Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Losing my mind



I am a sister age 27 and about 2 months ago randomly whilst I was sat in work I started to get sick thoughts about raping my neice who I love very much . My heart started to beat extremely fast and unfortunately because of it I eventually ended up leaving work as it was straining on me. I was an occasional smoker of cannabis and as soon as I had this thought I stopped smoking it al together , The thoughts were constant and to the point where I would get nose bleeds , heart palpitations, dreams indicating that there is something with me or on me and vomiting. I was completely baffled , it’s now been 2 months and now the thoughts have transpired into something more sinister about my mother and father who are the moat dearest to me , thoughts I cannot even begin to explain without feeling distressed , sick sexual violent thoughts.

I have been taking anti depressants which make me even more worse , I have become the complete opposite of the happy , bubbly girl I was once , loss of appetite, no interest in anything . Sometimes I feel ok until I get one second to myself and the thoughts will come again and again.

I pray my 5 times read Koran , wazifah ect . I am beyond my capability to comprehend this anymore I do not have no sexual desire every time I think I do a sickening thought of my mum comes to mind, I am unaware of anything anymore complete lack of anything and everything my parents are old and I hate seeing them worry about me and be upset . My doctor said it’s not ocd and even if it was I don’t know where it has come from as it’s not herroditry in my family . I understand they are just thoughts and I know Allah SWT does not burden a soul with more then it can handle. But I can’t remember the last time I laughed or was happy I am crying every single day begging for allahs mercy that he may forgive me for my sins , I have been advised to do ruqya just to see if it’s a jinn as I started to get these thoughts initially I was suffering with severe sleep praylisis and dreams with indication that I may be possessed . However I have done an isthkhara to see if I should go see someone for ruqya and it seems every time I try to go something comes in my way.

Please please please tell me what I can do I lived such a happy normal life before this I am beyond depressed I have completely lost my self esteem , I’m in need of some help guidance and I always pray to Allah he says to love our parents and take care of them so why would the most merciful allow sick thoughts in my mind in regards to them again and again ? It’s got to a point now where I could be looking at someone on tv or in public and I’ll have a sick thought about my mum and whatever it is I’ve seen, she will go into the shower and my mind will think sickening things. I feel like I can’t even be myself with my fiancé seems like I don’t like him anymore , this whole thing is out of character nothing like me what so ever and these thoughts distress me every single day even when I’m trying to be normal I can’t.

When will the help of Allah come surely there’s other ways of punishing or testing why something so sinister like this ?

Please reply
A very distressed sister

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11 Responses »

  1. everybody gets strange thoughts every day so you are not alone, I have had the worst kind of thoughts that I will never discuss with anyone because I am so embarrassed but you cant control what comes in your mind. anyway it look like spiritual jinns are bothering you and it probably because you are far away from allah so dear sister stop the sins you are doing because the shaytans love when you do sins and they become your closer friend so stop the sins whatever they are especially sexual sins and protect yourself when you are naked by saying bismillah and read the special dua when entering and exiting the toilet. also read your quran every day with meaning. inshaAllah when you get closer to allah then you will be further away from shaytan and evil jinns.

  2. Assalam alikum Sr,

    This can be a serious test from Allah swt. Do your best as there would be a high place for junnah for you for this suffering. Do not stay alone with you niece. You should download the rqya app on your phone. Nose bleeds could be symptoms of jinn possession. Make a list of Ayats of the Quran to punish the jinn and keep reading them.

    There are a few things you can do.

    1. Keep clean all the time. Take a shower right away if you need to and be in wudu all the time.
    2 . Do continual fasting or fast as much as you can. Even if you can not keep the fast do not eat, but continue fasting the rest of the day.
    3. Reduce your food intake gradually. Count the calories you intake per day. Keep on reducing the calories you intake per day. This will reduce your sexual desire. You need to know how many calories you need to intake to start your sexual desire, and eat less calories then that.
    4. Reduce weight. You need to be slightly under weight for you age and height.
    5. Increase your water intake. Do not take any sugars in your diet. Eat a boiled egg in the morning and salad. Eat 3 dates, water and eat an apple to break your fast. If you need any thing else just drink a glass of milk.This will fill you up and give you very less calories.
    6. Drink at least 3 liters of water per day.
    7. The idea is to take very less calories in your diet. You need to be alive but not have the desire to have sex.
    8. Learn about foods that lower your sex drive.
    9. Read the 2nd chapter (Al-Baqarah) of the Quran as much has you can preferably in your room.
    10. Read the Surah Al-Ikhlas, Al-Falaq, An-Nas.
    11. Talk to your mum to help you implement these if you can not control your desire. They can help you or force you to stick to a diet.
    12. Build up your exercise routine. Do situps, pushups, Run every day for 1 hour till you get so exhausted that you have no sexual desire left.

  3. Sister,

    You need to tell everything you just told us to a doctor...a psychiatrist to be exact. If you have already seen a psychiatrist, you need to switch to a different one. The mental illness you have is treatable, but only by someone who believes you have one!

    I would suspect that you have OCD with Psychotic Features. Only a psychiatrist can tell you for sure.

    Remember the hadith..."For every disease, there is a cure..."

    Please don't let this progress...if you don't get help now, it will get worse. Can you talk to your parents about this? If so, tell them what I have told you, please sister.

    May Allah heal you in His best way,



  4. Thank you for your quick action, Wael.


  5. You are going through a very hard time sister. And I agree with the comment above. Please don't delay talking to a psychiatrist and possibly a Raki (performing Ruqya). Sadly we think that physical wounds should immediately be taken to the hospital and we let mental wounds fester and worsen. Please don't wait. I have needed help and counseling for my life issues and I beg you to see a psychiatrist right away. Open up to them and tell them everything. May ALLAH help and cure you in this blessed month of Ramadan. Amine Ya Rabb.

  6. Sister you definitely sound like something is possessing u. U should immediately get Rukya done.

  7. There isn't wrong with having these thoughts as long as you don't act upon them and do not dwell on them. I think you're starting to experience these problem is because that you have emphasized so much on these issues that you're starting to experience a placebo effect.

    What you need to do is to first stop smoking weed or anything that intoxicates you. You need to get your act together and stop being lazy, become productive., stop looking for the easy option. Quit those anti depressant pills that you take as they have no use and just makes you worse. Go out and exercise or do something you enjoy which will bring happiness. get married , do something different with your life.

    And maybe it would be a good idea to go and have ruqiya done just in case you're possessed. Tell yourself no matter what happens you will go and if you still find yourself not going then have the man come to you or tell a friend to take you.

    Capish sister

  8. Asalam alaikum I would highly recommend ruqya.

  9. Dear Sister

    It is very likely to be OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). You are having panic attacks with the onslaught of the silly thoughts that is so typical of OCD. I have written many times on this subject under Islamic Advice - you may check my other entries for more details.

    Please do see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. OCD is treatable in 85% of cases by CBT (Cognitive and Behavioural Therapy) in the form of ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). In the beginning, if it is causing you significant distress, you may need an anxiolytic as well, but not in all cases.

    Do not despair. You rightly pointed out that Allah will only test you in accordance with your own strength to bear. Do not stop seeking Allah's help all along. Talk to Allah, He is your helpline. InshaaAllah, you will be fine.

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