Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is our relationship valid even though we’re not married?

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in Islam

Good Morning brothers and sisters.

I have a problem, big problem. I made this girl pregnant when I was back in the Philippines, 4 years ago. My family arranged for a wedding but the girls' parents were angry that time and thus making the arrangements was hard for us. She was a non-Muslim girl before. Now, my family and her family are in good relationships. My problem is, I was going to marry her, but then, our visa to become immigrants here in the US got approved, and since I can't move in the US as married that time, we cancelled the wedding. I am planning on going home next year once I earn enough money and get my citizenship. She embraced Islam, not because of me, but because it was her choice. I also told/asked her before that I don't want her to revert just because of me, but because she really believes in Islam, and she said yes. She converted to Islam years back, months after our daughter was born. My question is, is our relationship valid even though we're not married? We love each other, our families are in a good relationship. I asked forgiveness to my family and her family. Everything seems OK, its just the marriage that bothers me.

And one more thing is, I am in the US Air Force. I heard that it is not good for a muslim to join the US Military. I've been here for 6 months already, I signed in for 6 years. It was my way to get a free college, and a good paycheck so I can help my mom, and send money to my daughter back in the Phillipines. I tried looking for a job before, but because of my poor english that time, no one hired me but the Air Force. So far, they treated me good here. I am the only Muslim here at our base right now, but they were willing to arrange meetings with our dining facility to accompany me at night time for our ramadan. They even moved me to night shifts, although night shifts are only for the higher ranks with better experiences. I told them moving me to night shift was a lot of help already.

I hope you can give me some advice on my situation, especially my family back home.

Thank you.


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2 Responses »

  1. As Salamualaikum,

    Brother Jibrheel, you have certainly sinned. You have committed Zina. And Allah dislikes it very much. You have made Him Angry.
    You should seek Allah's Forgiveness day and night and cry to Him so that He Forgives you and so that you do not have the liability of this sin when you meet Allah on the Day of Resurrection. May Allah Forgive you when you. Just do sincere Tawbah and Hope for His Mercy, and insha Allah, He Will Forgive.

    You need to marry her, as a relationship is not valid until Nikah is done. Now that she has become Muslim, you should marry her at once, so that you do not commit more sin.

    Regarding your job, I don't know how good or bad the army you work with, is. But I can't forget how our brothers and sisters in Iraq were treated, some years ago. So, if the army does any act that is anti Islamic or has some kind of harm for Islam, you SHOULD ABSTAIN from it, as I am sure that you wouldn't want to be a cause for disgrace to Islam.

    I am sorry to the readers for saying this, and I know not all the people in the army would be such, but warning the brother is my duty, so that he meets Allah while he is free from sins. And nobody would like that he becomes a cause for disgrace to Islam, would he?

    Alhamdulillah, you have taken the decision. Now trust in Allah and continue. Make sure you do all your prayers on time, do the Jumuah prayer in the Masjid with the Jamaa'ah, and keep remembering Allah Subhaanah. You already see Allah's Barakah, His Help; seek His Help further, too.
    Before taking any decision, Islam teaches you to do Salatul Istikhaarah. Do that now, insha Allah, if the army isn't good for you, Allah Will Save you from it, otherwise, He Will Fill it with Barakah.

    Now if someone says it is wrong, I don't think you can back off, can you? Because you said you have signed a contract for 6 years. So, just trust in Allah, do Salatul Istikhaarah and move ahead. Marry the lady as soon as possible, thus saving yourself and her from more sin.

    You could even take this opportunity and spread Islam among the fellow army men and tell them what Islam teaches, insha Allah, you'll find Allah's Help. If you need any help from us in this, we are here for it insha Allah.

    This is what I think. And I am sure you will receive better advises from other readers, insha Allah

    May Allah Protect you

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  2. My Brother Jibhreel,

    Be a light and a voice for the truth and peace of Islam from within the US Air Force. You will please Allah, and he may choose to use you as an instrument as he guides others to Islam.

    AmericanMuslim Editor

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