Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Losing control of sexual desires

muslim couple

assalamo alikum

I have been in a relationship with a guy for one year. In all this year we were trying to get married as soon as we could. We had many reasons but the biggest of all is our bodies. He's also so bad in his condition but he can control himself but for me its so difficult.

Before he came to my life I been addicted to masturbation. I asked allah to help me and allah send me him. With allah help I did overcame my habit of masturbation. He made me closer to allah as he's so alert of allah's orders and anger.

In this ramadan I did stopped it forever but it's so bothering me. I continuous see dreams pleasure and recently due to continuous stopping I have been acting the same things in real too while i am asleep.

I desire to be with him and have things in halal. I cant control myself anymore, its so difficult. I am trying but i did end up doing it again once after so long time. i just cant stop myself thinking of him and me having good time with him and having all things in halal.

i feel so depressed and sad for i cant be a good muslim. after allah so helped me in every way i dont want to do something which makes allah angry on me or makes me look down in front of allah.

alhamdulilah we both are good muslims in many ways but this is something i am so... ...my body cant resist before i had this habit now i want him to be with me and this is something i cant resist.

he lives in another country and he is saving money to come over me. i talked to my parents many times but it didnt help, he didnt listen to me that i wanted to marry him for real. is there any way here for i can rest and be assured that i will stay on safe side?

also talking to him bothers me as i am not his mahram. i was thinking of doing nikah with him online for at least whatever we talk dont make allah angry or we dont cross allah limits.

we really want to spend our lives for sake of allah and we have a lot of reasons to marry for it but i am so tired now i cant control any more. i want him to be with me, i want to rest now. i dont know what i should do. i do fast but i end up thinking of him which make me feel even more worse. my body also dont resist because i been sexually so alert before and even more now. i dont know what i should do but i really want to stop all of this. i want to now become a great muslim woman. i dont want to feel any bad more any guilt more. i want to go to paradise. please help if you see any solution please ...may allah bless and reward you

anon


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10 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu alaikum. Its good you want to do things the right way. However, the more you speak to him the worse it will get. Thats why were warned against excessive communication. If you intend to marry let him save and establish himself, meet your parents etc the honourable way and in the mean time speak every other week or so not daily communication. Keep fasting and dont dwell on these thoughts the more you indulge in the thoughts in your mind the more tempted you will feel. Speak less do more dhikr etc and stay busy. Pray this helps Allah make it easy for you

  2. Most likely effected with jinn. SALAT AND READING QURAN DAILY SHOULD have kept you far away but also relationship is also killing you because you are not married regardless what you say.THIS IS ALL HARAM AND YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF.YOU MUST HAVE SCHEDULE DAILY OF AMALS AND GOOD COMPANY. AS THEY SAY : AN IDLE MAN'S BRAIN IS A DEVILS WORKSHOP!!!Read manzil daily morning and evening. Keep away from HARAM food especially eating to much meat which causes sexual desires because of its quality etc....have a balance diet fast every Mondays go to lectures and be involved with sisters at the mosque. When knowledge is weak and practice then these things are bound to happen.SHAITAN comes at every opportunity when we don't think of Allah.This your test.Good luck and get married soon

  3. Asalam o alaikum,

    Sister, tis good that you want to be on right path and don't want to make ALLAH angry... try to convince your parents but don't think of doing online nikkah as that would be against your parents' will and to save you from one sin are you ready to do another sin as going against your parents will make ALLAH angry as well.

    Do fasting... as in Ramzan you were able to give that habit away and while doing fasting you will be able to control yourself. Do Zikar and charity. Inshort just try to follow the pillars of Islam. Read many duas. Below is my favourite dua so just read that or anyone dua you want but just keep on praying to ALLAH.

    Sa’d ibn Waqas reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “The supplication made by the Companion of the Fish (Prophet Yunus) in the belly of the fish was, ‘La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka, inni kuntu minadh-dhalimin (there is no god but You, You are far exalted and above all weaknesses, and I was indeed the wrongdoer)’. If any Muslim supplicates in these words, his supplication will be accepted.”

    In another report we read, “I know words that will cause Allah to remove one’s distress. These are the words (of supplication) of my brother Yunus, peace be upon him.”
    Source: Tirmidhi

    Read these verses with translation, you'll get better.
    1. Sura Ala Imran (Sura No.3) Verse. No. 26&27
    2. Sura A Nur (Sura No.24) Verse. No. 35
    3. Sura Al Fath (Sura No.48) Verse. No. 29
    4. Sura Al Hashr (Sura No.59) Last Verses.

    You said you are a good Muslim in many ways than now it's time to take some steps. Talk to your mother about the problem if you think you are not convincing enough but before that be sure that this guy is true to you and he really wants to marry you?

    Just talk to your mother by taking her in confidence that you are having this problem. She is your mother, she gave you birth so trust her and tell her. ALLAH can help you yes but you also have to help yourself.

    I don't know about that guy so if he is really true to you then give him some time but atleast do nikkah but with your parents' permission.

    May ALLAH Bless you. Just take care of your self and keep praying.

  4. I have been in a relationship with a guy for one year................................ We had many reasons but the biggest of all is our bodies. He's also so bad in his condition but he can control himself but for me its so difficult...........Before he came to my life I been addicted to masturbation. I asked allah to help me and allah send me him..............also talking to him bothers me as i am not his mahram. i was thinking of doing nikah with him online for at least whatever we talk don't make allah angry or we don't cross allah limits.

    So you met a guy online. You both discussed difficulty of controlling yourselves sexually, it is difficult for you to control your sexual desire more then the boy you met. Do you do skype with him?

    Do you seriously think Allah sent this guy to you get you away from masturbation? Now you are talking sex with this guy. How has meeting this guy hep you stop masturbation?

    You also want to do a Nikah online so that every thing you do with this guy online will not make Allah angry. Which Allah's limits you don't want to cross in your online relationships.

    What countries you both live in?

    You should know most Internet love relationships end after first secret meeting.

    • I agree. Even first halal meeting. My Wali asked my fiance "be honest, she is nice looking. But after your wedding night, then what?"

      Even if you're married, a relationship based on sex and physical attraction will not last. What about when you get old, less physically attractive, and then he goes to find a younger woman to fulfill his needs?

      I'm not married but marriage life is not just sex. It's responsibility.

      • But sex is very important part of marriage and can not be ignored .

        • Yeah its important in a marriage.

          But sex should not be the basis and foundation of a marriage. Which, it seems like it in this case.

          When one is "lascivious" to this degree, marriage isn't going to solve this. She said she masturbated for a long time and now cannot control herself any longer. She needs to fix this problem first.

          • Nanachant: When one is "lascivious" to this degree, marriage isn't going to solve this. She said she masturbated for a long time and now cannot control herself any longer. She needs to fix this problem first.

            She masturbated for a long time, now cannot control herself any longer. When she is masturbating she has no control, what has changed now?

            If she has mastubated too much, real sexual experience may not do much for her. While masturbating a woman can go on and on, while real sex may last few minutes only. She may not get satisfied and may think her husband has a problem satisfying her.

  5. help me, my question not publish.
    i am in trouble. i cannot control myself. i am having extreme sexual desire for a man and its killing me out. i pray everyday to Allah to bless me with inner peace and solve my problem. no answer yet :(. i am restless all the time . sexual thoughts of him is haunting me everyday

    • How old are you ? I suggest you to get married or keep yourself involved in some field work .Dont be alone in room for long time

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