mean monsters of ur school.. Do u really believe that jackass? Donkeys like him only say such things to humiliate u in public. He probably loves ur reaction. Find an equally nasty insult to get back each time he strikes. Dont b always defensive switch on ur attack mode.,

    my mum thot i was being carried away by the compliments i got so she would try to pull me down by praising other girls who were actually average to look at. Lol i never believed her and so even u shouldnt. Next time ur mom calls u ugly tell her common ma u know i look like u. Thatz more ugly remarks then.

    Crushes r common at ur age but act wisely coz if u r trying to lean on sum guy for support, chances r.that he will use u and throw u and make u even more miserable. If get suicidal thoughts now, u will commit it after what he will do to u. I know what u looking for, a reassurance from sum1 who will help u to believe in urself again and comfort u by filling that void which u feel but what if instead he ended up drilling the last nail in ur coffin? Careful kid. Ur priority at the moment is to love urself first.

    Friends? I think these bunch of ppl who we allow to get so close to us for fun's sake r the main reasons behind most of the depression. If they r not wise they r bound to mislead u more than help u with anything.

    • yes true about the guy thing!! and so true on the friendship they do cause depression thats why i try to stay away from people cause usually the friends I made did nothing, but stab me and petray me in some form or the other. but the last paragraph was so true. that really speaks to me. thanks so much!!! It wasn't just that guy it was lots of people through out my life that made me feel like im not good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. people who mentally abused me through out all these years negatvie talk like that can have a big impact on u. so their talk is what made me who i am today insecure with low self esteem. I know i am pretty, but I just don't seem to believe it. and I know beauty on the inside is what counts, but no body really cares everyone is after looks and they judge u if u don't look a ceritan way or if ur not a ten.

      Idk it's just I guess the way alllah made me he made me sensitive and cry easy and get sad easy and let peope get to me easily even people who are nothing. anyone can get to me easily and it will bring me down for a long time and i'll dwell on it for a long time and engrave it in my head. which is not good. I just wish i was confident in myself and I wasnt so sensitive.

      but it feels good to talk to someone and let out everything i'm feeling without feeling like im being judge. because I was dying to talk to someone

      I just need some guidence. allah will reward you for being so kind.

  5. There is no better friend that Allah himself so make him ur friend. Just because u dont c Him or dont hear him it doest mean he doest see u or hear u or understands u. He feels u. Talk to Him, he will surely guide u. He will open new avenues for u. When Allah loves sum1 he blesses him with grace, with good friends, with respect and success and the only way to make him love u is to love him first. Think about him. Wonder who he is, what was he thinking when he made u, what does he expect from u. Ask him Allah how do u want me to love u? Make it happen and u will c in sha allah how ur perspective changes.

    U r one in million. Only Allah knows how many spermatozoas u have defeated in The Big Race. U r from the ashraful makhlooqaat. How can u do this to urself. Think of urself so low and then think of suicide. Ask Allah how much u have hurt him by not considering that. Value urself, u r his creation.

    If the suicidal thoughts still persist talk to ur school counsellor and tell ur parents about it. Dont entertain such a stupid. Jeez! U want to die for maths? That jackass boy? For the friends u dont have? Coz ur mom called u ugly and ur not but she still did and dont know y? Really???

    • well yeah I do talk to him I talk to him as much as i can I make's just that im tired of being alone and not having friends and tired of being a failure and tired of being senstive and crying easily and letting people get to me and walk all over me!! I will never commit suicide but sometimes I feel like it's the only way out. I let everyone get to me. the simplest stuff makes me cry and angery I cry everyday and i dont remember the last time I was happy ever. I just think god loves me thats why he is testing me, but idk i cant take it anymore. it's not just that boy or my mom it's a lot of people that said stuff to me in the past. thanks for u help!!!

      • I had a fairly big group of friends. My idea of friends was a group of girls who were fun to b with, laughed together, went out and so on. U know it wasnt that simple, soon i began to c jealousy, politics, back biting and of course i felt the peer pressure. The reason y i latched on to them was very different since i came from an abusive background and being with them gave me a sense of belonging but soon I thought i was losing my sense of what i wanted to b coz i was always trying to fit in the mould they had already defined. My secrets were not secrets, my emotions were public and my weakness known. People who didnt exist for me, knew my name and God knows how and what else they knew. I felt like a hostage at the hands of cunning girls. Thats when i realized that the happy image of a group of people who just hung around with me was a illusion.

        I was friendless after that for a very long time and then i made some very decent friends in college, at the club, at family functions, even at my daughter's school's PTA meeting but still dont have a group just a couple of trustworthy individuals who inspire me and love me, in sha allah u will make them too.. But bear in mind one thing that people will only get attracted to ur personality if they find u confident, friendly and inspiring. This is duniya after all. Relationships r about give and take. So if u dont like something, dont feel low coz u r not good at it. Think about stuff u r better at. Stuff that makes u feel superior. In my case it was painting. I could paint like a pro in school and my art teacher often put my work on display and i still remember how every1 marvelled. I wrote poems in college, i won the 1st place in the senior's group ( approx 50 students from different faculties). My poem was about an abandoned boy. The audience was quiet when i recited it and when i ended it there was a roar of applause that lasted for as long as i took to reach my seat again. Not to forget to mention many hands that came my way to congratulate. I felt like a winner b4 they even announced my name and that was the day when i felt important, i felt that first trace of confidence within me. U sister luckystar, will have to make a moment like this for urself. U know ur talent. God never made any1 without it. Find ur talent, work on it and rise like a star.

        write down ur feelings think about what u r better at and show ur talent on the right platforms. Dont shy away.. Display it. That will boost ur confidence. So what if its just for a day. . Eveey single moment of that day will weight heavier than all the moments of ur life. Tell me, will that not b worth living for ?

        Another important thing i wanted to tell u is. There is nothing that u will get more than u deserve or before the destined time. So dont have too many expectations of urself. Expectations r the main cause of depression.

        Enroll ur name in a sports team at school or Join a gym or something and sweat out the toxins.

        Join an institute or a proper class to enhance ur talent.

        Make a diary and make daily notes about ur development.

        Meet a counsellor with ur mum.

        Listen to the speeches of nouman ali khan. ( they r short, inspiring n some of them r super funny)

        make lots of dua.. And then plz tell us how happy u r.

        May Allah bless u with a long and contented life. Ameen.

        • Ameen thanks so much! I just want to find a group of friends who accept me for me who I can hang out with and they will be there for me who are not selfish..right now is about that time where I start to feel sad and depressed and lonely. I look at other people who have a lot of friends and support group and I wish that was me.

          Yes when i'm not busy study I go work out. Yeah I do want to start playing some kind of sport, but I want to find something for beginners. i'll just keep praying and making dua to God and be patient. I know he will answers my prayers soon. I just want someone I can talk to about all of this.

          Okay I will try to find something i'm good at and work on it. I was thinking about doing a blog for young girls to help them because they might feel like they are alone in the world or have no one to talk to but the truth is there is someone out there who feels like them who feels like they don't belong or anything and are inscure have low self esteem and no confidence.

          by the way when i'm with other people I don't act like im insecure I act like i'm confident and I act like i am happy I never show my emotions I don't act like I have low self esteem I act confident. but deep down i'm really self conscious and care a lot about what other people think of me.

          Sometimes I wish I can help other girls out there who are lost and alone and insecure and tell them that they do matter and to hold on. and that they are not alone. I want to make a difference in someones life.

          • Yessss! Now you're talking.
            My friend has a blog and she finds this medium very rewarding. Go ahead! What r u waiting for. All the best! 🙂

          • Thanks for taking the time to read this and for giving me advice may allah reward u in this world and the here after 🙂

        • Apple green,
          You really should be a counsellor - love to read your advices, not only here but in other posts as well. Your advices are not only logical but practical too - i.e. not impossible to follow. laugh at your suggested reply to the mother, "common ma - you know I look like you". spot on.

          thank you for all the advices - they help me too.

          • My dear sister yasmin,
            Thanx for ur encouragement. love and hugs to you. im overwhelmed to know that i have helped u. Alhamdolillah. Jazakallah khair.

            i only do this in hope that if Allah s.w.t can forgive a harlot for helping a thirsty animal, then perhaps he will look over my sins for trying to help fellow human beings.

            May Allah keep u smiling. 🙂

  6. Assalamualaikum sister,

    What would you do if you suffer from fever? Would you not approach a doctor and seek the correct medicine? This is what you should do here.

    The problems you have mentioned include obbsession, procrastination, loneliness, low self esteem, bullying and weak analytical ability (math problem).

    These are problems, and every problem has a solution.

    Concerning obsession, it is normal to have that feeling, especially when you are living in the lands of fitnah. Shaitaan finds it easy to sow the seed of "love" in young hearts, who embrace this and ridiculously, consider it halaal and a gift from Allah. Sister, concentrate on your prayers and on improving your humility in them. Whenever Shaitaan whispers in your heart, seek refuge in your Lord - Allah, from him. He is very weak and can not match the strength of our supplications and Allah's Word. Fight obsession with "A'oodhu Billahi min ash Shaitaan ar Rajeem", determination and bravery.

    Until you are ready to get married, stay within the walls of the fort built with supplications and remembrance of Allah. When it is time for you to marry, Allah Will certainly show you the right man, in sha Allah.

    Concerning procrastination, if you become humble in Salaah and love Allah and His Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam more than anyone else, this problem will be solved in sha Allah. If you fail to do important tasks, you should make a schedule for yourself and should act upon it. Get someone to teach you what you are not aware of.

    Do you not have friends at school? Friends among neighbors? And anyone you meet that is of your age (more or less)? It is very easy to make friends, jusy say salaam and begin a conversation, keep meeting and smile together, and so on. Also, when you do not find friends, know that you have Allah, and you can be His friend. Talk to Him, cry to Him, pray as if you can see Him, seek His Pleasure and strive to obey Him, talk to Him in the last third part of the night...

    And sister, you do not need to feel low if someone calls you smelly or something. They are jealous and can not see someone better than themselves. Ignore them and thank Allah for what He Has Given you, which many people are deprived of. But be advised that this attidude should not make you proud/arrogant, because pride is only for Allah.

    Being weak in math is a problem with many kids. I used to teach this girl who was very weak in math, but today, I come to know that she teaches her friends at school. 😀

    It is not a big problem, some people have an inclination to one subject and some people have an inclination to another. For the subject one is weak in, one should seek assistence from those who know that subject. Join math classes or ask your classmates to help, this may also help you make friends, in sha Allah.

    Before I end, sister, make yourself more humble in prayers and enjoy every moment in it, thus making yourself stronger and tranquil.

    Finally, luckystar is no name. There is nothing lucky, we get what we work for and what Allah Has Decreed. And stars have nothing to do with our Qadr.

    Keep smiling and trust in Allah, there is a solution to your problems with Him.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

    • wow thanks so much this really helps!!! I don't know I just can't seem to make good friends. I have trust issues cause a lot of people who I thought were my friends back stabbed me, so I built a wall and stopped letting people in. I have friends in school, but they are more like associates not friends they are acquaintances. Sometimes I just feel really lonely like I have no one and it makes me obssesed and I stay up nights waiting for a text or someone to call me or say whatever. I do talk to and text a couple of people, but they are my good good friends just associates. Also I know there is not such thing as luck lol I just used that name cause I didn't want to use my real name and came up with it I should of came up with something else, but I couldn't. okay and next time I get and obssesive feeling i'll say a3ozib bilahi min al shaytan al rejeem. Idk I have such low self esteem too and no confidence at all and I always worry what ppl think of me, and I always compare myself to other girls who are prettier. I was just mentailly abused by a couple of people. I know i'm pretty but Idk I still seem to have low self esteem. Sometimes I just cry so much because i feel i have no one even though i have family but i have 7 brothers and brothers don't understand u know what I mean? I cant just talk to them about stuff and most of them are mean and jerks lol. sometimes I wish someone can hear me I just wanna scream idk what to do. but I found this site where I can express my feelings and vent and find support from other people and get good advice!!! the fact that i'm depressed makes me slow and not have any common sense and it makes me forget easily for someone my age. and its interfiering with my appitite I don't eat good at all because I dont have an appitie to eat cause I have this deep depression.

      I just started taking anti-depressents they told me to take them for two weeks to see results I did take them for a 2 weeks but i stopped taking them cause im spektical and I don't think they will work. I hate the fact that this deep depression is making me have memory problems like if i set my keys somewhere I dnt knew where I put them and I can't remember if i did a certian task or not sometimes. and I just do stupid stuff sometimes really stupid stuff cause my mind is not here I don't know how to explain it. I'm not a slow person, but I think if I was happier and not depressed and had high self esteem I wouldn't do stupid thins or be so forgetful and forget if something is in the stove and my mom tells me to turn it off after 15 minutes I forgot to do so.

      okay and I do wake up sometimes at 3am and pray. ur advice is great god will help u cause u are helping me. THANKS SO MUCH!!!!! I will go over ur comment again and reread it over and over 😀 thanks!!!

      • Depression comes from shaitan. He enjoys seeing us in pain and being ungrateful.

        I read somewhere: if shaitan reminds you of the past (causing you to be depressed), you remind him of his future (his burning in hell). Have determination and do not take anti-depressants. That is not the solution. Resort to talking to Allah, cry out to Him and hope from Him. He Loves you and you are nearest to Him in state of sajadah (prostration). So increase your adhkaar in sujood and prolong them. Pray with humility and hope in Allah and fear from His Punishment. Truly, this is all that matters. This world is a temporary place, the hereafter is a place of eternity and is dependent on this life. So worry about your Aakhirah instead of thinking about useless and insignificant matters, depressing yourself and giving pleasure to shaitan.

        I will mention a beautiful Hadith from Sahih Muslim:

        It was narrated that Kh âlid bin `Umair Al-`Adawî said: ```Utbah bin Ghazwân addressed us. He praised and glorified Allâh, then he said: `Soon this world will come to an end, and there is nothing left of it but a little, like leftover water in a vessel. You will move from it to a realm that has no end, so you should move with the best that you have. We were told that if a stone is thrown from the edge of Hell, it will fly through it for seventy years without reaching the bottom of it, but by Allâh, it will be filled. Do you find it strange? And we were told that between two of the gateposts of Paradise is a distance of forty years, and there will come a time when that gate will be crowded with people. I remember when I was the seventh of seven with the Messenger of Allâh ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ And we had no food but the leaves of trees, and the corners of our mouths were covered with ulcers. I found a Burdah and tore it in two between myself and Sa`d bin Mâlik. I wrapped half of it around my waist, and Sa`d wrapped the other half around his waist. And today there is no one among us who has not become the governor of a city. I seek refuge with Allâh lest I consider myself to be great but insignificant before Allâh. Prophethood does not remain forever; rather its impact fades, and eventually changes into kingship. You will soon come to know and experience those rulers who come after us.'''

        What a great reminder! Do you still think you should worry or be depressed?

        Abu Abdul Bari Editor

        • Mashallah
          i never thought depression was actually from shaitan. If he reminds me of my past i should remind him of his future. This advice is for every1.

        • al salam alykom brother! are u saying that if im depressed and the the shaitan reminds me of my past I should remind him of his future which is the fires of al nar? btw also I don't understand the story that you just told can you explain it to me better? and what is a burdah?

  7. Salaam sister.

    I cannot write a long response but you asked:
    "What can I do to change myself?"
    Well you need to start being happy with yourself - it is a long journey but you have very limited growth Islamically and emotionally if you hate yourself.

    Sister, there is an audio which is very useful for low self esteem and these feelings. I know it seems really mysterious but

    Go to:

    And fill in the Tazkiya report - do your best, dont worry if you dont know the answers but just try your best. Tazkiyah is purification (of heart, soul and intentions). Once you have done that you will get an email and a free audio. Download the audio and listen to it. Listen to it again and again. It is about half an hour long by Abdel Rahman Mussa.

    I know I sound like a counsellor but I will say one thing to you: you will understand once you have heard it:
    - Stop lacking control
    - Stop lacking approval
    Release on these feelings daily and whenever they occur.

    Sara Editor

  8. This is a true story. The story of two very close friends. Or I should say closest friends. Distance never changed their friendship, neither did time or status. Nor the long years of disconnection or the brief periods of connection. One of them was a little more practicing than the other, though both were strong in faith. The more practicing friend now prayed day and night for the other friend, for his guidance.

    Yet for years saw the friend indulged in wrong acts. Yes it was painful. So painful that questions came up in mind… “Am I making any mistake in my prayers? Why don’t I see any change”…. Imploring prayers came from the aching heart… “My lord, show me for once that you do care for my prayers.”…And one day, after a long time, they got to talk.

    It was a pleasant moment to know that the not-so-practicing friend was now trying his best to understand. And it was that one weak moment when that friend admitted that at times of great hardship and hopelessness, he tried to commit suicide more than once over the years and each time got saved miraculously! And every return made him firmer, finally feeling the shelter lies in his Lord, not in giving up hope in Him.

    And the other friend fell in prostration.

    “Oh my Lord, when I asked you why you are not guiding him, correcting his ways, you were the only One to save him from a misguidance that would destroy everything! you saved him from the sin from which there could be no turning back! And I was thinking you didnt answer my prayers! Help me remember to never be ungrateful to you or never lose my faith. Because today I surely know you care for us the most. You will never leave us alone….you are up there, watching us, loving us, guiding us….we have no reason, absolutely no reason to despair!”

    End of story. Beautiful, isn’t it?

    No matter how ruthless the world turns and how silent He appears, He, our Ever Living Lord, One Lord, the Lord who responds to the prayers of the distressed heart is listening. He is helping. May be not in the way we wish to get the help, but in the way we perfectly need the help! He is there, He loves us. He is listening. And He will be there. Who else do we need to make us go on?

  9. oh wow so true. mashallah so beautifu true we don't need anyone else mashallah.

  10. I can feel your pain!I am only 16 but i've felt like crap.I know i haven't even lived half of my life yet i had lost faith in living or betterment.I know thats its not okay at all!
    I was in your state a few days ago & i always felt like crap.
    My grades started to fall miserably,i failed,was down to only one friend so basically i was a social outcast,i felt like utter crap & sometime ago i started cutting but it was temporary.
    I got in some other problems,started feeling scared & guilty & for almost two years i remained depressed as hell.
    Just a few days back,Yes!I changed only a few days back but trust me it all turns out better in the end & if it isnt better then it aint the end.
    I guess you get the idea of my state at that time.I started networking with boys & sharing issues with them & i had felt that i needed a boyfriend at that time too but then my senses knocked & cut contacts with those guys.
    I asked Allah for forgiveness & tried to start over but depression made me lifeless.
    A few days back i started praying again & trust me i feel like im on top of the world! 😀
    Honestly from that day onwards,studying has become easier,prayers are my priority and let me say that no,i'm not very religious on the outside with looks & dressup but inside my heart the truth lies & Allah knows the truth & has blessed me more than enough!
    I pray & ask from him for everything & thank Allah & ever since ive repented & asked for forgiveness for my mistakes,Allah blessed me more than ever & still does.
    So,my dear sis let me tell you that you're pretty & perfect!
    God made us all from the same matter,no one is made of gold!
    Your mum is wrong when she says you're ugly!Its like she basically states that Allah made a mistake & Trust Me!Allah makes no mistakes!
    He made you perfect within your flaws & thats what makes you unique! 😀
    And having a crush is natural cause you cant help about who you like so just relax & try to restrain from connecting with random guys;it causes huge problems :/

  11. im sixteen years old and have a depression problem ..i tend to think of all my lifes worst memories..when they play in my mind i cry and cry..i dont share my feelings with anyone but Allah for i know only He has the solutions to my problems..lately i got a c in a subject in my board examinations a subject i was best in my clss,(Rest of the comment deleted by the Editor)

    • Sister appleashes,

      I request you to login and submit your question separately. We shall publish it in turn in sha Allah. Follow this link for instructions on submitting a new post.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

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