Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Looking for hope, I’m losing my love

pain healing

Hello everyone...

I was one of those blessed people who found their true love. He loved me a lot or you can say he was purely and madly in love with me and so was I with him. We both were having a really good and healthy life and value as a husband and wife to each other.

But unfortunately one of his friend did backbiting about him and things started appearing as he was cheating on me. I got hurt badly and said very rude and rough words for him. But soon I got to know the truth... he did not cheat.

But he got to know all those things I have said in past and he thinks I don't trust him but I do. I'm feeling so bad that I hurt him and want to know the punishment of not trusting my partner. He really got hurt because he always trusted me and loved me madly but my misunderstanding about him brings me nowhere but alone.

Now he wants to move on... but I know he will always love me..

I want to get him back and apologise many times... I'm sorry dear, I want you back, forgive me coz I want to give you those happy and cherishing moments back.


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4 Responses »

  1. If you have not married with this man then this sort of relation ship and staying together is haraam .You need to immediately cut all contacts with him .

    • I think they are married.

      " We both were having a really good and healthy life and value as a husband and wife to each other. "

      Or is it an ambiguous statement ?

  2. Salaam Shaania,

    Please clarify whether you both are married or not.

    If not, then you have to stop doing Zina and ask for repentance.

    If yes, then make Dua that Allah guides him back to you. Try to be a good Islamic wife and one day after few years Inshallah he will be in Love with you again.

    May Allah guide you.

  3. Assalaaamu Alaykum,

    I am responding on the assumption that you are married, otherwise my answer is worthless because the relationship would be forbidden.

    If you believe he really loves you and always will, then chances are he won't leave you. People who love someone don't leave easily, even when there is a "reason" to. It's human nature to hope that things can work out and that maybe what happened isn't really going to be a chronic thing.

    Chances are he is just very hurt that you 1. Believed his friend against the credit he probably felt he had built up with you that he is of good character and 2. disrespected him by the wrong things you said, based on that false belief. For a man, those are two very signifcant wounds, but they still can heal.

    It's tempting to try to beg and plead and do anything you can to get the security back for yourself that he will stay with you. As women, our connections to others (especially husbands) are a lifeline. When they are threatened, we want it to be fixed right away. But sometimes when hurt feelings happen it takes a little time.

    I suggest that you give him "permission" to entertain the idea of leaving. You don't have to say this or do anything- in fact I suggest you don't. Just give him space, and don't talk about what happened unless he wants to. Let him mull over his options so he can feel like he's still in control- this is an important way he needs to reassure himself that he can still gain his own self respect back after what happened.

    If he ever does bring up what happened, DO NOT talk about how you had suspicions or justify why you reacted as you did. Just stick to what you did wrong. No matter how many times it takes, repeat that "yes, I was wrong, I shouldn't have believed him and surely shouldn't have spoken so disrespectfully to you". You have to ensure you are acknowledging to him that you disrespected him. Ask him if there is anything you can do to make up for your wrongs, and if he gives you something- do it. Being consistent in doing this when you've done something wrong works like magic in helping rebuild damaged trust and hurt feelings.

    The rest of the time (when you are not talking about that) treat him like gold. Be valuing, speak well to him, and do small, thoughtful things for him. But still give him plenty of space- don't hover over him or smother him.

    I will warn you, doing this may hurt you. You may feel disconnected and be dying to have the conversations you want to have to reassure yourself. You may want to be closer to him than he wants to be. But if you can stick it out, within at least a week or so he will start warming to you again. Let him do it at his pace, and don't try to rush it. Don't jump on his first offerings too hungrily or he may go back the other direction.

    Many men want to forget bad situations like this, and move on. If he does, go with that. Just forget it as though it didn't happen, and see this point as kind of a "fresh start". It's because for most men, their wives are supposed to be a refuge from stress and problems, a source of comfort. So always focusing or discussing problems you've had with each other negates that. Make the goal creating a connection with him that gives him that peace and retreat.

    I hope some of this advice helps, in shaa Allah. May Allah keep you two bonded and help you go forward in love and compassion.

    -Amy Editor

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