Losing the marriage after zina
Salam alakium everyone!
I am 25, female. I lived in a boarding school mostly, and at my home it was more like all of us kids were neglected by our parents. They always had their issues, and I personally couldn't see their love and have always been looking outside for it. My dad never wanted a daughter.
Long story short, I fell in love with a boy (may Allah forgive me-astaghfirullah) who in fact approached me. I was being protective so I didn't talk initally, but he kept approching me and I started talking to him. Later when we realized that we have mutual thoughts and life plans, we thought why not get married.
He told his parents, and they initially said they dont want us to marry. Things changed and he made them agree. My family went to their place after 6 months, and things were way smooth. We knew that we would be getting married shortly, and started shopping.
Suddenly he said his parents do not agree, but before saying this (about 10 days ago) we met. Even though we only met twice in this whole 1 year, the last time we met we committed zina/sex because we thought we would be marrying. I know we commited a sin, and since then I'm seeking forgivness from Allah. May Allah swt forgive me, aameen.
Now he says that his father is not agreeing, and he is not willing to marry at any cost. I kept begging him because we have commited a sin, and it sohuldn't be like this. I told him he should tell his parents, but he says his father has cardiac issues (which he certainly has). He tells me not to think of it like this, because it wasn't zina and he didn't know at that time- otherwise he would not have brought it up until now.
I keep telling him that even islam has given him the right to marry of his own choice, and it wasn't halal and we wanted it halal. He says I'm of good character and like a diamond, but I can't take this sin. I know Allah accepts tawabah from the heart, but I feel I am not a good muslim. I am sick since the day he told me, and I don't want to live a life with this burden on my heart.
I can't face my family. I attempted a drug overdose and I'm still in pain. He was equally in love with me and couldn't see a single tear in my eye. Now in my opinion I have 2 options: one is that he is not having the guts to talk to his family, so why shouldn't I drop mail to his brothers who are practising muslims (maa shaa Allah) to tell them what happened between us and they can ask for nikkah? I think if we have made a sin so we have option of correcting it too, but just because of society he is afraid. So should I tell, or should I back off?
Kindly reply me asap. Jazak Allah khairun.
-outofthis.world
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You have one option, which is to back off.
Getting married does not "correct the sin" of zina.
You made a mistake, you had sex before marriage and it backfired. Do not tell people what happened, especially his family. They will lose respect for you. Do you really think his family will then want you as a wife for their son?
If he wishes to marry you, he will contact your family. You must leave things now in the hands of Allah SWT. Please don't do anything desperate. If it's not meant to be, then move on.
MY DEAR DUAGHTER
FIRST OF ALL HE IS NOT THAT INNOCENT ! WHO CAN MAKE ZINA HE MUST HAVE THE SOLUTION HE CAN MAKE NIKKAH IN COURT OR SOME WHER ELSE MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND DON'T SPREAD YOUR SIN TO OTHER'S AND PRAY TO ALLAH SUBHANA THAT HE FORGIVE YOU , INSHA'ALLAH , THING WILL COME OK
Assalam alaykum sister subhanallah Allah azzawajjal forgives sins and he is the most merciful indeed you have committed an atrocity and have transgressed but you see sister in life if we don't follow the sunnah and the commands of Allah our. Life's start to fall apart. Even if you was supposed to get married in Islam pre meeting and hooking up before marriage is haram, so in future please don't and fear Allah so pray two rakah and ask taubah inshallah Allah will forgive you
In regards to this brother and his unwillingness to marry you tell his parents what happened come out clean if the brother still refuses then sister you can't force him then you part your way and May Allah find you a righteous husband and NEVER EVER attempt to take your own life you will end up in jahanam
I agree with Precious Star.
If you want to marry him because you love him and want to build a stable family together, then if he feels the same way, he'll make it happen.
But if you just want to marry him to correct a mistake made in the past, then it can backfire further, and you could be trying to force your way into the life of a man who doesn't love or more importantly, respect you.
Which will lead to further pain, abuse, and misery.
Best way to think about things is, mashallah you're blessed with health and good intentions. Instead of thinking you'll go to hell, or wanting to kill yourself to make him re-consider, just think how much good you can do in this world to people in far greater need and pain than yourself.
OP: I drop mail to his brothers who are practicing Muslims (maa shaa Allah) to tell them what happened between us and they can ask for nikkah?
I think the boy just wanted to use you. His family will not support you. Your ex-friend can make up a story to convince them you are no good. Your ex-friend and not his father may be the one who wants out of this marriage. Find another guy for marriage but don't go on secret dates.
There are double standards when it come to premarital sex. Families care a little when their sons date.
Thank you everyone for your replies, may Allah reward you all.
I know that I can lose respect in their eyes but where do I stand here, I kept telling him that it was and it is sin but I don't know what has happened to him not listening at all. Personally as far as I know him he wasn't like this, if someone send his family he definitely wants you. Allah knows what happened.
Ok for a second, I believe he wanted to use me and he has moved on but what if he does the same with anyone else? Why shouldn't he be exposed in that case?
I'm in pain because he was never bad towards me, we don't share any bad memories. His father denied may be because of social status or different caste/areas.
It's becoming difficult for me to erase the memories.
I say Astaghfirullah the time I remember him, recite verses so I could remember Allah. Did repentance in ramadan and I'm ashamed of my act yet I feel shattered and disrespectful. As I have lost trust in people.
I don't know what to do, please pray for me.
outofthis.world: but what if he does the same with anyone else? Why shouldn't he be exposed in that case?
To expose him if you say he had sex with you, you expose yourself too. That may cause you more damage if word gets around.
His family is not going to put restrictions on him, but your family may on you.
Regarding him doing it with some one else......these things happen in secret and no one knows about it. You can't stop him from doing it. His family may not even care.
His parents should have contacted your family to tell they no longer want this marriage to go forward.
It is quite possible your ex found another girl and decided to leave you.
Don't waste your energy on this? Put your energy in finding another guy who may be even better then your ex.
Salaam, sorry to hear about this. Please move on and try to forget the past. Find someone decent and get married, and that inshallah will make things better for you.
I understand how crazy, weird and stupid this sounds but I wish you were my local then I would have send you marriage perposal. Everyone is not the same. It seems like you are very honest person and trully regret for what happened.
By the way i am from uk.
JazakAllah khair
You cannot be concerned about what he does to other people. You are not his moral guardian. How he treats other people is his business, and will be on his conscience.
Your task is to MOVE ON and forget about him. Try to find a job, study, do volunteer work, get a new hobby, exercise -- stop thinking of ways to get back at him or "righting the past."
Honey, what you have done is a Sin, to me he got what he wanted and he left, so for your sake move on you don't wanna have him as a husband, insallah you will find somebody so much better, just learn from
This do not be alone with a guy, things always go wrong so
Be very careful these days a lot of guys are out there to use girls, they will say anything to make you happy, once he gets what he wants, he will move on cuz he is a guy who will always be a guy, in your case your a girl and you will lose respect at the end.I have seen this from my friends, I learn from them. Move on life is too short .look for a good guy that will make you happy and who will be a good husband and father insallah.
MasAllah I agree
It is TRUE what you said and ALL WOMEN should follow this. Never trust to be alone with a guy NOT EVER.
Finding someone else for marriage seems to be impossible, as I was preparing for my wedding, doing shopping. Just in a day this happened , whole life plans with someone else and then getting married to someone else, I feel really bad and dirty in other words. My family background is doesn't like this, I feel sorry, I'm ashamed. Allah is not forgiving me. :'(
All day thoughts from devil comes in my mind, I'm unable to concentrate on anything.
Assalam alaikum Dear Sister,
Even though you feel very badly and it hurts, do not shun these feelings because they are meant to be a tool to never repeat the error that you have made. You have had great advice above to never be alone with a non-Mahram and inn shaa Allah, if you follow this, you can avoid such heartache.
Allow the feelings that you have to be a guiding light and though you should never forget the lesson, you should learn to forgive yourself. If you are sincere, only Allah can be the judge of that and remembering the sin and then following that with feelings of shame and asking for forgiveness will, inn shaa Allah lead to your forgiveness too.
Try to concentrate on moving on by accepting that you now know better and therefore, can do better too.
May Allah ease your pain and help you to move on, Ameen.
Devil is playing with your imagination. Your intention was not bad. You were mislead into doing some thing by a guy who promised to marry you. This happens to lot of Muslim girls especially in Western countries. You need to move on.
Yes, I know is going to be very hard for a long time to get over this pain, it will take sometime you just have to try a little harder to move on.once you have done that you will long back insallah and say I'm soo
Glad I didn't marry this guy and your life will be much much better insallah.
Sallam alaykum ukhti
I just wanted you to be carefull with what you say, "Allah is not forgiving me".
This is kufr, Allah forgives every sin if you just repent sincerely and meet the conditions of repenting; indeed He is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim.
Put your trust in Allah brcause He will forgive you inshaAllah, you are only having more waswas of the shaitan at the moment because it(the devil) sees the big opportunity to harm you as you are more vulnerable atm.
And at last I want to remind firstly myself and then others, fear Allah!
Dont marry him he definitely used you for sex only.Both of you should have knew sex is haram sometimes when you are about to commit sin you csn sense that what your doing is bad and you should stop .The person you commited zina with knew its haram hes just lying to you.Plus your 25 so you should have known sex in islam is a sin and you get 100 lashes if fornicated if it was zina during marriage then it would have been lashes AND stoning to death according to prophet muhammad sahih hadith and Qur'an (No offencd meant) your very lucky you were not born during muhammads time because muhammad and companions stoned adulters.The Adulterer would be buried from up until there neck and stoned to death its scary but Allah allows it allafiz.
If the parents of ur boy have not approached ur family for annulment of this marriage, then he surely is telling a lie that his parents have withdrawn their agreement for ur marriage.
Without going further into the details of ur story, I would advise u to say ur Shahadah 100 times to urself & Astaghfar Kalimaa 100 times daily. during morning and evening after prayers and ask for forgiveness. Try to get up for Tahajjud (Midnight prayer) and pray at least 6 Rakah and cry, ask for repentence & forgiveness to ALLAH SWT. Ask ALLAH SWT for true guidance in Islam. Do not ask for marriage or any worldly things or dunya.
If u want ALLAH SWT to forgive u, then stop thinking about drugs. May ALLAH SWT truely guide u to the real Islam. Ameen
you can correct a zina after marriage?, thats the most childish thing i have recently heard!!